Wednesday, April 17, 2024

Heartbreak

Heartbreak hurts. Caring about someone or something only to lose it or have it taken away is exceedingly painful. Yet heartbreak is good in that it shows the ability of the heart, that it can care. Heartbreak can also show what is in the heart, though, and that can be good, or bad.

Heartbreak tends to reveal the best and worst of people. It binds together, or it divides. It shows strength of character, or it shows the utter depravity of man. Heartbreak is so painful that it seems there are few in-betweens, only the extremes.

Heartbreak is also an opportunity, though. It is a chance to shore up weak vessels, to strengthen resources, to deeply soak up what really matters. Anne Lamott tells the following story in her book, Further Thoughts on Faith, and it has stuck with me. “There's a lovely Hasidic story of a rabbi who always told his people that if they studied the Torah," she writes, "it would put Scripture on their hearts."

"One of them asked, 'Why on our hearts, and not in them?'"

"The rabbi answered, 'Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your heart, and then when your hearts break, the holy words will fall inside.'"

I don't like heartbreak any more than the next person, but what if I saw it as an opportunity: not just to see "the real me," but to soak up the good stuff, to soak up God's love and grace and wisdom and healing. I don't want to pursue heartbreak just for this sake, but since it's bound to come to me, why don't I look for God in it? Why don't I study the Scriptures that tell me of God more? Why don't I ask for and even invite God to come in?

Heartbreak, sooner or later, comes for all of us. We can decide what to do with our broken hearts, though. We can decide how we tend to them, with the medicine of the world, or the medicine of The Word. May we make the best choice, for God's glory and our good. Amen!

Reference:

Lamott, A. (2000). Traveling mercies: some thoughts on faith. First Anchor Books edition. New York, Anchor Books, a division of Random House, Inc.

Monday, April 15, 2024

Pat's Run 5.0


I felt a bit underprepared coming into this race. I had a great half-marathon in February, but put in very little speed work in preparation for it. [My goal was to run long, and per Mary Johnson (2024), you can run long, or run fast, not both]. I took a week off running more than a mile a day after the half-marathon, ran easy for the next two weeks, and then started a six week faster 5K plan (Luff, 2023). I think that plan was a bit ambitious. Speed work twice a week felt hard, and I found it difficult to hit paces. I noticed my HRV dipping several times, and not recovering for days, up to a week, but I soldiered on.

My schedule race week was not ideal. Our car went down Sunday. That led to extra stress, and an extra long work day Monday as I added use of the light trail to commute to and from my office. Work duties of all kinds swamped my husband. I did try to get good sleep, and mostly succeeded in staying in bed for seven hours each night. I did not necessarily sleep well, though. 

On the food front, I ate things that I knew could irritate my stomach, and they did. (I simply couldn't figure out a better meal plan, so I went with what I had.) I did decide to take vitamin C and zinc daily, as I heard on a podcast that vitamin C one to two weeks before a race can reduce incidences of illness in runners (Samuels, 2024). Whether it helped or not, I do not know, but I made it through the week healthy. Praise the Lord! I ate pasta for dinner the night before the race and I stuck with my typical nightcap of pancake/banana/hot cocoa. Still, my stomach felt off the morning of the race.

Goals

I set ambitious goals for this year's Pat's Run. I wanted to PR. If that wasn't possible, I wanted to at least get close to my time from two years ago. And if I could, I wanted to spot and get a picture with fourth place US Olympic Trials finisher Jess Tonn McClain

For reference: here are my times and the weather conditions for my last four races:

April 15, 2023: Bib 3321 8:12/mile, 34:26 85 degrees
April 23, 2022: Bib 2200 8:23/mile 35:14 81 degrees
April 27, 2019: Bib 3846 8:21/mile 35:06 96 degrees
April 22 2017: Bib 12507 9:14/mile 38:47 94 degrees

With warm temperatures forecast, reaching my A goal would be tough.

Packet Pick-up


I somehow got a 1327 bib number this year! Maybe because I ran fast last year? Maybe because I registered for the race right after running last year's race? Whatever the case, I took the low bib! It put me in corral 2, the number which they put on the front of the bibs this year (helpful, since the corral system is a bit confusing). Packet pickup, or at least the packet pickup parking lot was very busy Friday. Actual pickup was a breeze. In and out. 

Race Day


I got up at 4 am, puttered around the house for a bit, and sensing that my stomach was still off, chewed some papaya enzymes and drank 8 ounces of cold water. I climbed my stairs five times for a warmup, and off we went to catch the 5:15 am light rail! The light rail station was a bit sketchy, but seeing other runners in their Pat's Run shirts on the light rail increased my race excitement.

The race expo opened at 6 am. We picked up a few things, the best of which was this magsafe charger my husband convinced me to get. I did not want to give away my information for the required survey and used his, so it's his gadget, but a useful one, he says! I did see Jess Tonn McClain, but I was too shy to go up to her, despite my husband's urgings to do so.

Warm-Up


I jogged for five minutes about 40 minutes before race start time, and then ate my banana and drank another 8 ounces of water. I made another bathroom stop. (The more I run, the more. learn to embrace using porta-potties.) Then into my corral I went. Earlier corral placement meant not only less runners to weave through as I ran, but also cooler temperatures. With the sun already up and highs of forecast for the day, I considered it a major blessing!

The Run


Miles one and two felt hard, and slow. My lungs burned. Seeing paces of 8:23-8:25 a mile made me think I would definitely not PR. I talked to myself in the third person and told myself to keep trying. (For some reason in my mind, I called myself by my maiden last name while doing so?) There is a hill someone around mile two, and when I came down the other side, I told myself to move. (I also worked to pick people off as I could. This is where I wished for a pacer.) Mile 3 came fairly quickly, and I felt better. I also saw that I had started running under 8:00/mile. I don't think I have ever run that fast for over a mile. Could I keep it up? If I could keep at it, I might be able to shave off those last few seconds of my mile per hour pace to get to a PR! I told myself not to count myself out. Jess Tonn McClain hadn't, despite being an unsponsored athlete at the US Olympic Trials. I too, could keep trying and keep going.

The last 0.2 miles of the race is uphill into the stadium. There is a pretty short, steep rise to get into the stadium, and then the downhill onto the grass. The race organizers covered the field with some kind of material, but the grass still felt squishy underfoot, especially after having run on the roads. I gave it my all, not even giving thought to trying to smile, as I usually like to do. I was working for this and if I grimaced, oh well!

Results


An agonizing part about this race is the late race results. With 27,000-28,000 runners, clock time is not chip time. The race websites are also slow to load afterward. I saw that my watch (started before the race, and stopped after the finish line) showed 8:08/mile, though, and felt very pleased with that. After I got home, I got the final results: 33:40 and 8:01/mile. Wow! Thank you Jesus! That is going to be hard to beat! I am getting older, though, and tomorrow, let alone next year are not guaranteed. I just wanted to rejoice in this run!

Final Thoughts


My husband got down on the field this year, which resulted in some cool shots of me coming across the finish lane. I did get back to Jess Tonn McClain's #LovePup booth just to catch her before she went out to run more. (She is the Olympics alternate, so has to stay in marathon shape.) The medals are pretty cool, magneting together with previous medals, for a series of three (to be finished next year), showing stages of Pat Tillman's journey.

This is/was a race, but ultimately it is about Pat Tillman and the ultimate sacrifice he made serving our country. This is an event that is about his family purposing their grief for the betterment of humanity. This is an event that is about community. I always smile seeing the many different types of people that wheel, walk and run this race. It's special!

Extra special this year is the 20th anniversary for the race. Maybe for that reason, the medals and race shirts are inArizona State University's maroon and gold colors. Given that this is my husband's graduation year, that feels extra special.

All in all, what I would say about Pat's Run this year is that itt was super special, super meaningful, poignant, even. Thank you, Lord, for the ability to run! Thank you Pat Tillman and all the other men and women who have given their lives to preserve the freedoms we have, including the ability to run. Thank you Pat Tillman Fund, Arizona State University, and race organizers, and the city of Tempe for a great event. Super special. Super meaningful. Thank you!

References:

Caplan, H. (2024, April 40). Lane 9 with run coach Mary Johnson, keeping the goal the goal. (no. 7) [Audio podcast episode]. In The Lane 9 podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-lane-9-podcast/id1208568777

Luff, C. (2023, July 6). 6 week intermediate 5K training schedule. Run for Good. https://run-for-good.com/6-week-intermediate-5k-training-schedule/

Samuels, H. (2024, February 23). Supplement myth busting series: Immune boosting supplements, do they actually do anything? [Audio podcast episode]. In Holley Fueled Nutrition podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/supplement-myth-busting-series-immune-boosting-supplements/id1525009621?i=1000646542973

Saturday, April 13, 2024

What I Used/What I Used Up (Week 15)

What I Used of My Meal Plan-

Breakfasts:

Lunches:

Cajun-stuffed bell peppers (Oatrageoous Oatmeals)
Carrot and romaine salads with shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot) and salsa
Easy egg salad (The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook)
French onion soup (The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook)
Progresso soup

Dinners:

Muenster grilled cheese (Build Your Bite)
Pulled pork and muenster grilled cheese (Bacon and Legs)
Spiced lamb ragu shells (Good Housekeeping Family Italian Cookbook)

Snacks:


Apples
Bananas
Carrots
Cheese sticks
Chili caramel Chex mix (How Sweet Eats)
Chocolate protein mousse (Fit Foodie Finds)
Hot chocolate
Leftover pancakes
Oatmeal in various forms
Peanuts
Protein puppy chow (Fit Foodie Finds)
Reese's peanut butter muffins

What I Used Up--

Freezer:

1 bag of store-bought broccoli
1 loaf of homemade bread
Old heels of homemade bread
Store-bought bread
Mashed banana
Muenster cheese

Fridge:

Chicken broth

1 dozen eggs carton
1/2 leftover pear
Roma tomato

Swiss cheese

Pantry:

Brown rice
Brown sugar

Cashews

Crystal Light iced tea packet

1 can Progresso soup
Ripe bananas
Box of rice pocket cereal

Salted peanuts

What went bad:

Nothing yet?

What I Prepped for Next Week: 


What I Froze for Future Me:

Friday, April 12, 2024

The Check Engine Light


The check engine light came on in our car again. It was poor timing, right before my husband had a big test for his classes, along with an important meeting regarding his future career. I had work, too, and I didn't want to leave it. The thing was, I could. Several of my afternoon appointments cancelled, so I technically had the opening. I had vacation time I could take so I would not lose wages. The cost to me was my desire to do what I wanted to do, my pride.

I really wrestled with whether or not to leave work. I rued the fact that I had to be the one to take care of the car issue. I grouched that life was unfair. Why did the car have to be my issue, too? In the past, my husband had taken care of the car, but at this time and in this season, everything that is not his school or work is pretty much my responsibility. Taking care of these responsibilities is a way I can serve and support my husband, things I want to do, but selfishly, not in this way.

After much internal debate and some Holy Spirit conviction, I left work early, figuring I would make up time if I could, or take vacation. When I got in the car, the check engine light had mysteriously gone off. I hoped I might just go home to work, but my husband asked me to still take the car into Auto Zone. I did. There, they asked me to plug in the code reader myself, something I didn't know how to do. (Fortunately, YouTube did!). When I took the code reader back in for a download, the only code that read was about the gas pedal, we thought, due to my having bumped in while vacuuming out the car a few days earlier. I heaved a great sigh of relief.

As I drove the remaining distance home, I felt the conviction that this check engine light issue was not a coincidence. It was a check engine light for my marriage. Was I willing to sacrifice for my husband, for us? Was I willing to prioritize my home life over my work. I needed a priority check, and this was it. I think I passed, barely, but would I next time?

As it turned out, a few weeks later, the car's check engine light not only came on, but accompanied an issue that made the car virtually inoperable. I couldn't take care of the car, and my husband did so to take care of me. Maybe things all come out in the wash? Whatever the case, I know that only regular maintenance of my heart before the Lord and deliberate work on partnership in my marriage will ensure that our priorities are in place, and that we continue to work together, rather than at adds to one another. Only then will the light of Christ shine through us as we desire.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Real Life Marriage: The Business of Marriage

Dating is fun, and then comes marriage. Marriage is fun, too, but there's a lot of business, especially when life gets busy. Problem solving as a couple is great, but when it becomes the norm, it becomes a problem. In those times, it is easy to lose the fun, to lose the enjoyment. We've been there/are there much of the time. We have to work to get out of the cycle. 

"I just want to enjoy being married," I said to my husband the other day. I prefaced my statement with telling my husband that I still loved him, still liked him. I was just tired of our nose to the grindstone rhythm and wanted out. I wanted to enjoy him, to enjoy our life together. We didn't have much time, but we made some. 

What did we do? Last month, we spent a morning hiking. We talked about world events and philosophies of life, just like we used to do when we were dating--no business. We dreamed of the future together, something we did not do until after we got engaged. We just left business off the table. We went out to brunch and talked some more. We ran errands, but not the daily life kind of errands, the random, "I need..." kind of errands we enjoyed together while dating. We played a game. We made enjoying each other an item of business, and it benefitted us.

Sure, there isn't always time for day dates. Yes, going out to eat takes money. We don't always have either. We are learning, the hard way, to prioritize time for each other, however. All the lovey-dovey feelings we had as a dating couple may have come naturally, but our marriage is about committed love, and that takes effort. Maybe someday the time for enjoying each other will come easier, but for now, carving out time for it is an item of business, because staying married is our business, for God's glory and our good.

Saturday, April 6, 2024

What I Used/What I Used Up (Week 14)

What I Used of My Meal Plan-

Breakfasts:

Omelets
Leftover pancakes

Lunches:

Carrot and romaine salads with shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot) and salsa
Eggs, cheese, and guacamole over potatoes
Shredded chicken with white BBQ sauce (Closet Cooking), horseradish mashed potatoes (The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook), and green beans
French onion soup (The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook)
Progresso soup

Tomato soup with tomato sauce (Country Hill Cottage)shredded chicken, and mixed vegetables

Dinners:

The American Muenster grilled cheese sandwich (Courtney's Sweets)
French onion soup (The Instant Pot Electric Pressure Cooker Cookbook) and Olive Garden breadsticks
Kung pao cauliflower (How Sweet Eats) with brown rice and/or potatoes

Shepherd's pie (Food Network

Snacks:

What I Used Up--

Freezer:

Celery
1 package of edamame
Ground lamb
Mexican chicken broth (full disclosure: I used half and poured out the rest, as it did not seem worth saving)
Olive Garden breadsticks
Rocket Java coffee
Shredded chicken

Fridge:

Carrots
Old carton of eggs
4 green pepper
Pineapple juice
Romaine lettuce

Pantry:

2 cans of beef broth
Coach's Oatmeal packet

1 can kidney beans
Whole wheat penne
Potatoes
1 can of pumpkin spice rooibos tea

Ripe bananas

Smoky seasoning

Whole wheat shells

What went bad:

Parts of onions (but I salvaged some, so win!)

What I Prepped for Next Week: 

Cajun-stuffed bell peppers (Oatrageoous Oatmeals)

St. Louis horseradish salad (Mr. Food)



What I Froze for Future Me:



Chopped onions (what remained of the ones that went bad)

Friday, April 5, 2024

My Favorite Holiday

Before the Easter season totally passes by, I must spend a few minutes reflecting on why I call this my favorite holiday:

1) This holiday is literally the bedrock on which I build my life! If Jesus had not risen from the dead, I would have no hope, and say with the Apostle Paul, that I am "most to be pitied" (1 Corinthians 15:19, New International Version).

2) Easter breaks Lent, which since I choose to practice it, makes it more poignant.

3) Spring comes just before Easter, and Spring is a beautiful season marked by the resurrection of flowers and trees and birds and other flora and fauna.

4) Easter is less about gifts and meals and activities, and more about family (though it certainly has been commercialized).

5) I love seeing family photos from Easter. Since many people get new clothes for Easter, the photos are plentiful, and I enjoy seeing them all!

So here's to Easter, my favorite holiday, for so many reasons. I look forward to celebrating again next year!

Reference:

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/