Real Life Marriage: I Wanted to Give Up

I wanted to give up. I think many married people get to that point, but I didn't think I would. But there I was, sitting at the stoplight thinking that I was ready. I wouldn't fully give up, of course. I had a covenant marriage. I couldn't get out, but I might just stop fighting for my marriage. It was hard. It had been hard. Nothing seemed to be working. I might just give up.

It had been a long, hard season. We could not seem to communicate without conflict. I took what he said wrong. He got frustrated. We failed at resolutions. We were not very unified. I was hurt, wounded. I had been hurt too many times, I reasoned, to keep trying. I would just do my wifely duties, be a servant, but not really be in it. Maybe that would be easier. Relating, working at things was just too hard.

But as I sat there at that stoplight, I heard the Father whisper, "But I don't give up on you." And it dawned on me then that no, I couldn't give up. Marriage is supposed to image Christ and the church, and if God didn't give up on me, I couldn't give up either.

When I went home that night, things were not miraculously different, but my heart was different. God had humbled me, cajoled me, reminded me of truth. I had to act on that truth, or disobey. It's been over a year since that revelation and things are not perfect, but praise the Lord, they are oh, so much better.

Funny how mindset changes things, because I am not sure how much I consciously changed, other than my attitude, but slowly, things in our marriage changed. I am not sure if we did things differently, or my heart was just soft enough for God to move and mold. Whichever the case, I am thankful. Thankful that God did not, and does not give up. Thankful that God's strength is always great enough to help me persevere. Thankful that what doesn't break you makes you stronger. To God be the glory. Amen!