The Changes of Fall

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

~Ecclesiastes 3:1

My alarm blares and it's cool outside. I rise and shuffle to the bathroom and see no sun at the window. I pull into the driveway at night after work just as the sunlight is fading. I throw on a light jacket before dinner. Flowers begin to drop their petals and die. Tinges of colors appear in the leaves of trees. This is autumn and it's difficult for me.

I thrive on sunlight and light and joy. I relish long days of heat and warmth and productivity. I like the brown tone of my skin and the sun-kissed streaks of my hair. I like walking, and hiking, and running; wearing tank tops and shorts and cropped yoga pants. I paint my toes and wear flip-flops. I wear my swim suit to the pool even if I don't swim.

And then it's all over. It's not, but I feel like it is. I have a sense of loss and mourning and deep sadness. It's the weather, I know, but this changing of seasons is HARD for me. The weather is unpredictable. My wardrobe choices cater towards the cold mornings or the hot days and fall short at the opposite hour. The light I love arrives and departs far too quickly. Life fades and dies. But this season of autumn is like life.

Life has its seasons, too: infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood. Singleness, dating; marriage. Children, no children, being cared for by children. Elementary school, middle school, high school, college. Careers and career changes. Retirement. Life is full of change. Life is change. And change is HARD.

God is working on my heart in this season, teaching me to look for the joy amidst the pain of the hard: afternoons cool enough to sit outside midday; the return of pumpkin puree to the baking aisle; pumpkin pie spice products at Trader Joe's; autumn colors in the leaves; new crops of apples arrive. And God is reminding me that some things need to die in order for others to live. Some relationships come and then change, or go, making room for others. People we revered become people we don't know and God shows us new sources of truth. Flavors, and tastes, and preferences become different. Things that used to bring satisfaction or joy don't. It's not necessarily that the beauty is corrupted, but that it dies in order to allow us to discover something else.

New things happen in fall, but some stay the same at the same time. My family is still here to support me. I still have a home. The outdoor world might be different, but there is still sun and I can walk and hike and jog in it. My church is still standing. I still have friends, even if at a distance. The Bible is still true. I am thankful for these things. God is still here. God is still here, even as many other worldly things are falling away.