Real Life Marriage: The Infinity Loop

We had just come off my husband finishing his degree when I decided to run a marathon. Really, I had been thinking about it for a while, and with the miles I had under me, I wanted to try it. For the first time in our marriage, it also felt safe to try. It felt like if I fell or floundered, my husband would be there to catch me.

I really struggled for a while when my husband was in school. Well, we both did. He had his nose to the grindstone with work and school, and I had mine stuck deep into keeping up the house and keeping up with my own work. It felt like there was no margin, and really, there wasn't.

Now that he's out of school, I've been chasing some other big dreams. He's been so supportive. Just the other day, I proposed a new running dream. I don't know if it will happen or not, but I felt comfortable voicing it. He didn't bat an eye. He just let me talk. What a gift!

I think marriage should be like that. I support his dreams. He supports mine. Rather than tit-for-tat, it's a give and take with infinite flow between the two. Yes, there are hurts, habits, and hang-ups along the way, but ultimately our support for one another is there, just like Christ's is for us. To Him be the glory forever, amen!

Dreams Do Come True! (Tovrea Castle Tour)

That castle on the hill-I see it every day driving to and from work. I have been enthralled with it for years, reading and listening to podcasts about it, and this weekend, we finally go to tour it! Tovrea Castle at Carraro Heights is owned by the city of Phoenix, but operated by the nonprofit Tovrea Carraro Society. As such, tours are by lottery, and a tight lottery at that. (Our actual tour was only about 12 people.) I had already put in for tours once, and had no luck. This time, God blessed us with favor, and we got in!

It was a hot October day to take a 10:30 am tour, but we went for it anyway. We checked in at the visitor center on Van Buren, and from there took a "tram" (aka large golf cart) around the property and up the castle. There was audio on the tram that told the story of the grounds and castle's buildings.

When we pulled up to the castle, we saw the giant bell that Della Tovrea rang when robbers got into the castle. She failed to attract the attention of the caretakers, so ran down the hill in the rain to get them. Ultimately, she succumbed to pneumonia two weeks later as a result of this foray.

The lights around the castle are art deco style, and all reflect the tiers of the castle. Did you know that Alessio Carraro built the castle without plans? Crazy!

Tours require wearing booties, so as to protect the restored maple floors. The history of the interior is fascinating. This seal, for instance, is also at the in Phoenix.

 

Carraro repurposed a lot of things in the house, including these mahogany kitchen cabinets, which were once teller cages at the bank.

There is a bullet hole in the kitchen ceiling from a gun that went off during the home robbery that led to Della's death.

In the basement (with passive ventilation which Carraro patented), I learned that Della's second husband, William Stuart was editor of The Prescott Courier.

We weren't the first to take tours of the castle.

The grounds are almost as fascinating as the home. 

They had ponds, a bocce ball court, and a horseshoe pit.

Della apparently once had 100 peacocks on the property.

The dove cote was used to feed workers during construction.

The caretaker's cabin and machine shop went down in the 2015 microburst (but the society hopes to rebuild them one day)

All in all, it was an amazing 65-75 minute tour. While Alessio Carraro's dream of building a boutique hotel and subdivision did not work out, after several rounds of the lottery, my dream of visiting has been fulfilled!

Real Life Marriage: Let Him Dream.

"I learned to let him dream," my mom told me. I listened as she shared what she learned in her Love and Respect group at church. I didn't quite understand at the time, but somehow, I filed that comment away. Now that I am married, I understand more of what she meant.

My husband, just like my dad, is a perceiver. He likes to think, and talk, about possibilities. Many times, he has no intent of doing anything with his knowledge. He just likes to share. Really, it is an honor that he shares. He shares because this is part of his life. He shares because he can trust me.

I can tend to get all bent out of shape when he shares, especially when he shares about things that are beyond our reach. How would we ever afford that gadget, or that vacation? Where in the world would we find time to do that hobby? The thing is that he often doesn't intend to do those things. I'm over-reacting to him sharing. And you know what? That spoils the moment.

My husband supports my dreams (most of them having to do with running). Sure, as a judging personality, I rarely reach for big things. I want concrete goals. But still, he's the one getting up ridiculously early in the morning to drive me to races, carting my things around, etc. He puts up with my silly celebrations and random cooking projects. If he supports me, I can surely support him!

Supporting my husband's dreams most of the time just means listening, putting down what I'm doing to really hear him out. Most of the time, that's what he wants. Sometimes, yes, he asks for resources, but that is few and far between, and he respects our budget. I am thankful for that.

"Let him dream," my mom said. Yep, let him dream. It's part of marriage (at least my marriage). It's part of being a supportive wife. It's part of moving towards my "dream" of having a more satisfying, fulfilling, faithful, God-honoring marriage.

I Had A Dream.

The dream was pretty vivid. I was sitting in a church auditorium, a cattywampus one at that, with booths and tables and all kinds of seating styles, all jammed together and out of order. The sense of distress and uneasiness was high. And all of a sudden, there was an announcement, "There's a dead guy outside." The room went silent. Fear was palpable. And then I, the one who normally remains silent in big gatherings said, "God is our refuge."

The dream ended there, but its memory did not. If I analyze my dream, I think I know where the murder scene came from: a news article read before bed about a recent police shooting. And in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, I know all too well the feelings of panic and mass hysteria. But the "God is our refuge" piece? That came 1) from the Holy Spirit, and 2) from reciting the truth to myself and claiming God's promises. I've been breath praying, "Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge" (Psalm 16:1, New International Version) over and over recently. I've also been trying to memorize more verses about God as refuge. And I've been Bible journaling the Psalms, in which this concept of God has refuge just keeps coming up. I need this truth.

I had a dream, and it showed me something. Mindset matters. We get in what we put out. God's Word is always true, but the more we study it, the more it becomes true. God's Word...

...May we study it.

...May we learn it.

...May we hide it in our hearts.

...May we dream it.

To Him be the glory!

God-Things and Dreams

The short version: Chris asked me to marry him. I said, "Yes."

The long version: 

God-Things and Dreams

My sweet Nana went to be with Jesus May 17, 2015. When she went, she willed her heirloom diamond to me. I was kind of mad about it at the time. I had just turned 27 and saw no hopes of every getting married. I even angrily told my parents to give the ring to my cousin, but they didn't. They kept it because they believe in God-things.

Fast forward to June 10, 2018 and my dear friend's wedding. For the first time probably ever, I came away from a wedding with the simultaneously sinking, yet buoyant feeling that marriage would be good for me. It might even out some of my idiosyncracies, provide support, grant companionship, and ultimately make me into more of who God wanted me to be. I didn't exactly have prospects or even a promise, but I somehow felt that I was next. That feeling wasn't because the bridal bouquet fell at my feet (which it did, because my friend and I, the last single ones in our college friend group, refused to catch it) or because I was technically "next" on the getting married list which we made in probably 2009 or 2010 (which I was). I just had a feeling.

My friend group is super faithful to pray for one another, so before we packed up and left the wedding, we stood in a circle and prayed. I asked my friends to pray community for me, something I felt desperately lacking in my new state of Arizona. Little did I know what God would do.

I came home that weekend to only having my parents for a few days. I knew they had to leave at the end of the week and that felt lonely to me. But I prayerfully approached the week and knew somehow I'd made it through. God has gotten me through before, and I knew he would again.

That week, I got an e-mail about a College and Career group event in downtown Prescott. It sounded fun and I had been trying to get more involved with the group, so I decided to go. And since I was the one of the oldest ones at our church and wanted to find more community, I e-mailed Chris. I thought he was an interesting person, but I honestly wasn't trying to make the first move. He just happened to be the only person my age I had contact information for and I felt very strongly that I should talk to him about going, so I did.

I had a lot of fun that night. I didn't realize until afterward that Chris and I were the only ones our age there, and that I was the only unmarried girl there. Whoops! Chris walked me to my car afterward (because I was parked far away in the dark, and that's the kind of guy he is). We stood on the sidewalk and talked for what seemed like forever, and then I left and went home to my empty house.

Chris and I hung out a lot that summer, and last fall, we started dating. There are a lot of God-details in that story, but I'll leave them out for now.

God Thing #1 (that I can bear witness to, because I see God's fingerprints all over this)

March 4, 2019: I told Chris that I was talking time off work March 11th. He'd already told me he wanted to do something together after church March 10th, but that wasn't the reason for my vacation request. I just needed time off. God knew, and he was preparing the way.

God Thing #2 

March 7, 2019: I was at the mall for work. Chris was in the jeweler's at the mall looking at rings. I was headed right for the jeweler's, but he saw me and quickly hid. I never saw him there. I actually didn't seem him until he was walking out. I wondered what he was up to, but was too busy to give it much thought.

God Thing #3

More March 7, 2019: Chris saw my car at my work and asked to go over and talk to my parents, assuming I'd be gone. Good thing I worked late that day! I'd actually seen his car at church next door and planned to go talk to him, but when I didn't see him, I went to the grocery store instead, something I don't usually do. That gave Chris more margin.

Chris asked my parents' permission to marry me, and when they gave it, he asked what kind of ring my mom thought I'd want. Mom gave him Nana's ring. Chris was surprised, because he didn't know it existed. (I mean, what kind of girl tells her boyfriend, "Hey, if you ever think of marrying me, I've already got a ring!" And we very specifically had set a dating boundary that we weren't talking about us getting married until that was the plan. So we'd talked about God and the meaning of marriage and our values and lots of other important things, but not about us getting married.) 

God Thing #4, a bunch of God-things wrapped up in one

March 10, 2019, The Proposal: The day dawned bright and clear, nicer than it's been in awhile, especially after our 27 inches of snow near the end of February. It got colder and windier as the day went on, but it was still decent weather wise.

Chris took me to hike Trail 28 on Mingus Mountain, the trail we hiked the day we decided to start dating. We hiked up the trail instead of down and back up, like we did the first time. Chris told me at the top that he thought he'd pushed a little too hard. I told him that he should have told me to stop. He said he was fine. I shrugged, not fully believing him, but not knowing what else to do. We rested a few minutes and headed back down. He'd told me he wanted to stop at the rock outcropping where we stopped the first time. We did. We took a few pictures and when he sat down on the rock outcropping, I went and joined him.

"So, I'm kind of glad we got to hike this trail again, like we did that first day. And I'm glad we had that conversation afterward." He said.

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm glad we had that conversation, too, or we wouldn't be here."

I could tell he was getting sentimental, but I didn't know what to do, so I just stared across the valley at the scenery.

"So I don't know how to do this, because I've never done it before," he said, "But will you marry me?" As he asked the question, he pulled out a box from his pocket and opened it to show me a ring. 

I'd kind of wondered if he might propose that day, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. I'd prayed to just enjoy the day (because it was a dating anniversary for us) and see what happened. I'd prayed and planned my response, too, however, because that's the kind of person I am.

"It would be a privilege to marry you," I said. "So yes."

I picked up the ring and looked at it. I was pretty sure it was Nana's, but needed to see. Chris told me that we could go to the jeweler Monday to get it "fixed" or reset. Good thing I had Monday off!

We talked, took more pictures, and then headed back down the trail. Good thing we were headed down, because that meant we could talk while we walked. We decided at the car to go to Wal-Mart and get rubber rings to wear while we waited for my ring to get remade. Chris asked if he could wear a ring, too. I said, "Why not?" We're both committed to this process of marriage at this point, so I don't see why he can't have a symbol of that process, too.

God Thing #5

Later that day: We went home to my house and told my parents the news. Mom told me that she'd secretly been praying that I wouldn't move out until I got married. She apologized that the house I was buying fell through, saying it was her fault. I told her not to worry about it. That house wouldn't have been good for me anyway.

Chris and I were debating dates, but worried about what people would think of our timeline. The people we value most told us to make our engagement short. We didn't expect that, but took it as confirmation from the Lord. I don't do things lightly, but when I do act, I tend to do it quickly and jump in with both feet. Here we go....

Dreams

Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being proposed to at a high point on a hike. I'd heard a similar story from friends of the family and always had that stuck in my head. I'd always wanted to date and fall in love with just one guy. And I'd always wanted a summer/sunshine-y wedding, but didn't think it would happen. Now it is. God is such a good God.

Life's an adventure. I said that when I moved to Arizona, and I had no clue at the time that I'd fall in love and get married here. But that's the way God works sometimes: unexpectedly, silently, and then larger than life. I'm thankful for where I am, for where we are, and looking forward with hope to what God has next for us. May He get the glory in and through it all.

"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

~Psalm 115:1, New International Version