I Attempted a Dopamine Detox (ish) (Lent 2026)

Life was racing along faster than I could keep up. I was literally running about 40 miles a week training for my marathon. I drank coffee more often than before. (I said it was to help my running, and it was, but I also indulged frequently to survive things like a two-day weekend work training.) I was scrolling incessantly, numbing out with movies and TV (often scrolling while doing so), eating tons of sugar, etc., etc. I needed/wanted a break. So I tried to cut it all/most of it out. I hoped it would be a "dopamine detox" of sorts, resetting my brain so that I could enjoy life again. 

The Fasts

My husband had been telling me for awhile that I could reduce stress by cooking the same meals. Apparently I didn't understand what he said, but nonetheless, I picked a menu and decided to make it...for eight weeks. I called it a "capsule" meal plan, and it kind of bugged me, but by the end, I had gotten used to it. I was used to constantly searching for new recipes (either in my cookbooks, or on blogs), and finding the ingredients for them. It was fun, and a hobby, but also a stressor. Initially, I stopped reading my favorite cooking blogs, but then I decided to keep doing so. I just told myself I couldn't look up recipes for things I wanted to make. Maybe that was a cop-out, but that's what I did.

At first, the monotony of our menus bothered me. I was used to frequent variety and I missed it. But I did find a few ways to change things up (eg different versions of the black beans and rice and sheet pan pancakes). I came to really like the sourdough discard oatmeal bake (and think I might actually continue to make it). I enjoyed the treat of salmon burgers on Fridays, and somehow managed to still like pizza after having it every weekend. Eventually food became food, less exciting, but sustaining, which is ultimately what it needs to be.

Eating the same things did decrease decision fatigue. [Read Kelsey Wharton's (2026) piece about that here.] While I am not sure if it saved us any money (probably, but I didn't track that), it did decrease the variety of what I needed to buy at the store. I "missed" sales, but we survived. (I normally also try to cook around what is on sale.) I learned the art of batch cooking (meaning our freezer was always full). While it is not something I usually like to do (because I crave variety), it did reduce work overall. Near the end of Lent, my husband told me that though I took this challenge a little beyond what he intended (is anyone surprised?), it worked. He suggested a greater variety of meals if we do this again in the future.

I quit chocolate and coffee and sugar. I fast from chocolate during most Lenten seasons, and while I occasionally craved it, it was not so bad. I actually missed coffee a lot more than I expected, though. I like having it before runs with my collagen. I also occasionally wanted it as a "little treat" while at work. I had to say, "No" every time if I wanted to keep my fast. I remembered once again that quitting sugar means not eating out. (Because sugar is a flavor enhancer, it is is everything). That was a bummer, but we are trying to save money, so it helped us in that way. 

I mostly kept of social media. (More on that here.) Occasionally, I found myself scrolling Facebook. I did scroll other things. I did not miss Instagram as much as I expected, but I did find myself wondering if I was missing out. I found my life smaller and quieter, but I also lacked social awareness and connection. [My husband was the one to tell me about the half-marathon debacle (Dotson, 2026).] Is there a balance to be found in being online versus off?

After reading John Mark Comer's (2019) book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, I dreamed of chill Saturday evenings sitting around eating pizza and reading. Due to our remodel project, our Saturdays were not all chill, but I did really enjoy the variety of activities in which my husband and I engaged: playing some of our old (and new to me!) games, taking evening walks around downtown, crocheting and knitting while listening to episodes of The Song Exploder (Hirway, 2014-Present). I think I would like to incorporate some slower Saturdays into our lives in the future.

The Effects

At some point during Lent, my husband asked me why I had to give up so much stuff. (I was complaining about the lack of variety in my life.) I told him that I had not intended to, but these were the things that came to me. Yes, I can go too hard on things (okay, most things), but as I was reminded at the Ash Wednesday service, Lent is about finding true satisfaction in the Lord. When I was wanting things on my fasting list, I tried to pray to find satisfaction in God and remind myself that He is always my sustainer. 

Living a "simpler" life did highlight the colors and delights of life more (rather than everything being in a technicolor wash of fast-paced living). Sometimes, I found that clearing things out helped me notice and name little things that bugged me and decide if I could do anything about them. Before, I think I had just been covering them up with layers and layers of dopamine seeking.

I suppose I should see cooking as hobby, a get-to versus a have-to. I have to feed us, but I don’t have to cook. I could blow all of our money on convenience or restaurant food. And I could make the same bare bones meals (which didn’t even happen during Lent), but I wouldn’t enjoy it. I need to try to keep a fresh perspective on cooking as a privilege.

As some side benefits of Lent, I had wondered if eating so much sugar via Pop-Tarts was making my face break out. Well, on zero processed sugar I was still having breakouts, some more painful than before. It could be a blood sugar issue (but I would think less so now eating more fat), but it’s not a sugar issue. Whole food eating also did not seem to impact my hunger any differently than processed food eating (despite what people might say to the contrary). I don't plan to go whole-hog back to eating as many Pop-Tarts as I was during peak marathon training, but I needn't think they are the sole cause of other health complaints.

In things I did not expect, there was the missing coffee. There was also the volume of food we went through. With limited ingredients, we needed a lot of them! With cheese in almost every meal (which I figured could help make this fast easier on my cheese-loving husband), our total cheese totals consumed each week totaled a pound or two. I quickly ran through my freezer stash and had to send my husband out to buy more when the bags went on sale. (I think we spent close to $50 on cheese that day!). I also used oatmeal and rice and black beans at higher quantities. Thankfully availability was not an issue, but I did need to rethink my grocery lists. And I thought that this challenge would be easier. In some ways, it was, but in some ways, it just moved the cheese...literally!

After Thoughts

I didn't really detox from dopamine this Lent. Maybe I just had less/realized what a junkie I am. Am I glad I did these fasts? Yes? No? I don't know. I think fasting is a discipline, an exercise, not necessarily one I like, but one that teaches me things. Now is the time to cut the fast so as to avoid falling into asceticism. While I cannot keep such strict policies of abstinence year-round, perhaps this (relative) one can help me appreciate more and over-indulge less. We will see. Now I enter back into the fray and pray to remember what I have learned.

References:

Comer, J.M. (2019). The ruthless elimination of hurry: How to stay emotionally healthy and spiritually alive in the chaos of the modern world. WaterBrook.

Dotson, K. (2026, March 4). What went wrong in the women’s competition at the chaotic USATF half marathon championship? CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/04/sport/usatf-half-marathon-chaos-what-went-wrong

Hirway, H. (Host). (2014-Present). The song exploder. [Audio podcast]. https://songexploder.net/

Wharton, K. (2026, January 15). Eating an everyday menu (most days). Rising Shining. https://risingshining.substack.com/p/eating-an-everyday-menu-most-days

I Quit Reading.

Astute blog readers may have noticed that I did not post my "Everything I Read" post in March. That is because I quit reading for Lent. I had decided to just fast from chocolate and Instagram this Lent, but then someone close to me mentioned fasting from reading. I felt convicted! I read a lot early this year, and while it was not bad, I tend to go to extremes. I had wondered several times if reading was getting in the way of my relationships or other life duties, and taking a period to fast from this practice seemed like a good way to find out!

There are many reasons to fast during Lent: to remember Jesus and His sacrifice for our sins, to put things back in their proper places, to make room for God, etc. Fasting from reading did all of these things and more for me. It reminded me that Jesus is to be the center of my life, and anything else that starts to eclipse Him is an idol. It reminded me that reading is a good gift from God, not the "have-to" or "need-to" that I often make it. I should crave Christ rather than distraction. Taking quiet time to reflect on the Word and dig deeper into it is beneficial.

I tend towards asceticism, so I guess I should clarify that I did not fully take reading out of my life. I still read my Bible daily. I added a practice of reading a chapter of John each day and doing some doodling about it in my Scripture journal. I also read the daily Lent devotional from Kate Bowler.

Instead of reading, I listened to podcasts. I crocheted. I did crosswords. I asked my husband to do more things with me. I watched some television and movies. I think I would rather read than watch TV, but this fast was just for a season.

I did not miss chocolate or Instagram near as much as I missed reading. Perhaps that is because I have fasted from them before. Perhaps it is because they are not quite such a part of my life as reading. I will eat chocolate and go back to Instagram, I think. I know I want to go back to reading. It is more important, in my book.

Jesus is the best gift. Jesus is essential. Fasting from reading helped me reflect on these truths. As I go forward, may I worship the giver and thank Him for His gifts. May I recognize that what I ultimately need is Him, and all else is grace. Grace upon grace. Even in reading!

My Favorite Holiday

Before the Easter season totally passes by, I must spend a few minutes reflecting on why I call this my favorite holiday:

1) This holiday is literally the bedrock on which I build my life! If Jesus had not risen from the dead, I would have no hope, and say with the Apostle Paul, that I am "most to be pitied" (1 Corinthians 15:19, New International Version).

2) Easter breaks Lent, which since I choose to practice it, makes it more poignant.

3) Spring comes just before Easter, and Spring is a beautiful season marked by the resurrection of flowers and trees and birds and other flora and fauna.

4) Easter is less about gifts and meals and activities, and more about family (though it certainly has been commercialized).

5) I love seeing family photos from Easter. Since many people get new clothes for Easter, the photos are plentiful, and I enjoy seeing them all!

So here's to Easter, my favorite holiday, for so many reasons. I look forward to celebrating again next year!

Reference:

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Lent 2024

I didn't write much about Lent this year. It's not because I didn't do it, but because I simplified. Intensive, well-thought out fasts are good, but I have a tendency to feel like I always need to go bigger and better. This year wasn't the year for that. I went simple and small, engaging in fasting from two things from which I have fasted before: chocolate and Instagram. At first it was hard, as I usually indulged in both of these several times a day. Eventually, though, it just became force of habit.

The goal of fasting is supposed to be to focus on Christ. Honestly, I'm not sure I did that. I just simplified my life a little bit. Did that give me more time and space? Yes, and no. I still found myself wanting comfort food, and I sought it out. I still scrolled to zone out, albeit Facebook, news, and podcasts instead of Instagram. Basically, I am not sure fasting made much of an impact.

As I break that fast and introduce these things back into my life, though, can it increase my appreciation for Jesus? Will the joy of them remind me to joy in Jesus? I hope so, but we shall see....

Practical and Pretty

My best friend has a motto when she gets me gifts: practical and pretty. She knows I lean towards practical, but appreciate pretty, and it's true. So here's the practical and pretty of my Lenten headbands, two I had not made yet when I shared my original post.

The Practical: Striped cross-stitch headband from The Stitchin' Mommy

I made this from scrap black and gray yarn. I chose very muted colors so that the headband would match everything. I specifically wanted a minimalist headband for running. This headband worked great, much like a traditional "stretchy" headband. The only problem was that the yarn did stretch out a little bit over time.

The Pretty: Cross-stitched headband with flower applique from My Hobby is Crochet

I made this from scrap yarn as well, but specifically to match a dress for a wedding we attended. This headband was different in that it was cast onto hair elastics. This made the fit a bit different, but a bit tighter, too. I enjoyed wearing this headband and felt pretty in it. It also kept the flower on my head better than a barrette, or hair clip, or any other method would have.

I am not sure if I will (or should) keep all of the headbands I made. I think I will at least keep the pretty one. I enjoyed wearing it and think it could be fun to wear again with the same dress, if nothing else.

The Cross Before Me

One of my favorite college Bible professors had a Catholic background, but converted to Christianity by saving faith in Jesus. She taught me so much and encouraged me to practice so many spiritual disciplines. One way she influenced me was in her sharing about her practice of Lent. Though she acknowledged that Jesus is not still on the cross, but risen as Savior, she wore a crucifix necklace all through Lent. As I remember it, she said she did it to recall the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross during that season. That stuck with me.

I have done the cross thing before, but not the crucifix. Although I did fast from physical food (not a complete fast, but eliminating a certain food for a period of time) this year, my practice this year of adding something felt far more meaningful. What did I add? I added a headband. Let me explain.

I have always wanted to go to an Ash Wednesday service and get the ashes on my forehead, not because I believe in the ritual, but because of the physical manifestation of the somberness of Lent. When I made all those headbands in February, I had a thought that I could make a cross headband and wear it for Lent. In the end, it turned out that I made a series of headbands with some kind of cross pattern and alternated wearing them. It was harder and much more profound than I expected. 

I did not want to wear a headband every day. But then I thought about how Jesus did not want to go to the cross, but did it anyway as an act of obedience (Matt 26:39). My brother asked me if I wore headbands every day now (because it was different). Not wanting to give away my practice, I told him I was for this time period, and I wondered, do people see me as different because of the cross, and by salvation through it by grace through faith? As the headbands marked my hair, I wondered if the cross marks my life. As I saw myself in the mirror, I wondered how my life looks different because of the cross. I asked myself if the cross restrains me from sin like the headband restrains my hair. And many, many times, I thought of the lyrics to "Make Me An Instrument" by the Ragamuffin Band (Genius, n.d.):

Christ within me, Christ before me
Christ behind me, Christ above me
Christ beneath me, to my left and my right
Christ where I lie and where I rise
Christ in the hearts of all who think of me
Christ on the lips of all who speak of me
Christ in the eyes of all who see me
Make me Your instrument, Lord!

As I went about my day, I thought and prayed: 

Cross before me
Cross behind me
To the left and the right

The headband physically manifested this, and I hope, changed me.

So now as I leave Lent, and celebrate Easter, I leave the headbands behind. I do not leave the cross behind, however. Through Jesus' death on it, I am saved. The cross should mark me. The cross should mark all who follow Jesus. After all, Jesus said, that "Whoever wants to be [His] disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow [Him]" (New International Version, 2011, Matt 16:24). I am not sure I am fully there. I will not ever be fully there on this earth, but I pray that I am ever moving forward. May my Lenten practice be part of that.

References:

Genius. (n.d.) Make me an instrument. https://genius.com/A-ragamuffin-band-make-me-an-instrument-lyrics

New International Version. (2011). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Lent 2023: Less for More

My favorite holiday awaits: Easter. But first, Lent. That season of lack. That season of giving up, clearing out, cleaning out. Intentional fasting to make more room for Jesus.

I struggle with Lent every year. I don't want to give things up. Most years, though, the Lord shows me something I need to give up. And He shows up when I do.

Fasting is a choice. It is not required. In fact, biblically speaking, fasting is never commanded by Jesus (Anderson, 2021). Fasting is, however, expected. In the Bible, fasting is a response to sin, a way to mourn, and a way to seek God's face for favor and fulfillment. That last part is where I want to land this year. I want to approach Lent not ascetically, but with a heart that hungers for the spiritual more than the physical. A heart that is filled and contented with Jesus.

I can tend towards ascetism, especially during Lent. This year, I want to focus on enjoying what I have. I want to focus on how deprivation can lead me to indulge more in God and His goodness (Rubin, 2023). God is always enough. He is always here. He always provides. While I simplify my life more during Lent, though, I hope I see this more. So here's to the less of Lent and the more of Jesus. May God bless it for His name's sake. Amen.

References:

Anderson, J. (2021, September 19). "Mark 2:18-22 - Divine Truth & Human Tradition Do Not Mix" [Audio recording]. Grace Bible Church. https://www.gbcaz.org/sermon/mark-218-22-divine-truth-human-tradition-do-not-mix/

Rubin, G. (2023, January 3). Trying Dry January? Turn deprivation into indulgence. Gretchen Rubin. https://gretchenrubin.com/articles/turn-deprivation-into-indulgence/

The Domino Effect of Unintentional Sin

I usually participate in fasting during the season of Lent. One day this year, as I sipped my tea and enjoyed its flavor, I pondered the ingredients. I suddenly realized the tea contained [that food]. I considered tossing my tea. I considered pawning it off on my husband. I considered bottling it and saving it for later. What did I do? Well, I reasoned that since my ingestion of the food I was fasting from wasn't intentional, and I didn't want to waste the tea, I would go ahead and drink it. My mind dominoed from there as I considered breaking my fast altogether, on purpose this time. After all, I had already screwed up? Why not just give up? As my mind went, I realized that my slip up is just like unintentional sin.

Unintentional sin occurs when we do something without premeditation. Unwholesome talk comes out of our mouths. We accidentally view something online that we did not intend to see. We find ourselves engaged in gossip. We allow our eyes to linger a little too long on something unclean. We keep back just a little of our tithe money for ourselves. Then what happens? Without intention, we find ourselves slipping into a pattern of sin. If we do not pay attention, the area can quickly become a stronghold. We start to feel powerless and then we just give in.

The Old Testament sacrificial system required atonement for unintentional sin. (See Leviticus 4 and Numbers 15.) Why? Because it marred the people's purity. Because it separated them from God, even if they did not know it in the moment. In the New Testament, Jesus atoned for sin once and for all, but we still have to confess it. We still have to turn from it, because it still separates us from God.

Unintentional sin seems innocent at first, but it is really a slippery slope. We need the conviction of the Holy Spirit to recognize it. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to turn from it. We need Jesus' blood to cover it. Unintentional sin may start little, but its implications are massively destructive. One domino can start a path of destruction no one wants to follow.

May we turn and repent of our sins, intentional and unintentional today. May we fix our eyes on Jesus. May we ever allow the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit in sanctification, until the day comes when we are forever with Jesus and no longer in this destruction prone life and world.

Lent is Hard.

We're midway through Lent, more or less. And can I just say that fasting* for Lent is hard? I mean, I know it's not meant to be easy, but I always forget how hard it actually is.

Fasting is hard because I feel sadness and loss. I don't have to fast, but I choose to fast in order to understand Jesus' sacrifice more. Fasting makes me realize how much Jesus went through, and then I see that my chosen losses pale in comparison to what Jesus went through. He gave up his perfect sinless life for my sin! I have nothing in comparison to offer. And that is the point. In practicing Lent, I remember the gravity of Jesus' atonement.

Fasting is hard because I see the things I fast from often. This reminds of my privilege, and of my sins of ingratitude. Jesus dying for my sins is more than I deserve. How I can ignore his blessings is beyond me, and yet part of the sinful nature constantly at work within me. Lent increases my appreciation of God's blessings, at least for a time.

Fasting is hard because it feels so long. But how long must it have felt for Jesus who lived years on the earth knowing his destiny? What about the road to the cross and all the agony Jesus endured? Jesus was longsuffering through it all.

Fasting is hard because it exposes my sin nature. It exposes my pride, my desire for self-gratification, my tendency to justify and rationalize my own actions, and more. I don't like seeing these things, but these are some of the many reasons I need Jesus.

Lent is about focusing on the cross. As one person put it recently, in everything we do for Lent, we should ask, "How does this make the cross of Christ bigger?" For me, fasting during Lent does make the cross bigger. I don't like the hard, but I need the hard. I need to realize how big the cross is, and how big the sin Jesus took there for me is. I need to realize how hard it was for Jesus to die there. I need to realize how hard it is for me to give up my sin, and yet how much I need to do it. As I fast, may the hard drive me to the cross, for only there can I find strength to do all the hard things God calls me to do.

Reference:

Downs, A. F. (Host). (2022, January 24). She Reads Truth + Lent 2022! (Episode 359). [Audio podcast episode]. In That sounds fun. https://www.anniefdowns.com/podcast/episode-359-she-reads-truth-lent-2022/

*Note: I never fast completely during Lent. Rather, I fast from a food (or foods), media, habits, or other things.

How Fasting for Lent Affected My Relationships

I have practiced Lent for roughly 12 years or so. (I started fasting during Lent after I learned about it in college.) I have fasted from a variety of things, and each year learned something new. I took time this year to read the book, A Hunger for God by John Piper prior to Lent. Though I will confess that the book caused me to struggle with wanting to fast for ascetic and legalistic reasons, it did remind me that the purpose of fasting is to drive me to Jesus, to make me appreciate the giver more than the gifts. This year, I chose to fast from bread, or more specifically from bread, flour, gluten, and all together things made with wheat. (Jesus says he is the "Bread of Life" in the Bible.) Though I had to decline some foods I wanted, I did not find the dietary part of the fast very hard. What I found difficult was how fasting affected my relationships.

My husband usually cooks breakfast and dinner for us on Saturdays. He makes amazing pancakes and we enjoy them thoroughly, when I am not fasting. I shared my idea of fasting from bread with my husband before I started, and he okayed it. I do not think either of us fully considered its implications, though. Fasting from flour eliminated Saturday breakfasts, which meant more hodge-podge eating and less intentionality. Our diets did not suffer, but the specialness and time we spent together took at least a small hit. My husband likes to cook with flour for dinners, too, and my fast cramped his style. He honored my fast, but also noted that it saddened him. While he did not fast from flour completely, he was subject to no flour in the things I cooked as well. He noted several times that he preferred flour and missed it. My fast affected my marriage relationship.

Fasting from flour kept me from sharing in relational activities outside my marriage, too. I did not eat the pasta my husband made for a family dinner occasion. I said, "No" to pizza and potlucks at work. I had to work around flour that presented itself when we got invited out. I could not share food with my husband as I am prone to do. (He may have seen this as a benefit, though!) The fast was possible, and through it drove me to Jesus, it also drove me slightly apart from the people Jesus has placed in my life.

How did my fast drive me to Jesus? Each time I found gluten in a product, it reminded me that Jesus should be part of everything in life, every fiber of my being, every moment of my day. When I found no good substitutes for flour in some recipes, I recalled that there is no substitute for Christ. I am saved by faith through grace and only on Christ's merits. When I craved flour-y things, it reminded me that I should want Jesus more than anything. It reminded me that Jesus sustains my life. And when I could not share meals with others, my fast reminded me that a relationship with Jesus is a joy I should want to share with others. That was perhaps the most poignant learning.

Lent is over for this year. I am eating flour and gluten and all things wheat again. (I thank God that I am able to do this since I have no allergies to them.) I probably won't fast from bread again, at least not for a while. God calls me to be faithful to him, and also faithful to that to which he calls me. He has called me to be a wife and a co-worker and a sister and a friend, and bread is part of what sustains those relationships. So now I eat and celebrate, and fellowship, even as eat and fellowship and seek eternal sustenance from God.

Learning From Lent

I started practicing Lent years ago, probably ten years ago at this point. It was hard then, and it is hard now. Some years I haven't practiced, but most years, I get convicted about something I need to give up. I don't want to fast, but eventually I succumb to the Spirit and do it. The first days and weeks of fasting this year seemed long (and Lent was a whole 46 days this year). The last few days, I wanted to quit, but then Easter came and I was grateful I fasted, grateful for this ritual and spiritual discipline that teaches me so much year in and year out.

Easter this year admittedly felt a lot different. It was more somber, less celebratory, but it was still Easter, and Christ is risen. Hallelujah! And because Christ is risen, we have the Holy Spirit, and it is that Spirit that convicted me to fast.

This year I fasted from three things: listening to music or podcasts in my car, tea, and chocolate. I have fasted from all three of these before, but never in conjunction. This year, I felt convicted to give up all three, to let Jesus take their place. I fasted from these practices and things for many reasons, but mostly because I tend to overuse them for comfort. There is no harm in finding comfort in God's good gifts, but when the gifts become more important than the Giver, there's a problem. I was bordering on that: drowning my thoughts (and prayers) out with music in the car, drowning my hunger and longings in tea up to three times a day, and looking to chocolate to give me peace to sleep. So essentially, I gave up comfort for Lent.

Almost immediately, I felt the ache of my loss. My thoughts assaulted me as I drove. The commutes to and from work seemed extra long. I felt the ache in my belly from not having tea. I missed the lingering at the table after meals as I sipped. I missed the calmness of the tea's warmth as it slipped down my throat. I couldn't figure out what to eat as a nighttime snack. But as I faithfully stuck with the fast, God started to show me benefits. My doctor told me my vertigo might be due to my electrolyte balance being off. My mom told me drinking less liquids would help. Well, fasting from tea took care of that recommendation! I started to notice that I was hungry after a lot of meals, and drinking less tea made room for more food and more energy (a sore lack these days). I recognized that I could eat a lot of different things for snack and started to figure out what did and didn't satisfy, thereby enlarging my repertoire. Then COVID-19 hit, and I saw even more reasons the Lord may have prompted me to fast. Having no radio on in the car meant less exposure to news. I became more and more grateful for a small space free from virus talk. (The overhead freeway signs and billboards reminded me of COVID enough.) I found that I could use my commute time to pray, or call those I loved and could not visit. I found that could discipline myself to sit and linger at the table without tea, if rest was what I needed. Groceries became more random (though not scarce-thankfully we have food), so having variety to my snacks helped me roll with the flow of food.  And now that I can find no powdered milk anyway, I have ideas of what I can enjoy besides my preferred hot chocolate mix. I am thankful, even if the fasting was painful.

Did I give up the fast on Easter? Yes. Because fasting past Easter can become legalistic and judgmental for me. I sure enjoyed the tea I sipped with breakfast and the chocolate chip cookie I had with snack. I was encouraged by the songs I heard on the radio in my car this morning. I hope that as I add back these things, I will return to a place of more moderation and gratitude overall.

Did I learn from Lent this year? I sure did! Was it easy? No. But the Spirit is faithful. Praise Him!

Dying to Self: The Lenten Fast

Lent is upon us once again. I've practiced Lent since my second or so year of college, and here I am again, convicted that I need to fast, and yet not wanting to do it. Fast from Instagram of my own accord? Done. Fast from sugar for a month? Did that, too. But somehow when it comes to Lent and the things the Spirit asks me to fast from, it's hard, really hard. Lent is 40 days. Forty days feels like forever. And giving up things just to give them up feels so punitive. I don't like it. But I engage in Lent anyway.

My natural opposition to Lent shows me why I need to fast. My sacrifice of the small things of life for 40 days are nothing compared to the great cost Jesus paid when he gave his life for mine. My sinfulness and selfishness and pride become apparent when I recognize how unwilling I am to give up anything for the One who gave up everything. The difficulties of fasting itself show me how attached I am to earthly things and how I idolize comfort over worshiping Jesus. My feelings show me how much I need a Savior, and needing salvation is what Easter is all about. Easter is about life. It is about Jesus' death and resurrection to give us eternal life. It is about Him coming to give us life to the full (John 10:10). Hallelujah for that!

So here we are, day one of dying to self. I'm praying for Holy Spirit strength. May I remember Jesus and His sacrifice in this process. May fasting prompt me to reorder my life according to the cross. May I walk the barren road to Calvary and fall down and worship at Jesus' feet for the abundant life He gives. Amen.

Comfort Food: Lent Part 2

For me, Lent is a time to refocus and re-prioritize. People traditionally fast from food during Lent, and that was the second part of my fast. (Read about Part 1 here.) I chose to fast from cereal, as that was something I tended to overdo. 

Food is a form of self-care. Eating highly palatable foods for comfort is a choice. The problem was that I was mindlessly eating cereal and not finding it fulfilling.

So I took Lent to focus on other food choices. I went back to chocolate bowl cakes (based on this recipe) and peanuts and raisins and hot cocoa. Sometimes they satisfied and I didn't think about cereal, and sometimes they didn't and all I wanted to do was pull down the cereal box and fill my bowl. But I didn't.

I bought special cereal for Easter: chocolate peanut butter Cheerios!

I expected these Cheerios to be amazing, but  they weren't. Don't get me wrong, the cereal is decent, but not as rich and satisfying as I'd hoped. (I have something against the way that peanut butter tastes when it bakes. It's a hold over from my dislike of peanut butter for the first 21 years of my life.) My mom likes the Cheerios and I'm mixing them with things, so they'll get eaten, just maybe not as quickly.

I'm a little disappointed that my return to cereal hasn't been as satisfying as I hoped, but that's part of the point of Lent. Food isn't designed to give ultimate satisfaction. It's a good gift from God, but only He ultimately satisfies.

Hereby ends my series of reflections on Lent. Anyone else have Lenten experiences they want to share?

Fasting From Social Media: Lent Part 1

I took a break from social media for Lent this year. Okay, so I didn't take a break from all social media. I deactivated my Pinterest and Instagram accounts and deleted the apps from my phone. I decided not to use my phone at the kitchen table. I chose not to check my favorite blogs for updates. And I did it for 40 days.

Why this fast? Because social media had lost its proper place in my life. I needed to remember that Jesus is my comfort. I needed to re-center.

What did I learn? 

1) I crave the mindlessness of social media. I found myself scrolling Facebook more during Lent since I'd eliminated the other sources of social media in my life. Fail there, but I decided to be gracious with myself. At least I was aware of my habit

2) My focus improves when I read on paper versus on a screen. I found myself more engaged and doing less skimming when I read paper books. In replacing my breakfast screen time with books, I was able to complete three and get a few more items off my #bucketlistproject.

3) I really didn't miss much. I returned to blog reading and Pinterest on Easter Sunday. I'd made a list of blog posts I'd seen on Facebook and wanted to read, and I blew through those in a few days. They weren't that earth-shattering in their content. As the days have progressed and I've returned to reading blog posts, I've found them less satisfying. They're just not fulfilling, and they shouldn't be.

4) That Instagram might be too much for me. I haven't re-activated my account. I'm not sure if I will. Instagram is beneficial for things like happy lists, but it's also one more thing to keep up with. I like seeing friends posts and receiving content that way, but it's also overwhelming and overstimulating. Stay tuned to see what I decide.

Has anyone else taken a break from social media? If so, what did you learn? Please share in the comments section.

*I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post. 

Bread and Water: Reflections on Lent

To preface this blog post, I should explain about Lent. Growing up in nondenominational churches, I never practiced it. Then, in college, my resident director introduced me to this period of the church calendar. It is a time to deny oneself, a time to sacrifice in memory of Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross to save humankind from their sins. Sometimes people fast from food. Sometimes people fast from a habit. As the Director of Spiritual Formation at my alma mater used to say, it's a time to put things back in their proper perspective. I've fasted from many things since then: radio, Facebook, blogs, eating out, chocolate, gluten. And some years I've fasted from fasting, like during graduate school when I just did not need to add one one thing to my plate.

This year as I thought about Lent, I decided to fast from oatmeal, drinks other than water, and chocolate? Why? I like to find biblical support for my fasts, and since Jesus is the bread of life and living water, I thought making these foods my focus would help me focus on Jesus. I could wax eloquent about how I thought about Jesus when I ate whole wheat muffins for breakfast instead of oatmeal, or toast instead of granola for snack. I could tell you I thought of Jesus every time I drank hot water instead of coffee, hot chocolate, or tea. But that's not the truth.

The truth is that this fast was hard. It felt more like a diet than a spiritual discipline. I found myself thinking more about food because of the extra intentional effort I needed to put into meal prepping (making muffins ahead of time, asking Mom to make more bread, making peanut butter muffins instead of brownies for dessert, etc.). I constantly found things I couldn't eat without breaking my fast: Mom's pancakes, granola bars, Clif bars, coffee cake, etc. Mom went out of her way to accommodate my oatmeal fast particularly, but people at work still offered me chocolate. Bible study offered chocolate cake. The chocolate oatmeal Mom made for herself smelled so good. I often wanted coffee or tea as that final step of a meal. I frequently felt unsatisfied.

So did this fast do what it was supposed to? I believe God used it, but not maybe in the ways I expected. I realized how much I rely on oatmeal, chocolate, and hot drinks as staples of my diet. I recognize the satiation and even comfort they bring. I've gotten more conscious of my nighttime snacking. I've enjoyed trying some new recipes, I guess. Not consuming oatmeal, chocolate, and hot drinks has become habit, part of life. In some ways, though, this is not a positive thing. I find myself wanting to continue this fast, to continue to tell myself, "No." To prove my self control. To be ascetic. And that's not godly.

So what now? It's Easter, and He has risen! It's time to reintroduce these foods to my diet, to appreciate them as God-given gifts, to let my taste buds have a resurrection of the pleasure these foods bring. I'll be honest and say that I'll probably struggle with self-control, but I'll work at it. I'll practice self-forgiveness. I'll ask God for forgiveness. After all, that's what Easter is all about.