I have been expressing my needs a lot lately, specifically to my husband. I don't like it, but I have realized it is necessary. Why? Because my husband has no way to know what I need unless I tell him. Expecting him to read my mind is inherently self-centered.
My revelations about marriage continue the longer I am married, but this one came about in a specific circumstance. My husband went out of town and I asked him for a communication plan. Why? Because I felt like I bothered my husband with my communication the last time he was away. Because I wanted to stay connected with him. Because I know that I fear distance and constantly need reassurance. Because I believe that a good marriage requires continual communication. That is a research-based fact.
As I talked to my husband about how to communicate while he was gone, I realized that I was asking him to communicate with me, and not offering anything in return. I was expecting him to know when I might need or want communication, but not offering any feedback. Furthermore, I was not asking what he needed. How self-centered! The world does not revolve around me. I have to reach out if I want someone to reach in.
My husband and I worked on continual communication while he was gone this time. That required both of us to reach out, perhaps beyond our comfort zones. Our communication grew our marriage, though. It grew my awareness that we both have needs and that we both need to communicate about them. It is selfish to say I want communication and then never communicate. Good communication requires self-awareness, knowing my needs, but also selflessness--communicating those needs and looking out for the needs of my husband, too.
No comments:
Post a Comment