Afghan 73

Well, this afghan did not turn out quite like I expected. To be fair, I didn't make it quite like the pattern, either. It was meant to use bulky yarn, and a size N hook. I had regular yarn and a size J hook. It was supposed to be 22 x 28 inches with a border. Mine turned out to be 40 x 51 inches, and I ran out of yarn to do a border. I aimed for Arizona sunrise color based on a color hex I found, but the stores did not have the exact colors, so I used what I could find. All in all, I am happy with this afghan, even if it turned out different. Now, the question is: Do I gift this, or keep it? I think it looks quite nice over the back of our couch, if I do say so myself!

Pattern: Quick and chunky crochet baby blanket pattern from Crafting Every Day

Yarns: Off brand black, Red Heart pumpkin, Red Heart saffron, Crafting Smart butter, and Red Heart turqua

What I Mean When I Say "I'm Overwhelmed"

Someone pointed out recently that I say, "I'm overwhelmed" a lot. I've been thinking about that phrase ever since. Yes, I do say "I'm overwhelmed" a lot. It's my go-to phrase. As such, it's probably come to mean too much.

I say I'm overwhelmed when I am genuinely have so many things to do, I don't know what to do. I say I'm overwhelmed when I am flooded with emotions and I cannot think clearly. I also say it when I am tired and want a break and know I need to push on to get things done. The load feels overwhelming in an emotional way, but in a physical sense, I am not actually overwhelmed. I just mentally want relief and release.

I also say I'm overwhelmed to get attention. I did not realize this until I started analyzing the times I say I am overwhelmed, and who I say it around. I usually only say it around people who are close to me. It's my request for someone to notice me, a request for help. Maybe the help I need is a quiet moment. Maybe the help I need is a hug. Maybe I need someone to share the physical or mental load with me. Maybe I just want to be appreciated. Overall, I just want to not feel overwhelmed.

When I say, "I'm overwhelmed," I really might be so overwhelmed that I don't think I can handle it. That is the true meaning of the word (Dictionary.com, 2012). I also might be saying I don't want to be alone in what I am facing. To be alone facing hard things is truly overwhelming, scary, even, because we were meant to live in community.

I am trying to say, "I'm overwhelmed less," and learn to ask for help more. I'm sure I'll still say it, though. If I say it around you, know it's because I trust you, because I think you might be able to help me. Please don't blow me off. Please listen. I am saying I need you.

Reference:

Dictionary.com. (2012). Overwhelm definition & meaning. Dictionary.com. Retrieved August 31, 2022, from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/overwhelm#:~:text=Overwhelm%20most%20commonly%20means%20to,when%20that%20is%20the%20expectation.

Just For (Granola) Fun...

So I did a thing...I made 52 new granolas this year. My goal was to make one a week. Well, we eat more than one batch of granola a week, so here we are: September, and I've met my goal.

I tried all kinds of granolas-

Some sugary:

Cinnamon roll granola (A Messy Bun Kitchen)

Some with no sugar:

Extra chunky and naturally sweetened granola with walnut (Bless This Mess)

Some with oil:

Homemade granola with flaxseed and chia (Ai Made it For You)

Some with butter:

Super simple homemade granola with chunks (Joyfully Thriving)

Some nutty:

Nutty butterscotch granola (Girl Gone Gourmet)

Some with no nuts:

Nut free granola (Lynn's Kitchen Adventures) 

Pretty much all of them required the oven, which was not my preference given the hot temperatures of Arizona, but it worked. 

I made lots with cinnamon:

Cinnamon roll granola (Salted Plains)

And several with peanut butter:

Peanut butter and jelly granola (Averie Cooks)

Chocolate appeared a lot of times:

Chocolate pumpkin granola (Family Food on the Table) 

Even Reese's!

Reese's pieces granola (The Wanna Be Chef)

It's fun to switch things up for a time. With grocery prices and time constraints, it's probably back to my normal super simple granola, though. Gourmet is good, but sometimes you need simple to allow time to have fun and prioritize other things in life.

Empty-Handed

I went shopping at the mall recently, for the first time in a long time. I hoped to find a new outfit to celebrate something important in my life. Well, it was a total and utter disaster. Most of the clothes I found cost way more than I wanted to spend. The clothes that were affordable looked terrible on me. I came away completely empty-handed, feeling very disappointed.

As I walked away from that night, I realized several things. I realized that I was discontent. I had clothes in my closet that I could wear. I just wanted new ones. I realized that I was looking to clothes to feel confident. Clothes couldn't give me confidence. I can only find confidence from my identity in Christ, and being clothed in his righteousness.

I came away empty-handed from my clothes shopping, but I learned something. I learned that I had an idol I needed to lay down. I remembered once again that things can't make me happy, or healthy, or whole. Those things only come from my Savior. Getting head knowledge down to my heart is a lifelong work, but maybe, just maybe this experience helped make a little forward progress, and the more my heart fills, the less distress I will feel when I come up empty-handed. To God be the glory. Amen.

Pre-Run Fuel, Polarized Training, Post-Run Workouts, Pacing, and More (Patriot Run 2022)

After years of running, maybe I'm finding my identity as I runner? And I'm definitely trying to start implementing research-based training techniques. I think it's paying off. Read more below.

I ran the Patriot Run 10K again last Saturday, September 10, 2022. I ran the Patriot Run 5K in 2016, 2017, and 2019 before switching over to the 10K last year. (No race was held in 2020 due to COVID.) I think I really prefer the 10K. Yes, it's two laps. Yes, it requires more training, but I like it. I'm really not a speed girl. I'm a "in it for the long haul girl." At least in this race, people start out fast, and then slow down. Since I do the opposite, this gives me a chance to move up in the rankings as I go, rather than do a mad sprint from the start. It's my style.

I trained for this race with a little flair of my own this year, too. I honestly didn't know if it would work, but I couldn't find a training plan I liked, so I took Hal Higdon's novice plan and personalized it. Monday, Wednesday, I did speed work (fartlek, interval, and tempo runs--some from the training plan I did for the Mesa 10K), but added on some strength training afterwards. Tuesday, Thursday, I ran a mile or so and then did a longer strength workout. Saturday, I also tacked on strength. Friday/Sunday, I walked three miles, stretched, foam rolled, and called it good.

Pre-Run Fuel 

I'm really not a pre-run fuel girl, but after hearing one two many podcasts about the importance of pre-run fueling for women, I decided to do it for my long runs. It meant getting out the door a little later, but it worked. I started with half a banana, tried applesauce once or twice, and ended up with a whole banana and 8 oz water being good before most runs (and this particular 10K race). I found that I could make it through the runs easier, still strength train afterward (with more water intake) and not be a grumbly mess by breakfast. I found that I felt better the rest of the day when I did this, too. Running dietitians have preached these benefits of pre-run fuel for a while. I guess I just had to prove the benefits to myself.

Polarized Training

I also attempted to take up a more polarized training pattern this year. After listening to Ben Rosario on C Tolle Run (2022), I picked up Matt Fitzgerald's (2014) 80/20 Running book. I am sure that I didn't quite make 80% of my runs easy, but I slowed way down and did try to eliminate moderate training as Fitzgerald suggested. I felt pretty uncertain going into a race without much speed training under my belt, but I was very pleased with the results.

Post-Run Workouts

I used Lindsey Bomgren's Nourish Move Love workouts post-run. She has a good variety of bands, barre, weights, and cardio; plus, she sends out weekly workout plans if you get on her -email list. Those helped! I tried to lift heavy towards the beginning, but towards the end, I did more resistance band workouts. I also eliminated my Thursday runs and training when I felt extra tired and/or my HRV was low. (My brother gifted me a FitBit Versa that tracks HRV.) I did my last post-run workout the Monday of race week and just did barre with fairly light weights Tuesday/Wednesday. 

The RUN!

I did not sleep well Friday night, and I woke up with somewhat of an upset stomach. I still managed to down my banana and half a water bottle, though. We had light rain and temperatures of around 64 degrees for race morning. It rained a little bit during the race, but too much.

Running at altitude, I had no plans to try to best my Mesa 10K PR. Rather, I wanted to compete with myself and try to beat last year's time in this race by at least six seconds (54:20). As such, my pacing plan was to warm up for five minutes, rest, and then go out at 8:50/9:00 minutes a mile for the first half of the race and try to speed up from there. Thankfully, I calculated my halfway time (as per advice from Run for PRs, 2021) as my RunKeeper app was off. I ran mostly by feel, trying not to get too upset about the ladies out in front of me. 

Near the end of lap one, I noticed that people had gone the wrong way. Therefore, I no longer had anyone to chase, so I just had to run. I felt pretty good, so I kept at at moderately hard pace. Things started to feel harder at mile four, and somewhere around mile five, I just wanted to quit. (I wasn't really that tired, but somehow I lost motivation.) Much to my chagrin, I had to come to a complete stop with less than a mile left due to lack of traffic control issues. I think I lost about 10 seconds there. The guy behind me also caught up, and after not having to stop at the intersection, blazed right past me. I tried to gun it the last leg of the race despite not being able to catch him. I felt like I was going to puke, but I told myself to keep going. I came away with a time of 53:38, over forty seconds faster than my goal, and if we take away the 10 seconds I had to pause, I was less than a minute off my PR of 52:43. I'll take it!

Thoughts

My husband asked me what the best part of the race was. I told him I was encouraged that my training plan worked. It feels more sustainable than the plans I have used in the past. I also enjoyed running in my new Brooks Ghost shoes (such an investment, but so worth it!). As bonuses, he and my parents got to see me race. I saw a few friends who ran the 5k. AND...I took first in the women's division overall! (Mind you, this is a small, local race, so take that with a grain of salt.) I felt pretty toasted afterward, but thankful and proud, too. Next up, a little training reduction before moving into a preparation block for some spring racing. You can be sure I'll be taking the lessons I learned in this training cycle with me!

References:

Fitzgerald, M. (2014). 80/20 Running: Run stronger and race faster by training slower. Berkley.

RunforPRs [@RunforPRs]. (2021, April 29). 10k RACE WEEKEND. https://www.instagram.com/p/COP3y9YFWk9/?utm_medium=share_sheet&epik=dj0yJnU9UFM5dnpvYlpaLXNLaUpWWEt6UjZKUXdMNFIwV0U0RUMmcD0wJm49LVdOU04wajRYb1JHbEUtM2pFVzhpdyZ0PUFBQUFBR01kTUNj

Tollefson, C. (Host). (2022, March 17). The best ways to train. [Audio podcast episode]. In C Tolle Run. https://www.ctollerun.com/ben-rosario-the-best-ways-to-train/

It Shouldn't Be This Way.

She was a teacher. She was a wife. She was a mother. She was a runner. She was kidnapped Saturday, September 3rd and found dead Monday, September 5th. Her name was Eliza Fletcher. Though the circumstances of her death are still somewhat unknown, and though she as a unique human being is irreplaceable, she could be any one of us. She was just another runner out for her morning exercise. It shouldn't be this way.

People should be able to go out of their homes and exercise safely. They should be able to enjoy the great outdoors without fear for their lives. If they want to run, they should be able to run freely. The sad truth is that they aren't. I can't tell you how many people I have read about who have questioned their morning runs this past week. Some didn't even go on them. Though I did run, I found myself scanning my environment for signs of danger and looking for safety figures even more so than normal. It shouldn't be this way.

I take steps to try to keep myself safe. I don't have Strava. I don't share my routes. I run in well-lit, familiar places. I run with my phone. I am ready to call the police at any time I might need to do so. I actively look for police patrols while I am out running. I say hello to people I know from my community so that both they and I know I am out. My husband has ways to actively track my location any time he feels the need to do so. Still, nothing is guaranteed if I run outside, and that is what I prefer. It shouldn't be this way.

We were made to live in a perfect outdoor environment free to move about as we pleased. We were made to run for pleasure. We were made to not know good and evil. But we do. We know great, great evil, evil that shows up in situations like the tragic death of Eliza Fletcher.

I ran this weekend in honor of Eliza Fletcher. Finishing Eliza's run (#FinishEliza'sRun) and coming home safely was a gift. It was a privilege. It was not guaranteed, though. In this world, no good things running or otherwise, are guaranteed. Sin has ruined us. Evil has stained the universe. It shouldn't be this way, but praise God, because of Jesus' sinless sacrifice, we have the promise that one day it won't be. One day, all the things that shouldn't be will pass away, and all that will remain will be Glory. Hallelujah for that hope!

*Written in honor of Eliza Fletcher, with great sorrow, condolences, and prayers for her family, friends, and all who loved her.

Real Life Marriage: Doing It Together

If we're going to do this, we're going to have to do this together. Those were the thoughts running through my head after yet another not so fun conversation in the kitchen. He asked me a question. I felt backed into a corner and snapped at him. He got quiet. I felt terrible and quickly turned to despair. Another not so great night in our household.

Over time, we have started to name the things the other person does that set us off. I recognize that some of my responses are unreasonable. I'm not trying to act unreasonable, though. The responses just come. That doesn't make them right, or okay, though. It means I need to work on them.

I have realized that I can't work on my unreasonableness on my own, however. I need my husband's help. I need his nervous system to help regulate mine when mine goes out of whack. I need his reassurance to help me calm. I probably need him to repeat the same truths to me hundreds of times before they will really stick. (Yes, I'm stubborn.) Can I work on myself by myself? Sure. And I've been trying. A lot of my struggles come up in relationship, though, so the best place for them to be healed is in that relationship.

I realize that not all people have the blessing of a good marriage like mine. Marriage is not always a safe place to work on relationship, especially where there is abuse, domestic violence, infidelity, mental health issues, etc. Thankfully, I don't have those in my household. I have a good, godly husband who isn't quite perfect. And he lives with a wife who wants to love God and love him, but has lots of sin that stands in the way.

If we're going to do this, we're going to have to do this together. Jesus is the source of sanctification. It is the work of His Holy Spirit that makes me better. God can use my husband as an agent of his Holy Spirit, though. In fact, I think God intends to do so. I just must be willing. My husband must be willing. If we're going to do this marriage thing, if we're going to do this sanctifying marriage thing, we're going to have to do it together.

I'm Having a Reckoning.

I'm having a reckoning. I can't have the life I want, and have the control I want at the same time. I can't have time to see my friends and keep to my regular sleep and weekend nap schedule. I can't enjoy trying new food at restaurants and still get in all my fruits and vegetables and protein servings in like I do when I eat at home. I can't be productive and have all the time I want to rest. The ideal life I want just doesn't exist.

I have tried giving up some of my sleep on a few occasions. My evenings are more relaxing and enjoyable, but I feel pretty rotten in my body after just a few days. I enjoy trying delicious new sweets and eats, but too much, and they make me feel sick. All the tasks on my to-do list seem urgent. I know maybe they aren't, but they feel that way, especially when I have to keep paring back my list. No matter how hard I try, life just doesn't seem to be "right."

There has got to be a better way. Or is there? Controlling doesn't work. Letting go doesn't work. Maybe there's a balance? Maybe there's not. I think I am to the place where I think life is just hard.

I wonder if the best thing to do is just accept the way life is, look for the good, and try to hold more loosely to everything. If I could accept the the way life is, I might actually enjoy it more. I'm having a reckoning. I can't have the life I want. But maybe, just maybe, I can learn to appreciate the life I have.

40 Ideas for your Fall Bucket List

 

There's debate about when Fall officially starts. Some say it's September 1 ( Almanac.com, 2022). Others say it is September 22, the date of the autumnal equinox. Either way, fall is coming. Time to celebrate! If you're like me and like to really live each season up, I've made a list of 40 ideas to do this fall:

1. Go for a fall morning walk (VanSchmus, 2021).

2. Try a new coffee drink (Santi, 2021).

3. Make a fall themed breakfast.

4. Eat some chili (VanSchmus, 2021).

5. Read a story.

6. Enjoy a new hoodie.

7. Hang up some fall towels (Bucket List Lists, n.d.)

8. Drink some fall tea.

9. Get a fall manicure.

10. Make a fall craft.

11. Hike.

12. Work with yarn. (Crochet, knit weave, etc.)

13. Hike!

14. Try a fall hairdo all hair (Gillette, 2021).

15. Celebrate the life of someone who suffered from breast cancer. (October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.)

16. Bake!

17. Wear boots with an outfit.

18. Light a fall candle (Santi, 2021).

19. Buy some candy corn.

20. Make a fall soup or stew (gumbo).

21. Pumpkin spice everything.

22. Pull out a fall jacket.

23. Celebrate National Dessert Day October 14 (Bucket List Lists, 2022).

24. Sip pumpkin spice coffee.

25. Eat a pumpkin cookie.

26. Shop for some cozy home goods.

27. Begin your Christmas lists.

28. Pull out a blanket for the bed.

29. Visit a corn maze (VanSchmus, 2021).

30. Celebrate National Pasta Day October 17

31. Admire the fall moon.

32. Do a crossword puzzle.

33. Plan a trip.

34. Take photos outdoors.

35. Sip some hot cocoa.

36. Roast and eat some vegetables.

37. Carve a pumpkin.

38. Roast your pumpkin seeds.

39. Drink some fresh apple cider

40. Plan your Thanksgiving Feast

We actually did most of these items as part of our bucket list last year. What will we do this year? I am still planning. Follow the blog to stay up-to-date!

References:

Almanac.com. (2022, July 27). Facts & folklore about the fall equinox. https://www.almanac.com/content/first-day-fall-autumnal-equinox

Bucket List Lists. (n.d.) October bucket list. https://bucketlistlists.com/october-bucket-list/

Gillette, B. (2021, October 13). Fall 2021 hair trends: 30 colors, cuts, and styles to try this year

Santi, J.(2021, September 4). The Everygirl's 2021 fall bucket list. The Everygirl. https://theeverygirl.com/fall-bucket-list/

VanSchmus, E. (2021, June 29). 24 things to add to your fall bucket list this season. Better Homes and Gardens. https://www.bhg.com/thanksgiving/planning/fall-bucket-list/