Learning From Lent

I started practicing Lent years ago, probably ten years ago at this point. It was hard then, and it is hard now. Some years I haven't practiced, but most years, I get convicted about something I need to give up. I don't want to fast, but eventually I succumb to the Spirit and do it. The first days and weeks of fasting this year seemed long (and Lent was a whole 46 days this year). The last few days, I wanted to quit, but then Easter came and I was grateful I fasted, grateful for this ritual and spiritual discipline that teaches me so much year in and year out.

Easter this year admittedly felt a lot different. It was more somber, less celebratory, but it was still Easter, and Christ is risen. Hallelujah! And because Christ is risen, we have the Holy Spirit, and it is that Spirit that convicted me to fast.

This year I fasted from three things: listening to music or podcasts in my car, tea, and chocolate. I have fasted from all three of these before, but never in conjunction. This year, I felt convicted to give up all three, to let Jesus take their place. I fasted from these practices and things for many reasons, but mostly because I tend to overuse them for comfort. There is no harm in finding comfort in God's good gifts, but when the gifts become more important than the Giver, there's a problem. I was bordering on that: drowning my thoughts (and prayers) out with music in the car, drowning my hunger and longings in tea up to three times a day, and looking to chocolate to give me peace to sleep. So essentially, I gave up comfort for Lent.

Almost immediately, I felt the ache of my loss. My thoughts assaulted me as I drove. The commutes to and from work seemed extra long. I felt the ache in my belly from not having tea. I missed the lingering at the table after meals as I sipped. I missed the calmness of the tea's warmth as it slipped down my throat. I couldn't figure out what to eat as a nighttime snack. But as I faithfully stuck with the fast, God started to show me benefits. My doctor told me my vertigo might be due to my electrolyte balance being off. My mom told me drinking less liquids would help. Well, fasting from tea took care of that recommendation! I started to notice that I was hungry after a lot of meals, and drinking less tea made room for more food and more energy (a sore lack these days). I recognized that I could eat a lot of different things for snack and started to figure out what did and didn't satisfy, thereby enlarging my repertoire. Then COVID-19 hit, and I saw even more reasons the Lord may have prompted me to fast. Having no radio on in the car meant less exposure to news. I became more and more grateful for a small space free from virus talk. (The overhead freeway signs and billboards reminded me of COVID enough.) I found that I could use my commute time to pray, or call those I loved and could not visit. I found that could discipline myself to sit and linger at the table without tea, if rest was what I needed. Groceries became more random (though not scarce-thankfully we have food), so having variety to my snacks helped me roll with the flow of food.  And now that I can find no powdered milk anyway, I have ideas of what I can enjoy besides my preferred hot chocolate mix. I am thankful, even if the fasting was painful.

Did I give up the fast on Easter? Yes. Because fasting past Easter can become legalistic and judgmental for me. I sure enjoyed the tea I sipped with breakfast and the chocolate chip cookie I had with snack. I was encouraged by the songs I heard on the radio in my car this morning. I hope that as I add back these things, I will return to a place of more moderation and gratitude overall.

Did I learn from Lent this year? I sure did! Was it easy? No. But the Spirit is faithful. Praise Him!