Things We Say, but Probably Shouldn't

"In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise" (Prov 10:19, New King James Version).

Oh, words. I believe they have power, but yet we throw them around so lightly:

The weather is bipolar.

I have a love affair with....
I'm not married to that.
That's so retarded.
Shoot me.
I bet....

Words these are, but words that have meaning. Words that could demean. Words that could have offend. Bipolar disorder is a real illness, one the weather can't have. And perhaps if I say those words in the hearing of someone struggling with this disorder, I belittle their battle. Love is a powerful thing. To say I love a thing, or even more so, to have an affair with a thing, can demean love, and be an affront to the very real and important love I have with my husband in marriage. Some things may feel stupid or dumb, but retarded is not a good descriptive word to use. I might argue it is never a good word to use. And talking about killing is dangerous, especially to little ears who may not fully understand sarcasm. The betting phrase? A kid at worked called me out on it saying, "We don't bet." Duly noted. Gambling is not a habit I endorse, and my words should follow suit.

Words have power, friends. Are you using them wisely? I know I am convicted that I need to attend to my own words a little more carefully. Some more restraint might be in order, both for the respect of others, and for myself.

Is COVID-19 the Death Knell?

In the midst of rapid rises in the number of COVID-19 cases in my county, I have been contemplating my own mortality with increasing regularity. I ask myself:

-Have I done everything I wished to do? 

-If I die, will my husband have what he needs? 

-Do I want a DNR? 

-Do we need a will? 

These thoughts nearly bring me to tears. But then I remember that COVID-19 is not a terminal diagnosis. I don't even know for sure that I've been exposed to it yet. It isn't a sure death knell.

As I thought further recently, I thought of the verse, "To live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). I pictured myself at heaven's door, with my life being weighed on the scales. I saw the weight of my sin thud my side of the balance to the floor. But then I saw the weight of Jesus' perfect sacrifice land on the other side, catapulting my sins far, far away. (Psalm 103:2 says that God removes our sins as far as the east is from the west.) That comforted me. Should I go, when I go, I know where I am going: to heaven, a place where no trace of COVID-19 or its wrath remain.

COVID-19 is serious. We are taking precautions we can, but we still may get it. But even then, COVID-19 it isn't a sure killer. You know what is the death knell? Sin. We're all infected by it. We all test positive. Sin separates us from God here on this earth and in the life to come unless we have a relationship with Jesus.

Maybe this seems a bit serious or even preachy, but seriously, if you don't know Jesus, take care of it now. I have. We're all going to die, of COVID-19, or something else. And if we die without Jesus as Savior, we're going to experience even greater suffering than we currently have.

So please, if you don't know Jesus:

-Repent of your sins.

-Believe in Jesus and his perfect atoning sacrifice for salvation.

-Confess that Jesus is Lord.

Do this today. Do it before COVID-19 or something else takes you from this life. Salvation by grace through faith in Jesus is the only thing that can save you from the sure death knell of sin.

What it Means to Wait

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I've endured many seasons of waiting in life, and now I feel that I am in another one: hoping and waiting and wishing for a less stressful, less busy, calmer, easier corona virus free life. I am blessed to be stressed, blessed to be stretched, blessed to have a way to keep working in all this, but I've been so tired.

A friend and I were discussing our careers the other day, about our desires to get to a place where this ministry of helping others to somehow become easier, more sustainable. But then I read in Psalm 38 about waiting. The Spirit impressed upon me that sometimes we wait because the next thing is not here yet, or because we are not ready for it. We long for the future, but yet God calls us to live right now. And then the commentary I listened to on Psalm 40 talked about waiting on God meaning also waiting on God's timing. That convicted me.

If I believe in God's sovereignty, if I believe that God is who He says He is in the Bible, I must wait. I must trust in God's timing. I must be faithful in this season, even if I long for a different one. God is teaching me. God is growing me. May I not forsake the cultivating of life here, even as I long for another one. And may I ultimately long for heaven where I will see Jesus face to face.

Give Yourself Some Grace (And Others, Too, While You're At It).

I know everybody’s like, “Be creative. Organize your pantry. Be productive. Do something during the shutdown." There are a plethora of posts about how to stock your pantry for a quarantine, how to home school your kids (when you weren't already a home school parent), how to clean out space, and what not. These resources are great, but I’m over here like, “I just want to relax. I don't need the extra pressure. I’ll cook with what I’ve got and what I can find at the stores. I’ll let the organizing go. I'll run slower (though I'm still keeping up with training distances while I can). I'll eat popcorn for dinner. I'll veg on the couch. I’ll welcome the slow down and change of pace."
If the how-to posts coming out like mad are helpful to you, great! Use those resources. But if like me, they create extra expectations and extra pressure, let them go. No use shaming yourself for just being right now, friends.

Let's give ourselves (and others) some grace right now. The world’s a scary place, so might as well be kind. Now might not be a time for new goals, or even keeping up with old ones (or maybe those goals are vital, sobriety or mental health recovery, for instance). Maybe now is a time to just live and let live. To be okay with extra messes from the kids in the living room. To let the closet organizing project go. To make an extra box of mac and cheese. To consume less fruits and vegetables. To sleep more and workout less . To watch some poor quality, not so great TV. To be with loved ones with no agenda. We as a nation need a slow-down. And painful as this situation is, maybe this is our opportunity. Let’s not waste it.

--
Meanwhile, let’s pray for and ask how we can support our medical and healthcare professionals. They need an extra measure of grace right now. They aren't getting this slow-down. They’re in a fight for their lives and the lives of our fellow man and have probably never had such stressful times. And when this has abated, or is all over, let’s figure out how to keep supporting them and help them have a break, because they’re going to need it!

Mental Health in the Madness: Five Ways to Cope

Schools are shuttering. Churches are closing. Events are cancelling. I couldn't even find a cart when I went grocery shopping this past week. The fear and hysteria and panic are real. As a person, who's always struggled with anxiety, these things haven't helped my mental health. But I'm trying to keep things in perspective, because I know that stress lowers immunity perhaps more than anything else. And mental health is still health and something to be supported and upheld wherever possible. Here's what I'm doing to that extent:

1) Preparing. No, I don't need to buy toilet paper for a year, but I do want to be prepared. And after my panic last week about barer cupboards and food scarcity, I did what I could. I bought five pounds of pasta, 13 pounds of oatmeal (the rate at which we go through it is unreal!), four pounds of beans, and some barley and extra frozen vegetables. Will it get us through months of isolation? No, but it will get us through some time, and that eases my mind.

2) Praying. Perhaps the most powerful thing we can do, and what can bring peace. Prayer may not halt the spread of this virus, but it can stymie the control fear has on us. I'm all for that.

3) Going to church for as long as we can. Hebrews 10:24-25 has come my way so many times lately. I'm all for quitting non-essential social gatherings (my heart goes out to all those planning weddings at this time), but church is essential. So for now, we'll go, practicing appropriate social distancing protocols. And after that, we'll stream online services or do whatever else we can to stay connected. The Body is important!

4) Getting outside. Yes, social distancing is a thing, but we can right now still walk or run around our neighborhoods or hike (though we might avoid places where we have to touch common surfaces, such as Camelback).

5) Making our home a "virus-free" zone. We don't want the virus, but we don't want fear to control us, either, so last weekend, I asked my husband to hold me accountable to not analyze the situation further outloud. If there are details we need to discuss, we will, but otherwise, we will go on living to the extent that God allows.

Pat Palau, in her book What To Do When You're Scared to Death (which I non-coincidentally started reading before this hysteria) shared the oriental legend of cholera. A traveler met Cholera on the road and said, "Where are you going?"

"To Baghdad to kill 20,000" Cholera replied.

The traveler later met Cholera and said, "You lied. You killed 90,000."

"No," Cholera replied. "I killed 20,000." Fear killed the rest.

Let's be smart. Let's be practical. Let's be wise. But let's not let fear control us. Let's tend to our mental as well as physical health. And if this plague gets us, let's have lived our lives well and rejoice, knowing that we have certainty about our eternal home in heaven.*

*If you don't yet know Jesus as Savior, today's the day! Do the ABC's and receive eternal certainty about your destiny.

Everything is Out of Control!

I've been feeling like a failure as a wife off and on now for awhile. I just can't seem to meet my husband's needs the way I think I should. (He hasn't complained to me yet, however.) I've felt like a failure at work because I am not meeting productivity standards. I've felt like a failure as a Christian because I seem to struggle and struggle and can never seem to be content. I've doubted my salvation. There was the hike where I completely missed the boat when it came to finding the group I wanted to join. The many weeks when I didn't stick to my pre-set grocery budget. The times I didn't get dinner done at a reasonable hour. How I feel my body is failing me because of how fatigued I've been. The rain that rescheduled our company picnic. Getting rained out of running. Paper in the washer that made laundry that much more difficult and time-consuming. And now this corona virus and how I feel I've failed to adequately prepare our household because I haven't stocked up on non-perishables and other goods. Basically, I have a really high set of expectations for myself and I've failed, all of them. Everything seems out of control.

And yet. I believe that God is trying to teach me something through all of this. He is stripping away everything where I feel I should have control and showing me that I literally have no control. He is reminding me that my stress and anxiety serve no purposes other than to further tire and exhaust me. He is reminding me that my worth lies in Him and Him alone. He is reminding me that I have absolutely no success without Him. 

Oh, Lord, I believe. I believe that you made me. I believe that my worth comes from you. I believe that you are my sufficiency. I believe that you are my provider. I believe that you have preordained my days. Everything is out of my control, but I believe that everything is in yours. Oh, Lord, help my unbelief.

Real Life Marriage: My Identity is In Him

(Photo by Arris Affairs)

I really want to please my husband. I believe that part of my role as a wife is to serve and support my husband. But I have realized something else. My identity does not belong to my husband, that is, my husband is not the source of my identity. And when I act like he is, things get all mixed up.

When my sole identity depends on pleasing my husband, I always feel like a failure. I can never figure out exactly what he likes or dislikes, and therefore I can never precisely cater to all of his preferences. His preferences can also change from day to day (because he is human!), meaning there is no formula for success. There is only really a formula for failure.

Similarly, if I wrap my identity up in trying to like the things my husband likes, I become dissatisfied with my own life. I am very different than my husband. That's part of the reason he married me. (I think!) I can learn to enjoy activities because my husband takes delight in them, but if I try to force myself take on his identity and his precise preferences, I will find myself very unhappy.

My husband is good, very good at most everything he does. If I compare myself to him, and base my identity on how I measure up, I can become despondent, because in almost every area, my husband is more talented than I am. (He disagrees, but he is really, super smart.)

If I wrap my identity up in my husband, I try to do everything myself. I am very unwilling to ask for or accept help. That is a also recipe for failure (been there, done that)!

So where is my identity? 

In God. 
Through the Indwelling Holy Spirit.
With Christ. 

I can't please my husband. I'm not him, and he's not me. Therefore, he's not the source of my identity. My identity is in Christ, and in Him alone. This is where a healthy marriage starts.

The Camelback Mountain Climb

Well, another one off my bucket list! We hiked Camelback Mountain this weekend. The Echo Canyon Trail is really everything what you read online says: 1.2 miles (one-way), about two hours of work, a hard scramble, #worthit. 

(There is another trail that climbs to the top, Cholla, but it is deemed more primitive, so we opted for the more maintained trail.)

We got up at 5 am and left by 5:30. Yes, it was still dark when we arrived at 6 am, but the parking lot was already about half full. We could see headlamps up on the mountain, so plenty of people got there before us. We started the climb in low light, which allowed us to see the sunrise set for 6:48 am.

We stopped at regular intervals for pictures, and to let faster hikers and runners (!) pass. (Yes, people run the trail, or hike it with weighted vests, or both. Check out the fastest climb times for men and women!.) My heart rate never got that high, but the step work was intense. I personally think the climb was shorter, but harder than the Grand Canyon.

We got to the summit after about an hour. As with all city activities, we were in thick company. (I can't imagine how many people were there later in the day.) I felt a bit woozy, so I stayed away from the edges. My husband, on the other hand....

We made it back down safely. (Praise the Lord! There are a lot of rescues off Camelback every year.) We didn't run out of water. The weather was great, with a light breeze to cool us off. I'm glad we hiked.

Recommendations/things to remember for next time?

1) Do get there at 6 am. That's the recommendation. I stick with it.
2) Carry a backpack. (You'll need your hands to climb.
3) Wear shoes with tread. (We wear High Sierra hiking boots.)
4) Bring a headband or tie your hair back. (My hair was blowing into my face when I was trying to see to climb.)
5) Consider gloves. We didn't bring any, but they could have been useful for the railings and the upper ascent.

Would we do the hike again? Maybe. When they say the trail is "extremely difficult," they aren't joking. But all in all, it was a good hike. I am thankful.

Blessed to Be Stretched

"I want a different life." Those were the acrid, bitter words that came out of my mouth one Friday night. It had been a long week at work. Traffic was terrible. Grocery shopping took forever. I was tired. And I had so much left to do.

But almost as soon as I said those words, I regretted them. The Holy Spirit's conviction came fast and hard. Did I really want a different life? The reason why I felt stressed was because I had so much. I had a home that required care. I had a job that required time. I had food that needed to be put away, and/or cooked. I had a husband that needed attention. But did I really want to give any of it up? By all means, no! These gifts added responsibilities to my life, but they were also blessing.

This season of life has been stressful. The many things I have to do weigh heavily on me at times, but I don't want to go back. I want to move forward by God's grace and in His power.

Blessed to be stressed? Yes. But I am also blessed to be stretched. God is Sovereign. He saw this season coming. He ordained it. May I be faithful to my calling within it.

Ten Ways to Cope with Crippling Anxiety

The crippling fear. The tightness in your chest. The feeling that at any moment you might panic and lose it. Yes, I know these things. Though I have never experienced a full blown panic attack that I know of, I have for years struggled with anxiety. I've taken medications. I (still) take supplements. I try manage lifestyle factors and exercise, and still sometimes anxiety takes me surprise. It tries to knock me down, but by God's grace, I try to cope. Here are at least ten of the ways I do so:

1) Talk about it. A college professor told me that Satan has power over what we keep in darkness. So vulnerable as talking is, and often with embarrassment, I talk, usually to my husband, sometimes to my mom, sometimes to a trusted friend. I don't broadcast my struggle to everyone who needs to know, because that wouldn't be helpful. But someone needs to know.

2) Drown it out. There is a time and place for coping with anxiety, but sometimes I just need to drown out the noise in my head with something else: sermons, podcasts, music, my own singing, you name it. I just need noise.

3) Walk. Exercise can become compulsive, especially when you struggle with anxiety, but in moderation, it helps. The simple movement of putting one foot in front of the other reminds me that I can keep moving in life as well.

4) Get some sunshine. This kind of goes with the above, but sometimes the Vitamin D helps.

5) Eat. I didn't know that anxiety can be a sign of hunger until I read Rachael Hartley's blog post. If I am feeling unreasonably anxious, especially in the morning before breakfast, I try to stop what I am doing and eat. That often helps, if not takes care of that particular version of crippling anxiety.

6) Sleep. Not always possible, but sometimes just laying down helps calm my nervous system. Bonus if you have a weighted blanket. I am not sure if there is empirical validation for using weighted blankets with anxiety, but they are warm and comforting and keep me still, again, calming my nervous system.

7) Self-talk. I tell myself, "This too shall pass." I tell myself that I can keep going, that it will get better. Sometimes it works. Sometimes not. It's worth a shot.

8) Get a hug. Did you know that hugs release the feel-good chemical oxytocin? Not everyone is privileged to be around safe people who give hugs, but if you have those people in your life, use them!

9) Phone (or text) a friend. I am blessed with a few friends who really get anxiety, mostly because they've been there, or are there themselves. If I reach out to them, they can empathize and often encourage and pray with me. They make me feel less alone.

10) Look to the Lord! Pray. Access the truths of the Bible. Recite those truths over yourself. Work to believe that there is a power greater than anxiety (because there is!) And if you do not know Jesus as Lord and Savior, let your anxiety drive you to him for saving faith.

Is my anxiety crippling*? It feels that way. It tries to tell me I am unable to go forward. (That's the definition of crippling.) The truth is that, most days, my anxiety is not crippling. It is debilitating, sure, but I can walk with a limp. And when I walk with a limp, I can somehow get to the next place. And that's what I'm trying to do when coping with anxiety. I am trying to get to the next place, to the next season, to a place of greater functioning. These strategies help.

*Some anxiety truly is crippling and utterly debilitating. Always seek professional help when this is the case, preferably before an all out crisis emerges. Sometimes our brains need medication to calm the anxiety down. Sometimes we need therapy. Sometimes we need biblical counseling. Sometimes we need mentoring. Please seek all and any of these services as you see fit. My sharing is in no way to replace or supersede professional advice, or to in any way make you feel guilty for whatever (healthy) coping skills you use to deal with anxiety.