Do it to Make Him Happy.

(Woodwork by my very talented father-in-law)

I struggle with people-pleasing. You may have gathered that. I thought I had gotten better at people pleasing and then marriage. Ah, marriage. Oh, how it sanctifies.

My husband loves me. I know he does. He doesn't really have expectations of me. Oh, but I do. I want to please my husband. I have the expectation that I can do that. Sometimes I can, but more often than not, I fail. Either I fail to carry out what I want to do, or my husband fails to respond in the way that I expect him to in order to show he is pleased. I feel many emotions as a result: sadness, fear, anger, grief. Lately, though, I have been convicted about my motives. They aren't all right.

I want to please my husband because I love him. Love is a good motivation. I want to please my husband because I want him to be happy. Desiring the happiness of another is also good. The problem is that the happiness of others in not always in my control. Then there is my desire to please my husband to prove to myself that I am a "good wife," that I have value and worth, really, that I was worth marrying. Marriage is about more than worthiness, but that is a struggle that keeps coming back to bite me.

More times than I can count, I have been disappointed in the way my husband has reacted (or not reacted) to something I have done. It's not that he has done anything wrong or that he even knew I wanted a reaction. He just didn't have one. And then I realize: I'm working for the wrong approval.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Galatian 1:10, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" [New International Version]. Ouch. I've been trying to please my husband without remembering to please God. Pleasing God always needs to come first.

Gretchen Rubin wrote in her book The Happiness Project about a time she tried to do everything she could to make her husband happy. In my interpretation, it made her kind of bat-crazy. In the end, she decided that the best thing she could do for her family was to be happy herself. In my case, the best I can do is do everything unto the Lord, and in return, it might make both my husband and I more happy.

So where do I need to go from here? I need to seek to do everything unto the honor and glory of God. I am doing things to make Him happy, instead of trying to gain my husband's pleasure, which  can become an idol. When I find myself wrapped up in my husband's response, or disappointed by the lack thereof, I seek to correct my focus by saying to the Lord, "I'm doing it for you. I do this for you, Lord." Seeking to do the right thing for the right reason isn't always easy. It requires some heart searching and some heart turning. But I'm doing it all for Him.