Real Life Marriage: Doing It Together

If we're going to do this, we're going to have to do this together. Those were the thoughts running through my head after yet another not so fun conversation in the kitchen. He asked me a question. I felt backed into a corner and snapped at him. He got quiet. I felt terrible and quickly turned to despair. Another not so great night in our household.

Over time, we have started to name the things the other person does that set us off. I recognize that some of my responses are unreasonable. I'm not trying to act unreasonable, though. The responses just come. That doesn't make them right, or okay, though. It means I need to work on them.

I have realized that I can't work on my unreasonableness on my own, however. I need my husband's help. I need his nervous system to help regulate mine when mine goes out of whack. I need his reassurance to help me calm. I probably need him to repeat the same truths to me hundreds of times before they will really stick. (Yes, I'm stubborn.) Can I work on myself by myself? Sure. And I've been trying. A lot of my struggles come up in relationship, though, so the best place for them to be healed is in that relationship.

I realize that not all people have the blessing of a good marriage like mine. Marriage is not always a safe place to work on relationship, especially where there is abuse, domestic violence, infidelity, mental health issues, etc. Thankfully, I don't have those in my household. I have a good, godly husband who isn't quite perfect. And he lives with a wife who wants to love God and love him, but has lots of sin that stands in the way.

If we're going to do this, we're going to have to do this together. Jesus is the source of sanctification. It is the work of His Holy Spirit that makes me better. God can use my husband as an agent of his Holy Spirit, though. In fact, I think God intends to do so. I just must be willing. My husband must be willing. If we're going to do this marriage thing, if we're going to do this sanctifying marriage thing, we're going to have to do it together.