A Forced Break

One thousand, two hundred and sixty-two days, and my run streak is over. (Well, it's been over for a while at the time of this publishing.) Running was always there for me, until it wasn't. I experienced a banner year last year in running, and felt like I had finally found "my thing." Now, I am no longer a runner. I probably pushed too hard. I knew that some things were not quite right, and I pushed on through anyways. And now here I lay.

That stress fracture I worried about pre- and post-Shiprock? Well, it turns out my differential diagnosis skills are pretty decent. That is exactly what I have: a break in my bones from too much: too much impact, too much intensity, too much pushing through the pain.

I have been through a barrage of tests, from the initial x-rays, to bloodwork, to MRIs, to bone density scans, and more. Though we cannot pinpoint a precise cause for my stress fracture, quite a few things are not quite right. I am getting treatment from a team of professionals, and now I have to wait to see how my body will respond.

My running goals are on hold for now, possibly permanently. Only time will tell if I get back to running at all. If I do, it probably will not be like it was before. I am older. I broke my body. I don't want to break it again.

If I am honest, I probably needed this break. I have a type A personality. Had I not broken my body, I would have kept pushing through. That's me. That's running. I have time, and hopefully now motivation, to attend to my health. This break in my bones is revealing just how tired I was, and forcing me to rest. Time off is helping me explore other ways to move my body (and also forcing me to make peace with a lot less activity). I hope I recover. I hope I come back stronger. Only God knows if that will happen. Whatever may come, may God use it for His glory and my good. 

San Francisco, a Deux

My brother got married outside of San Francisco on Saturday. Our AirBnB checkout time on Sunday was 11 AM, and our flight left the San Francisco airport at 7:16 PM. What do we do with the time in between? We asked? Make a day date of San Francisco, (on mutual agreement this time, see last year's post for the backstory on that).

First up, how to get from where we were to San Francisco? We took an Uber from the AirBnB and then took the ferry over from Sausalito. 

This was entirely the genius of my husband, and at $14 a person, probably cheaper than another Uber ride, and more scenic! From the top deck with saw the Golden Gate Bridge, the Bay Bridge (where I ran last year), Alcatraz, the port, and more. We also spotted dolphins, a pelican, and sea lions.

Once in San Francisco, of course we had to visit Boudain Bakery again. It was a bit of a walk, but worth it. I think we even sat at the same high-top table.

I wanted food, but not necessarily a sandwich. My husband asked what sounded good, and all I could think off was fish and chips, so we schlepped over to Broad Street Oyster Co. (Note that while we both wore/carried our backpacks, my husband pulled our 46 pound piece of checked luggage this whole way.) 

We were in Ghirardelli Square, and my husband wanted to try Dubai style chocolate, so we made a stop

(I did not think the chocolate was that great, but I am a dark chocolate girl and not the biggest fan of pistachios, so no big surprise. My husband likes to take a treat from travels back to his office, so he plans to share the rest of the treats with them.)

Then into the cable car line. (We wanted to ride last year, but did not have the time.) I would say we waited about an hour to get to the car, and then the drivers packed that thing full. But while we waited, we got to see the workers change the car tracks, and heard an accordion player perform.

The ride was much noisier than I expected, but at $9 a person, it was cheaper than getting another Uber or Waymo (since Waymo does run in this city).

From the cable car, we took the BART into the airport. Time burned? Six hours. Money spent? Well, probably as much as we would have paid for a better flight time. But hey, we got a day date out of it, and a maxed out one at that.

San Francisco, a Deux? Thumbs up. And after enjoying the respite of cool temperatures during our already hot Arizona summer, maybe we will be back?

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 19)

This Week's Eats:

Pumpkin oatmeal chocolate chip cookie bites (Joy in My Kitchen)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Barn raising casserole (365 Days of Slow + Pressure Cooking) (Left over from last week)

Big-batch Instant Pot white beans (Epicurious)

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Chickpea "tuna" salad (Drugstore Divas)

Shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

No knead pan pizza (Budget Bytes) 

Savory sourdough discard vegan zucchini bread (Adapted from Atlyyt on Reddit)

Seeded PB oat energy balls (The Dietitian Runner)

Sourdough bread

Thin and crispy pizza (Budget Bytes)

Real Life Marriage: Telling My Husband What to Do

My husband asked me for a list of things to do. I had tried giving him lists before and they hadn't worked, but he asked for one this time, so I gave it to him. To my surprise, he actually completed it. And then he asked for another list the next day.

Lists are my thing. I like them...for me. It kind of stinks to have to give my husband a list of things to do, though. There is something within me that resists giving him lists because I feel like a school mistress giving her pupils homework. But hey, if this works, and this is what it looks like to share the household load, so be it.

The only other alternatives to giving my husband a list of things to do are to do all the things myself (which results in me either feeling bitter, or melting down, often both) or expect him to remember the things to do and constantly nag him (also ineffective). My husband tells me that if I give him a list of things to do, maybe he will eventually learn the daily tasks. Maybe, maybe not, but it's worth a shot.

We've been at this sharing household duties thing for a while now, and I must say, we are still pretty bad at it. I do not communicate as much as I should. I don't communicate as clearly as I should. I still make way too many decisions on my own, and I would still like my husband to initiate more tasks himself. But a few things are going better, so maybe the lists have helped.

Mi Madre

I didn't grow up speaking Spanish, but somewhere along the way, I did start calling Mom, "Mi Madre." I meant it as a term of endearment, but the more I called her that, the more I came to attach meaning to the words: "Mi," mine, and "Madre," mother. That last word is so limiting. My mother became my mother by birthing me, but past that, she has done/is so much more.

Growing up, my mother fed me. She helped clothe me. She cooked for me, tended to me when I was sick, encouraged me, prayed for me, schooled me. She taught me about Jesus. She taught me about life. She read to us the classics (think Les Miserables by Victor Hugo), as well classics to her (C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien, and the like). She chauffeured us. When the time came (and I frustrated my dad nearly to death), she taught me to drive.

When I was away from home, she wrote me letters. She master-minded a lot of my birthday, Christmas, and other celebration gifts (and still does). When I visited, even as a married person, she let me rest.

My mom is strong, resilient, sturdy. She's endured a lot. She endures a lot. She still prays. She still encourages. She's a role model, and a mentor.

Words, English or otherwise, cannot really contain the wonder that is my mother. So on Mother's Day, I guess the best I can do is just give thanks that she is "mi madre," a gift from God to me to show me just a little more of God and His infinite, immeasurable love. If her love is any indication, the love of God has got to be pretty great!

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 18)

This Week's Eats:

Barn raising casserole (365 Days of Slow + Pressure Cooking)

Crispy potato taco bowls (How Sweet Eats)

Lentils in the Instant Pot (Rainbow Plant Life)

Quick pickled onions (How Sweet Eats)

Pumpkin spice sourdough discard oatmeal bake (Acts of Sourdough)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Big-batch Instant Pot white beans (Epicurious)

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Chickpea "tuna" salad (Drugstore Divas)

Five-minute chicken gravy (Fixed on Fresh)

Grilled corn on the cob (Love and Lemons)

Instant Pot baked potatoes (Platings + Pairings)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

Healthy banana muffin bread (Fit Foodie Finds)

Sourdough bread

38.

I have much to reflect on this year. First of all, there is my tradition of making a goal for the year on my birthday. Honestly, with choosing a word of the year, I neither remember nor prioritize my birthday goal, so this will be the year I drop that practice. For reference, though, my goal last year was to reclaim my life. I took more risks, traveled, ran in a lot of races (some last minute). I decided it was okay to prioritize life over work (trying to do my best at work, but not spending time outside of work on work, if that makes sense). I quit counseling, in part because I felt ready, and in part because I wanted more time to live life. I am not sure I practiced contentment or at least practiced it well. I think I ten get on the "hedonic treadmill" of always doing and wanting more. It's good to have goals, but not too many....

As I get older, I don't want to "just live." I want to enjoy life, savor it. I only get one life on this earth! Far too often, though, I am cranky, tired, worn out. That's not the way I want to live, but it unfortunately seems to be my default. After the "have-to's" are done, I just don't have much energy left. I could blame this on my personality, or work, or what have you, but my attitude is really my own problem on which to work.

So maybe in this year of less, I should focus on having less grumpiness and more joy; less discontent, and more gratitude; less scraping by, and more presence. I really don't have it bad. God has given me a good life (albeit with the pains and hardships of living in a sin-stained world.) I want to live this life. I want to enjoy this life, because really, nothing is guaranteed.

I do have some bigger goals for life as a whole. We'll see if they happen. I'm trying to work towards them little by little, but then there's...life. So for now, I'll try to enjoy what I can, hold a lose grip, and surrender my dreams to the Lord because He'll either empower me to achieve them, or He won't, and in the end, He will be the greatest reward and the greatest prize.