I believe I am called to three things as a wife: service, sacrifice, and submission. None come easy. I am learning that fulfilling these callings also looks different than I expected.
Service: God created Eve as Adam's helpmate (Gen 2:18). Therefore, I believe I am to be my husband's helper, or as I affectionately call it, "support staff." But serving does not always look like I expect. True service and help looks like seeking out my husband's needs and serving in ways that benefit him, not me. Maybe that means not doing the dishes because he wants to do them to have a break from his work. Maybe that looks like getting his favorite takeout instead of making dinner for us myself. Maybe that means the menial rather than the magical. I can serve how I want to be served all day long, but that's not what marriage is about. Marriage is about self-giving love, which means putting my husband's needs first.
Sacrifice: I thought I was sacrificially loving my husband through my service until I realized that my serving often doesn't cost me anything. Service is my giving love language, but sacrifice is not just giving, but giving until it hurts, until I have actually lost something. True sacrifice can look like quitting chores early in favor of quality time, even if it means I have more to do the next day and that stresses me out. True sacrifice can look like going out of the way to go to a store that has my husband's favorite product, even if there are few other reasons for me to visit that store. True sacrifice can look like giving up my plans in favor of his. True sacrifice can look like putting two slices of cheese on his sandwich even when I want to ration to reduce grocery trips. True sacrifice means surrendering what I want in favor of what he wants.
Submission: "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord" (Eph 5:22). I never thought that obeying this command would be easy, but I never thought it would be so hard. My husband is the leader of our home, and his word rules. But sometimes his word looks like him asking for my feedback and me needing to practice vulnerability in order to give it. Sometimes submitting looks like making a decision when my husband asks me to do so. Sometimes submitting means practicing patience to wait for my husband to make the decision. Sometimes submitting means abandoning an issue all together because it's not one my husband wants to keep on the table. I want my husband to be a strong leader, and I pray that I empower him to be so with my actions. I am learning, however, that submission is also an action and requires actual work on my part.
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Am I a good wife? Do I fulfill what I believe are God's callings for me in my marriage? No and no. But I am learning and trying. May I grow more and more into my role and its associated actions with time, and as the Holy Spirit does His work. To God be the glory.
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