When we married, we said we’d change nothing for a year. We wanted to settle in. Settle into us. Settle into a routine. Finish up some work stuff. Spend time with my parents, who live locally. Invest in community with some other couples in our age range. Just be.
But then came the stress. And the growing pains, and for me the tears. And then came the talks about what could change, about what needed to change. And we decided we’d move so that my husband could go back to school and eventually, either both of us would have 9-5 jobs, or I could work a little less.
Yeah, that plan worked out well. We decided to look for houses and out of seven or so properties, found one we liked. It had three offers on it, but our real estate agent said to throw another one on top. And so we did. And the house became ours.
That accelerated our plan and our growth. We had a ton more to talk about despite having what seemed like less time. Evenings were spent reviewing and signing legal paperwork, trying to decide who did what and if this risk was really what God had for us. There was a lot of prayer and trusting and asking God to open and close doors as He saw fit. We had lots of snags along the way, but the doors stayed wide open.
So in less than six months, I’ve changed my relationship status, my last name, my home (times two), and soon, my job. It hasn’t been easy. When I felt God say He wanted to grow me, I had no idea just how much.
God has been growing me in the area of anger. I didn’t used to think of myself as an angry person, but now I find myself angry quite often. And it’s not because my husband’s a bad guy. It’s because I’m scared or lonely or upset or feel unsafe. So much has changed that I often feel I don’t know myself anymore and that’s upsetting. God has been teaching me to pray before speaking, and to let the Holy Spirit search my heart. Because most of the time whatever made me angry is not something intentional. Most of the time it’s a personality difference, and that’s growing.
God has been growing me in the area of service. Sometimes I feel all lovey-dovey and want to serve my husband. And lots of times, I don’t. I want him to serve me. Or I want to be lazy. But I signed up for this and my role as a wife is support staff. Before God, my duty is to love and serve, whether or not my actions are reciprocated. I’m responsible before God for my own heart and my own actions. He’s responsible to God for both of us, and that’s a scary thing. I don’t want to be purposefully engaging in sin that he’ll also have to account for.
God has been growing me in the area of identity. Before, there was just me. Now there is us. That factors into all my decisions, or should. This is hard for me. It’s hard to make decisions in light of us, especially because I haven’t lived with my husband long enough to know his preferences (not that I’ll ever figure him out completely). Sometimes I want to make decisions with him, and don’t know how. And sometimes I have needs and don’t know how to communicate them in ways that are selfless and not selfish. And yet God has taught me enough about myself to know that I have to prioritize things like sleep and exercise. How that looks for us can vary by the day.
God has been growing me in the areas of safety and security. It was hard enough leaving my parents, not realizing how much I relied on them for support. And then we moved and my home was in a state of disaster. Unlike when I moved in with my husband after we got married, there was nothing in the house and nothing familiar. The city is new. The stores are new. I’m scared. There’s no place to hide except in God, and in my husband. And my husband has to be a far second to the Lord because our marriage will really go wonky if God is not in first place.
God has been growing me in the area of adventure. I’ve always said I wanted adventure and wanted to view life that way (hence my @myarizonaadventure Instagram handle), but I had no idea just how much adventure there would be. My husband is a Meyers-Briggs “P” personality, so there’s rarely a plan for our lives. I’ve had to give up routine and have some forced flexibility to be with the man I love. But there’s been some beautiful and amazing memories in the midst of that, and for that, I am thankful.
I could go on and on, but for now, this post has grown long enough. Suffice it to say, the changes in my life lately have been nuclear. But I think that’s what God had in mind when he got me into this marriage thing. And I know His growth in me and for me isn’t finished yet. To Him be the glory!
So true, Sarah! Marriage is hard. But good. It definitely changes us and forces us to confront things in ourselves we maybe haven't seen - or maybe just pretended weren't there. :) I love following along on your journey! Chris sounds awesome. :) Love, Emily
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