Everything I Read (And Listened To) in June

My goal this month was to get to 100 books. That would require reading 10 books this month. Did I do it? Just barely (And then I squeezed in the completion of one more audiobook). Although my book list this month is a lot shorter than last month's, I enjoyed the reading and even found a new favorite author in the process!

90. Outlaw Sheriff by Kathleen Y’Barbo—Caleb Wilson hopes and prays he is going to get a new start when he settles in Dime Box, Arizona. Soon, enough though, Mayor Ed Thompson is hauling him over to the jail and he wonders what the charge is this time. Meanwhile, Lydia Bertrand comes west as an unwilling mail-order bride. Caleb is surprised when, instead of imprisoning him, the mayor makes him sheriff, and Lydia’s servant says that Lydia is his mail-order bride. Caleb quickly realizes he’s not the man everyone thinks he is, and he decides to come clean. What comes next is surprising and sweet. I flew through this book like a whirlwind, and thoroughly enjoyed it!

91. A Gamble on Love by Tamela Hancock Murray—The Wilson brother saga ends as youngest brother Benjamin decides to leave the saloon where his brothers left him,and he grew up to become a cheating card dealer. He wouldn’t have left except that Pearl, his co-card shark and the woman he loves, is going home to care for her ailing mother. Benjamin plans to continue his card-dealing ways, but because of Pearl, becomes instead an honest, working man instead. He also meets Jesus, which changes everything for him. This story contains some sweet references to biblical stories like the woman with the alabaster jar of perfume, the healing of Peter’s mother-in-law, and more. Hancock really did a great job of summing up the series here. I wish this Texas brides novella collection was just the Wilson brother stories, because they really were the best ones!

92. The Big Miss: My Years Coaching Tiger Woods by Hank Haney—I hoped this book would help me to have more understanding and empathy for Tiger Woods. It did, and it didn’t. Honestly, a lot of it made me like Woods less. According to the accounting of Hank Haney, Wood’s coach of six years, Woods was notoriously self-centered. Woods did not share much with anyone. He pulled “pranks” like putting on adult TV when he shared a room with devout Christian Zach Johnson. He tipped poorly. It was hard to coach him. Haney says Woods’ self-centeredness helped him win, but winning isn’t forever. Woods went through a string of injuries, and then scandals, and missed a lot in some major tournaments. Then Haney resigned as his coach. As Haney writes in the end, Woods’ psychological issues and character are Woods’ biggest misses. At publishing in 2012, Haney believed Woods might overcome his missed and bounce back to big successes, but 14 years later, I am not so sure. I finished the book sad for Tiger Woods, for the game that overcame him, and for the life that seems to have left him.

93. My Mess is a Bit of a Life: Adventures in Anxiety by Georgia Pritchett [Audiobook]—This book appealed to me because of its title, the content, not so much. In this short collection of essays and stories, screenwriter Georgia Pritchett chronicles her struggles with anxiety, starting as a young child, moving through young adulthood, and then into motherhood. Pritchett writes with a cynical, dark, dry, sardonic tone, and rarely a speck of good news. She uses the F word often (as is more common in the United Kingdom), has values that conflict with mine, and there are depictions of sexual abuse that could be triggering for some. While I empathize with having a mess of a life, and I really do hope that writing this book helped Pritchett get on with her life, I unfortunately, cannot recommend reading (or listening).

94. Sick Girl by Amy Silverstein—I started reading this book, eager to understand more about heart transplant. Then the dark parts started, and just kept coming. Silverstein became the “sick girl” when she encountered cardiac myopathy that led to ventral fibrillation, and then flatlining at age 24. At age 25, she got her first heart transplant. (She states that she had two transplants, but only writes about one in this book.) It might seem like that was the start of health, but it really wasn't. It was the start of a new life of being sick due to immunosuppressant drugs, medicines that patients need, but that doctors really do not know how to dose. This book exposes so many hard parts of being sick, plus the inadequacies of the medical system. There might be a lot that can't be fixed, but what can be addressed is the need for empathy and presence. Sick or not, everybody needs somebody.

95. My Glory Was I Had Such Friends: A Memoir by Amy Silverstein [Audiobook]—I really liked this book. It was explicit, and sad, but also beautiful. A counter to Silverstein's first book, Sick Girl, this memoir chronicles how Silverstein’s friends came through in offering her the kinds of support she craved in her first book. Relocated to California due to the need for a second heart transplant, Silverstein quickly found herself hospitalized due to the rapid decline in her health. Literally, through the worst of times, her friends were there for her: hanging pictures, keeping nurses away so Silverstein could sleep, holding vomit bowls while she threw up, staging coups to escape the hospital, etc. Silverstein had a very rough time, especially when required to get a pacemaker to keep her failing first heart beating. Each day and night were a fight for life, and Silverstein was ready to give up, until a heart transplant came to her six days before her 1A transplant status expired. The end of the book finds Silverstein feeling as healthy as ever, revealing in nature, grateful for the friends that go her through to this new stage of living. While Silverstein did pass away in 2023, she lived a good eight or nine years with her new heart, and this book lives on as a testimony to the people who helped her get there. What glory that she had such friends!

96. A Dance in Donegal by Jennifer Deibel—Okay, this book is a keeper! Not one for historical fiction, I read this book because of a trip planned to Ireland. It took me a little bit to get into the book, but then the story of Moira Doherty’s journey to Donegal, Ireland to become the new schoolteacher danced away with me. This book is not short on real life, bringing with it many emotions including joy, grief, love, anger, and fear. Woven throughout the multi-layered, book are many spiritual truths. Through it all, the theme of God’s presence and ability to redeem all things shines forth. This is a beautiful book, and you’d better believe that I am going to read more from this author!

97. Now Go Out There (and Get Curious) by Mary Karr [Audiobook]—I don’t know if I should really count this short commencement address as a book, but it was in the Libby app as an audiobook, so I am adding it to my list! In this short address, Syracuse professor Mary Karr chronicles her journey from a tough childhood in rough and tumble Texas, to a stay in a mental hospital, to a poetry residency. She states that “Getting what you want often scares you more than not getting it,” and that “the opposite of love is fear.” She encourages people to get curious about what scares them, and replace revulsion with curiosity. Facing fear can be the start of something great, and provide opportunities for empathy. “Go out there and buy somebody broker than you lunch,” she ends her speech, and in that is not only an admonition, but an invitation to know self and others better. At only 21 minutes, this address is worth going out there and listening to.

98. Cooking Well: Osteoporosis by Marie-Annick Courtier—Thankfully I don’t have osteoporosis (yet). I am trying to increase bone healing nutrients in my diet after my running injury, though. This book was not helpful in that process. It is old, dated, photo less (I like photos in cookbooks) and very focused on restrictive dieting (low-fat, low-calorie, low-carb). (The author even says to refuse food if in doubt about how it was prepared. Sorry, I’d rather be fed!) I think the author might also be British, as some of the terms in the book seem British rather than American. (That’s not a problem, just something to note.) All in all, this book was a dud. Thankfully it didn’t take me long to skim through it.

99. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke, PhD, read by Coleen Marlo [Audiobook]—Mona Delahooke is a clinical and consulting pediatric psychologist, but she is not into diagnosing kids. She is into helping them become their best selves. With lots of understanding and compassion, Delahooke encourages caregivers and professionals to look underneath behaviors before trying to change them. She focuses on the power of attuned relationships, and how those can literally change children's trajectories. While her book is clinical, it is also accessible and practical, containing both composite stories of clients, as well as worksheets to use with one's own children or clients. I think this is a great resource for parents and professionals alike!

100. The Lady of Galway Manor by Jennifer Deibel—I have definitely found a new favorite author! And it turns out she lives in Arizona, too. In this book, Lady Annabeth DeLacy starts up an apprenticeship at Jenning’s jeweler’s shop after her father becomes landlord of Galway Parish in Ireland. Tensions between their British family and the local Irish people are high, but that does not dissuade Annabeth. Rather, she seeks to learn about, and comes to love the local people. Her situation is complex, though, as without a son, she as eldest daughter is expected to save the family. Then there is the matter of Stephen Jennings, hurt so badly by the exodus of his first love, and the murder of his brother that he dares not connect with others. This story has so many layers of complexity, and its portrayal of sacrificial love nearly brought me to tears. This book is definitely worth reading!

101. This is Me: Living the Person You Are Today by Chrissy Metz [Audiobook]—I have never watched This is Us, the show that made Chrissy Metz famous, but the title of her book caught my eye. As I listened to her story, I winced with pain over the abuse she endured. I chuckled over some of the experiences she shared in a such a wry, dry, way. I celebrated her work to be herself, to forgive, and to treat others with respect. Some people say that Chrissy is a Christian. This book points to spirituality, but does not really document faith. (She also does some non-traditional Christian things like swearing and consulting a shaman.) This book might trigger some, but others might find it inspiring. All in all, it was a worthwhile lesson for me as I continue to explore my own identity and owning all God made me to be.

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Has anybody else read 100 books already this year? Or am I just overly voracious?

LESS Lying (To Myself)

If you've been reading along, it's been a (few) months. Truly, my life is not the worst it could be, but it is not the best, either. There is one thing I would like to do more of (running), but I can't do that. And there are a lot of things I could do less of. Up for consideration this month were less running (but hey, I'm already doing that), less overthinking (decide once), less loneliness (to motivate me to reach out to friends), less discontent (with a focus on increasing novelty, and less lying to myself. I settled on that last one on the premise that doing what I said I would do would help my motivation, and my mental health. I also kept seeing wellness creator Ashley LeMieux talk about the transformational nature of keeping promises to herself . I told myself to keep at least one promise to myself a day, but I didn't even do that. Here's what I did do:

I realized that a lot of promises to myself come down to a time crunch. I tell myself I'll do the fun thing, the self-care thing, the thing for myself after I get all my other responsibilities done. When I've completed those responsibilities, though, I often don't have time to do "my" thing, or I am just too tired to enjoy it. 

I experimented with keeping promises to myself, even if it meant running late (usually to work, or to my self-appointed next task). Thankfully I didn't actually shirk too many of my duties. (I have some flexibility with my admin time at work, for example, and if I get to work a little later, I can make up that time elsewhere.) I did find it stressful to run late, however.

I tried remaking promises to myself when I failed the first one (e.g. getting out for a walk at 6:30 instead of 6 AM). Sometimes, I still failed the second promise. Sometimes I failed a third time. And sometimes, I just didn't do anything for myself at all.

In some ways, keeping promises to myself reduced overthinking. If I told myself I was going to do something, I needed to do it in order not to make myself a liar. I realized that I can't just keep giving up on myself and expecting life to get better. I have to "bet on" myself by taking risks. And following through on things is making myself a truth-teller, whereas chickening out makes me a liar.

I could do a lot better to truth tell to myself. I could do better about being motivated and making promises to myself. Ultimately, I think that comes down to resting in the Truth Teller Himself, Jesus Christ, and my identity in Him. I could do to be a lot better connected to Him, and if I was, I would probably have a much, much better perspective on life and truly living in it.

Reference:

LeMieux, Ashley. [@AshleyLeMieux]. (2025, March 7). Keeping one promise a day to yourself is the most impactful way to change your life, and I’ll stand by. [Photograph]. Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DG6MDSeSfg8/?hl=en

The More of LESS Report (June)

I said this was going to be a year of less, and it’s turning out to be one, though not in the way I would like. Having not run since May, I’m not at less miles, I am at zero miles. I’ve had a little less work, but a lot more doctor’s appointments. (Thankfully I’ve been able to take sick time for them.) I have been doing less, but mostly because I can't do more.

There are certainly blessings in the slow-down, but I’m also struggling. My motivation has been low, and I’ve frittered away much of my time instead of doing purposeful things with it. I’ve written less, spent little time with friends, and even reclused from my husband. I haven’t worn a full face of makeup in weeks. I stopped painting my nails for a while. I’m dressing in the comfiest, loosest, stretchiest clothes I have. I haven’t been greatly disciplined about sleep or making our meals more nutritious. (I’ve been eating a lot, but not in the best proportions, or from the best sources.) I have been tanking, spiraling, deteriorating. Whatever I want to call it, it’s hasn’t been the kind of purposeful, intent-full life of less for which I hoped. I feel like all my goals have gone into the dumpster, or at least not had much meaningful effort applied to them. Could I change things? Yes? No? Maybe? But what’s the point? I need a renewed sense of purpose. As for my LESS goals, well, let's just say I have been making less, rather than more progress:

January-LESS scrolling: This goal is definitely not goaling. I am spending way too much time on social media. I tell myself to stop, but then I pick my phone right back up to look for something that will take my mind off my inertia, bring a hit of dopamine to my dopamine depleted brain. It does not work, but I keep doing it, and that, my friends, is the definition of insanity.

February-LESS picking: This is better when I have my phone in my hand, but worse when I just feel terrible about my body.

March-LESS hunger (judgment): This goals is a, "Yes," and a "No." I have been "giving in" to my hunger a lot. Supposedly part of the cure for this injury is eating in excess so that the body will heal. Have I gained weight? Yep, at about a pound a week since I got injured. My dietitian says this is good, but it does not feel good. So in summary, yes, I have been "honoring," my hunger, but I have also been angry at it and uncomfortable with its results, so a draw in this one.

*Note, I guess in some ways, it is a blessing that I have been so hungry. Hunger makes it easier to eat the amount I supposedly need to heal. Stuffing myself would make me feel even worse.

April-LESS goals: Well, I am stagnated here. I keep trying to find a goal that interests me as much as running, and so far, the only thing I have been doing is cooking more sourdough recipes. That is good, but not necessarily a parallel or "replacement."

In an effort to try to get motivated, I did start stacking up the goals again, too. This month, I was working towards a five minute plank challenge and a daily crunches challenge. That was probably too much on top of physical therapy exercises. I also tried to reach out to a friend everyday. Maybe I did not need to make this a daily goal, but it did help me at least try to navel gaze less.

May-LESS no: I honestly kind of forgot about this goal until my husband asked me to do some things. One thing, I asked to do on a different day. In the second instance, when I got him a lobster roll for National Lobster Day, I gave my immediate, "No," to his offer of a bite. I did realize this, though, and kind of prayed he would ask again so I could say, "Yes." He asked. I said, "Yes," and I have to say, lobster is not worth the hype, in my opinion. But hey, I kept with an intention in a small way for one day. (And a few other days, I made it, too.)

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In other areas, I find I am not missing the "less" in my closet much at all. In fact, growing out of my clothes might make my closet even more minimal!This month, I tried to clean out some of our freezer stores of food. (I used quite a bit, but we still have a bit. Frozen meals are not bad, but when the chest freezer no longer has room to fit much more, it is time to decrease inventory.) I have been doing less activities, and missing them, but surviving. Honestly, I would really like a "more" life right now, but for right now, this is the life I have. By God's grace, and in His power, may I be grateful for it and at least for the next month, complain a little less.

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 25)

This Week's Eats:

Apple cider banana bread muffins (Buttermilk by Sam)

The best egg salad (Lil' Vienna) on apple cider and cheddar buns (Brit in the South)

Campfire cones (Center Cut Cook) [Sent with my husband on his camping trip]

Instant Pot honey mustard chicken sandwiches (365 Days of Slow + Pressure Cooking)

Overnight sourdough waffles (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough fritters with sweet potatoes and chickpeas (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough peanut butter squares (The Pantry Mama)

Sriracha chickpea salad wraps (Budget Bytes)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot)

Sourdough gravy (The Pantry Mama)

White chicken chili (Real Food Dietitians)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

Chickpeas

One hour sourdough discard burger buns (Amy Bakes Bread)

S'mores sourdough bagels (Sourdough Jesha)

Sourdough banana fritter muffins (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough bread

Sourdough tortillas (Farmhouse on Boone)

Saying Goodbye to My "Running Body"

It's been six weeks, and I haven't run, even a step. My body knows it. My body shows it. While I wasn't on this running journey to alter my body, I was enjoying the changes it affected. I like seeing bigger leg muscles when I squatted. I liked what I thought were my strong calves. I was lifting heavier dumbbells than I ever had in my life. I felt tight and fit and strong, and then I had to stop running.

My ability to exercise at all decreased greatly when I got injured. Thankfully, I could still move a little bit, but even then, it was minuscule compared to what I was doing before. My body hurt. I couldn't squat down. Even sitting caused discomfort. I felt very old and debilitated. 

In addition to my body changing what it could do, it also started changing physically. Energy surplus is needed to heal bone, and in eating to create that, I started gaining (and am still gaining) weight. With lowering my exercise, that weight has not really gone to muscle. It is going to my love handles, and belly, and thighs. For the time being, I have stopped wearing all fitted pants and resorted to wearing drawstring jeans, dresses, stretchy bike shorts, and leggings only. I considered buying new clothes, but decided to forgo that expense until my body decides to settle, and that might be a while, as part of healing the metabolic injury that we believe might have caused my injury is maintaining a continued energy surplus.

As my pain has decreased, I have thankfully been able to be more active, but not in the usual ways. I can lift weights, but only really for arm and core work. I can do pull-ups, but with less reps, as my strength-gains had not kept up with my weight gain. I can do cardio, but only on an uphill treadmill, or via the recumbent bike, a machine at which I am notoriously weak. My body is not capable of what it once was.

Whether it is fat gain, muscle gain, or both, my shirts have also gotten tighter, particularly my tank tops. While I have always wanted to grow my arms and look stronger, this change has also seemed hard. Not only are my pants tight, but my shirts, too? Great. I might just need a whole new wardrobe, tops and bottoms by the time this is done!

I eagerly await the day when I might get cleared to try to run again, but in the meantime, I am grieving my running body. Even if I get to run again in the future, it won't be in the same way. I will have to go more slowly and incorporate more cross training. I will need to spend more time doing strengthening exercises to build my bone, to hopefully keep this type of injury from happening again in the future. If/when I get to return to my sport, it will be with a new body, and then that body will also morph and shift and change. 

While I'd rather not have these body changes*, my choices are to fight them, or to work at accepting them. My old running body is gone, and that has to be okay because though I didn't realize it at the time, the old running body I had wasn't sustainable. So I'm moving forward and saying goodbye. Running or not, there is a new model of this body coming, and I want to be here for it.

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*Body changes are uncomfortable. Maybe as a smaller sized person, I shouldn't talk about mine, but they are part of life, for everyone, so I think maybe I should. Saying goodbye to our past selves is hard, but it is really the only way forward. And the only way to say goodbye is to grieve what was, and to make room for what is yet to come. 

Dad, Friend to Anyone and Everyone

"C'mon, kids." Dad would say. "We're going to go visit some people." 

We would sigh, roll our eyes, and load up in our van. We knew what we were in for: a day full of sitting in other people's houses, listening to adults talk, while we kids sat and tried to be polite, (or not). We'd go from house to house this way, sometimes all day, not really playing, but just sitting. (This was unless Mom intervened, and for one summer, she couldn't, because she was at the hospital, working to renew her nursing license). I didn't understand the significance of those visits then, but now I do. My dad literally had enough friends to visit them for hours on end, without running out of things to talk about, or more people to see.

My dad has always been that way: a friend to anyone and everyone. My mom talks often about how my dad would pick people up to give them rides when he worked second or night-shift in downtown Charlotte, North Carolina. That was not the safest part of town, but Dad had a heart to help people, and help people, he did.

Mom also talks about Dad's coworkers, people who would not step into our home, but would join my dad at the pond or the lake for fishing. While those people did not feel at ease in our home, they felt comfortable with Dad, because Dad was a friend to anyone and everyone.

Dad made lots of friends when he ran his bulk water delivery business. He even made some four-legged ones and carried treats for them inside the cab of his semi. After he sold his business, he went to work for some of his well-drilling friends. I am sure he would have found a job with other friends, if not those ones.

Friends came out of the woodwork from anywhere and everywhere when Dad had open heart surgery three years ago. Those people supported him and my mom in all sorts of ways. Dad had loved them through some dark times, and they loved them through his.

Go for a walk with Dad through his new neighborhood, and you'll find him receiving coffee from one man, petting the next neighbor's horses, and saying hello to the neighborhood donkey. Dad made friends with one neighbor and helped him with a mechanic project. Dad gets eggs from another neighbor for whom he did some side jobs. Dad has already joined the local tractor club (and he got into tractors because of one of the Arizona friends he made). Occasionally, Dad gets the outdoor cat to come around. 

When we visited last summer, my husband got the, "We're going to visit some people" tour. (Thankfully, my husband was mature enough not to sigh, and to rather go along and enjoy the experience.) Dad went around the neighborhood, seeing whose garage doors were open so that he could say, "Hi," introduce his son-in-law and chit-chat.

Dad's ability to make friends probably comes from his mother, of whom it was said could "evangelize a brick wall" because she was kind and friendly. Dad carries on that legacy. More than that, Dad carries around the message of Jesus (Matthew 11:19, Luke 7:34), who was a friend to all kinds of people: rich and poor; sinner and saved. Dad doesn't care about status or stature. He cares about people. He knows who he is in Jesus, and he's not afraid to be that person with everyone.

I can see now why Dad loved those visiting days we had as a kid. He is an extrovert and gets his energy from people. As an introvert, I am not the same, but I can now appreciate my dad for who he is, and those visiting days for what they were. Dad possesses the ability to be friends with anyone and everyone, and that is admirable, and to be praised.

Thanks, Dad, for being a living legacy. I love you. Happy Father's Day!

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 24)

This Week's Eats:

Apple cider chicken bowls (The Real Food Dietitians) with baked sweet potato halves (Valerie's Kitchen

Baked sourdough doughnuts (The Pantry Mama)

Mississippi chicken casserole (365 Days of Slow + Pressure Cooking)

Reese's chia pudding (Healthy Kitchen)

Spinach eggs Florentine pizza (Budget Bytes)

Sourdough banana fritter muffins (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough chocolate cupcakes (The Pantry Mama)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Big-batch Instant Pot white beans (Epicurious)

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Shredded chicken (365 Days of Crockpot)

White chicken chili (Real Food Dietitians)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

Five-minute chicken gravy (Fixed on Fresh)

Seeded PB oat energy balls (The Dietitian Runner)

Sourdough bread

Sourdough gravy (The Pantry Mama)

Thin and crispy pizza crust (Budget Bytes)