Elusive Trust

Trust. It's a tricky thing. I think I have it, and then I suddenly realize I don't. And it's the slightest things that tend to reveal my lack of trust. That person not doing what they said they'd do one time. My husband coming home slightly later than expected. A miscommunication. Yes, sometimes it's big things, too, things that end relationships, but more often it's ins and outs of everyday life. I think the problem comes down to trust in God.

I don't think I fully trust God. I know I should, but as a fallen human, I don't. Change shows me this. Change is inevitable, sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes neutral, but always part of life. And it freaks me out. This is what shows me that I don't fully trust God. Because if I did, I would be stable. I would be immovable, fixed on God, the ever unchanging one (Heb 13:8). I am not fully there.

Because I am not fully founded and rooted in God, I struggle to trust myself. I question my body when it changes. I question if I can trust my intuition. I question my five senses. I question myself. That then transfers to others. I question my husband. I question my friends. I question motives. I question intentions. I question.

Thus far in life trust, or at least total and complete trust, has alluded me. It bugs me. It bugs those I love. (Ask my husband!) I am sure it grieves God. So I've got to work on it, work on believing what I read in the Word. Work on believing what I know. Work on accepting change, knowing that God is not elusive. He is ever present. He never fails, and that changes the world!