The results of the test weren't too surprising, but they were informative. And as I've reflected more on what I learned, I've realized that a key source of contention in my family relationships can be how we show love. Quality time is high for my parents, but low for me. Where I want to do acts of service to tell them how much they mean to me, they want me to spend time with them. When I rebuff their attempts to give me quality time, I hurt their feelings. When they don't recognize my acts of service or receive my words of praise, I feel in the wrong. But the issue really isn't about me. The issue is about mismatched love languages.
So how am I working to rectify this situation? Communication. I'm asking my parents what is important to them. Time is limited and I can't do everything with them, so I need to talk to them to learn what quality time looks like to them. And when they tell me something matters (or doesn't), I have to take what they say at face value and not over analyze. Then I have to give time to them to do the things they tell me matter. Similarly, I have to use communication to tell them when I appreciate what they do for me, or that their words of affirmation really encouraged me. They're working to tell me how I can benefit them with an act of service, and I'm working to receive their quality time. It's a give and take process.
Relationships are messy and hard, especially because people are so different. But that's a beauty of love, that we get to work on ourselves as part of our commitments to care for others who are unlike us. We grow as a result.
I sure don't have the love languages thing figured out, but I'm trying. And I'm learning that communication is key.
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