The joining of two lives in marriage can cause some friction and even conflict. Some people will tell you to let things go. That's all well and good, but after I let so many things go, I start to feel bitter and resentful about what I am losing. I feel better better when I decide to give some things up. Letting go is passive. Giving up is active.
Take for instance, cooking. I would like to be good at things like bread baking and pancake flipping. I am not, and my husband is. I can try to compete with him. I can try to dissuade him from practicing his gifts. Or I can give some things up and wholeheartedly endorse the areas where he shines. Which is better for our marriage? The answer is pretty clear.
I don't have a lot of time. Sometimes my husband asks me to do things when I have other things still on my list to do. I can let go of my things and do his, but then I feel bereft. I grasp at what I left. If I willfully decide to give up what I want to do, it's gone. I have made a sacrifice for our marriage and though it may hurt, it doesn't leave behind as many hurt feelings.
I want to have the right answers. Sometimes I get defensive and argue with my husband because I want to be right. I can let go of what I think and believe whatever he says, but sometimes that feels like abandoning myself. If I give up my need to be right and instead choose to close my mouth and agree to disagree, things go better.
Letting things go? Maybe that's sometimes the answer. But in marriage, I think it's better to give things up. Giving up is active. It's intentional. It's purposeful. After all, isn't the point of marriage to give up your life to make a new life, and in that way image Christ? And isn't His giving up His life the best gift of all? He didn't let go. He willingly gave. ALL. And we should follow in His steps.
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