Stress Management: What Can I Add?

This season of life is just hard, and stressful. I want things to change, and yet I realize that we cannot change much about our situation. There is just a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it. Since I can't take anything away from my life, I started asking, "What can I add?" It seems like a counterintutive question, but if I can find some joy by adding things to my life, maybe it will balance out what stress subtracts. 

Here are a few of my recent "adds":

Downtime: Getting up early is annoying, but if I get up early enough to start the day slowly and not rush, it helps. I spend more time (when I have it) just lying around, too. It feels lazy and wasteful, but sometimes I just have nothing else to give. Pushing myself further just increases my stress.

Music: I spend hours at a time in the kitchen Friday/Saturday/Sunday cleaning up from the past week and prepping for the next one. I have started playing Pandora or other music from my phone or the Bose speaker while I do so. Sometimes I sing along. Sometimes I don't. Overall, the music seems to make the tasks at hand more bearable, and a little less tedious.

Podcasts: I spend hours upon hours commuting to and from work. Instead of listening to the radio or pondering the work day, I have added some fun podcasts. Some are educational. Some are encouraging. Some just occupy my mind. There is time and space for thinking, but sometimes I do it too much.

Purposeful quiet: Though I do try to fill some of my time with music and podcasts, I also take time to turn everything off for a few minutes and think/pray. The space feels novel and new. As long as the quiet is calming, I do it. If anxious thoughts start to rage, I switch back to one of the above silence fillers.

Tea: I drink tea almost every morning. But sometimes I drink it at lunch (when I am home) or dinner. Tea has a calming effect on me. It helps slow down my mind. It causes me to sit down a little longer. Both can be beneficial for stress management.

Walking breaks: Dr. Bruce Perry says that regular rhythmic activity helps cancel out the negative effects of stress. So every hour that I can (at work and at home), I try to get up and walk around a little bit. It helps clear my mind.

I haven't added much. I can't add much. What I can, I am doing, and I leave the rest up to the Lord. May He increase wisdom and add where I cannot.

The Co-Existence of Joy and Grief

A lot of good things are happening in my life right now, like really good things. Things I've hoped for, prayed for, and wanted for ages. Things worth celebrating. 

Although I feel a great deal of joy, I've also feel quite a bit of sadness, however. And I don't like it. But the more I think about it, the more I think it's appropriate. Because I think growth into the person God wants me to be involves grief. Grieving my old life and looking forward to the new. Giving up good things in favor of better things. Mourning the comfortable known of the past, and moving into the discomfort of the unknown future. 

I keep waiting for a day where I feel joy exclusive of sadness, but I don't think that's an attainable goal. Rather, I think that joy coexists with grief.  With each season of life comes an accompanying sorrow:

With the joy of adulthood comes the passing of childhood.
With the joy of a steady work comes the loss of flexible time.
With the joy of moving to be close to family comes the loss of those who were like family.
With the joy of marriage comes the surrender of one's individuality.
With the joy of parenting comes the pain of childbirth.
With the joy of a child's growth comes the sorrow of lost innocence.
With the joy of retirement comes the pain of finding a new identity.
With the joy of a loved one's home going to heaven comes the pain of their earthly absence.

Joy and grief. Grief and joy. We wouldn't appreciate what we have so much if it didn't come with some pain.

As we anticipate the coming of a new year, may we all embrace the joys of life along with the grief. May we all believe that grief and joy can co-exist, because if we don't, we may miss out on enjoying the joys of life all together.

Timelines

Our pastor preached a sermon a few weeks ago about timelines. Really, the sermon was about Jesus and how His birth and life and death happened perfectly, maybe not according to man's timeline, but according to God's. The pastor stated, "Everything on God's timeline will come to pass," and that got me thinking.

I stress so much about the future. I worry about tomorrow, next month, and next year. It's not an admirable trait, but rather a true struggle for me. Lately, I've found myself worrying even more about things I thought I'd decided to let go, like a house. Life is pretty good, and I don't have any major worries, so my brain seems to have decided to go back to worrying about things I don't need to worry about. I'm convinced it's a tactic of Satan to steal the joy of the present moment, too. By Jesus' power, I refuse to let him do that. 

"Everything on God's timeline will come to pass."

That means:

If I'm supposed to have a house, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to get my counseling license, it will happen.

If my work schedule is supposed to stabilize, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to get married someday, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to have a family of my own, it will happen.

If I need more education, it will happen.

If I'm supposed to...it will happen.

I believe the the truth written in the Bible that says "God’s gifts and his call are irrevocable" (Rom 11:29). Therefore, I have to trust that the things on God's timeline for my life will take place, and that anything that doesn't happen wasn't supposed to happen. But I also have to acknowledge that those those things on the timeline might not happen in the order I think they should, because this life is God's, not my own.

So friends, are you waiting? Waiting for a promotion? Waiting for that job change? Waiting for a life partner? Waiting for a child? Waiting to be where you think you should be? Everything on God's timeline will happen. Believe it. Trust it. Rest in it. 

May we together live in the now and not in the not yet.

Fix Your Heart.

I wrote earlier about times when the Spirit has convicted me to stop praying about something, to let go and let God. But the last time this happened, something else happened. I heard the still small voice say, "Pray for your heart." I was so convicted that my heart wasn't in the right place. I was praying for circumstances to change when what God really wanted to change was my heart.

So I changed the direction of my prayers. I prayed that I would be faithful and trustworthy in my actions. I prayed that I would rest in God's peace. I prayed that I would be sensitive to the Spirit's leading. I prayed that I would be brave and obedient. I prayed that I would be okay however the issue turned out. And my heart began to change.

I still don't have answers. And maybe that's the point. Prayer doesn't change God, because He is changeless. Prayer changes me. Prayer allows God to fix my heart.