38.

I have much to reflect on this year. First of all, there is my tradition of making a goal for the year on my birthday. Honestly, with choosing a word of the year, I neither remember nor prioritize my birthday goal, so this will be the year I drop that practice. For reference, though, my goal last year was to reclaim my life. I took more risks, traveled, ran in a lot of races (some last minute). I decided it was okay to prioritize life over work (trying to do my best at work, but not spending time outside of work on work, if that makes sense). I quit counseling, in part because I felt ready, and in part because I wanted more time to live life. I am not sure I practiced contentment or at least practiced it well. I think I ten get on the "hedonic treadmill" of always doing and wanting more. It's good to have goals, but not too many....

As I get older, I don't want to "just live." I want to enjoy life, savor it. I only get one life on this earth! Far too often, though, I am cranky, tired, worn out. That's not the way I want to live, but it unfortunately seems to be my default. After the "have-to's" are done, I just don't have much energy left. I could blame this on my personality, or work, or what have you, but my attitude is really my own problem on which to work.

So maybe in this year of less, I should focus on having less grumpiness and more joy; less discontent, and more gratitude; less scraping by, and more presence. I really don't have it bad. God has given me a good life (albeit with the pains and hardships of living in a sin-stained world.) I want to live this life. I want to enjoy this life, because really, nothing is guaranteed.

I do have some bigger goals for life as a whole. We'll see if they happen. I'm trying to work towards them little by little, but then there's...life. So for now, I'll try to enjoy what I can, hold a lose grip, and surrender my dreams to the Lord because He'll either empower me to achieve them, or He won't, and in the end, He will be the greatest reward and the greatest prize.

The Grace Race

Where do I even begin with this one? Shiprock half marathon was my backup birthday race last year. When I chose to do Bay Bridge instead, I decided this would be my birthday race for 2026. Cue a lot of life in between.

I thought this would be an easy race to run post Mesa marathon. I would have the fitness and could just rehab myself and be able to run a half marathon no problem. While I had some pain in my left knee (IT band?), it went away, and I was back training. Pat's Run wasn't a PR, but good enough. I'd been running pretty long, and often with no problems. I was following the six week half marathon plan by Snacking in Sneakers, but it didn't feel like enough (Carroll, 2019). I looked at the final weeks of my Columbus half-marathon plan and thought I could just flip back into that. Maybe I was greedy? Maybe I wanted more miles? I did look at the results from last year's Shiprock half marathon and think I could place if I could back to similar half marathon times as I had run recently. I returned to the Columbus plan with, initially, no problem, but that was probably my first mistake. That plan contained more running and more strides (fast sprints) than the other plan. Initially, I felt fine, but then problems emerged. The week before the race, I felt some twinges of pain running my easy run on Friday (having run easy with some strides the day before). I also felt some tightness in my left hip when my husband and I went for a walk that evening. I did some extra yoga and stretching and figured I would see how I felt before my long run on Saturday. I didn't really even think about axing that long run. That was my second mistake.

I woke up early on Saturday, feeling energized, so decided to go for my run. I fueled well, I thought, and enjoyed my run. I felt a few twangs of pain starting and stopping at crosswalks, but it was only 10 miles with no speed. I'd be fine, I thought. Third mistake. I probably should have cut that run short.
After that run, I stretched and refueled, but I hurt. Throughout that day, I felt more and more sore. By bedtime the pain in my pelvis/groin was pretty bad. I worried I had a stress fracture. I had some of the symptoms, but not all. My husband told me to wait and see, as only time could tell what was wrong.

I took Advil to sleep that night, but slept horribly. I lay awake so long in the night that I got up and got my phone (which I leave charging in the office) to read. I told myself I could NOT research my injury, and instead spent time reading my Bible and completing Spanish lessons in DuoLingo. I eventually got drowsy and went back to sleep, but even at that, I ended up with only about five and a half hours of sleep, which is not enough, especially for recovery from an injury. Sunday night, I took Advil and Tylenol again to sleep, and went to bed early. I vowed not to get up early, but rather to try to sleep and see if I could rehab myself in time for my race.

What followed was a week of trying to see if I could run, find myself in pain, and end up walking. After days of researching, I finally settled on what I thought was my condition: high hamstring tendinopathy (the bruised feeling was what clued me in), and what I read wasn't good (Louw, 2025). It is hard to heal, long lasting, and gets worse with both speed and distance. Great. There went my speed goals, for sure, and maybe the race. I knew it would be grace if I got to run, and grace if I didn't. The Lord had to be Lord of it all, or Lord of none of it all [a loose paraphrase of Hudson Taylor's famous quote (Moore, 2018)]. I wrote in my daily devotional journal on Wednesday:

God could be gracious to me to let me run, even if not race like I’d hoped. Or He could be gracious to let me start and not finish. Or He could be gracious to not allow the pain to dissipate for me to be able to run (or somehow otherwise bar be from running). God, you are always gracious, and have shown that to me time and time again, as well as through thousands of years of biblical history. Let me not forget it!

I did Nourish Move Love's mobility routine daily (Bomgren, 2021). I took my collagen. I bought KT tape (well, off-brand), and tried taping my hamstring, and then my groin. Things seemed to be getting a little better Wednesday, the day by which we would need to cancel our hotel, and we decided to still go on our trip. (Well, my husband heavily recommended that we go, even if I could not run. I was not keen on this idea, but we both did want to get away.) Thursday, though, things felt worse. I ended up carrying a cushion to my off-site workplace in hopes that I could abate the effects of sitting on the hard chairs there. It was a discouraging week.

After all my studies, I found a PDF about high hamstring tendinopathy on Thursday, and decided to try some of the exercises, at least the pain relief ones, after work (Sports Medicine Institute, n.d.). Well, my 20 minute commute from offsite turned into an hour due to highway closure. If I wanted to get sleep, that cut out a lot of my evening. Every day, I wanted to quit my carb load, and this night I was so angry and just wanted to throw in the towel and scrap the carb load and the whole race, but I didn't. I crammed in more carbs, slotted in a few PT exercises, and hoped that I had what I needed packed. Normally, I would have spent the week studying the course, double-checking packing, etc. Not this time.

Packet pickup:

I woke up Friday with lyrics from the song, “He is with us” by Love & the Outcome (2013) running through my head:

"We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined"

My pain felt okay, and with some home, we left Mesa about 10:30 AM on Friday morning. (We needed to wait for one load of laundry to finish so that I could have socks and underwear. That I remembered I hadn't packed!) We headed straight for Shiprock, as packet pickup was only until 7 PM. We rolled in about 6 PM (with the time change, we had added an hour), and parked in the very dusty lot to walk over to the packet pickup tent. I was pleasantly surprised to receive not only my bib, but also a Shiprock bag, poster, cup coozie, sticker, sweat towel, disposable cup, and t-shirt. I did panic a little when I saw the disposable cup and heard that the race was cupless, though. I am sure the race registration e-mails told me that, but I had been frantically looking for ways to rehab my injury and had not studied up. Had I really recognized that the race was cupless, I probably would have brought my running pack and fluids. Oh well. I did not have them and I would need to figure out another way to hydrate.

The Night Before:

We stayed at a Marriott Townplace in Farmington, New Mexico, about 45 minutes from the race. It was quite a nice setup, small and compact, but very adequate! I felt especially excited about the refrigerator for all the food I brought, a microwave for the heating pack I had been using to help my pain, and a toaster for my pre-race bagel.

The time flew by as I unloaded and we got set-up. (Thanks, time change.) While laying out my flat runner, I discovered that I brought capris instead of the running shorts I planned to wear. That was no good, as the pants did not have the side pockets I needed for gels. Without my running pack, I had no where else to put them. Thankfully, I had brought a pair of shorts to wear home, and since they had pockets, I was able to sub those in.

When snack time came, I did not feel ready to eat more carbs, but I told myself I would regret it if I skipped my carb-load and bonked the race on that factor. Plus, poor nutrition would only further hurt my injury. While I did not get in the 30 oz of extra fluid that I should have when carb loading, I am proud that I got in the minimum carbs (Featherstun, 2022). I had to count my blessings!

I was in bed by 9 or 9:15 PM and slept okay, though not well. (Please, people, ask your children to be quiet coming into hotel hallways late at night.) I got really, really warm at some point (maybe trying to burn off all those carbs?). I kept waking up, and I know at least once, I read 3:30 AM on my watch.

Race Morning:

I had taken Advil and Tylenol each night until Thursday, and Friday, I took it morning and night. My leg felt the best it had, and I debated about whether or not I should take Advil and Tylenol again race morning. This is documented to NOT be good for you, and carries some big risks. I wanted to finish this race, though, and once again, I didn't want to wonder what would happen if I veered off my routine. So I decided to take it [having read a few stories of success on Reddit—admittedly not the best place for advice, but I was desperate ([deleted], 2024). First, though, the whole PT routine: for my arm/hand and now my leg.

I wasn't the fastest at getting ready, but that was part of why I decided on 4:30 instead of 5:00 AM for my wakeup. I dawdled. I did all the PT. I toasted my bagel. I heated my Cherapy wrap (Cherapy, n.d.). By 5:15 AM, we were downstairs to get coffee (and mix in my RNWY) and get in the car (with my heating pack and toasted bagel in tow).

We drove another 45 minutes back to Shiprock. The moon was beautiful. We got to drive across the old bridge we had seen coming in. At about 5:50 AM, I started in on my bagel and coffee. I also took that Advil and Tylenol. Out of shame, I announced to my husband that I had done so. He told me that was what I had decided to do, and I should stop talking about it.

At about 6:15 AM, we arrived back in the dusty parking lot (seriously, my only complaint about the whole race), and I got out to photograph the sunrise, but then got back in to sit until 6:30 AM. With a low of 43 degrees and wind, it felt very cold outside! At 6:30 AM, I got out and used the bathroom for the first time. Lines were short, probably because there were less than 300 people starting the marathon at 7 AM. I went back and sat in the car until 6:45 AM, at which point I did an 0.7 mile warmup. (This was my birthday race, so at least the last digits could total my new age of 38: 13.1 + 0.7 = 13.8). I felt my hamstring/groin muscle some, but it was bearable, less than a 3 on the 1-10 pain scale. If I could keep things there, I thought the race would be manageable. I did run that warm-up at an 11:00 mile pace, though. I reminded myself that I had changed my goals:

1) Start.
2) Finish.
3) Finish under two hours.

I used the bathroom again at 7 AM, and then 7:10 AM. At 7:15, I lined up.

Race day conditions:

As stated previously, the low was 43. The high was 71. With some winds, the starting temp was closer to the mid-30's. I wore a windbreaker and gloves while waiting. I also stood in the sun, which helped kept me warmer. I planned to ditch the jacket and gloves, but almost didn't, as I lost my husband as I moved to the start line. Thanks to texting, he found me, and I was able to pass them off. While we waited, we heard the drum circles. A lady sang the national anthem in Navajo. The experience was moving.
Not sure how my race would go, and stuffed with carbs, I forewent the 15 minute pre-race gel. I figured I would just go out, fueling at 30 minute increments, and hope for the best. I took with me a 16 ounce water bottle to which I had affixed a squirt cap. (Thanks, Jess Tonn McClain for making this suggestion on some podcast I listened to long ago, and can no longer locate.) The water spilled a little, but the bottle was lightweight, and I figured I could ditch it once I finished it.

Course:

While I had briefly looked at the course when I registered, I had not paid it much attention. I asked my husband to help me figure it out as we sat in the parking lot. What I did not want to do was go the wrong way! He helped me see it was out-and-back, basically up the road a ways, and then back down. Easy enough, or so it seemed. I knew there would be a little bit of elevation change, but it was sneaky.

Miles 1-3:

The Navajo first lady said some words. A lady prayed in English. A man prayed in Navajo. There was a moment of silence for a runner who died in a car accident two days prior (and I was frustrated about my injury). That gave me perspective.

The announcer counted down. I started my watch, and we were off, out the Shiprock Youth Center parking lot and onto the road. I wanted to go out fast, and I did, with a start in the 7:50 range—which is where I would have wanted to be sans injury. That hill crept up on me quick, though. I felt some pain coming on at mile 3 and told myself to try to widen my stride to see if it helped. It did, and I kept going.

Miles 4-6:

The steady uphill continued. I took my first gel, a Hammer vanilla, at exactly 30 minutes, sipped some water, and tried to keep going. While I wanted to enjoy the scenery, I have to admit that I did not do a great job of that. I was very focused on how much my leg hurt, or didn't, and if I could finish. I tried to remember my “why” for running, my Granddad, who had worked as a missionary on the Navajo reservation, and a dear family I wanted to come to know the Lord.

The course veered right at about 6 miles. I told myself I only had 0.2 to go. No, that would be incorrect. I had 0.7 to go. I wondered why I was going so far and thought about turning around, and then reminded myself that I cannot do math in my head, and that this course was USATF certified, so I should run the course as marked.

Several men had passed me by this point, and I thought maybe, maybe, I could still place in the top female group. While I felt a little sad as I counted the women ahead of me, I told myself my goal was to finish.

Miles 7-10:

I took another gel at 60 minutes, this time a Hammer chocolate. I still had water left, and told myself to sip it. By this time, the pain in my left leg/groin had abated some, and my right quad had started to really hurt, like almost marathon hurt. I told myself to hold on and make it to the last gel, a GU birthday cake one, and 5K to go. I was averaging 8:38-8:40/mile here. People passed me. I just had to let it go. I did see who I think was the Navajo first lady here, though. She was dressed in a beautiful skirt and had a police escort on a bike with her. Seeing her made me smile. She had said in her opening words that running was good for community and mental health, and here she was proving that.

Miles 11-13.1:

I just kept going. I hurt, but I wanted to finish. And I had known it would hurt. At least two men passed me as the downhill cascaded. I did see the Philippians 4:13 sign I had seen on the way up, though. I recited that verse as I got to 1-2 miles to go: “I can do all things through, Christ who strengthens me” (New International Version, 2011). I did pass one lady in these final miles, and I tried to encourage her to keep going.

I managed a surge for the last mile or so. [Side note, but I really think GU might be a better gel for me, as the sugar DOES spike my blood sugar, giving me more energy, versus the steady Hammer maltodextrin. See discussion in Episode 130 of Fuel for the Sole (Featherstun, Neuberger, & Murray, 2026)]. I squeezed out a 7:46 for mile 13 and 7:26 for the last 0.1 mile. I am thankful for, and proud of that.

Navajo royalty (maybe their beauty queens?) handed out the medals. I didn't look long at the little girl who gave me my medal, but I glanced back later, and she was still there handing out medals in her native dress. The people of this race really were servants—volunteers working with smiles on their faces, and cheerful and encouraging words all around.

After the Race:

Fortunately, I found my husband pretty quickly after crossing the finish line. (They did announce my name and that I was from Mesa, which was cool.) I immediately wanted water, and a massage. I found a sports drink, then water, and went for the massage. I had to sign a waiver to not sue the volunteers, but why would I do that? While waiting in line, I talked to one of the men who had passed me. He shared that he was training for wildland firefighting. I told him about why that mattered to me (the Granite Mountain 19), and about Kellyn Taylor. He didn't remember the Granite Mountain 19 until I got quite into the story, and didn't know Kellyn Taylor at all. I guess I am a running nerd!

I had two to four women working on me for the 10 minute (free!) massage, and they were so sweet. They gently rubbed my legs and arms with massage oil to promote blood flow. They kindly took off my shoes and massaged my feet and legs with a massage gun. They really did a great job, and I think the gentle promotion of blood flow helped (though I still felt so sore)!

Despite being a cupless event, there were LOTS of tables. I may have gone a little overboard taking one of most everything, but hey, I was going to be hungry (maybe sometime) and wanted to be prepared. I got nuts, and bars, and trail mix and fruit. They also had hamburgers and hot dogs. I really didn't feel like eating, so gave my hamburger to my husband (MVP cheerleader and bag carrier, as usual!).

I heard they had free medal engraving and tried to figure out where to do that. I went to the timing tent and almost skipped the line, but then realized I needed that official time for engraving, so I waited. Fortunately, it really did not take long.

When I got my tiny time sticker, the man said, “You got third in your age group. Make sure you stop by the medal tent.”

“Really?” I thought. “Wow!” My time was 1:53:02, my slowest yet since returning the the half marathon in 2024, but whatever. I didn't care. I gladly received my 3rd place medal, had my husband take more pictures of me with it, and went to the engraving tent.

In front of the engraving tent sat a table with half sheets lying on it. The sheets instructed runners to list what they wanted on three lines of engraving. I thought about it for a while. I wondered about space. Could they engrave my bigger third place medal? I decided on my time, the verse associated with the butterfly I had drawn on my wrist (2 Corinthians 5:17), and who I ran for. The laser engraving was pretty quick, and we were off.

The car was already very dusty, inside and out, from sitting in the parking lot, but I was now massage oil greasy, and dusty. I had my husband help me use the car seat cover we got from the Fresh 15 to protect our seats. (Some niche items really come in handy in a pinch.)

It was forty-five minutes back to the hotel. I'd already had one bottle of water and a protein bar. I forced down an apple and another bottle of water. I didn't feel hungry, but knew I needed to eat. On the way home, I pondered how to share the results of my race with my family. I settled on:

On a wing and a prayer (and far more Advil than I should have taken)...
—
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Cor 5:17).
—
For Granddad, and for those whom I long to know Jesus and become new creations in Christ.
I teared up thinking about my Granddad and clients. I had done this. I had raced for them. I was SO thankful!

I indeed felt very sore after the race. The right quad pain eased up some, but the left hamstring/groin/tendon pain hurt worse! I knew this was my doing, though. I had chosen to run, and I would pay the price.

Back in the room, I unpacked my snacks. Yes, I got a lot of them, but they would help carry us home. I stretched and foam rolled. I showered. We slid out at 12:10 PM and headed for home.

Final Thoughts:

It's Monday now. I still hurt. (I did stop taking the Advil and Tylenol.) I went to the doctor, and she ordered x-rays. We will see if they show anything. In the meantime, I made an appointment to return to physical therapy next week (the soonest they could get me in). 

Thankfully, I can walk with only a little limp, but I can barely run even a mile (and that in pain). How I managed to run 13.1 miles on Saturday is truly amazing. While I might not should have run this race, since the Lord allowed me to do so, I am going to give Him all thanks, honor, and glory and praise His great grace.

References:

Bomgren, L. (2021, June 23). 10-minute dynamic stretching + mobility workout |SplitStrong 35 Day 9 [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlH6pyo1nSI&list=PLpa0d6IJAhbjlpUpLtgGi0k1maJ70hoPS&index=10

Carroll, C. (2019, July 23). 6 week half marathon training schedule. Snacking in sneakers. https://www.snackinginsneakers.com/6-week-half-marathon-training-schedule/

Cherapy. (n.d.). https://www.cherapy.com/

Featherstun, M. (2022). Race nutrition planning guide. Featherstone nutrition. https://www.featherstonenutrition.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Featherstone-Nutrition-Race-Nutrition-Planning-Guide.pdf

Featherstun, M., Neuberger, T., & Murray, M. (2026, April 21). Oral iron strips, UCAN alternatives, runner's colitis and Grand Canyon nutrition (no. 130) [Audio podcast episode]. In Fuel for the sole. https://believeintherun.com/podcasts/fuel-for-the-sole-ep-130-oral-iron-strips-ucan-alternatives-runners-colitis-and-more/

[deleted]. (2024). Has anyone taken ibuprofen or any painkillers during or before a marathon? [Online forum post] Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marathon_Training/comments/1fgap3d/has_anyone_taken_ibuprofen_or_any_painkillers/?solution=855a370445d3726b855a370445d3726b&js_challenge=1&token=bbbe4bf1c9a2b5160829c4be34da5861f43b808c48f3cd8cd4f8a66411b97e54&jsc_orig_r=

Louw, M. (2025, August 15). Running with proximal hamstring tendinopathy—Tips to help recovery. Sports injury physio. https://www.sports-injury-physio.com/post/running-with-proximal-hamstring-tendinopathy-tips-to-help-recovery

Love & the Outcome. (2013). He is with us [Song]. On Love & the Outcome. Word entertainment.

Moore, B. (2018, April 3). Christ is either Lord of all, or is not Lord at all. Medium. https://medium.com/@benmooreblog/christ-is-either-lord-of-all-or-is-not-lord-at-all-4ea907cd7737

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Sports Medicine Institute. (n.d.). High hamstring tendinopathy. https://smiweb.org/wp-content/uploads/HighHamstringTendinopathy.pdf

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 17)

This Week's Eats:

Egg bake casserole (Food 52)

Flu season casserole (365 Days of Crockpot)

Savory sourdough discard vegan zucchini bread (Adapted from Atlyyt on Reddit)

Sourdough discard blueberry bagels (This Jess Cooks)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Big-batch Instant Pot white beans (Epicurious)

Chickpea "tuna" salad (Drugstore Divas)

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Homemade ranch dressing (with Greek yogurt) (It Starts With Protein)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

Five-minute chicken gravy (Fixed on Fresh)

Healthy banana muffin bread (Fit Foodie Finds)

S'mores sourdough bagels (Sourdough Jesha)

Sourdough discard protein bagels (This Jess Cooks)

Sourdough bread

Everything I Read (And Listened To) in April

I did not set a numerical goal for reading this year, but so far, I must say that I have been pretty proud of the way my book totals have stacked up each month. In January, I read and listened to 16 books. In the short month of February, I fit in 15 books. In March, I topped out at 20 books, and this month, I hit a total of 12. Six of those were audiobooks. Whomp! Whomp! Whomp!

Looking at those numbers, I wonder where my reading time went. In doing some screen time research, I noticed that my weekly reading time decreased by two plus hours around Lent (the time at which I reintroduced social media, which, surprise, surprise, totaled two or more hours per week). I only read one fiction book, and one I did not really enjoy at that. (I tend to read fiction faster than I read non-fiction.) I spent time working on some other things in my spare time: writing on this blog, and on another project. I started cooking new recipes. I started running, again, but less long. Maybe I listened to some more podcasts? I am not sure if I should chastise myself for reading so much less this month, or just let it be. Whichever the case, here is my list:

53. Slow: Simple Living in a Frantic World by Brooke McAlary [Audiobook]—Australian Brooke McAlary reimagined her life after an extremely stressful season of life, followed by postpartum depression. She decided to slow down to live an intentional, values-centered life. Yes, this did include decluttering and minimizing, but it was about so much more: connection, contentment, and finding balance. I appreciated McAlary’s encouragement to find a personal “why” for slow living, rather than “keeping up with the Jones’” (even the minimalist Jones). The end of the book felt a bit repetitive, and slow, but maybe that was the point?

54. Low-Demand Parenting: Dropping Demands, Restoring Calm and Finding Connection with your Uniquely Wired Child by Amanda Diekman—Amanda Diekman is mom of autistic kids, and a late diagnosed autistic adult herself. In this book, she writes about the dysregulation she and her household experienced when demands were too high, and what happened when she decided to drop those demands and provide safe, calm, nurturing presence instead of expectation. Diekman explains how to look for adult expectations under demands placed on children, how to drop those demands, and how to care for self in doing so. She even provides helpful worksheets in the resources section of the book to assist in this process. While I am torn about whether or not parents should drop all demands of children (and I would argue that Diekman focuses on prioritizing—letting go of what doesn’t matter to leave capacity for what does), I think this book has some helpful information to offer, especially for parents of children struggling with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). If nothing else, the book offers a huge does of empathy for parents struggling to make peace with a household that is far from what they dreamed, hoped, or expected.

55. The Electricity of Every Living Thing: A Woman’s Walk in the Wild to Find Her Way Home by Katherine May—This book is billed as the author’s discovery and wrestling with her diagnosis of autism, but it’s so much more than that. It’s a beautiful story of her walks on the South West Coast Path, the processing she did while engaging in them, and how she gained strength and self-acceptance while doing so. There is some language in this book (as some words that are swear words in the US are not so in the UK). The book is not religious, but has some spiritual undertones. (The author calls herself an atheist.) These things not withstanding, I found reading the book the opposite of electrifying, but rather calming and insightful, and motivating of myself to want to write about how some of my life’s feats have transformed me.

56. Why I Stayed: The Choices I Made in My Darkest Hours by Gayle Haggard with Angela Hung [Audio book]—I knew that this would be a hard book for me to read [ahem, listen to]. Ted Haggard’s fall from grace rocked the evangelical world when it occurred. Once the pastor of New Life Church, he lost everything when his illicit relationships with a homosexual masseur and use of illegal drugs went public. This is his wife’s tale of why she stayed with him. It is also the story of how the church handled the situation poorly. Despite Haggard himself having set up a board of overseers and restorers to handle conflicts like this, the church instead amputated the family from it, refusing not only to allow them the ability to tell their story/testimony to anyone, church members or media, but also forbidding them to attend the church, associate with its members, or even meet with church staff beyond the overseers. The church sent the Haggards away to receive counseling, and upon completion, told them they would need to move out of the state of Colorado, the state in which New Life Church was located. My thoughts and feelings ran the gamut while listening to this: from disgust at the lies Ted Haggard told, to frustration at Gayle Haggard for seeming to forgive his indiscretions so easily, to appreciation of the ways Gayle chronicled the benefits of EMDR in their healing, to a new awareness about how poorly the church handles sin. After finishing this book and reading that the Haggards are back in ministry as shepherds of a new church, I am really not sure what to think, of any of it. My goal in reading was to understand more about the evangelical church and reasons why people oppose it. Well, I got more than I bargained for, in gaining a new perspective into the need for the church to help heal and redeem its own. I am glad I stayed with this book but honestly, had I been reading, I think I would have given up. The fact that the audio kept going helped me get through the dark spots to the other side.

57. Fools Rush In by Janice Thompson—I am not one for comedy, especially slapstick comedy, and if this isn’t one, I don’t know what is. Italian turned Texan Bella Rossini is trying to run her parents’ wedding venue and faces trouble at every turn. Her uncle starts watching a parrot. Campfire singes the eyebrows off someone. Bella falls in love in a month. While this book has some yummy references to Italian food and some quotes worth requoting (in English and Italian—about life, faith, love, etc.,) the whole book is just pretty ridiculous. I honestly had a hard time getting through it. While I’m curious if the other books in this series might be any better, I also wonder if I’d be a fool to jump into more books that ust aren’t my type.

58. Wake Up with Purpose! What I’ve Learned in My First Hundred Years by Sister Jean with Seth Davis [Audiobook]—Sister Jean Dolores Schmidt saw a lot in her 106 years on earth. Born after the end of World War I, she lived through World War II, the war in Vietnam, COVID, and the racial tensions of the 2020s. She left California for Dubuque, Iowa to become a nun as a young lady, and went on to have a long career in teaching, ranging from elementary school, all the way to college work. After her retirement, at age 75, she became the chaplain for the Ramblers men's basketball team at Loyola University. She gained prominence due to media coverage and grew to become quite the beloved figure (even having bobbleheads made in her image). Sister Jean calls herself “old-fashioned," but she was also progressive, moving from wearing a habit to normal street clothes (and even Loyola University Nikes), and using technology. Sister Jean was a strong advocate for youth sports, and for integration of all genders and races into sports, stating that “sports is a great teacher.” (She helped start sports leagues at some of the institutions at which she taught.) Sister Jean has somewhat of a universalist theology, but I wasn't listening to this book for religious lessons. I listened for the stories Sister Jean tells, for the inspiration, and for enjoyment. I got all of that, and more. Sister Jean died in 2025, but man, what a legacy of purpose she leaves!

59. Leading with the Heart: Coach K’s Successful Strategies for Basketball, Business, and Life by Mike Krzyzewski with Donald T. Phillips—I read Coach K's story in 2024 (Coach K by Ian O'Connor), but this book gave me new insight into the way Coach K lives, and I say lives because his coaching is as much a way of life as his way of life is the way he coaches. Coach K values what he calls “the fist” of “communication, trust, collective responsibility, caring, and pride.” Life, for him, is about relationships, and so is leadership. This book is about basketball, but it is also instructional for anyone who leads. Heart matters. Health matters. Holding onto values while times are changing matters. As a Duke basketball fan, I enjoyed reading this book for its basketball content, but more than that, I appreciated the insights it gave me into the team culture Coach K initiated and sustained during his long tenure at Duke.

60. What I Ate in One Year by Stanley Tucci [Audiobook]—This was not the book I thought I was reading. I wanted to read the book Taste, which is more of a memoir. (Oh well, I now have that book saved on my never-ended online Libby library to-be-read list.) This is more of a journal: of life, and of what author and foodie Stanley Tucci ate. There are parts that read like recipes, but since I listened to the audiobook, I did not record them. Tucci writes about cooking in his own hotel rooms while away from his family, and about trying not to stay away for too long, or to force his children to travel with him, since he chose his career, not them. What I found most interesting was Tucci's inclusion of his kids in so many of his activities, and how their needs and tastes impacted his own eating. I appreciated Tucci's writing about the values of involved parenting, and I smiled as he recounted the joys of finally figuring out a way to eat together with his children as a family. This was not a life changing book in any way, and it had language I would rather avoid, but overall, it was some interesting background noise for life, like having a cooking show playing on the TV while going about the daily duties of living.

61. The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs by Laura Tremaine [Audiobook]—This was a good book, although at this point in my life, I have to say that it makes me very sad. What Tremaine proposes is having a “council” or “collection” of 10 different types of friends, to cover 10 different types of scenarios. I am lucky if I can name 10 friends, and if/when I do, they all live hours, and/or days away from me, falling into the old friend, battle buddy, and/or soul sister categories of friends. Nevertheless, I enjoyed listening to Tremaine describe her life council of friends (a term she got from one of her friends) and the book got me thinking about a project I started some time ago chronicling the roles of various friends in my life. Maybe I should get back to that...or maybe I should get back to focusing on friendship, even if it requires me making that a “to-do” on my daily task list, as Tremaine says she has. All in all, this was was a worthwhile/listen/read, and I would recommend it.

62. The Fun Habit: How the Pursuit of Joy and Wonder Can Change Your Life by Mike Rucker—Michael Rucker is an organizational psychologist and behavioral scientist who, for a time, forgot how to have fun. More about the value of fun, and less about himself, this book is an argument for integrating fun into relationships, work, and community. Rucker shares both the science behind the value of fun, as well as giving anecdotal evidence from his own life, and the lives of others. I genuinely enjoyed reading this book (maybe it was fun?), and it makes me want to consider more ways to bring fun into my life.

63. Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body Sensory Strategies That Really Work by Robyn Gobbel— It took me a while to get around to reading this book, and I am glad that I did! Quite a bit of the content felt familiar from the years I have spent listening to the Big Baffling Behaviors podcast. Reading the information through the story of fictional parent Nat, however, put "flesh" on the concepts, so to speak. I found the chapters about levels of watchdog (alert) and possum (shutdown) behaviors extremely helpful. I also appreciated the attitude of empathy and care that Gobbel portrays towards parents in her writing. This is a niche book, but for people in this niche, it is a treasure!

64. The Compass of Pleasure: How Our Brains Make Fatty Foods, Organism, Exercise, Marijuana, Generosity, Vodka, Learning, and Gambling Feel So Good by David J. Linden—Let's be honest: This book was way over my head. Michael Rucker referenced it in The Fun Habit, and I thought it would be interesting. It was, except that it was a lot of brain neurochemistry that is above my pay grade. What I did learn is that pleasure is more complex than we think, that addiction can be a form of learning, and that I should have more empathy for people who struggle with addictive behaviors. All in all, I wouldn't recommend this book to the everyday person, but I would recommend learning more about the brain and having compassion for others, a compass of which I think our culture needs more of!

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And that's April, with a pretty niche list of books. Has anyone ready any of these?

LESS Goals

I set way too many goals for March:

Declutter at least one item a day.

Read a daily entry from a devotional book (on top of my usual Bible reading).

Research every day for our trip.

Do yoga every day.

The last one was actually good for my mental health. The rest got a little bit onerous. In and of themselves, they were not bad goals, but together, they all added up to equal more stress. I found myself rushing around a lot of nights after work trying to check off my list of daily goals, so this month, I set less, and I made goals for the month, not the day:

1) Swim two laps at least one a week.

2) Increase my healthy fat intake at least a certain amount (on the way to the goal my running nutritionist set for me).

3) Declutter and donate the big brown box by the end of the month.

I also quit some things:

I quit trying to read and listen to my daily Bible passages. Maybe that is a bad thing, but I did not believe I was getting much more out of listening to the passages than reading them, and trying to get the audio recordings finished each morning delayed my readings of the next passages, so I quit. I did keep up reading my devotional book. I appreciated it for bite-sized theological nuggets. My husband and I also read a daily devotional together in the morning. Maybe it's not "enough," but it's something.

I quit researching for our trip. At this point, I have found more things to do that we will have time to do, and it really is not my trip anyway. It is my husband's.

I quit tracking wind speed and direction in my running log. The Apple fitness app doesn't give it to me, which means I needed to open up the weather app each day to find it. Wind is an interesting stat, but not one I really look at that much. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't often look back at the weather information either. I mostly look back at my paces. Maybe I want to scrap weather tracking all together. That is food for thought for the future.

I told myself I could quit decluttering, but I still had that big, brown box. To be honest, decluttering also felt like either a conviction or a compulsion, maybe both. While I kept doing it, I had to look harder and harder for things to discard or donate. On the flip side, I found myself wanting to buy new and shiny things. Not the point, Sarah!

I kept up with the yoga, but after completing the Amanda Elle (n.d.). playlist through which I was working, I had to look harder for the shorter types of practice I like to do after work. That means yoga, too, started to become work. Good things take time and effort, but I really need to decide which ones are worth my time, and which ones aren't. Isn't that part of the purpose of LESS? To have more time for what matters?

So here I sit at the end of another month. We did donate that box, so we have that many less things in my house. I dropped some goals. I dropped some habits. What's left? What of what's left still matters? That is what I'm still on a quest to find out (with lots of prayers and questioning and discussions with my husband)!

Reference:

Elle, A. (n.d.). 5 minute yoga [Playlist]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGSleEMpW_U&list=PL9EBPDA6SCdYgxjSGj_50ls7utbpQrDUL

The More of Less Report (April)

(I generated this photo with Canva AI.)

Here's the tea on my journey towards less:

January: Less scrolling: Did I scroll less this month? Yes. No. After Lent, I always want to "catch up." That led to spending three hours and six minutes on Instagram alone. My time the following weeks was less, but still more than it was when I was off social media. My attention span has also been poor. (Is that the screen time, or me?) I didn't have the focus to get into my books as much, so when I wanted a little dopamine "snack," I popped open Instagram, or occasionally Pinterest. I did keep Facebook off my phone, so that's something....

February: Less picking: I continue to try to take a little better care of my skin. Sometimes, I am less obsessive about it than others. Really, I just need to keep myself and my hands busy!

March: Less hunger (judgment): My hunger really did abate some about a month post marathon, so maybe it really was recovery hunger. As I increased training again, though, I noticed some of it coming back. While I am definitely not eating as much as during heavy marathon training, I do need quite a bit of fuel, and my hunger tells me that.

If I want to run, and run fast, I need to eat, and I probably need to eat more. That is kind of counterintuitive when it seems everyone around me is trying to "cut back," but in this case, more is less risk of injury and overtraining, as well as less crankiness. 

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We donated the big brown box. I think that marks the end of my intentional decluttering phase-for now. I do want to be more mindful about what I bring into the house. Maybe I will follow the "one in, one out" rule? We will see. I am sure I/we could get rid of more, but for now, this is the stage of less at which we are.

The Post-Run Spiral

(This art was AI generated through Canva.)

People like to ask me if I experience the "runner's high." [It's debated if the feelings of euphoria some people experience during, or immediately after running are due to the release of endorphins while running or due to the release of endocannabinoids after running, but that is besides the point here (Linden, n.d.).] Yes, sometimes. After a particularly good race, I may feel elated, and perhaps a little euphoric, but that is not every day. Most days, if I feel good after a run, it is in terms of experiencing a short burst of dopamine, and therefore an increase in goal-directed activities (Villarreal, 2021). I come home and I want to clean, or write, or do something. But then, often, the inverse starts to happen. I start to spiral.

What does the spiral look like? I start to lose focus and direction. I diddle-daddle. I find myself speaking aloud to try to motivate myself to stretch, shower, and refuel. The longer I delay, the worse it gets. Sometimes, after I eat, I feel better, but sometimes my energy still crashes and I just want to lay around for the rest of the day (TFoucht, 2020). That is not that great when days consist of responsibilities other than running.

Then there is the anxiety. Sometimes, that anxiety spikes, and abates. Other times, it seems to linger. And sometimes even after I sleep [if I sleep well-sometimes a long run spikes cortisol that keeps me tired, but wired (Rutberg, 2026)], I still wake up feeling depressed and/or stressed, often with a sense of dread and/or foreboding. It is not great.

Apparently these experiences are not abnormal. After completing a long-run, decision-making becomes harder (Motor-Ad6248, 2026). Hunger may or may not be present, so refueling can be a chore. Delayed, or inadequate post-run nutrition leaves the brain depleted of glycogen, which it needs to function (Forzoni, n.d.). Dehydration and low blood sugar can also lead to anxiety (Anonymouse, 2016). And when adrenaline and other exercise induced chemical wear off, there can be that dip in mood (Middleton, 2025). Some people just seem to feel this more acutely than others (Always-Woozy, 2022; CoolHandLuke9000, 2006; The Lorax, 2021). Apparently I am "some people."

So what's a girl who likes running to do? Keep working on the before-, during-, and after-run nutrition and hydration, for one (The PsychPlusTeam, 2024). For two, find other sources of joy and happiness. Three, anticipate that the post-run spiral might happen and do things to anticipate it and its effects [eg preparing food (MotorAd-6248,2026), planning for a lower-energy day), etc.]. I still like running, but it's not always enjoyable or fun. As with marriage, I am about bringing awareness to the full experience of what I do, to the "real life" of it, because I think that is part of what makes the beautiful moments even more worth savoring and celebrating.

References:

Always-Woozy. [Always-Woozy]. (2022). Post long run depression. [Online forum post]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/yj6ua3/post_long_run_depression/

Anonymouse79. [Anonymouse79]. (2016). Dehydration and/or low blood sugar tend to spike my anxiety. You don’t say how far you’re running, but after a [Comment on the online forum post Anxiety after longer runs?] Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/94rfk8/anxiety_after_longer_runs/

CoolHandLuke9000. [CoolHandLuke9000]. (2006). Depression after long runs. [Online forum post]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/59258h/depression_after_long_runs/

Forzoni, F. (n.d.). Why you feel drained after long runs & how to fix it. Pretty strong coaching. https://www.prettystrongcoaching.com/blog/post-run-recovery-female-runners.

Linden, D. (n.d.). The truth behind 'runner's high' and other mental benefits of running. John Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-truth-behind-runners-high-and-other-mental-benefits-of-running

The Lorax. (2021, March 28). Does anyone feel depressed after long runs? [Online forum post]. Let's Run. https://www.letsrun.com/forum/flat_read.php?thread=10504536

Mahan, B. [Host]. (2021, January 30). Exercise as part of the ADHD treatment plan with Gabriel Villarreal, LMHC [Audio podcast episode]. In ADHD essentials. 

Middleton, A. (2025, September 29). Dodgy tummy, nausea and flu-like symptoms-experts explain how you can avoid feeling so rubbish post-run. Stylist. https://www.stylist.co.uk/fitness-health/workouts/nausea-headaches-feeling-rubbish-run/1021748

Motor-Ad6248. [Motor-Ad6248]. (2026). Post-run hunger as a training variable: appetite spikes and decision-making after runs. [Online forum post]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1qmyhpd/postrun_hunger_as_a_training_variable_appetite/?solution=efd9dfc862c9963cefd9dfc862c9963c&js_challenge=1&token=bbbe4bf1c9a2b5160829c4be34da5861527ca0c6006d84b38db3657b31fa08b3

The PsychPlus Team. (2024, August 30). Why am I depressed after working out? Understanding depression after exercise. PsychPlus. https://psychplus.com/blog/why-am-i-depressed-after-working-out-understanding-depression-after-exercise/

Rutberg, J. (2026, March 4). Why can't I sleep after a hard workout or race? Train right. https://trainright.com/cant-sleep-hard-workout-race/

TFoucht. [TFoucht]. (2020). Post-run crash. [Online forum post]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/j7d2yn/postrun_crash/