Toward More Authentic Living

I read a lot: blogs, books, signs, cereal boxes, you name it. It's a hobby, I guess? Lately, the topic of intuitive living has crossed my path more times than once. (See "How Eating Intuitively Helped Me Live More Intuitively" by Alexis Joseph, "How Intuitive Eating Changed My Life" by Kara Lydon, and "Movement vs. Exercise" by Robyn Nohling.) Then I read this in Present Over Perfect: 

The fact that numbing becomes a lifestyle hit me. I realized that numbing is the way I've been living my life, not intentionally, maybe not even purposefully. Numbing is a coping tool, a way of surviving, a way of getting through. But it's not a way of thriving.

Some of you might remember my birthday goals post from May and how I wanted to improve my life by eating satisfying foods, sleeping better, and moving in ways that feel good. The purpose of those goals was to learn to love myself and my life better. I'm realizing now that those goals were signs of me wanting to know myself, to really live out and engage in life. Somehow, I've just been going through the motions.

I've had moments of joy and excitement and fun this past year, but it's also been a hard year, one of not knowing myself or where I fit, one of struggle, one of new (and to be honest, scary) opportunities. I've spent a lot of time trying to live up to the expectations of others and of myself.

I've been living completely by myself these past two weeks, staying in a hotel for work training. The first few days of that experience were rough, but then I started asking myself, "What do I need to get through this day?" and I tried to give that thing to myself without judgment. Doing so often meant sacrificing money, or time, or my own ideals about life. But you know what? I did better. I was more present. I felt more like myself. I felt a lot, to be honest: emotions, pain, bodily sensations, etc. But I realized that I wanted to live more of life this way, to embrace the joys and the struggles of life, to be me, and not the ideal self that others or my own self wants me to be.

Have I got this authentic living thing figured out? By all means, no! I'm just on the cusp of the journey. But I want to work this thing out. I want to be myself and let opinions and judgments and obsessions and compulsions go. And I want that for other people, too, to get rid of labels, to live truly and with integrity, to relate to others in real ways. Living authentically is going to be painful, but I'm choosing to embrace that in hopes of more fully embracing the joys in life that are to come.

Self-Care

I heard the term "self-care" for the first time in my graduate counseling classes. Professors stressed how important it was, especially when seeing clients. "Take care of yourself to take care of others," they said.

To be honest, I kind of blew them off. "Yeah right. Whatever." I told myself. I'm fine at taking care of myself. And then I got to practicum, the stage where I worked forty hours a week at my paying job while seeing clients for 10-15 hours a week. I got exhausted, and not just in a sleep-deprived way. I got worn out physically, mentally, and spiritually. I realized that I had to find ways to rejuvenate my whole person or I wasn't going to make it.

Rejuvenation during practicum mostly looked like hibernating at home during the weekends, cooking, and cleaning, and napping. Those were normal life things, but somehow they calmed and collected me and got me ready for the next week.

Now, out of grad school and into my "real" job, I find myself exhausted again. Lots of things are taxing me: work, life, family concerns, deaths of friends, etc. I find that I need to practice self-care again, even if I'm not working as a counselor. In fact, I think we all need to practice self-care. It's part of loving ourselves and being human.

A lot of great ladies have written about self care. (See My Uncommon Everyday, ImmaEatThat, and The Real Life RD.) I thought I'd follow suit and share a few of my own self-care practices. Just remember that these work for me. (Don't compare!) Find what works for you. Love yourself and enjoy every little bit of life you can.

Cooking: When I have time to craft a meal, to really get in there and cut and chop and baste and saute, I'm happy. Florianne Jiminez calls this type of cooking "indulgent." Recent research suggests that the activities of cooking may release dopamine, a pleasure chemical in the brain, too.

(Crockpot 3-ingredient balsamic chicken sliders and cumin-lime coleslaw)

Getting out in the sunshine: Feeling the warmth of the sun and feeling its brightness make me happy. The sun was one of the reasons I moved back to Arizona, after all. Whether it's sitting inside by a window, basking in the sun on the porch, or getting outside for exercise, getting sunshine is vital to my mental health.



(Willow Lake Trail stairway)

Painting my toes: It seems a little frivolous and vain, and to be honest, I usually put it off far too long, but after doing it, I get a little bit of joy every time I see my toes. They just make me happy and help me love and appreciate my body a little more.




Social media: This is a gray area, because overdoing social media is bad for my self-care. It leads to comparison and envy and discontent. But in the right context, social media reminds me of the beauty and joy of life. Recently, I've liked following the posts of My Uncommon Everyday and The Real Life RD on Instagram. I also like perusing Pinterest and Facebook. One strategy I (sometimes) use to make sure I enjoy social media is to single-task (more on that here) and set a time-limit using my cell phone timer.