More Than An Equation

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" (Ps 37:4, New International Version). Ugh. I couldn't help but sigh as I read the verse. It was on my Bible reading plan, so I knew I was supposed to read it, but it still stung. I'd just been out for coffee with a fellow Jesus-seeking woman who wanted to be married, but was still single. As I read, I couldn't help but think of her and my many other Jesus-following women who'd had that verse read over them, but still not found their heart's desire of marriage. 

There are quite a few ways to try to reconcile this verse with my situation and the situation of my fellow single Jesus women:

1) We're following God, but not delighting in Him enough for Him to grant our desires to be married.

2) God will grant out desires to be married, but we just have to wait until that time.

3) God sees that the desires of our hearts are rooted in our need for love, and He fulfills that, so we may or may not get married.

There are truths and fallacies in each of these interpretations. In number one, there is the truth that we are sinners and therefore incapable of perfectly delighting in God (Rom 3:23). But there is also the fallacy that God is a vindicative God, withholding good from us on purpose. That's just not God, because God is love (1 John 4:8). In number two, there is the truth that God asks us to wait on Him (Lam 3:26), but the fallacy that God wants every woman to get married (1 Cor 7). Interpretation three encompasses some of the truths of interpretations one and two, but still fails to encompass the nuances of the verse.

When I read the whole of Scripture, I see a lot about God's divine design. God made Eve to help Adam (Gen 2). God uses marriage as an allegory for His relationship with the church (Eph 5). So marriage can't be bad. But marriage can't be for everyone, either. Paul writes about that repeatedly and Paul was following God from what I can tell in reading the Bible.

God's will isn't as simple as one plus one equals two, either. Scripture says that God uses all things for the good of His children (Rom 8:28). Sometimes God uses hard, painful things for our good and His glory. The Bible says that I don't lack anything good if I'm seeking the Lord (Ps 34:10). The Bible says that God's will is for me to rejoice, pray, and give thanks (1 Thess 5:16-18). Never does the Bible read like a blueprint predicting my future life.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that singleness is a complex issue. Maybe it's a temporary relationship status. Maybe it's permanent. Maybe it's because someone isn't following the Lord, or maybe it's because they are. Maybe it's a hard season of learning. Maybe it's a season of good. Whatever it is, it's not simple.

So please stop reading Psalm 37:4 over me like it's some magical incantation. 
Please acknowledge my singleness and let me feel the pain that often accompanies it in it.
Please stop telling me I don't love God enough.
Please share with me ways that I can pursue God more.
Please don't tell me that if I forget about marriage, it'll come.
Please encourage me that God sees me and hears my cries regardless of my marital state.
Please don't tell me that I'm flawed. (I already know that.)
Please love me as I am.

Please be with me in my singleness. Please encourage me to read the whole of Scripture so that I can become more of who God wants me to be. Please help me learn that following God is more than an equation for getting what I want. Please help me to see that God's ways are higher than mine. That's really what I need right now.