Real Life Marriage: Holy Not Happy (A Reprise)

When I first got married, I really railed against the idea that marriage is "to make you holy not happy"  (a paraphrase from Gary Thomas' (2015) book Sacred Marriage). It was really that word "not" that I railed against. Marriage was making me happy, and I wanted to enjoy it. I still do. Marriage is a gift from God, one I do not want to take for granted. Six plus years into marriage, though, I think I am starting to get it.

I love my husband. Really, I do! He is a gift. He is smart, kind, caring, compassionate, helpful, wise, and so much more-AND-we are very different. Six years in, those differences seem to be becoming more, not less pronounced. Or maybe they are just becoming more apparent as we experience more of life together. If marriage was all about happiness, I would argue that we would be out. Marriage is a lot more about sanctification, or at least overtly choosing that path.

Being married to a very different person forces me to confront my selfishness over and over again. If I am honest, most of the time I just want to make choices that benefit myself. I want to eat what and where I want to eat. I want to do chores on my schedule. I want to watch movies I like. I want to spend money on things for me. Sometimes I want to make choices that benefit and bless my husband, but most often, I don't. Marriage makes that very apparent. Marriage show me how much I need to grow.

I have plenty of happy times with my husband. We enjoy adventuring together. We travel. We play games. In this season, though, my need to grow is apparent. I have always needed the Lord's sanctifying work, but now more than ever, I see it. Marriage is an instrument God is using in my life. Man, it can be rough. Man it can be painful. Since marriage is God's will for me, though, I would not have it any other way. I need to be more holy and when God in His grace allowed me to get married, this was part of His plan.

Reference:

Thomas, G. (2015). Sacred marriage: What if God designed marriage to make us holy rather than to make us happy? Zondervan.