Endurance: My Word for 2021

Whew! Twenty-twenty was a year, wasn't it? And although we have turned the page on the calendar, it isn't over yet? What do I mean by that? Well, COVID-19 defined much of what was 2020: social distancing, quarantine, isolation, illness, death, new rhythms of life and work, etc. And COVID-19 isn't gone. It won't ever be gone, but perhaps in the future, less prominent? I sure hope so! So with that sentiment, I begin 2021 with the word endurance.

My word for 2020 was faithful. I wanted to be faithful to my work, my husband, and my faith (not necessarily in that order). Boy, did the year give me a run for my money! I'm not sure I succeeded in being faithful, but I sure tried. And trying it what I want to do in 2021, but maybe with a little more stamina.

I haven't always been a word person. I stole the idea from a dear cousin years ago. My word for that first year was joy, and I kept a journal noting every time I saw the word or experienced it. I don't journal so religiously these days, and sometimes I even forget my word for the year, but usually, it's helpful.

The word endurance came to me on a morning walk one day. Lamenting the struggles of 2020, I wasn't planning to choose a new word, but then the Holy Spirit impressed this one on me. I don't want to ignore it.

Verses help me found my conception of my word for the year, so a few for the word endurance are:

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Timothy 6:12, New International Version).

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1).

How do I want to practice endurance?

In my work: By finding new ways to be faithful to my tasks and make my job sustainable.

In my home life: By seeking out ways to not just survive, but thrive amidst all the to-dos.

In my running: To both build endurance and find practices that help me make running sustainable for the long run.

In my marriage: By continuing old practices and by instituting new ones to help our commitment stand the test of time.

In my faith: To not grow weary in doing good, but to keep up spiritual disciplines and to trust God when it's hard, especially when it's hard.

Endurance. That's my word. That's my prayer for 2021. May God grant it to me should it be His will.

Pre- and Post-Feast

Thanksgiving definitely feels different this year. We're living through a global pandemic. Many states have limited how, why, and where people can gather. Loved ones can't travel. Different foods are and aren't on the table, or in stores. It's sad, and yet there is still so much to celebrate. I've been looking forward to a small celebration with loved ones this year. Whether or not it will happen remains to be seen, but for now, I'm still preparing.

Pre-Feast:

Thawing our turkey: These calculators made, well, calculations, so much easier!

Relish: Seen in the photo above, I made this recipe on Sunday so that the flavors had a few days to meld.

BINGO: I made this card based on inspiration from my dear friend and A Cup of Jo.

I like lists, and this is just another way to keep one, to celebrate what we have and count our blessings, which are still many. I plan to use the card as a place setting. Silly and simple, it fits what I feel I could use more of this year.

For the feast itself, here's our proposed menu (which, as previously stated, remains up in the air at this time):

Post-Feast:

I'm already eyeing leftover recipes, especially these creative spins on what can become boring leftovers:

Thanksgiving leftovers eggs benedict (The Endless Meal)

Thanksgiving leftover enchiladas (Tasty)

Thanksgiving leftovers lasagna (My Recipes)

Thanksgiving leftovers quesadilla (The Cookie Rookie) 

Turkey gumbo (LA Times)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. However you may celebrate, pre-, post-, or not-at-all, I hope you give thanks and celebrate your blessings, because there always are some.

Meaningful

I read a quote some time ago from Bob Goff: "God isn't trying to make our lives easier; He wants to make them more meaningful." Could any quote be more apt? During this time of COVID-19, it seems that nothing is easy. Getting groceries is hard. Wearing masks is hard. Being without our normal fellowship and having our sense of community disrupted are hard. Some are dealing with jobs lost and lives lost. Health professionals are working more, or less. The way we all work has certainly changed. Schools are online, or off line. Some resources are scarce. Some resources are being produced in such great abundance that we now have recalls about ones that are poisonous. Who knows when the economy will ever return to normal? I suspect we will never get back to the normal we have. It's all difficult. So, so hard.

Do I believe that God caused COVID-19? No. But in His sovereignty, I do believe that He is allowing it. Why? I don't know the ultimate reason why, but I do know that He desires that we be holy over happy. This season certainly gives us reason to live that out.

Now is certainly not an easy time, but it is a time when things take on a lot more meaning. The arduous task of grocery shopping makes food prep and purchasing more meaningful and valuable. Masks cause me to realize the importance of smiling and otherwise having non-verbal communication. Physical distancing makes the ability to hug loved ones seem oh, so much sweeter. Having work, even if it is a lot of work to do it in these times, is a great blessing. Seeing the weight of decisions resting on the backs of public officials causes me to give thanks for this country, and to pray even more fervently for those that govern. Is this life easy? No. Is it meaningful? Yes.

We have a choice now, to complain and gripe and mourn, or to make the most of these days, to focus on what really matters. Who knows when this pandemic will end? Who knows when life will get easier? No one but God. May we make life meaningful in the meantime.

Real Life Marriage: Things I Never Expected

Photo by Sharon Lane

In our first ten months of marriage, I never expected...

...Marriage to be so hard.
...Marriage to expose so much of my selfishness.
...To move hours away from my family.
...To buy a house.
...To change jobs.
...To have the honeymoon period wear off and yet still love so much it hurts.
...To have my identity change.
...To let go of so many things that used to matter so much.
...To have amazing best friends, but yet find my husband really is becoming my bestest friend.
...To be living through a pandemic.

We are healthy and well today, and for that, we praise God. And I am thankful. For all the hard times, and the good times. To be with my person, even if it is cooped up in a house. That we got married last year instead of this year. For a God who knew everything that would happen on this earth before it all begin. We stand in awe of him.

I Had A Dream.

The dream was pretty vivid. I was sitting in a church auditorium, a cattywampus one at that, with booths and tables and all kinds of seating styles, all jammed together and out of order. The sense of distress and uneasiness was high. And all of a sudden, there was an announcement, "There's a dead guy outside." The room went silent. Fear was palpable. And then I, the one who normally remains silent in big gatherings said, "God is our refuge."

The dream ended there, but its memory did not. If I analyze my dream, I think I know where the murder scene came from: a news article read before bed about a recent police shooting. And in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, I know all too well the feelings of panic and mass hysteria. But the "God is our refuge" piece? That came 1) from the Holy Spirit, and 2) from reciting the truth to myself and claiming God's promises. I've been breath praying, "Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge" (Psalm 16:1, New International Version) over and over recently. I've also been trying to memorize more verses about God as refuge. And I've been Bible journaling the Psalms, in which this concept of God has refuge just keeps coming up. I need this truth.

I had a dream, and it showed me something. Mindset matters. We get in what we put out. God's Word is always true, but the more we study it, the more it becomes true. God's Word...

...May we study it.

...May we learn it.

...May we hide it in our hearts.

...May we dream it.

To Him be the glory!

Give Yourself Some Grace (And Others, Too, While You're At It).

I know everybody’s like, “Be creative. Organize your pantry. Be productive. Do something during the shutdown." There are a plethora of posts about how to stock your pantry for a quarantine, how to home school your kids (when you weren't already a home school parent), how to clean out space, and what not. These resources are great, but I’m over here like, “I just want to relax. I don't need the extra pressure. I’ll cook with what I’ve got and what I can find at the stores. I’ll let the organizing go. I'll run slower (though I'm still keeping up with training distances while I can). I'll eat popcorn for dinner. I'll veg on the couch. I’ll welcome the slow down and change of pace."
If the how-to posts coming out like mad are helpful to you, great! Use those resources. But if like me, they create extra expectations and extra pressure, let them go. No use shaming yourself for just being right now, friends.

Let's give ourselves (and others) some grace right now. The world’s a scary place, so might as well be kind. Now might not be a time for new goals, or even keeping up with old ones (or maybe those goals are vital, sobriety or mental health recovery, for instance). Maybe now is a time to just live and let live. To be okay with extra messes from the kids in the living room. To let the closet organizing project go. To make an extra box of mac and cheese. To consume less fruits and vegetables. To sleep more and workout less . To watch some poor quality, not so great TV. To be with loved ones with no agenda. We as a nation need a slow-down. And painful as this situation is, maybe this is our opportunity. Let’s not waste it.

--
Meanwhile, let’s pray for and ask how we can support our medical and healthcare professionals. They need an extra measure of grace right now. They aren't getting this slow-down. They’re in a fight for their lives and the lives of our fellow man and have probably never had such stressful times. And when this has abated, or is all over, let’s figure out how to keep supporting them and help them have a break, because they’re going to need it!

Mental Health in the Madness: Five Ways to Cope

Schools are shuttering. Churches are closing. Events are cancelling. I couldn't even find a cart when I went grocery shopping this past week. The fear and hysteria and panic are real. As a person, who's always struggled with anxiety, these things haven't helped my mental health. But I'm trying to keep things in perspective, because I know that stress lowers immunity perhaps more than anything else. And mental health is still health and something to be supported and upheld wherever possible. Here's what I'm doing to that extent:

1) Preparing. No, I don't need to buy toilet paper for a year, but I do want to be prepared. And after my panic last week about barer cupboards and food scarcity, I did what I could. I bought five pounds of pasta, 13 pounds of oatmeal (the rate at which we go through it is unreal!), four pounds of beans, and some barley and extra frozen vegetables. Will it get us through months of isolation? No, but it will get us through some time, and that eases my mind.

2) Praying. Perhaps the most powerful thing we can do, and what can bring peace. Prayer may not halt the spread of this virus, but it can stymie the control fear has on us. I'm all for that.

3) Going to church for as long as we can. Hebrews 10:24-25 has come my way so many times lately. I'm all for quitting non-essential social gatherings (my heart goes out to all those planning weddings at this time), but church is essential. So for now, we'll go, practicing appropriate social distancing protocols. And after that, we'll stream online services or do whatever else we can to stay connected. The Body is important!

4) Getting outside. Yes, social distancing is a thing, but we can right now still walk or run around our neighborhoods or hike (though we might avoid places where we have to touch common surfaces, such as Camelback).

5) Making our home a "virus-free" zone. We don't want the virus, but we don't want fear to control us, either, so last weekend, I asked my husband to hold me accountable to not analyze the situation further outloud. If there are details we need to discuss, we will, but otherwise, we will go on living to the extent that God allows.

Pat Palau, in her book What To Do When You're Scared to Death (which I non-coincidentally started reading before this hysteria) shared the oriental legend of cholera. A traveler met Cholera on the road and said, "Where are you going?"

"To Baghdad to kill 20,000" Cholera replied.

The traveler later met Cholera and said, "You lied. You killed 90,000."

"No," Cholera replied. "I killed 20,000." Fear killed the rest.

Let's be smart. Let's be practical. Let's be wise. But let's not let fear control us. Let's tend to our mental as well as physical health. And if this plague gets us, let's have lived our lives well and rejoice, knowing that we have certainty about our eternal home in heaven.*

*If you don't yet know Jesus as Savior, today's the day! Do the ABC's and receive eternal certainty about your destiny.

Everything is Out of Control!

I've been feeling like a failure as a wife off and on now for awhile. I just can't seem to meet my husband's needs the way I think I should. (He hasn't complained to me yet, however.) I've felt like a failure at work because I am not meeting productivity standards. I've felt like a failure as a Christian because I seem to struggle and struggle and can never seem to be content. I've doubted my salvation. There was the hike where I completely missed the boat when it came to finding the group I wanted to join. The many weeks when I didn't stick to my pre-set grocery budget. The times I didn't get dinner done at a reasonable hour. How I feel my body is failing me because of how fatigued I've been. The rain that rescheduled our company picnic. Getting rained out of running. Paper in the washer that made laundry that much more difficult and time-consuming. And now this corona virus and how I feel I've failed to adequately prepare our household because I haven't stocked up on non-perishables and other goods. Basically, I have a really high set of expectations for myself and I've failed, all of them. Everything seems out of control.

And yet. I believe that God is trying to teach me something through all of this. He is stripping away everything where I feel I should have control and showing me that I literally have no control. He is reminding me that my stress and anxiety serve no purposes other than to further tire and exhaust me. He is reminding me that my worth lies in Him and Him alone. He is reminding me that I have absolutely no success without Him. 

Oh, Lord, I believe. I believe that you made me. I believe that my worth comes from you. I believe that you are my sufficiency. I believe that you are my provider. I believe that you have preordained my days. Everything is out of my control, but I believe that everything is in yours. Oh, Lord, help my unbelief.