My husband and I talked about divorce recently. No we weren't talking divorce. We were talking about it, and about why it isn't an option for us. First of all, we have a covenant marriage, so it would be hard to get a divorce. Secondly, and more importantly, we have realized that marriage is a lot of work, and we don't want to throw our work away!
We read in a marriage book early on that divorce doesn't fix things. What it does do is make you start all over. With all the work. With all the learning. With all the unlearning. It can be a lot to have to give up and then start over. I am not here to judge people who choose divorce. I am here to argue for why marriage is worth hard work.
Marriage is a process of learning, about each other, about communication, about life. As we learn more about each other each day, hopefully we grow in understanding, mercy, grace, and patience. (These can benefit our marriage!) In learning about each other, we often have to communicate (or fall flat when we don't). We learn what works, what doesn't, and what we can do better next time, if we choose. There is something so eye-opening about doing life with another person who sees things differently. It can be annoying when they point out things I don't want to see, but it can also enhance beauty.
Marriage requires a lot of self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice hurts. It also leaves more room for forming joint identity. Joint identity is what makes marriage work, and last.
If I started all over (and I have committed not to), I would not only throw away what I have learned so far. I would have to unlearn all of it and then start over. I don't want to throw away any of God's gifts, so hard work or not, I am sticking with it. Marriage is a blessing from God, and worth the work, (or as my husband hashtags everything, #worthit!)
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