Lent 2024

I didn't write much about Lent this year. It's not because I didn't do it, but because I simplified. Intensive, well-thought out fasts are good, but I have a tendency to feel like I always need to go bigger and better. This year wasn't the year for that. I went simple and small, engaging in fasting from two things from which I have fasted before: chocolate and Instagram. At first it was hard, as I usually indulged in both of these several times a day. Eventually, though, it just became force of habit.

The goal of fasting is supposed to be to focus on Christ. Honestly, I'm not sure I did that. I just simplified my life a little bit. Did that give me more time and space? Yes, and no. I still found myself wanting comfort food, and I sought it out. I still scrolled to zone out, albeit Facebook, news, and podcasts instead of Instagram. Basically, I am not sure fasting made much of an impact.

As I break that fast and introduce these things back into my life, though, can it increase my appreciation for Jesus? Will the joy of them remind me to joy in Jesus? I hope so, but we shall see....

Lent 2023: Less for More

My favorite holiday awaits: Easter. But first, Lent. That season of lack. That season of giving up, clearing out, cleaning out. Intentional fasting to make more room for Jesus.

I struggle with Lent every year. I don't want to give things up. Most years, though, the Lord shows me something I need to give up. And He shows up when I do.

Fasting is a choice. It is not required. In fact, biblically speaking, fasting is never commanded by Jesus (Anderson, 2021). Fasting is, however, expected. In the Bible, fasting is a response to sin, a way to mourn, and a way to seek God's face for favor and fulfillment. That last part is where I want to land this year. I want to approach Lent not ascetically, but with a heart that hungers for the spiritual more than the physical. A heart that is filled and contented with Jesus.

I can tend towards ascetism, especially during Lent. This year, I want to focus on enjoying what I have. I want to focus on how deprivation can lead me to indulge more in God and His goodness (Rubin, 2023). God is always enough. He is always here. He always provides. While I simplify my life more during Lent, though, I hope I see this more. So here's to the less of Lent and the more of Jesus. May God bless it for His name's sake. Amen.

References:

Anderson, J. (2021, September 19). "Mark 2:18-22 - Divine Truth & Human Tradition Do Not Mix" [Audio recording]. Grace Bible Church. https://www.gbcaz.org/sermon/mark-218-22-divine-truth-human-tradition-do-not-mix/

Rubin, G. (2023, January 3). Trying Dry January? Turn deprivation into indulgence. Gretchen Rubin. https://gretchenrubin.com/articles/turn-deprivation-into-indulgence/

Lent is Hard.

We're midway through Lent, more or less. And can I just say that fasting* for Lent is hard? I mean, I know it's not meant to be easy, but I always forget how hard it actually is.

Fasting is hard because I feel sadness and loss. I don't have to fast, but I choose to fast in order to understand Jesus' sacrifice more. Fasting makes me realize how much Jesus went through, and then I see that my chosen losses pale in comparison to what Jesus went through. He gave up his perfect sinless life for my sin! I have nothing in comparison to offer. And that is the point. In practicing Lent, I remember the gravity of Jesus' atonement.

Fasting is hard because I see the things I fast from often. This reminds of my privilege, and of my sins of ingratitude. Jesus dying for my sins is more than I deserve. How I can ignore his blessings is beyond me, and yet part of the sinful nature constantly at work within me. Lent increases my appreciation of God's blessings, at least for a time.

Fasting is hard because it feels so long. But how long must it have felt for Jesus who lived years on the earth knowing his destiny? What about the road to the cross and all the agony Jesus endured? Jesus was longsuffering through it all.

Fasting is hard because it exposes my sin nature. It exposes my pride, my desire for self-gratification, my tendency to justify and rationalize my own actions, and more. I don't like seeing these things, but these are some of the many reasons I need Jesus.

Lent is about focusing on the cross. As one person put it recently, in everything we do for Lent, we should ask, "How does this make the cross of Christ bigger?" For me, fasting during Lent does make the cross bigger. I don't like the hard, but I need the hard. I need to realize how big the cross is, and how big the sin Jesus took there for me is. I need to realize how hard it was for Jesus to die there. I need to realize how hard it is for me to give up my sin, and yet how much I need to do it. As I fast, may the hard drive me to the cross, for only there can I find strength to do all the hard things God calls me to do.

Reference:

Downs, A. F. (Host). (2022, January 24). She Reads Truth + Lent 2022! (Episode 359). [Audio podcast episode]. In That sounds fun. https://www.anniefdowns.com/podcast/episode-359-she-reads-truth-lent-2022/

*Note: I never fast completely during Lent. Rather, I fast from a food (or foods), media, habits, or other things.

I Quit Running...

...for 30 days. I like running. It has served me well in a lot of ways. I've enjoyed completing many races. I've gotten faster and run longer distances in the past year. But I have also gotten really, really tired. I have an excessive, obsessive personality. I have run a lot, especially up until this last month. I was trying to outrun my stress. Trying to outrun problems. Trying to run to deal with COVID. Just running too much. So when all my spring races got cancelled, I figured it was time to take a break, not from exercise, but from running. So I found myself a 30 day plan and had at it. Here's what happened:

Day 1: I don't like the workout. I feel high anxiety, sadness, grief, and feelings of loss. I realize that it's hard to get to my 10,000 daily steps goal on my FitBit. I'm just as hungry as when I was running and didn't expect it.

Day 2: I am sore. The workout was better. I am less thirsty and less hungry, but feel bloated and swollen.

Day 5: I am getting into this a little more. I find I am less hungry at breakfast, more hungry at lunch, and just as hungry at snack, but I've switched to craving protein than carbs. Walking is getting to be too much. Should I give it up and start coverting workout minutes to steps?

Day 7: Finally! A rest day. I go for a walk and am even more hungry.

Day 8: Legs day. I am less hungry, and my Fit Bit says I've burned a lot less energy for the spite despite moving such a large muscle group. 

Day 9: I feel bloated, weak, and tired. I don't like strength training very much.

Day 12: Easter. I really miss running. I usually like to celebrate with a run. Not this time.

Day 13: I like workout a little more, but I am also on the move more at work. So which is actually the cause of feeling good tired at the end of the day.

Day 14: I like the workout again. I skip my rest day to have two later? Finish early?

Day 16: I recognize that less hard workout days are good for me. That is one benefit of following a program. I am getting used to this life. I feel less bloated. My body feels more toned. I am only a little sore. I am figuring out ways to get my steps in most days.

Day 19: I complain about feeling tired. My husband notes that I seemed less tired when I was running. He suggests I go back to it. I tell him I'm waiting it out.

Day 24: Total body pyramid again. I hate pyramid workouts. Or do I? But I feel stronger than I remembered feeling the last time. I am using 10 pound weights for the most part now.

Day 25: I take a rest day to hike. I hike nearly seven miles despite not having even walked more than three miles in a row for many days. I am slightly surprised. My body can still do this!

Day 26: Three more days and a rest day. My heel hurts (from hiking, old shoes, ??). I'm tired of my daily 10 flights of stairs as my only running. Lord, help me be balanced when I go back. And may I not take running for granted.

Day 27:  I definitely feel stronger, but two more workouts....I'm ready!

Day 29: Last day. (Remember that rest day I skipped? It's coming tomorrow.) I'm glad I'm done. I did okay, but this workout plan was too much, at least with daily walking added on top. I feel like I "need" cardio and sunshine. I know weights are good for me, but I may just do the minimum.

Day 30: Rest day walk. The end. I look forward to running tomorrow.

----

In summary, I quit running for a time. It was hard, but as with all hard things, it got easier with time. I hope I don't have to quit running again, but I probably will, and now I know I can do it. 

Quitting running showed me some things: that I get easily stir crazy. That I can obsess. That if I have to choose exercise, I prefer cardio outside (even if walking). That our bodies are resilient. (Now if I can manage not to overdo running and maybe, just maybe take a rest or "off" season.) Lord willing, back to the streets tomorrow. I'll update later....

Sugar Free January? Absolutely Not!

Many of you know that I prefer to be a person of balance. I don't like diets or absolutes or restrictions. I prefer to be intuitive. But this January, after seeing the challenge on Pinch of Yum, I decided to go off sugar, like absolutely. I don't normally eat a lot of sugar to begin with, andnd I usually prefer to sweeten with honey or maple syrup if I can. But I'd noticed myself getting a lot more attracted to sweets, to the point that I realized I was looking to food for comfort, instead of to Jesus my Savior.

So I cut sugar out. I stopped taking chewable vitamins that contained sugar. I checked every condiment I used at home and if it had sugar, I left it off or out (think Worchestershire, sriracha, mustard, etc.) I tried to skip food I knew could have sugar when eating food at work (bread, salad dressing, etc.) I didn't eat homemade bread I made that had a little sugar for sweetener, and I certainly the cookies I made for my husband. I thought I was doing pretty good.

And then I heard on a podcast that table salt contains sugar. I panicked. What? I'd worked so hard to avoid sugar, but I hadn't avoided salt. I'd used it both in recipes and at the table. I went home and checked the label and sure enough, there is dextrose (aka sugar) in iodized table salt. Why? I googled it, and it turns out dextrose is a preservative. So I'd been eating sugar all along, albeit in small amounts.

I was tempted after gaining that knowledge to give up my sugar fast, but I'm stubborn, and I didn't. I wanted to cave again when it got to be January 31st and I made cookies for my husband. Why not indulge? It was the last day of January anyway. But I stuck to my guns. I wanted to binge eat (a negative side effect of fasting) everything sugar (chocolate, cake, cookies, etc.)on the first of February, but by God's grace, I just enjoyed some of this lemon chocolate chip cake.

So what did I learn from Sugar Free January?

-Sugar is in a lot of things.
-Living in a world of absolutes is really difficult, if not impossible. (I can only imagine what it is like for people who absolutely have to avoid certain foods due to allergies.)
-Sometimes when I want sugar, I am just hungry.
-I am capable of finding snacks that taste good or meet a need and don't contain sugar.
-Reintroducing sugar (so far) has really had no ill effects. I just feel best when I eat sugar after I have other food in my stomach (which I already know, but had reinforced by this challenge/experiment/fast).

My biggest takeaway:

Sugar isn't really as evil as some people make it out to be.

Sugar isn't the be all, end all. It's A comfort, not THE comfort. It can be an extreme, but it doesn't have to be. It's a preservative and a flavor enhancer, so it actually has uses. I won't die or even feel that bad if I eat it (or don't).

All in all, Sugar Free January was a good reminder to me to let God be God, people be people, and allow balance to fluctuate in its meaning. 

Maybe I'm stirring up a hornet's nest with saying I don't believe sugar is evil. But I don't. I believe sugar is a good gift from God that's meant to be enjoyed in moderation (1 Tim 4:4; Jam 1:17). May I partake of it as such.

Comfort Food: Lent Part 2

For me, Lent is a time to refocus and re-prioritize. People traditionally fast from food during Lent, and that was the second part of my fast. (Read about Part 1 here.) I chose to fast from cereal, as that was something I tended to overdo. 

Food is a form of self-care. Eating highly palatable foods for comfort is a choice. The problem was that I was mindlessly eating cereal and not finding it fulfilling.

So I took Lent to focus on other food choices. I went back to chocolate bowl cakes (based on this recipe) and peanuts and raisins and hot cocoa. Sometimes they satisfied and I didn't think about cereal, and sometimes they didn't and all I wanted to do was pull down the cereal box and fill my bowl. But I didn't.

I bought special cereal for Easter: chocolate peanut butter Cheerios!

I expected these Cheerios to be amazing, but  they weren't. Don't get me wrong, the cereal is decent, but not as rich and satisfying as I'd hoped. (I have something against the way that peanut butter tastes when it bakes. It's a hold over from my dislike of peanut butter for the first 21 years of my life.) My mom likes the Cheerios and I'm mixing them with things, so they'll get eaten, just maybe not as quickly.

I'm a little disappointed that my return to cereal hasn't been as satisfying as I hoped, but that's part of the point of Lent. Food isn't designed to give ultimate satisfaction. It's a good gift from God, but only He ultimately satisfies.

Hereby ends my series of reflections on Lent. Anyone else have Lenten experiences they want to share?

Fasting From Social Media: Lent Part 1

I took a break from social media for Lent this year. Okay, so I didn't take a break from all social media. I deactivated my Pinterest and Instagram accounts and deleted the apps from my phone. I decided not to use my phone at the kitchen table. I chose not to check my favorite blogs for updates. And I did it for 40 days.

Why this fast? Because social media had lost its proper place in my life. I needed to remember that Jesus is my comfort. I needed to re-center.

What did I learn? 

1) I crave the mindlessness of social media. I found myself scrolling Facebook more during Lent since I'd eliminated the other sources of social media in my life. Fail there, but I decided to be gracious with myself. At least I was aware of my habit

2) My focus improves when I read on paper versus on a screen. I found myself more engaged and doing less skimming when I read paper books. In replacing my breakfast screen time with books, I was able to complete three and get a few more items off my #bucketlistproject.

3) I really didn't miss much. I returned to blog reading and Pinterest on Easter Sunday. I'd made a list of blog posts I'd seen on Facebook and wanted to read, and I blew through those in a few days. They weren't that earth-shattering in their content. As the days have progressed and I've returned to reading blog posts, I've found them less satisfying. They're just not fulfilling, and they shouldn't be.

4) That Instagram might be too much for me. I haven't re-activated my account. I'm not sure if I will. Instagram is beneficial for things like happy lists, but it's also one more thing to keep up with. I like seeing friends posts and receiving content that way, but it's also overwhelming and overstimulating. Stay tuned to see what I decide.

Has anyone else taken a break from social media? If so, what did you learn? Please share in the comments section.

*I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post. 

Giving Up the Fast

I haven't listened to the radio in my car for almost seven months. Why? I started the practice as a biblical fast last October, but after awhile, when God didn't answer the prayer which led me to the fast, it just became habit to leave the radio off. To be honest, I stopped praying so much and just got used to the silence and quiet of my drive time.

And now? I've decided to start listening to the radio again. Why? God answered our prayers (Thank you, Jesus!), and to continue fasting, for me, would be asceticism, not a spiritual discipline.

Is fasting always asceticism? No, but asceticism is a trap of self-righteousness into which I often fall. Salvation is by Jesus' sacrifice, not mine.

God is using the radio in my life, too. Multiple times in the past few weeks, I've heard Hawk Nelson's new song, "Diamonds." The chorus,

He’s making diamonds
Making diamonds
He’s making diamonds out of dust
He is refining
And in his timing
He’s making diamonds out of us

really resonates with me. This has been a hard year for many reasons. God's refining process in my life has been, and is painful. But it's His process, not mine, which brings me back to giving up the fast. Fasting is about acknowledging God's power, and my powerlessness. Therefore, for me, giving up the fast is about glorifying God instead of glorifying myself.

Grocery Store Fast

Okay, so I was not exactly “out” of food, but I went to the grocery store last night. Sunday noon, I made tomato soup out of the last two cans of Rotel I had in my cupboard, a little bit of celery I had in the freezer and some of my housemate's onion. The soup was pretty good, but not utterly satisfying. I had not had fresh produce for days, and I desperately wanted some. At dinner, I binged on my housemate's kale salad, and then ate more kale and a little bit of butternut squash from the freezer for snack. My body was craving fresh fruits and vegetables, but I had very little. I had to squirrel away a half cup of butternut squash and a few raisins to eat as “fruit” for Monday. Other than peanut butter, a few almonds and cashews, and a bit of powdered milk, I was also out of protein sources. It was time.


I realize in my “lack, though, how very rich I was. I still had food. I could have “survived” off the food I had for days or possibly even weeks more. I just might not have felt well due to lack of vitamins and nutrients from fresh produce. This is the story of many, however. Many people do not have food. Many people do not have enough food, or good food. I am blessed.


So what did I buy at the store? Here's a look:



2 lb black beans $2.29
2 lb carrots $0.99
3 heads garlic $0.99
16 c. skim milk $2.22
3 lb oranges $2.99
4 c. 0% fat Greek yogurt $3.69
2.43 lb bananas ($0.29/lb) $0.70
2 stalks celery $1.94


I am trying to eat “in season” as much as I can, so I am proud of myself for buying oranges. They are not my favorite fruit, but surely I can eat them. They are also one of the cheapest fruits at this time of year. With the black beans, carrots, garlic, and celery, along with some leftover ketchup I have in the fridge, I hope to make Budget Byte's slow cooker black bean soup. That sound keep me in vegan protein for awhile. I can also eat carrot and celery sticks to get my produce fix. Bananas make great additions to oatmeal for breakfast, and the milk and Greek yogurt give me more protein. I like to freeze Greek yogurt with peanut butter, honey, and chocolate chips for a sweet treat, so that gives me a dessert option. I still have some of that Rotel tomato soup, along with some pumpkin bread and leftover Thai restaurant food. My housemate said I can still eat her kale salad, and we have leftover pancakes from house dinner tonight (a new tradition—throw in whatever leftovers you have to feed the crowd and get rid of excess food). I've still got a lot of overcooked granola, which is not as bad as I thought it was. I can eat that for snacks. After two weeks and a day of buying no groceries, I look forward to “feasting” for the next while.


What have I learned? I keep a lot more food on hand than I think I do. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but I need to be careful to put my faith and security in God, not in my food-stores. Having less food forces me to be more creative. I actually came up with some good recipes, especially "to-go" oatmeal jars, berry chia oatmeal, and hot chocolate flax seed oatmeal. I heard something on the radio yesterday about being careful what you do because people are watching you. Though my housemates did not join me in my grocery shopping fast, I think it did impact them. One housemate came up with the house leftover dinner idea. We originally planned to buy food to make new recipes for this night, but we realized we did not need to. We can eat the food we have and still have a great spread and enjoy ourselves. (We had cilantro lime black bean cauliflower rice, pumpkin curry, and garlic cheese herb biscuits for house dinner last week, which made enough for several lunch meals as well.) When I shopped, I thought more about what I bought and how I could use it up, rather than stockpiling it. The specialty aisles at Aldi tempted me less because I realized I would need to use up what I buy. Why buy something new (e. g. that cool-sounding “coconut spread”) when I already have something like it (virgin coconut oil) in my cupboard? I feel wealthy with the $20 in groceries I bought. Practicing self-discipline is a skill I need to continue to develop. And you know what? It's kind of fun to find new and creative ways to be thrifty with grocery spending. So much of life is about perspective!