Monday, July 10, 2017

Authentic Living: Clothing

I bought new clothes a few Sundays ago. I haven't bought new clothes since, I don't know...last fall? I think I bought a coat and some yoga pants then. That Sunday? I bought three shirts (hello Target 3 for $20 sale) and a pair of long back yoga pants. It was hard for me. 

I don't like clothes shopping for a lot of reasons. First, I have to reconcile spending the money (which the Lord has given me, but which I often feel guilty using for myself). Second, I have to deal with choosing the clothes. Some people think it's easy to be a smaller size, and I know that thin privilege does exist, but I have to confess that I'm not comfortable in my body a lot of the time. Contrary to popular opinion, not all clothes look good on you when you're thin. They sag and gap and hang in all the wrong places. I also feel self-conscious wearing clothes that expose a lot of my long, gangly arms and legs. Finding clothes that cover me is difficult. Third, I recognize that I am "small" for my size, so I always want to buy clothes that are too big for me, arguing that I'll "grow into them." I want to buy for the future so that I won't have to experience the pain of getting rid of clothes that get too small.

But you know what? When I buy clothes that don't fit, I'm not living authentically. I'm not living in the now.  I recognize that I probably "should" gain weight to be a more healthy size, but this is where I am for today. So I'm embracing it and buying clothes that fit. Then I can enjoy wearing them and not leave them hanging in my closet. And if and when these clothes don't fit, I'll have to acknowledge that pain, process it, and purchase more clothes. Maybe Target will have another sale....

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