What I Learned from the Ideal Week Exercise (And I Didn't Even Do that Much of It)

I got intrigued about the "ideal week" when I heard Jess Connolly (2025) talk about it on her podcast. What was this ideal week, and was there any way to craft such a week for myself? My time sure felt out of my control, and if I could do anything to infuse some joy back into my life, I wanted to do it!

After some Google searching and blank template finding, I finally discovered an article on this so called "ideal week." I am not sure who coined the idea, but I skimmed the article at Full Focus and printed out the template (Hyatt, 2024). The idea I took away was to block out my week and then try to make myself more efficient. Well, I only got so far as to block out my work days and commute time. On a 5 am to 9 pm schedule, that left very little margin. (I get up at 4:30 or 5 am and got to bed between 9 and 9:30 pm.) What stood out to me, though, was that commute time. If I had to commute, what could I do with the time?

The first thing I discovered was that I could use the drive home to call my parents. I am a routine girl, but after my parents moved out of state, I had not found a new regular time to connect with them. Enter the commute: not the best time for a call, but better than nothing. 

I also realized that some days, I have power about how long that commute is, at least in terms of minutes. I like to get to the office at 8 am, and sometimes I have to do so. Traffic is thick at those times, which makes the commute longer. Some days, however, I have choices: I can go in late and make up the time later, or I can work from home and commute at an off-peak hour to save time. A few days of less fighting traffic reduces at least some of my stress.

Besides that commute, I don't really have a lot of other things to move around right now. Sure, I could probably optimize my work day a little bit, but overall, my life is just one of wake up and attack the day, except where I create my own margin. That is what the ideal week exercise showed me: that I have a little more control and power over my time than I exercise. Time is not the master, I am (and hopefully, Christ in me).

The optimal time to do things rarely comes along. The second best time is the time I have. I can play. I can rest. I can work. Rarely can I do all of these at the same time. I can make the best of the time I have, though. It's not ideal, but it's the deal I have, and I have to make or break it.

References:

Connolly, J. (Host). (2025, February 2). Episode 67: Hobby girls. [Audio podcast episode]. In The Jess Connolly Podcast. https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/jessconnolly/episodes/Episode-67-Hobby-Girls-e2u8frg

Hyatt, M. (2024, December 12). How to better control your time by designing your ideal week. Full Focus. https://fullfocus.co/ideal-week/

Control and Influence in Marriage

It's not a secret that I struggle with control. I think it's part of sin nature. It's part of struggling with anxiety, and being a perfectionist. I want control, and I don't. I want to control money, time, etc. I want the feelings of safety that I think control over these things will bring me, but not the responsibility. Lately, I have realized that I want control over my husband, but don't want his role as leader of our home. It's a dicey situation.

I never consciously realized that I was wanting to control my husband until I read a devotional that really hit me. The author writes, "marriage is a partnership and not about finding ways to control each other" (Chamberlain, 2022, p. 34). I always try to give my husband choices when I ask him to do things, but the reality is that I often want him to do the things my way. Sometimes, I might even get a little passive aggressive in the ways that I try to motivate him to do things my way. Yikes! Do I see myself as a partner, or as a controller?

I have come to the conclusion that I have no control over my marriage. My husband is my husband and he controls himself. He is accountable to God for Himself (just as I am), and for us as a couple. That is a part of control that I do not want. God does not want me to control my husband, either. He wants me to "surrender my marriage to him....Instead of fighting for control, it's time to lay [marriage] at the feet of Jesus" (Chamberlain, 2022, p. 35). Hard but good words.

Does this mean I absolutely have no care for what my husband does? No. I may not have control, but as a wife, God has given me influence. As Todd Henry (n.d.) writes, "influence is about care, but control is about self-interest." I do care for my husband. I love him. I want good things for him. I need to care for him, not try to control him if this is the case, though. Similarly, Dr. Mike Brooks (2006) writes that "our leverage to influence others is directly proportional to how positive our relationship is with them." Control lead to conflict. Influence leads to having a voice, and perhaps even receiving a listening ear. That is the best I can ask for since control is but an illusion.

I must confess that I have not completely moved away from my attempts to control my husband. Unfortunately, a lot of them are learned habits. Now that I am aware of this area for growth in my life, though, I can work on it. I can surrender my husband to Jesus and trust Jesus to work on and TAKE CARE of my husband...and me for that matter. To God be the glory!

References:

Brooks, M. (2006, September 4). Control vs. influence. Dr. Mike Brooks. https://www.drmikebrooks.com/control-vs-influence/ Chamberlain, T. (2022). A Christian marriage book – 52-week devotional for wives: Prayers and reflections for a God-centered marriage. Rockridge Press.

Henry, T. (n.d.) Aim for influence, not control. Accidental Creative. https://accidentalcreative.com/articles/leadership/aim-for-influence-not-control/

I Can't Be His Protector.

I feel my husband's pain. I should feel his pain if I am truly one with him. If I am honest, though, I don't like it. I am selfish. I continually find myself trying to prevent my husband's pain so that I don't feel it when, if anything, I should be trying to prevent pain for my husband's sake. Sometimes the pain I perceive is not real, or not real for him. It just hurts me, and I'm not willing to endure it for His Sake. On a grander scale, my actions to prevent my husband's pain are wrong when I am trying to take control over things God has given my husband to do. I am wrong when I try to take on my husband's role as protector. At the worst, I might be preventing my husband from learning what God has for him, from becoming who God wants Him to be. That I really don't want to do!

Where do I find myself stepping outside my role and trying to "save" my husband? Planning his schedule. Double checking his packing for trips. Nagging him about tasks. Basically treating him like a child when he is a capable, grown man. Ouch! Not what I intend to do, but where my unwillingness to cope with pain has led me.

I sometimes try to force my husband to do things that for my sake, too. I want him to take certain foods for lunch because I think he should, and because I don't want to cope with the anxiety of wondering if I provided appropriately for him. That's not appropriate. He is in charge of knowing what he needs, and I need to let him tell me what that is. When I force what I think he needs on him, I can cause his pain while trying to avoid pain myself. What a paradox!

What of my husband's biblical role as spiritual leader and protector? Do my attempts to protect him from all pain encourage him in his God-given role. Sadly, no. And if I am not working for my husband's good and sanctification, I am working against it. Convicting!

Gary Chapman writes about the perils of being overprotective of one's spouse in his book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted. He writes that a spouse doesn't need another father or mother, but rather a co-laborer, a supporter. Trying to rescue my husband from all potential pending doom does not fall in these categories. Do I want to support my spouse? Yes. Do I want to try to prevent pain where I can? Yes. Trying to prevent pain, all together, however, just isn't realistic or godly.

So what now? Now that I know for sure I cannot and should not try to be my husband's sole protector, the only thing that remains is for me to let him "fail" sometimes. That might look like actual failure, or just what I perceive of as less than the ideal I want for my husband. It is not that I want my husband to suffer, but that sometimes failure is part of learning. God is God and my intervening may be the "amateur providence" that Oswald Chambers warns against a potential cause of spiritual stagnation. I want my husband to grow. I want him to become who God wants him to be. That means I must stop trying to be his protector and grow myself, in my own toleration of pain and distress perhaps most of all. God is our protector. I must trust Him to protect both our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies. Only He is able to provide that kind of covering.

Everything is Out of Control!

I've been feeling like a failure as a wife off and on now for awhile. I just can't seem to meet my husband's needs the way I think I should. (He hasn't complained to me yet, however.) I've felt like a failure at work because I am not meeting productivity standards. I've felt like a failure as a Christian because I seem to struggle and struggle and can never seem to be content. I've doubted my salvation. There was the hike where I completely missed the boat when it came to finding the group I wanted to join. The many weeks when I didn't stick to my pre-set grocery budget. The times I didn't get dinner done at a reasonable hour. How I feel my body is failing me because of how fatigued I've been. The rain that rescheduled our company picnic. Getting rained out of running. Paper in the washer that made laundry that much more difficult and time-consuming. And now this corona virus and how I feel I've failed to adequately prepare our household because I haven't stocked up on non-perishables and other goods. Basically, I have a really high set of expectations for myself and I've failed, all of them. Everything seems out of control.

And yet. I believe that God is trying to teach me something through all of this. He is stripping away everything where I feel I should have control and showing me that I literally have no control. He is reminding me that my stress and anxiety serve no purposes other than to further tire and exhaust me. He is reminding me that my worth lies in Him and Him alone. He is reminding me that I have absolutely no success without Him. 

Oh, Lord, I believe. I believe that you made me. I believe that my worth comes from you. I believe that you are my sufficiency. I believe that you are my provider. I believe that you have preordained my days. Everything is out of my control, but I believe that everything is in yours. Oh, Lord, help my unbelief.

Real Life Marriage: Our Marriage is Out of (My) Control

Photo by Sharon Lane

Okay, now that I’ve maybe shocked you with my headline, let me explain. In my human assessment, our marriage is okay. Both my husband and I are working at it, and working towards making it better. But over the past eight months, I’ve come to the painful realization that our marriage is out of my control. And it always has been. For a control freak like me, that’s terrifying.

Let me explain. First, the control. I’ve realized that no matter what I do, no matter how hard we work, no matter how many healthy habits we institute, we cannot do anything to ensure the success of our marriage. Our marriage is God’s. He is the one in charge of it. He holds it together. And while I wholeheartedly believe that God wants our marriage to succeed, endure, and last because marriage images Christ’s undying love for the church, I’m not in control of what our marriage looks like or how it gets there. I’m only in control of my actions. That leads me to my second point.

I’m responsible for what I put into marriage, but not in control of the outcome. I’m accountable to God for my godly submission, for my respect, for my actions, and for my inaction. But I cannot control how my husband responds or what effect I have on our marriage. I pray to be faithful and true and right. But that guarantees nothing.

Salvation is a free gift. Marriage is a gift. I pray that I steward both well. But they are also both out of my control, reliant ultimately on God and His grace and not on me.

Maybe this seems like a downer post. And if you don’t have Jesus, maybe it is. Because if I didn’t have Jesus, the terror of marriage being out of my control would be overwhelming. But by God’s grace, I have Jesus and his redemptive work at my life. Because of that, the realization that my marriage is out of my control should ultimately be a comforting one. Because the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-controlling God of the universe is in control, and not little old me. And since His glory is at stake in our marriage, I can trust that He is always working to hold our marriage together. That thought balm for my often troubled soul.

My marriage is out of my control. My marriage is in God’s control. Hallelujah.

Trusting God, Trusting Others, Trusting Myself

I struggle with trusting God. And I struggle with trusting others. I struggle to trust people when they say they're willing to do something for me. I struggle to trust others when they says I'm really not bothering him or being a burden. I think I struggle to take what other people say at basic face value. And I struggle to trust myself. I think it's all related.

I struggle to trust God and let Him have control. I struggle to trust and believe and act on the truth that God is good. So I don't always believe that people are good. I don't trust my own feelings, or my own body, or the Holy Spirit insight God has given me. So I push and wrestle and struggle and flail. And it's not great...at all, for my faith, or my relationships, or my health.

So I'm working on trusting God, trusting others, trusting myself. I know I won't ever arrive at complete trust, but I need to work on growing it. Because trust is bedrock for everything that's good in life, and solace in everything that's not. 

Saying No

Saying, "No," to things that disrupted my very structured way of life was never very hard for me. I liked the safety and control that saying, "No" gave me. I willingly turned down opportunities to get off the beaten path of life because the straight and narrow felt right (and I'm not talking morals here). But in this season of resettling, I've told myself that I need to start saying, "Yes" more. I need to start saying, "Yes," when people invite me to do things, even if it feels uncomfortable or the timing isn't "right." I need to start trying new things, things that I might not think I like. I need to be brave, take risks, sit with discomfort.

But in this season of saying, "Yes," I've realized that I still have to say, "No."  I have to say, "No" to extra work opportunities, even when they feel important. I have to say, "No," to service opportunities because they don't seem right for me.  I have to say, "No" to non-essential items on my to-do list, things that used to be important to me, like having a clean car, or trying to keep things "perfectly" organized. Sometimes I have to say, "No" to my preferred early bedtime or preparing and eating healthy food. I've certainly had to say, "No," to sitting at home on social media, which I enjoy, but really isn't that productive. Changing my, "No" to the unknown to a, "No" to the known feels unsafe and uncomfortable and scary. But it also feels right.

If life is about living, I need to to expect the unexpected, find joy in the journey, and give my scared yeses more and more often. It's kind of crazy that embracing life still means saying, "No," but hopefully those noes make room for the yeses that need to happen.

Godliness or Control

A lot of people seem to think that I'm perfect. Nope! Maybe I just hide my sin a little better than some because it's in my heart more often than it's apparent in my actions. And that isn't something to brag about.

I was convicted of my sinful nature again this past weekend when the Holy Spirit prompted me to do something I didn't want to do. I had drawn a line in the sand and was like, "Nope!" I wrestled with the issue for awhile and then the Spirit asked, "Do you want to be godly, or do you want to be in control?"

Convicted. I did the thing and decided not to be passive aggressive and trying to get my own way. This wasn't a victory for me, but it was a victory for the Spirit. Praise Him! May He continually have more victory in my life.

Any Spirit victories in your lives recently, friends? Please feel free to share in the comments section below.