An Arkansas co-worker first introduced me to the idea of covenant marriage. He was debating the pros and cons of it with another co-worker and when that coworker asked why covenant marriage, he strongly stated his case.
"I'm marrying her," he said. "So I don't want out."
He argument got me thinking about covenant marriage, to the extent that I decided that no matter where I lived, I wanted to get married in Arkansas, one of the few states I knew that I had covenant marriage. I wanted a committed marriage that I couldn't get out of, because that's what I believed marriage should be.
Fast forward many years to engagement. I'd pretty much given up on all my ideals about my wedding (other than that it needed to be Christ-centered, and our relationship was) because I just wanted to marry the guy! But then I went to the website for our county court, and to my surprise, found that Arizona had covenant marriage. I knew what I thought about it, but wanted his opinion. So I printed out the brochure and handed it to him, asking him to tell me what he thought.
"Well what do you think?" He asked.
"I want your opinion," I replied.
"I already know what you think," He said, with a smile.
And that was pretty much it. He read the information, but we decided upon, and carried out a covenant marriage.
So why did we choose covenant marriage? A lot of people asked that question. So here's our rationale:
First and foremost, we believe that marriage images Christ and the church. As Christ does not give up on the church, his bride, so we also should not give up on each other. We wanted our ceremony, and our ongoing marriage to testify to this. Secondly, we believe that marriage is forever. A covenant marriage does not change that. It just confirms what we already believe. Third, although we believe that Christ is the initiator and sustainer of marriage, we want the state to know what we believe about marriage, and getting a covenant marriage license is one way to do that. Finally, if we ever did consider divorce, covenant marriage would force us to have a waiting period and potential counseling so that we would have time to really reflect on making such a serious decision.
We solemnly declare that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman who agree to live together as husband and wife for as long as they both live. We have chosen each other carefully and have received premarital counseling on the nature, purposes and responsibilities of marriage. We understand that a covenant marriage is for life. If we experience marital difficulties, we commit ourselves to take all reasonable efforts to preserve our marriage, including marital counseling.
With full knowledge of what this commitment means, we do declare that our marriage will be bound by Arizona law on covenant marriages and we promise to love, honor and care for one another as husband and wife for the rest of our lives.
This is the statement we signed in order to get our marriage license, and by proxy, what we committed to on our wedding day. We laughed as we signed at the courthouse, not because we took our responsibility lightly, but because we couldn't think of any other definition we'd sign our lives to than this.
Why covenant marriage? In a word, God. And what does covenant marriage mean to us? Forever, for as long as we both shall live.
To God be the glory.
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