A Different Take on the "Let Them" Theory

Mel Robbin's "Let Them" theory was really big for a while. She even wrote a 2024 book about it. I have a different take on the idea.

"Let them" for Mel Robbins is mostly about releasing control. Let other people have their opinions. Let them do things their own way. Stop trying to manage them and what they think of you (Robbins, 2023). Stay in your own lane. Do your own thing. This is probably a gross oversimplification, but having not read the book, this is my understanding of the theory.

So what is my take on the theory? I apply it to expectations and FOMO (fear of missing out). "Let them" do all the things. I release the expectation that I can, should, or have to do all the things. I personality don't even want to do all the things!

So "let them" go on that trip, spend all their money, work extra hours at the office, stay out late at night. I am not missing out. I am living within my values. (And maybe they are too, but that doesn't mean I need to compare myself to them.) I don't need to catch up or keep up. Rather, I want to live within my limits and be faithful in the small things (Comer, 2019). Maybe this area of personal responsibility is where I actually agree with Robbins. Let me do me and whatever God is calling me to do. For me, that is what counts, and for me, what counts is all that matters.

References:

Comer, J.M. (2019). The ruthless elimination of hurry: How to stay emotionally healthy and spiritually alive in the chaos of the modern world. WaterBrook.

Robbins, M. (Host). (2023, May 28). The “Let them theory”: A life changing mindset hack that 15 million people can’t stop talking about. (no. 70) [Audio podcast episode]. In The Mel Robbins show. https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-70/

Robbins, M. (2024). The let them theory: A life-changing tool that millions of people can't stop talking about. Hay House.

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 36)

This Week's Eats:

Eggs Benedict with pumpkin hollandaise (Sumptuous Spoonfuls)

Mexican street corn pizza (Rabbit Hill Farm)

Pickled red onions without sugar (No Frills Kitchen)

Pumpkin brownie cookie balls (Once Upon a Pumpkin)

Sourdough pumpkin pie baked oatmeal (The Pantry Mama)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

Best sourdough banana muffins 

Sourdough bread

Sourdough gravy (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough lemon muffins (The Pantry Mama)

Whole wheat sourdough pizza dough (The Pantry Mama)

Real Life Marriage: Behind Every Standing Woman

"Behind every good man is a good woman," or so the saying goes. Maybe, but I am here to say that I think behind every standing woman, there is someone propping them up. For me, that is my husband.

These past few months have been quite the roller coaster, physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. Pain limited my capabilities and capacities. I grieved lost opportunities, as well as the (hopefully temporary) loss of my sport. I had many, many days, where I just wanted to throw in the towel, quit my physical therapy program, and either sit in a heap and cry, or just go out for a long, long, run knowing I'd break myself again.

Thankfully, my husband talked me out of all of my extreme ideas. I did cry, but he also took me to places like the rose garden and the Mogollon Rim to get my mind of what I couldn't do and onto what I could. He told me he still found me beautiful on days when my clothes didn't fit like they used to and I just felt awful in my body. He reminded me that I had hired experts to help them, and I needed to follow their advice.

It hasn't just been through this injury that my husband has supported me, though. I have an emotionally and mentally taxing job, and he's the one putting dinner on the table most nights. He's often getting our groceries when I feel too spent to retrieve them. He's the one telling me my value after I've been chewed out or berated by yet another person who is dsyregulated. He's the one giving me an out if/when I need to take a break from this line of work.

Women tend me to more emotional than men, and hi, I am that woman. I need my husband's steadiness to keep me grounded. I need his savings on days when the waves of life threaten to undo me. Behind this standing woman is one very strong man. I wouldn't be who I am today without him, and after this summer especially, I'm not sure I'd be standing without him. 

Life is All About Change

I always think that the next change will "fix" things: the move to college, graduation, my first job, finishing my master's, moving back to Arizona, getting back into my field, marriage, husband's graduation, a seasonal change. But none of it ever does. It just...changes things.

And even if/when I am comfortable with the changes happening in my life, there are the changes of others. Friends moving and changing seasons. Friends having babies. Friends getting married, and unfortunately divorced. Siblings changing. Parents changing. Family moving closer or further away. It just keeps happening.

Life is all about change. I don't think I will ever get used to it. I am not sure I will ever completely make peace with it, but I need to work on it, until heaven when there is no more change. Praise Jesus for that hope!

Stages of Waiting

People talk about stages of grief, but what about stages of waiting? (Maybe there is some grief in there, too?). The anxiety, the prayer, the trying to make peace, the tiredness, and then maybe an answer, or not. As I endured yet another period of waiting, I was thinking more about all of these periods.

Scripture says not to be anxious, but I struggle with that. When I am waiting, my first response is to feel to feel on edge, to feel as if I cannot stand to wait for an answer. "Do not be anxious about anything," God's Word says, but I feel tense, impatient, and frustrated (English Standard Version, 2019, Philippians 4:6). Then I realize I missed what should be the first step on waiting.

So, I revert to what I should have done. I pray, fervently, often, sometimes begging, pleading, and demanding. I "by prayer and supplication...let [my] requests be made known to God (Phil 4:6). It is good to go to God with my requests, to be like the persistent widow (Luke 18). Demanding, however, is not a positive behavior. It is thinking I know better than God, and I certainly do not.

Then there is the praying to wait well. I have prayed for the thing. God knows. Then I need to wait, to learn, to watch.

As I watch, I wonder if God will surprise us, me. I begin to hope, maybe expect. But still no answer comes.

I try to start making peace with the process. I pray to accept whatever God has for us. I try to start finding contentedness in the here and now, even if nothing changes. "With thanksgiving" I try to make my requests known to God (Phil 4:6). It is hard, but all I can do at the moment.

Eventually, in my humanity, I grow weary. I just want an answer. But the Word says not to grow weary in doing good, and I need to wait well, for God's good, and my glory (Galatians 6:9). And that pretty much resets the cycle all over again.

Oh, the struggle it is to wait, and to wait well. So many stages. So many phases. How I need the Lord's help.

Reference:

English Standard Version. (2019). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/English-Standard-Version-ESV-Bible/#copy

What We Cooked and Ate (Week 35)

This Week's Eats:

Apple oat crumble (Meal Prep in an Instant)

Chicken spinach alfredo pizza (Wholefully) using white pizza sauce with sourdough starter (The Pantry Mama)

Hot honey (Thursday Night Pizza)

Hot honey pepperoni pizza inspired by We Are Not Martha

Potato tuna cakes (Feel Good Foodie)

Sourdough pumpkin banana bread (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough pumpkin muffins (The Pantry Mama)

Tzatziki sauce (Feel Good Foodie)

Whole wheat sourdough pizza dough (The Pantry Mama)

Noteworthy Repeats:

Big-batch Instant Pot white beans (Epicurious)

Cottage cheese egg bake (The Real Food Dietitians)

Freezer Pull-Outs:

Best sourdough banana muffins 

Chocolate sourdough brownie bites (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough bread

Sourdough gravy (The Pantry Mama)

Sourdough lemon muffins (The Pantry Mama)

Pressing Reset

I am a pretty emotional person, and as such, I get bent out of shape easily. I would like to say I bend, but don't break, but that is not really true either. I bend, and I break...down. I am learning to accept this about myself, even if I don't like it, because try as I might, it just always seems to happen. What I can control (as my husband always reminds me) is what I do with my emotions. Thankfully, with the Lord's help (and a lot of therapy and a lot of support from others), I am learning what it looks like to reset.

1. I cry. Crying releases some chemicals from the body, which might help re-regulate afterward (Murube, 2009). Sometimes I just need to let things out. 

2. I release my emotions through some kind of physical movement. Most often, this looks like a walk, but sometimes it is push-ups or stair climbing. This releases stress and increases endorphins (Hanley-Defoe, 2025). Moving my body outside has the benefit of resetting my setting, which can also help my brain.

3. I read my Bible or a devotional. Sometimes I just need a shift in perspective (Shannon, n.d.). I need to reset in the Word.

4. I pray. Sometimes I can do this, and sometimes I can't. Sometimes, it looks like a breath prayer, or as in one recent instance, saying "Lord, I'm so angry" over and over again (Tucker, 2025). The Lord knows. The Lord hears.

5. I actually reset and tell myself to restart the day (even late in the day). Self-talk does have an effect (Goldsmith, 2022). I try to redeem the time I have left. 

I am far from perfect. I still need a lot of work, but thankfully with the Lord's help, I am learning. Pressing reset works a little better, a little more often, and a little faster.

References:

Goldsmith, B. (2022). The benefits of positive self-talk. Psychology today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/202205/the-benefits-of-positive-self-talk

Hanley-Defoe. (2025, March 26). 7 small ways to regulate and reset your nervous system. Psychology today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyday-resilience/202503/7-small-ways-to-reset-and-regulate-your-nervous-system

Murube, J. (2009). Hypotheses on the development of psychoemotional tearing. The ocular surface 7(4), 171-175. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1542-0124(12)70184-2.

Shannon, S. A. (n.d.). What does a reset in the Bible look like? Families with grace. https://familieswithgrace.com/what-does-a-reset-in-the-bible-look-like/.

Tucker, J. (2025, August 21). Breath prayer: An ancient practice to calm anxiety and strengthen your faith. Best self media holistic health & conscious living. https://bestselfmedia.com/breath-prayer/