What I Learned from the Ideal Week Exercise (And I Didn't Even Do that Much of It)

I got intrigued about the "ideal week" when I heard Jess Connolly (2025) talk about it on her podcast. What was this ideal week, and was there any way to craft such a week for myself? My time sure felt out of my control, and if I could do anything to infuse some joy back into my life, I wanted to do it!

After some Google searching and blank template finding, I finally discovered an article on this so called "ideal week." I am not sure who coined the idea, but I skimmed the article at Full Focus and printed out the template (Hyatt, 2024). The idea I took away was to block out my week and then try to make myself more efficient. Well, I only got so far as to block out my work days and commute time. On a 5 am to 9 pm schedule, that left very little margin. (I get up at 4:30 or 5 am and got to bed between 9 and 9:30 pm.) What stood out to me, though, was that commute time. If I had to commute, what could I do with the time?

The first thing I discovered was that I could use the drive home to call my parents. I am a routine girl, but after my parents moved out of state, I had not found a new regular time to connect with them. Enter the commute: not the best time for a call, but better than nothing. 

I also realized that some days, I have power about how long that commute is, at least in terms of minutes. I like to get to the office at 8 am, and sometimes I have to do so. Traffic is thick at those times, which makes the commute longer. Some days, however, I have choices: I can go in late and make up the time later, or I can work from home and commute at an off-peak hour to save time. A few days of less fighting traffic reduces at least some of my stress.

Besides that commute, I don't really have a lot of other things to move around right now. Sure, I could probably optimize my work day a little bit, but overall, my life is just one of wake up and attack the day, except where I create my own margin. That is what the ideal week exercise showed me: that I have a little more control and power over my time than I exercise. Time is not the master, I am (and hopefully, Christ in me).

The optimal time to do things rarely comes along. The second best time is the time I have. I can play. I can rest. I can work. Rarely can I do all of these at the same time. I can make the best of the time I have, though. It's not ideal, but it's the deal I have, and I have to make or break it.

References:

Connolly, J. (Host). (2025, February 2). Episode 67: Hobby girls. [Audio podcast episode]. In The Jess Connolly Podcast. https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/jessconnolly/episodes/Episode-67-Hobby-Girls-e2u8frg

Hyatt, M. (2024, December 12). How to better control your time by designing your ideal week. Full Focus. https://fullfocus.co/ideal-week/

The Best Day

Sometimes I have a day I didn't know I needed. Saturday was that day.

As I headed out the door for my long run, the tag I put to help differentiate shoes caught my eye. "Live joyfully," it said. I thought, "Yes, that's what I want to do this season." Whether it was a Holy Spirit conviction, an intention (or both), I thought, "It's going to be a good day."

We had breakfast a little late, but my husband fixed pancakes. I REALLY like pancakes, so I could not complain. After breakfast, we chatted about priorities and ordered our Christmas cards. Then we headed out for shopping.

It takes a little bit to get from place to place in the city, but it felt like we had time. I tried on about four pairs of shoes at Big 5 Sporting Goods before picking a pair. With a coupon, they only cost $16. Woohoo! For walking/work shoes, these should do me just fine.

Walmart was crowded, but with my husband pushing the cart, it felt less arduous. We scored some things we needed (like shoe insoles $5 off because my mom gave me a coupon and another pair discounted for torn packaging) and some we didn't (sparkly nail polish and Christmas pajamas). We bought some gifts to contribute to a family in need. We considered more Christmas lights for our home (but ultimately decided to wait on them). We looked for some things we did not find, but they did not feel too urgent.

We came home in time for me to balance the budget and throw lunch together. I napped. We sat by the Christmas tree and crocheted and knit. I cooked a few things and we ate a dinner I made yesterday. We put together our gingerbread kit. It was a chill day, but a good day.

Sure, some things went wrong on Saturday. My husband and I started to get a little frustrated with other during our morning chat. We had to go back and forth across Walmart several times because we forgot things. Our Christmas card order was not ready. There were some sketchy people in the store. My husband's anticipated Amazon package didn't ever come to our house. We spent the day together, though. Chores did not weigh heavily. We had margin. We enjoyed our home. We enjoyed being together.

While not a momentous day, Saturday was a good day, a simple day, a sustaining day. Sometimes I look for big events for best days, but maybe best days are more about the small things, the little things, the time together that cements forever. Praise God for proof of that in Saturday.

Real Life Marriage: Sweet Time

We recently returned from a twelve day vacation. It's the longest time we have had together since our honeymoon four years ago. Granted, we spent five days of it traveling, but the other seven days we just spent together, at home, doing (mostly) our routine (just without our jobs) We didn't get along the whole time. We actually had multiple conflicts. We did enjoy one another's presence, though, and it was sweet. It was not just good for us. We needed it.

I used to disregard some of the marriage recommendations I saw. Things like taking a week long trip every two year seemed superfluous, unneeded (Marquina, 2022). But after the intensity of our most recent season of life, I think I get it, or at least I get it more. While we did travel some these twelve days, what we needed most was time. We needed time to relax and unwind. We needed time to just be together, sometimes with no agenda. We needed time to get some house projects done. We needed time to be in the same place together, to remember that we are in this together. We needed time to dream.

Resources to travel are not always available. Twelve days off work are not always available. Usually, though, there is some time we can take. Time we might not want to take. Time that it might hurt us a bit monetarily to take, but time nonetheless. If you have it, I encourage you to take it. Prioritize it. The rewards are sweet, even if imperfect.

Reference:

Marquina, S. (2022, August 4.) Couples say the key to a happy, successful marriage is the '2-2-2 rule.' iHeart. https://www.iheart.com/content/2022-08-04-couples-say-the-key-to-a-happy-successful-marriage-is-the-2-2-2-rule/

What Do I Want More?

There are a lot of things in life that I want. Those things take resources: time, money, relationship investment, etc. Conversely, there are a lot of things that I don't want to do, but that lead to something I do want. In both scenarios, I have to ask, "What do I want more?"

When it comes to limited resources, I have to prioritize. There is enough time...for everything that is priority. I can do anything, but not everything. So sometimes I have to choose if I want to go for that run, or sleep. Sometimes I have to choose if I want to make a fancy dinner, or just eat simply so I can do something else. I have to decide if I want down time, or people time. With the time I have, what do I want most?

Money does not grow on trees, I mean the paper does, but the money doesn't. I can't just reach out and pick it. This is why we budget. We try to direct our money, first toward what we need (housing, food, utilities, etc.), and then toward what we want. We even have budget categories for our own wants, one for each of us individually, a vacation fun, and a date night fund. When times are scarce, those categories get less (or no) money, but when we can, we contribute. Even then, we have to decided what we want to do more with the money, because it is not endless.

There are lots of lovely people in the world, but not time to be close to them all. I also have a spouse. When it comes down to limited time and energy, what do I want more? A close marriage? Close friends? A lot of friends? Sometimes with people, the answer is not clear cut. Still, I have to ask, "What do I want more?"

Some things in life take work, too. I don't often want to clean the house, but I want the house to be tidy. I don't want to cook a ton of food on Friday for meal prep, but I want to eat during the week. I don't want to get up early to fuel before I run, but I'll feel better if I do. For that matter, I don't always want to work hard in training for my races, but I benefit if I do. In those hard moments, I have to ask myself what I really want more.

Asking, "What do I want more?" pertains to faith, too. Following God is rarely easy. Do I want my will, or his will? In my marriage, do I want my way, or God's way? When it comes to my work, do I want to do what I think, or what the Spirit tells me? Do I want disobedience or obedience more? Maybe a better question is, "What does God want more?"

I can't have it all. What do I want more? What more is right in this season might not be right in the next. I need wisdom. I need God's wisdom. Ultimately, I want His more for my life, and that requires continually asking for and seeking it.

Real Life Marriage: Making Time

You make times for what's important. That's what my husband says. That's what our pastor says. My husband says that our relationship is important. The cleaning and cooking are "unimportant" comparatively. I agree, but the tyranny of the urgent often overwhelms me. Enter needs for a plan to focus on what's important for our marriage, dubbed in our home as "Ten Minutes."

What is "Ten Minutes?" It is ten minutes where we sit down together and focus on prioritizing quality time. We try not to administrate. Sometimes we share feelings. Sometimes we share thoughts. Sometimes we just sit and stare at each other, well, my husband more than me. I tend to struggle with silence.

How did we get to, "Ten Minutes?" Well, I remarked some time ago that I was trying to offer my husband love through all of the languages, except quality time, because I did not have it. He remarked that if that was the case, we needed to make time. So we did. We do ten minutes almost every day now. It is one of our non-negotiables.

Why, "Ten Minutes?" Many reasons. It forces us to schedule our activities such that we can have the ten minutes each day. Sometimes we have to put off tasks for it. Sometimes we have to stay up late. Keeping the time regular keeps us at it. My husband says that ten minutes is not the ultimate goal (i.e we often don't stop at the ten minute mark). The goal is connection. Research shows that ten minutes is a sufficient start (Walker, et al., n.d.).

Is "Ten Minutes" productive? Yes and no. In terms of visible productivity, no. I often have to put off tasks in order to engage in it. In terms of connection, yes. This makes sense, for as I hard Dr. David H. Rosmarin say, "Connection is the opposite of productivity" (Macpherson, 2021). Connection is productive for relational health. We want that, so we make time for it. Even if it is only ten minutes.

References:

Macpherson, G. (Host). (2021, August 16). "Dr. David H. Rosmarin. Ancient Jewish Wisdom for Modern Mental Health." In The Trauma Therapist. https://www.thetraumatherapistproject.com/podcast/dr-david-h-rosmarin-ancient-jewish-wisdom-for-modern-mental-health

Pioneer Press. (2011, January 18). 10 minutes of quality talk each day reconnects couples. Twin Cites.com. https://www.twincities.com/2011/01/18/10-minutes-of-quality-talk-each-day-reconnects-couples/

Walker, E., Darrington, J.; & Brower, N. (n.d.). Honey, I’m home: Strengthening your marriage ten minutes at a time. Utah State University. https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/strengthening-your-marriage-ten-minutes-at-a-time

Capacity

I am the weaker vessel. I am less strong than my husband and more needy. I fall apart relatively easily and need lots of support. I continually find that I don't have the bandwidth for all of the activities that other people do, or even for all of the responsibilities on my plate. I get tired easily. I need a lot of sleep, and food, and alone time. Take any of that away and I am a mess. When I get into a mess, it also takes me long time to recover from it. My capacity is just low. My limited capacity has persistently bothered me, and I am still reckoning with it.

I heard a sermon some time ago about spiritual gifts, and about how God gives believers capacity and then fills it. Fills it. Even a small capacity. If I believe that God is perfect, and I do (at least at a head level), that means my small capacity is not a mistake. It means God has given me everything I need, and that I do not need to grasp for more. It means that I can do everything God calls me to do in his strength (and likely that all that capacity expanding stuff is not for me.) After all, 2 Peter 1:3 says: "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (New International Version). 

If God has given me everything I need, that means that God's gift of grace is just right for my capacity. Instead of mourning my lack, I can give thanks for God's sufficiency. As Ephesians 4:7 "But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it." In Romans 11:29, the Apostle Paul writes, "God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable." If God has filled my capacity for my calling, my capacity is not going to change. So I had better get to work accepting it, and maybe on cutting out the things that surpass it.

How I see my capacity affects how I use it. If I see myself as lacking, I am either sitting around mourning my lack, or striving for more, working outside my gifting and calling. Neither one brings honor to God. Mourning my lack is like burying my talent. (See the parable in Matthew 25:14-30). It says that God might have made a mistake. And operating outside my calling says the same, or that I think I can somehow outsmart the way God wired me. It is not going to work. I remember reading something Kylie Mitchell wrote about her husband saying, 'You don’t know your capacity until you’re past it.” Recognizing symptoms of being past capacity means I have a lot of bailing out to do. That does not reserve time or space or energy to do what calls me to do.

So what is God calling me to do? To be faithful with my gifts. To be faithful to where God has called me. With my limited capacity, or maybe what I should rephrase as my God-given capacity, that means basically means three things: following God, working, and being faithful to the calling of marriage. Not much, if you ask some. Honestly, too much if you catch me on my bad days. But this capacity of mine, these responsibilities, are what God has given me. May I learn to be content, so that God can truly fill and use me as He (not I!) sees fit.

Marriage Misnomers: Let Things Go.

The joining of two lives in marriage can cause some friction and even conflict. Some people will tell you to let things go. That's all well and good, but after I let so many things go, I start to feel bitter and resentful about what I am losing. I feel better better when I decide to give some things up. Letting go is passive. Giving up is active.

Take for instance, cooking. I would like to be good at things like bread baking and pancake flipping. I am not, and my husband is. I can try to compete with him. I can try to dissuade him from practicing his gifts. Or I can give some things up and wholeheartedly endorse the areas where he shines. Which is better for our marriage? The answer is pretty clear.

I don't have a lot of time. Sometimes my husband asks me to do things when I have other things still on my list to do. I can let go of my things and do his, but then I feel bereft. I grasp at what I left. If I willfully decide to give up what I want to do, it's gone. I have made a sacrifice for our marriage and though it may hurt, it doesn't leave behind as many hurt feelings.

I want to have the right answers. Sometimes I get defensive and argue with my husband because I want to be right. I can let go of what I think and believe whatever he says, but sometimes that feels like abandoning myself. If I give up my need to be right and instead choose to close my mouth and agree to disagree, things go better.

Letting things go? Maybe that's sometimes the answer. But in marriage, I think it's better to give things up. Giving up is active. It's intentional. It's purposeful. After all, isn't the point of marriage to give up your life to make a new life, and in that way image Christ? And isn't His giving up His life the best gift of all? He didn't let go. He willingly gave. ALL. And we should follow in His steps.

Put in the Minimum. Get the Maximum.

My unwritten personal policy used to be, "Go hard. Go long." "Push until you can't push anymore." "Do the most until most (or all) of your energy is spent." "Keep going until you can't." I've changed my mind. I can't keep going and going and going anymore. I can't push so hard. I no longer give until I've got nothing left. I try to put in my best, and leave the rest. My new motto is, "Put in the minimum to get the maximum."

My job is people related. I spend hours a day coaching and counseling and encouraging. I used to try to make every minute of every hour count. I didn't give myself breaks. No more. Now I try to capitalize on the moments rather than on the hours. I take breaks so that I can recharge and have something to keep giving. Sometimes that means letting a few minutes (or hours) go.

Marriage has had a lot to do with my change of heart. If I give all I have at work, I have nothing to give at home. I want to fulfill my responsibilities at my job, but I also have an obligation to my husband. That means no more overtime if I can help it. No bringing work home wherever possible. Yes, sometimes things get left for the next day, but better there than in my marriage. My marriage needs my maximum.

My new motto extends further. Cleaning? What can I do to make the house the most clean in the least time? Exercise? What will make me feel best and be the best for my body with the least toll? Gifts? What can I give that will mean something, even if the gift is small? I could go on. The principle can be applied in every arena of my life, and possibly in yours?

Some things require long term effort, endurance, and patience. I'm not saying, "Don't persevere." I trying to say for myself, and for others like me that maybe we don't have to push ourselves so hard. Maybe the maximum we've been giving is minimizing our long term effectiveness. Maybe the minimum should be our maximum, if we're giving our maximum during that minimum time. Maybe we should do less and that will be our more. We want our lives to have maximum effect for the kingdom of God, and though counterintuitive at times, often this means giving our best...to less.

Metabolizing Trauma

My clinical supervisor and I had a discussion recently about trauma exposure and how it can decrease creativity. All that bad stuff we encounter? It just sits around and lingers if we don't process it. Often times, the bad in life (or in the world around us) is so bad that we just want to forget it, or let it go, or not acknowledge it. But we have to process it and let its after affects be part of us, or it can rule and wreck us.

So how do we metabolize trauma? I don't fully know. But I know it's necessary to have a vibrant and thriving life, especially with the work I do. So here's a starter list of ways I know I can work through trauma:

• Hiking
• Walking
• Yoga
• Movement in general (because it integrates both sides of the brain)
• Talking
• Drawing
• Writing (part of why I have this blog)
• Cooking
• Sleeping (but only if I do the work of processing afterward)

And I'm going to argue that processing often takes several of these methods, several times. And sometimes processing has to happen over the course of time. Because trauma has a way of re-emerging.

And processing takes action, deliberate action, and deliberate choice. But if I don't process, I'm in trouble. My relationships are in trouble. My work is in trouble. Because unmetabolized trauma causes toxic build up. And toxic build up is deadly.

On the other hand, metabolized by-products can be beneficial. The residual effects of trauma, the scars and wounds that have healed, can make us better people. The process of metabolizing trauma can make us stronger.

So let's do the work people. Let's figure out what works, and do more of it. Feel free to contact me, or comment below about additional ways to process trauma. We all need to do it, and the more methods, the better!

Our Most Used Kitchen Products (So Far)

People were so, so generous in their wedding gifts to us. We received a few things we needed, and a lot of things that we wanted. And some appliances and gizmos that we didn't know we would use as much as we do. Here's a few of our most used kitchen products so far:

(And thanks to all who gave us gifts not mentioned here. We're using or will use them, too!)

The Insta-Pot

People told us we'd use this thing, and man have we ever! We made rice the first night we were home, and we use it probably at least every other day. So far, we've made rice, and beans, and split pea soup, and hard boiled eggs, and I've got a whole Pinterest board dedicated to more recipes I want to try. (Feel free to send me your favorites.) The Insta-Pot is a time saver, and a space saver since it is so many appliances in one. Double yes on this gift.

George Foreman Grill with Removal Plates

I grew up with a George Foreman grill, and we used it mostly to make paninis, aka "sandwiches in the sandwich maker." I've made one sandwich like that so far, but I've also used it to grill zucchini for zucchini lasagna and chicken for our new favorite summer meal (cold rice, lettuce, chicken, and a cold creamy dressing, all topped with sriracha). Best of all, the plates come out of the machine, so the drip pan and everything go into the dishwasher and come out clean with minimal effort. We'll see how long the metal lasts with our hard water, but for now, this machine is a winner in our book.

Bissell 1782 Pet Hair Eraser Cordless Hand and Car Vacuum

My Granddad bought this gift for us, and I honestly didn't expect to use it as much as we have! We don't have pets, but we've use it for everything from vacuuming up piles of dirt when we've swept (because we couldn't find the dustpan), to cleaning out my car when the power was out, to vacuuming up charcoal from food that burned inside the oven. (Yes, I caused the food spill, and yes, it was my idea to use the vacuum to remove the debris from inside the cool oven.) A+ for usefulness, Granddad!

Pampered Chef Mix 'N Chop

I didn't know what this gizmo was until I read the packaging. And then I used it. As a former vegetarian who still doesn't like cooking meat that much, this thing makes it easy, and I'm convinced it speeds up the process. Plus, there's less risk of flinging raw meat all over like with a spatula. And it's made of nylon, so it won't scratch any pan! I didn't know I needed this, but right now, I don't want to be without it when I've got ground meat to make.

This short list is not to say we don't have (or use) other items in our kitchen, but with our busy schedules, these are some of the ones that have been most useful in saving us time. We have fun with some of the bigger and more elaborate appliances we got gifted on the weekends, and in our spare time....

Presence is My Gift to Jesus This Year

As I read my Savor devotional about the most important gifts the other morning, I thought about Christmas and what Jesus would want from me this year. The word that immediately came to mind was Presence. I want to be present this year. Present with Jesus. Present with my family and friends and loved ones. Present in the moment. 

I've been trying to cultivate little moments of presence and preparation for Christmas throughout the week, but it's hard. Life is busy. Work is busy. It seems like there are always a thousand things to do, but life is about choices and priorities. We can always make choices to prioritize what's important.

Jesus coming as a baby in a manger was about relationship. It was about God condescending to man to bring the light of a perfect baby into a dark, dark world. It was about Mary receiving what God had for her. It was about Mary's betrothed Joseph supporting her in what seemed like an impossible mission to raise the Son of God.

So in celebration of Christmas, I started trying to do one thing a day to cultivate celebration. (I've posted about that on Instagram.) Some things were little, like using a Christmas hot pad. 

Some were bigger, like an art project I did with a group at work and didn't necessarily want to finish, but did.

But what I tried, by God's grace, to prioritize were relationships and serving those around me: I got to make dinner for my family Saturday night. 

We slowed down to go for a walk to look at lights.

I've been trying to hold my schedule a little more loosely so that I have time to spend with people I love. 

As I consider Jesus coming into the world as the Light of lights, I realize that relationships are what really matter. May I be present in them for this season, and beyond, for the way I live my life daily is a year-long celebration of what Christ did for me by coming to earth at Christmas and then dying on the cross at Calvary.

Timelines

Our pastor preached a sermon a few weeks ago about timelines. Really, the sermon was about Jesus and how His birth and life and death happened perfectly, maybe not according to man's timeline, but according to God's. The pastor stated, "Everything on God's timeline will come to pass," and that got me thinking.

I stress so much about the future. I worry about tomorrow, next month, and next year. It's not an admirable trait, but rather a true struggle for me. Lately, I've found myself worrying even more about things I thought I'd decided to let go, like a house. Life is pretty good, and I don't have any major worries, so my brain seems to have decided to go back to worrying about things I don't need to worry about. I'm convinced it's a tactic of Satan to steal the joy of the present moment, too. By Jesus' power, I refuse to let him do that. 

"Everything on God's timeline will come to pass."

That means:

If I'm supposed to have a house, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to get my counseling license, it will happen.

If my work schedule is supposed to stabilize, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to get married someday, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to have a family of my own, it will happen.

If I need more education, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to...it will happen.

I believe the the truth written in the Bible that says "God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable" (Rom 11:29). Therefore, I have to trust that the things on God's timeline for my life will take place, and that anything that doesn't happen wasn't supposed to happen. But I also have to acknowledge that those those things on the timeline might not happen in the order I think they should, because this life is God's, not my own.

So friends, are you waiting? Waiting for a promotion? Waiting for that job change? Waiting for a life partner? Waiting for a child? Waiting to be where you think you should be? Everything on God's timeline will happen. Believe it. Trust it. Rest in it. 

May we together live in the now and not in the not yet.

Wasted Time

I've caught myself "wasting time" a few nights lately. I've been sitting scrolling through social media, or researching stupid stuff, or just...sitting. And I've started to judge myself. But then the Spirit prompted me to have a little self-compassion. I've been living life at a breakneck speed. I've been busy, busy, busy, and often have not had time to even cross off the things on my daily to-do list. It's a rare occasion that I actually have time to spare.

And when I have time to spare, it makes sense that I don't know what to do with it. It makes sense that I am tired, that I just want to veg. And some nights that's all I seem to be able to do.

So I've been letting myself sit. I've been letting myself off the hook of having to be productive before bed. I've been heading for snack time earlier and lingering over the newspaper a little longer. Or I've been telling myself it's okay if I just want to go to sleep early. 

There is a time for productivity and work, but sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I need "wasted time" to remind me to give thanks for work. Sometimes I need wasted time to remind me how good productivity feels. Sometimes I need wasted time to signal that I need more rest.

So I guess what I'm saying is that "wasted time" really isn't wasted. It's a teacher, and one I'm learning from, maybe not forever, but at this time in life, and probably again in the future.

A Good Place

I encounter a lot of people who think I'm behind on life. They think that by 30, I should have a house, a husband, a settled job, and kids. And let's be honest, sometimes I think I should have those things, too. That makes me feel discontent. But when I really stop to consider all the factors of my life, I'm thankful for where I am.

I'm thankful that I don't have a house because I'm more free to move about and continue to consider where God wants me to be.

I'm thankful I'm not married yet because I've had time to figure out who I am in Christ and what kind of person God might use to further form me more into Christ's image.

I'm thankful for the job I have because it is stretching and growing me in ways the "perfect" job wouldn't.

I'm thankful I don't have kids because my childlessness gives me time and energy to love on other people's kids.

And I don't think it's too late for some of the things that I want to still come to fruition if they are God's will. I'm not giving up on my dreams of one day having a house, a husband, my full counseling license, and maybe some kids of my own. Rather I'm seeking the Lord and working towards those goals in my own ways. I'm trying not to give into societal expectations that I "should" be at a different place at the same time. As Jennifer Rollin so aptly puts it, "Life is not a race....Wherever you are in your journey is perfectly okay." 

There are lots of hard parts of life, but I want learn to be present and content. Because wherever I am is a good place for me if it's God's place for me.

Go in the Strength You Have.

Life is a lot sometimes. And it just seems to throw at us more than we can take. Sometimes the things that come are consequences of our own sin. Sometimes they are consequences of the sins of others. And sometimes, they're consequences of the sinful world we live in. And they're all hard.

It's easy to do what I deem sitting in a puddle and crying. Life is overwhelming and we just want to quit. But that's not necessarily a godly or beneficial response. The best thing to do is to put one foot in front of the other and do the best we can.

Sometimes the best you can looks like getting out of bed in the morning. Sometimes it looks like taking a shower, getting dress, eating. Sometimes it looks like confessing sin to others, to apologizing to those you've hurt, to making amends. Often, it looks like doing things other people don't understand and having to be okay with it.

Life is a journey and sometimes timing doesn't make sense. But as Dr. Colleen Reichmann says, "Just because you're taking longer than others doesn't mean that you've failed." Healing is hard. Healing takes time. Recovery requires effort, and sometimes all we have to give is all we have to give. We just have to do the next right thing.

As God said to Gideon, sometimes we have to "go in the strength [we] have" (Judges 6:14) and trust that it is enough. Not enough for yesterday. Not enough for tomorrow. Enough for today. Enough for right now.

Go in the strength you have. It's what you've got. It opens us up to what God's got. And it's easier for God to move an object in motion than it is to move one stuck in a mud puddle.

Saying No

Saying, "No," to things that disrupted my very structured way of life was never very hard for me. I liked the safety and control that saying, "No" gave me. I willingly turned down opportunities to get off the beaten path of life because the straight and narrow felt right (and I'm not talking morals here). But in this season of resettling, I've told myself that I need to start saying, "Yes" more. I need to start saying, "Yes," when people invite me to do things, even if it feels uncomfortable or the timing isn't "right." I need to start trying new things, things that I might not think I like. I need to be brave, take risks, sit with discomfort.

But in this season of saying, "Yes," I've realized that I still have to say, "No."  I have to say, "No" to extra work opportunities, even when they feel important. I have to say, "No," to service opportunities because they don't seem right for me.  I have to say, "No" to non-essential items on my to-do list, things that used to be important to me, like having a clean car, or trying to keep things "perfectly" organized. Sometimes I have to say, "No" to my preferred early bedtime or preparing and eating healthy food. I've certainly had to say, "No," to sitting at home on social media, which I enjoy, but really isn't that productive. Changing my, "No" to the unknown to a, "No" to the known feels unsafe and uncomfortable and scary. But it also feels right.

If life is about living, I need to to expect the unexpected, find joy in the journey, and give my scared yeses more and more often. It's kind of crazy that embracing life still means saying, "No," but hopefully those noes make room for the yeses that need to happen.

I Don't Date. I Phone Date.

I have fussed a lot about how lonely I feel in this season of singleness. In my heart of hearts, I do want to get married and have a "forever friend," but the truth is that I have friends, but don't always spend time with them. And that's on me. The issue for me is that most of my best friends live out of state and in other time zones. Calling them requires time and coordination and work. And sometimes I just don't want to make sacrifices or put the work in.

Lately, however, I've been trying to make an effort to reach out to my friends, to tell them that they matter. And that often means scheduling dates, phone dates. If I think I am one day ready to commit to getting to know a potential future spouse through dating, I must be able to commit to scheduled times and places to call my friends. It's important!

Week by week, I've started to carve out a little more time, give up a few more evenings, and pick up the phone to talk to people I love. I've talked to both my best friends and another close friend and had back and forth texts with several others in the past month or so. And you know what? The time has been so worth it! Sure, not everyone responds when I reach out, but the conversations I have had have filled my heart, and I hope blessed my friends as well.

Hard as this season of singleness has been, it has some perks. I have time. I have resources. I am the only one relying on my schedule. So no, I don't date. I phone date. 

Filling the Time

Work has been crazily slow lately. Like I logged less than an hour overtime two weeks ago and got to take an unplanned day off last week. I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life in the meantime.

I usually fill my life with work, work, work. I love what I do, but it's not all of me. I have friends and family and church and maybe even some hobbies. But far too often I forget and neglect all of these. And in some ways, I'm afraid to indulge in real, authentic living, because I fear getting attached to it and then getting crazy busy again.

Crazy busy in an armor, so I'm trying not to overfill my life in this time of respite. Maybe God is trying to do some new things in my life. So I'm trying to live life a little and fill my life with some of the good things I've been lacking like community and relationships and rest. 

God's Word says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecc 3:11a, New International Version). Hard as this season of my life has been, I think I'm beginning to see this truth played out. Praise be to Him.

How I'm Trying to Redeem My Time

After constantly complaining about how little time I have, I decided to do a little experiment on myself. I decided to "audit" my time by writing down everything I did. I hoped to realize what was and wasn't taking me "so long," in an attempt to save time and use my time more wisely. Want to try this yourself? It's pretty simple. Just find some paper (I used my journal) and try to jot down the appropriate time it takes to do each task of your day. How specific you get is up to you.

Here are a few examples of my own time audits:

Day 1

Day 2

What did I learn from this experiment? 

• Although I can do my devotions in 3o minutes, I need to allow extra time to get up and actually get around to doing them.
• It takes me a lot longer to do some chores than I think. For example, I estimated that hanging out the laundry took five minutes. It takes more like 15 minutes. 
• Two minutes on social media is more like twenty, and night time is a black hole for social media use. If I don't use social media at night, I have a sliver of time for a relaxing activity like crochet, writing on this blog, or reading.

Will I continue the time audits? Maybe not everyday, but on occassion, yes. Time auditing takes time, but it also keeps me accountable.

Time efficient friends, any other suggestions or tips for making better use of time? Please share in the comments section below. 

Thanks!

Time to Ponder

I came across Psalm 111:2 the other night, and its words really struck me: "Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them" (New International Version, 1984). I am a busy person. Even now that I finished grad school and only have one full-time, 40-hour-per-week job, I find my hours more than full. I take seconds to jot notes of thanksgiving in my journal, but do I really ever take time to dwell on God and his goodness? The unfortunate answer is, "No."


Fausset (n. d.) writes that "pondered" means "sought out," or "carefully studied." I live a life of the tyranny of the urgent. Even when I have time, I am focused on making efficient use of it, not on using my moments to hone in on the truly important matters of life (Crabbe, 2015). I study life and obsess over my future plans, but I do not take much time to study God, much less to truly examine His handiwork in the world.


So what does it look like to ponder God's works? First of all, I think I need to acknowledge the type of lens through which I see the world.  Am I looking out for myself, or looking out for God? Are my eyes on my fears, or are my eyes on my Father? When I choose to approach the world through eyes of faith, I see this world as a place that is full of God's creative designs. This world is not my home, but my Father did create it. When I look for God, I will see Him (cf Job 19:26). Second, I need to take time.  Instead of focusing on efficiency, I need to work on being present. Instead of checking e-mail on my phone or thinking about my to-do list, I need to take in the sights, sounds, and smells of my environment right now. I need to look for the color (Crabbe, 2015), take in the moment. I need to stop rushing and choose to rest. Joy comes in the now, not the yesterday or in the tomorrow. Third, I need to name God's works. There is power in speaking the truth aloud (John 8:32). Finally, I need to pray. I need to ask God for His eyes, for his perspective on the world. James 1:5 says that "if anyone lacks wisdom,  He should ask." If I really want to see change in my life, I need to ask Someone with supernatural power to enact it in my life.


What will be the benefits of pondering God's work? The Psalmist mentions delight. John Piper (2012) writes that, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." The more I meditate on God and His works, the less I focus on the world around me. I believe that pondering God's words will help me find my joy and satisfaction and God. The question is, "Will I take time to do it?"


References:


Crabbe, T. (2015). Tick-tock. Time management is only making our busy lives worse. Retrieved from http://qz.com/447193/time-management-is-only-making-our-busy-lives-worse/.


Fausset, A. R. (n. d.). The Book of Psalms. Retrieved from https://www.blueletterbible.org/Comm/jfb/Psa/Psa_111.cfm?a=589002.


Piper, J. (2012). God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him. Retrieved from http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/god-is-most-glorified-in-us-when-we-are-most-satisfied-in-him.