Everything is Out of Control!

I've been feeling like a failure as a wife off and on now for awhile. I just can't seem to meet my husband's needs the way I think I should. (He hasn't complained to me yet, however.) I've felt like a failure at work because I am not meeting productivity standards. I've felt like a failure as a Christian because I seem to struggle and struggle and can never seem to be content. I've doubted my salvation. There was the hike where I completely missed the boat when it came to finding the group I wanted to join. The many weeks when I didn't stick to my pre-set grocery budget. The times I didn't get dinner done at a reasonable hour. How I feel my body is failing me because of how fatigued I've been. The rain that rescheduled our company picnic. Getting rained out of running. Paper in the washer that made laundry that much more difficult and time-consuming. And now this corona virus and how I feel I've failed to adequately prepare our household because I haven't stocked up on non-perishables and other goods. Basically, I have a really high set of expectations for myself and I've failed, all of them. Everything seems out of control.

And yet. I believe that God is trying to teach me something through all of this. He is stripping away everything where I feel I should have control and showing me that I literally have no control. He is reminding me that my stress and anxiety serve no purposes other than to further tire and exhaust me. He is reminding me that my worth lies in Him and Him alone. He is reminding me that I have absolutely no success without Him. 

Oh, Lord, I believe. I believe that you made me. I believe that my worth comes from you. I believe that you are my sufficiency. I believe that you are my provider. I believe that you have preordained my days. Everything is out of my control, but I believe that everything is in yours. Oh, Lord, help my unbelief.