Thursday, January 26, 2017

Nope! Not Married!

“Nope! Not married.”

That's the response I wrote to tonight's Bible study question, “Would you describe yourself as a 'husband-liker'? Why or why not?”

This study is supposed to be about biblical womanhood: married, singled, divorced, widowed, or some other status. One of the authors is even unmarried! But here I am again reading something that makes it seem like the highest and holiest calling in life is to get married. I get that marriage images God, that it describes His love for us, that I'm supposed to value and encourage its institution. Marriage is a great thing! I don't dispute that! But guess what, I'm not married, and it's not like there's a whole lot I can do about it.

I wish the church would value single people. I wish the church would ask me what unique characteristics I have to contribute since I'm single and not married. I wish that I didn't have to describe my family (or lack thereof) and its support or lack of support for my endeavors on every church ministry application. These are great questions for the married, but not for the single. When I answer these questions, I feel less than, like the church will turn me down because I don't have the support system of a husband. Guess what? I can't help it!

And what if God never wants me to marry? Paul talks about the benefits of non-marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. What if I can best fulfill God's calling on my life as a single person? What if I'm always going to be single? First of all, can I accept it, and second, church, can you accept it? Can you allow me to serve just as I am? Can you help me see the value in the stage of life I'm in? Can you encourage me to remain faithful to God and to the people around me, even if one of them will never be my husband?

Please, church. Please include in your lessons messages for the married and the single. Please value me like you value the institution of family. Help me find ways to encourage families and their pursuit of Jesus instead of envying them and feeling ashamed that I'm not like them. As a child of God, I'm part of the big family of God. I'm not a black sheep, and I'm tired of being treated like one.


  1. I'm sorry, Sarah. I love you, friend! And God is using you just as you are. YOU are valued and so so important to Him and to me and to many others! -Emily S

  2. Hi Sarah! This is Michelle, we went to high school together! I can 100% relate to what you are saying. While, I am not as avid a church go-er as you I feel those strong societal pressures. I even find myself rebelling against marriage because I just don't want it to define me, I want to define myself. I really struggle with the irritation I often feel when asked that question.

    1. Thanks for reading and replying! I remember Mrs. Hahn saying in class one day that 1+1=2, not one, so you're right, marriage shouldn't define us. If we ever get there, I hope it's as whole people with whole identities married to the like!