LESS Hunger (Judgement)

My running nutrition coach told me to eat like a marathoner for a least two days after my race (Moore, n.d.). I guess I thought that meant my hunger would decrease significantly thereafter. That has not been the case. Rather, despite my rapidly reduce mileage, I have been very, very hungry.

I judged my hunger as "too much," which made me feel yucky eating "so much," but then again, I hate being hungry, so I ate to satiation anyway. And so I decided my LESS this month would be to judge my hunger less, to eat intuitively, and see what happened.

My running nutrition coach told me that I needed to fuel better, and I was (Moore, n.d.). I started implementing more of her suggestions post race (to make sure that they did not upset my stomach as I finished training). I expected that increasing my consumption of things like healthy fats and more whole foods would lead to increased satiety. Not so. Even with adding in all these thngs, I still felt very hungry. And so I ate, and ate some more.

My running nutrition coach warned me that I would gain weight as I fueled better. I had already gained a bit of weight by the time of my marathon. What I didn't expect was for it to continue, at a rather rapid pace. It was fine. I could stand to gain weight. It just didn't feel good.

Instead of judging my hunger, I tried to be curious. I played around with timing of my meals, meal composition, etc. A few times, I experienced less hunger, but overall, it was high. Maybe my stomach was just used to being more full, and it needed some time to constrict back to its normal size? (How do you convince your body you no longer need as many calories after the marathon?, 2024). A few times, I tried to eat not quite to satiety, what I "used to" eat when I was running less, but that didn't feel good either. I was pretty terrified of getting an underfueling injury if I ate too little. I wanted to get back to training. So I just ate. 

I researched explanations for my hunger. I heard on a podcast (and then later read) that increased hunger, even when training less can be a result of underfueling (Alm, 2026, Senior-Runner, 2025). My nutrition coach did tell me that she thought I was underfueling, so maybe that was it. (I wasn't losing weight, so I thought I was okay. I guess not.) I read about post-race weight gain due to inflammation, but that didn't explain my hunger, or the fact that I seemed to be continuing to put on weight over a month post race (Krapcha, 2024). I saw on Reddit that weight gain is common in the back half of marathon training, and afterward (Becka_Swan, 2026). I even saw on one forum that it is normal for weight to go up for months post marathon, and then eventually stabilize (JRMischler, 2017). I assume hunger being higher would go along with that. I also saw the hypothesis that longer running efforts just made the body hang onto more to be "safe" (SpinorsSpin4, 2026). That all made sense.

In the end, I wanted to run more than I wanted to be back to my "old self," so I worked on hunger acceptance. This is not my old self. This is a new, two-marathon run body. Maybe I've gained muscle. (I did up my dumbbells to 15 pounds again, but I am still only training strength about twice a week.) (Hnatiuk, 2023; MankyPants, 2025). Maybe I've gained fat. Whichever, whatever the case, I need to honor hunger. While here at the end of the month, it has seemed to abate some, I am also returning to training more, which means I need to eat more. I said I was going to do the work to fuel better, and I guess this is all part of it. So here's not to less hunger, but to less judgement of it; to honoring it and seeing what it feeds.

References:

Alm, M. (Host). (2026, February 13). Q&A with Maddie - 24. (S2 E03) [Audio podcast episode]. Fueling forward. https://rss.com/podcasts/fuelingforwardpodcast/2545725/

[Becka_Swan]. (2026, February 26). Have done 2 marathons now - with both I lost a little bit as I started ramping up, but then when [Comment on the online forum post Have you gained or lost weight when marathon training?] Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/XXRunning/comments/1rf3225/have_you_gained_or_lost_weight_when_marathon/

Hnatiuk, S. (Host). (2023, November 11). Why you're gaining weight (despite so much running!). [Audio podcast episode]. The fuel run recover podcast. https://creators.spotify.com/pod/profile/stephanie-hnatiuk/episodes/Why-Youre-Gaining-Weight-despite-doing-so-much-running-e27kg16

How do you convince your body you no longer need as many calories after the marathon? (2024). [Online forum post]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marathon_Training/comments/1cncxa2/how_do_you_convince_your_body_you_no_longer_need/

[JRMischler]. (2017, February 10).  I normally gain about 5 to 8 lbs in the 3 to 4 months after a marathon.  During that time [Comment on the online forum post Post-Marathon Bloat/Weight Gain]. Running ahead. https://www.runningahead.com/forums/post/1009a4b2c6754233964e5ecc838cff81

Krapcha, K. (2024, February 26). Run tri mag. https://runtrimag.com/weight-gain-after-ultramarathon/

[MankyPants]. (2025). Ha! I gained 10kg, and I’m petite. It happens. On the upside I’ve run multiple PBs during my training and [Comment on the online forum post Feeling lost after my marathon, struggling with binge eating and unsure about London next year]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marathon_Training/comments/1omrj9c/feeling_lost_after_my_marathon_struggling_with/

Moore, E. (n.d.). The Dietitian Runner. https://thedietitianrunner.com/

[Senior-Running]. (2025). My initial reaction here is that you're overthinking this?

You mention a difference in mileage of 25 miles in a [Comment on the online forum post Struggling with hunger after a training block]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Marathon_Training/comments/1njbwb6/comment/nep36rs/

[SpinorsSpin4]. (2026, February 16). I gain weight when my volume gets higher too. I think when I'm consistently doing longer efforts, my body just [Comment on the online forum post Does anyone else gain weight when running more?]. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Ultramarathon/comments/1r6fcte/does_anyone_else_gain_weight_when_running_more/

Marathon Eats

I wrote enough about the race in the recap, but let me tell you about what I ate to get there. I carb-loaded for three days, and got in far more than the minimum 8 grams of carbs per kilogram of body weight (over 400 grams a day for me) (Featherstun, n.d.). What did that look like? Among other things I ate:

16 T Nesquick

9 sourdough bagels (that I made myself)

6 bananas 

3-4 T pumpkin butter

3 pumpkin spice poptarts

3 pumpkin spice bagels

3 c pasta

2 t Honey Stinger hydration mix

1.5 c applesauce 

1.5 c peas

1.5 c sweet potato

1 fruit pouch

1 sachet of LMNT

Race day included:

1 sourdough bagel

Sachet of LMNT

9 GU gels

Barbecue Lays

A Muscle Milk protein shake

A bottle of water

Two more bottles of water with another LMNT

Oreos

A gigantic hamburger from Rehab Burger Therapy

A banana split from Dairy Queen

Sourdough bread

Hot chocolate with peanut butter

Was I binge eating? No, I was legitimately hungry for all this! I wanted the chips almost immediately after I drank the bottle of water, which tells me I needed salt. Then I felt my blood sugar dropping, so I ate the Oreos. The hamburger was in the plan, as that is my post long-run re-fuel food of choice. The ice cream was to celebrate! Then I was hungry, so I ate the bread and drank hot chocolate. Was it a balanced day of eating? Certainly not! It was a day of celebrating, because we only get one life. There is time for healthy eating, but marathon day is not that time!

Since the marathon, I have felt less hunger pangs. At the same time, my stomach has felt like a bottomless pit. I have eaten as much or more than I did during peak week of training. I have been craving more whole grains, fruits, and vegetables, however, and desserts do not seem that appealing. (I am guessing my body is balancing out the massive amount of sugar I consumed in the form of gels during the marathon.) Whatever the case, I am trying to listen to my body and give it what it needs

God made our bodies smart. I read that it can take up to a month to replenish glycogen stores, and I want that to happen, so I am going to keep eating, eating, eating (Higdon, n.d.). I ran a marathon. Now I guess I have a marathon of eating?

References:

Featherstun, M. (n.d.). Carb loading. https://www.featherstonenutrition.com/carb-loading/

Higdon, H. (n.d.). Post-marathon recovery: Novice. https://www.halhigdon.com/training-programs/post-marathon-recovery/novice-post-marathon/

Living with Intention

I tried to tune into my intuition for quite some time. Then it stopped working for me so well. I needed something else, but not a program or a policy. Rather, I needed a habit, or a series of habits: something to help me stay grounded and focus on what matters, but nothing too restrictive. What I stumbled into was living with intention.

My life is very harried and busy right now. It's hard to even get to the basics sometimes. In a perfect world, I could tune in to what I wanted for dinner each night, run to the grocery store, pick up ingredients, and come home and leisurely cook. But I'm married. I work ten hours days. I commute. That just isn't going to happen. So I meal prep. That ensures that we have food, like it intuitively or not.

Deciding what I want to do for exercise each day is a lovely idea, but races require training. That's why I use training plans. Sure, I can take rest days, or go slower or faster on days I feel like it, but the plans keep me on track overall.

I'd love to say I want to read my Bible and pray every day, but the truth is, I'm a sinner and I don't always want to. I do daily devotions as a habit because I know it's good for me.

Some people in the intuitive living sphere criticize calorie and macro counting because it's based on the system, not the self. I get it. With running, though, it can help to track these things, at least loosely. Endurance requires intentional effort towards nutrition.

I have a FitBit watch. It does buzz when I haven't gotten in my 250 steps for the hour. Do I always obey it? No. It does help me stay more active, and therefore have less bodily pain.

I could ask all day long what I need and want, but right now, I don't have the brain space for that. So I have intentions: intentions for meals, intentions for exercise, intuitions for habits. I even have lists of intentions for how I plan to show love to my husband. Intentions are my plans for making the best of this life I have. Maybe this is not best way, but for now, it's the best way I have.

Why I'm Less Into Intuitive Living These Days

I was really into intuitive living for a while: intuitive eating, intuitive exercise, etc. It was a good phase. It was a phase of questioning the world's messages and getting to know myself better. It helped me clarify my values. I'm less into it now, though. It's just not working for me.

Life is too busy right now to truly tap into intuition. I just need to have a plan and go. While it might be good to pause and check in with myself, asking what I really want here and now can lead to decision fatigue. Habits and routines are serving me better.

I am also thinking more about sin, and how my nature is inherently fallen. Do I really want to listen to my intuition, if my intuition is fallen? Opposing those who believe humans always know what is best for themselves, John Koessler (2003) writes, "We don’t always know what is good for us. Following our natural desires may move us further away from spiritual maturity rather than closer to it” (p. 123). If my life is about living for Jesus, living for myself, I want to be about maturity, and that might mean less intuition.

I do still try to listen to my body when it tells me it is sick, hungry, or tired. As Jess Connolly (2022) says, "This is a good body," in that God made it. God designed our bodies to work well. He designed people to understand their bodies and care for them. There are still some vestiges of that good left. Sometimes I get to honor what my body tells me. Sometimes I have to push through. It's called life.

I tend to do things in extremes. I was disciplined to my detriment, and then I was probably more navel-gazing than needed. I hope I am a little more realistic these days, about what I can and can't do, and about who I am as a sinner being sanctified by my Savior. I am less into intuitive living as a lifestyle, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting closer to just living the life I have. For me, that would be a win.

References:

Connolly, J. [@breakingfreefrombodyshame]. (2022, July 29). Know what is the one thing that can still send me into a shame spiral? [Instagram photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/CgmnrleL9Qj/?hl=en.

Koessler, J. (2003). True discipleship: The art of following Jesus. Moody Publishers.

All The Things We Do to Be Healthy...

All the things we do to be healthy...and then find out we're not so healthy. For example, the time I went to the doctor with super low blood pressure. "Take salt tablets," she said.

What? Salt tablets? I'd been trying to reduce sodium in my diet in order to lessen fluid retention, help my hand, and be healthy overall. And now I had to do the opposite: over salt everything in hopes of raising my blood pressure without those dreaded salt tablets, which supposedly could burn my stomach.

Other things "they" tell me to do to be healthy that might not actually be healthy?

1) Stop eating when no longer hungry. I was super fatigued earlier this year and I think it's because I was eating to assuage my hunger, but not to true fullness. So now I'm eating more, not less.

2) Drink all the water. Apparently there is such thing as too much water. And too much water can also lower blood pressure.

3) Ditch the salad dressing. Actually, fat makes vegetable vitamins more accessible and digestible. Pile on the olive oil for me!

4) Exercise all the time, as much as you can. Nope! Overtraining is a thing. I took April off running to see if that might be happening for me.

5) Skip the caffeine. As with the salt, I might need some to manage blood pressure. Caffeine can help stay awake at key times, and relieve headaches. It has uses, in moderation.

In many ways, health is unique to the person. And all that the media tells us is not science-based. It's advertising designed to make us buy products that will supposedly heal all our diseases. Nothing and no one can do that, no one on earth that is. These are earthly bodies, and yes we should be good stewards, but we also need to realize that we're perishing, and sometimes the best we can do is stress a little less about health and live a little more.

Sugar Free January? Absolutely Not!

Many of you know that I prefer to be a person of balance. I don't like diets or absolutes or restrictions. I prefer to be intuitive. But this January, after seeing the challenge on Pinch of Yum, I decided to go off sugar, like absolutely. I don't normally eat a lot of sugar to begin with, andnd I usually prefer to sweeten with honey or maple syrup if I can. But I'd noticed myself getting a lot more attracted to sweets, to the point that I realized I was looking to food for comfort, instead of to Jesus my Savior.

So I cut sugar out. I stopped taking chewable vitamins that contained sugar. I checked every condiment I used at home and if it had sugar, I left it off or out (think Worchestershire, sriracha, mustard, etc.) I tried to skip food I knew could have sugar when eating food at work (bread, salad dressing, etc.) I didn't eat homemade bread I made that had a little sugar for sweetener, and I certainly the cookies I made for my husband. I thought I was doing pretty good.

And then I heard on a podcast that table salt contains sugar. I panicked. What? I'd worked so hard to avoid sugar, but I hadn't avoided salt. I'd used it both in recipes and at the table. I went home and checked the label and sure enough, there is dextrose (aka sugar) in iodized table salt. Why? I googled it, and it turns out dextrose is a preservative. So I'd been eating sugar all along, albeit in small amounts.

I was tempted after gaining that knowledge to give up my sugar fast, but I'm stubborn, and I didn't. I wanted to cave again when it got to be January 31st and I made cookies for my husband. Why not indulge? It was the last day of January anyway. But I stuck to my guns. I wanted to binge eat (a negative side effect of fasting) everything sugar (chocolate, cake, cookies, etc.)on the first of February, but by God's grace, I just enjoyed some of this lemon chocolate chip cake.

So what did I learn from Sugar Free January?

-Sugar is in a lot of things.
-Living in a world of absolutes is really difficult, if not impossible. (I can only imagine what it is like for people who absolutely have to avoid certain foods due to allergies.)
-Sometimes when I want sugar, I am just hungry.
-I am capable of finding snacks that taste good or meet a need and don't contain sugar.
-Reintroducing sugar (so far) has really had no ill effects. I just feel best when I eat sugar after I have other food in my stomach (which I already know, but had reinforced by this challenge/experiment/fast).

My biggest takeaway:

Sugar isn't really as evil as some people make it out to be.

Sugar isn't the be all, end all. It's A comfort, not THE comfort. It can be an extreme, but it doesn't have to be. It's a preservative and a flavor enhancer, so it actually has uses. I won't die or even feel that bad if I eat it (or don't).

All in all, Sugar Free January was a good reminder to me to let God be God, people be people, and allow balance to fluctuate in its meaning. 

Maybe I'm stirring up a hornet's nest with saying I don't believe sugar is evil. But I don't. I believe sugar is a good gift from God that's meant to be enjoyed in moderation (1 Tim 4:4; Jam 1:17). May I partake of it as such.

Dispelling the Myths: Runners Can Eat Whatever They Want.

Runners can eat whatever they want. 

You run a lot. 

That's how you stay so thin. 

False. False. False. If running a half-marathon taught me anything (it taught me a lot of things), it taught me even more the importance of nutrition. And I'm talking eating right, eating a lot, and eating to run, not running to eat.

I found out very quickly that running made me, hungry very hungry. I sometimes tried to practice "self-control," but then I kept reading about how running can damage your hormones, lower your immunity, create injury, etc. if I didn't eat right. So I ate. A lot. Like handfuls of granola and nuts after my morning bowl of oatmeal. Like lots of red meat. (Thanks to reading Run Fast, Eat Slow.) Like protein bars and gels, which I know can "make you fat," (but they didn't-they gave me energy). I decided that even if I did eat so much I gained weight, I'd rather gain weight and run than not run and not gain weight. (Running is good for my mental health, I've found.)

I wanted to eat sugar, but it seemed to lower my immunity and made me feel yucky. So I turned to whole food and more savory stuff. I sometimes wanted to skip carbs, but that didn't work so well, so I added in more carbs. I often stayed up late eating a big nighttime snack to make sure my belly was full and ready to run the next morning. I found out the hard way that I needed to stay on top of my long run hunger (e.g. eat on a schedule/before I was hungry) to avoid an all out binge. I ate when I didn't want to and sometimes to the point of feeling overfull, because I knew I needed it. And on the day I ran my half-marathon, I ate more than I think I've ever eaten before, but I did it because my body kept telling me it was hungry, so I knew I needed the fuel.

Can runners eat whatever they want? I'd argue not. Does running make you thin? I'd argue no in that case, too. In fact, my predisposition to being thin makes me a worse runner in some ways because I have less muscle and no fat stores to use as a reserve for days of extra miles.

So let's dispel the myth that most runners run to eat. Maybe some do. I don't. I eat to run. Extra hunger and the chance to indulge is maybe nice sometimes, but overall, running is about taking better care of myself. And that means eating better. Sometimes more. Sometimes less, but more focused on nutrients and having good energy overall. Otherwise my running is not going to get better. And I, as long as the Lord allows, want to keep progressing in this sport if I can.

Mindfulness Aids: The FitBit

There's a lot of judgment in the wellness world. Judgment for following certain plans and not following others. Judgement for using certain methods of measurement. Judgment for not using methods of measurement. I'm all for intuitive living, but sometimes it just doesn't work. I need some accountability and some help. And that's why I bought a FitBit. Okay, that's not the only reason why I bought the device. I will confess that some of my reasons were vain, and because of wants, but that's not what this post is about. This post is about how sometimes we help getting back in tune with our bodies and what's good for us.

It is no secret that I have a high stress job. I like my job, but it can get pretty intense at times. It can also cause me to sit for hours on end. I try to stand up when I work on my Microsoft Surface computer, but even that does not happen sometimes. I have been thinking about buying a FitBit for awhile, and when they went on sale the weekend of Black Friday two years ago, I did it. And I really haven't looked back.

What do I like about the FitBit?

Well at lot of things. I like that it logs steps. I like the fancy, "rise to wake" time feature (though it also annoys me because sometimes it doesn't work, and sometimes it works at the most inopportune times, like it a pitch black room when I'm trying to sneak about unnoticed.) I like the heart rate tracking feature. I like the auto-track for exercise. I like the accountability it gives me to get up and move every hour.

What don't I like about the FitBit?

The manufacturing! I got a crack in the face of my Charge 2 before the first year I used the FitBit. The company warrantied it, and gave me a new dongle, which I appreciated. But this year, less than a year into using that dongle, I got another crack. And the company warranty doesn't fix it. FitBit, please find a better manufacturing process. I like your product, but....

The app favors cardio workouts. Step goals are one thing, but strength training and even cross training have value. And the device doesn't give as much credit to those.

What features do I use?
I track workouts that aren't running (to give myself some credit, since the steps don't really add up for certain types of exercise--see above). I monitor my sleep via the app. (it helps keep me accountable, or at least lets me know why I feel tired.) I use the app as a period calendar (because the doctors always ask, "When was your last cycle?" and I don't remember!). 

What features don't I use?
The stopwatch. The run tracker. (I prefer RunKeeper.) The guided breathing. The food tracker. (This is where intutive eating comes into play. I'm not really sure that calorie counter is right. And if I start from basal metabolism to "earn calories," it's depressing. But if I eat to keep up with the estimated calories, I can overeat. Honor hunger cues, people. It's a much better way to go.)

My take-aways:
Although I'm all for intuitive living and doing what feels right in your body; I argue that data can inform the way we live. The FitBit is one such source of information for me. It keeps me more mindful of my body and the fact that my body is created to move, frequently, as in every hour, not just for my 30 minutes of daily exercise. I look at the clock less at night since I know I can check my FitBit dashboard to see how I slept. I notice when I have a fever or I am stressed because my heart rate noticeably rises. I feel more in tune with my body overall, and let's be honest, being able to have at least one measurable goal (as in steps) a day that is reasonably achievable is nice.

In conclusion:
Is the FitBit for everyone? No. Technology is a first-world privilege. Step trackers are definitely not a necessity in life. And plenty of other companies make step trackers. Nor will the FitBit necessarily help with mindfulness. Checking steps can become obsessive and compulsive. If you struggle in that way, maybe it's not right for you. Can steps become an idol? Probably yes to that, too.

In summary, the FitBit is helpful for me right now. I use it. I'm thankful for it. Yes, paradoxically, a concrete external data provider is actually part of my mindfulness practice. Contradictions sometimes do exist.

Healthy Looks Different on Everyone

I'm probably the healthiest I've been in years. 

That might seem like a contradictory statement given how sick I've been lately, my dystonia, and the "healthy" habits I no longer practice. I've gained weight, decreased my HIIT exercise, watched my cholesterol go up, struggled with sleep, and even given up some of my tidiness. All things I'd used to say were unhealthy. But my definition of healthy has changed. Right now for me, healthy for me means being in a good place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Yes, my health includes the physical part, but that's probably the least important at this point. As Rachael Hartley puts it so well, "If doing something makes you feel bad mentally, then it's not actually health, no matter how 'good' it is physically." And at this point, I want holistic health as much as anything.

So what does healthy look like for me these days? 

It looks like hiking and getting in steps instead of always trying to get more fit and toned. It looks like chilling out instead of vigorously cleaning the house. It looks like normal eating instead of meal planned or even intuitive eating, where sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I eat too little and it's okay. It looks like accepting whatever weight comes to me as I live my life. It looks like forming deeper connections with the people around me, even when it means disrupting my schedule. It looks like doing meaningful work, even if it taxes and tires me. It looks like letting God redefine my priorities. 

I've changed my definition of healthy.

So next time you go to judge healthy for yourself or someone else based on outward appearance and external facts and figures, I challenge you to look deeper. Are you mentally healthy? Are you happy? Are you doing things that matter to you? And if not, then are you really healthy?

Look at me, and you might not say I'm the healthiest I've been, but you may not know where I've come from. And God is still growing me. 

Healthy looks different on everyone. 

Seven "Healthy" Habits I No Longer Practice

Those of you who have been around me for awhile know that health and wellness are kind of important to me. There's the fact that my body is God's temple (1 Cor 6:19-20), but there's also the truth that I'm a perfectionist and want to do everything exactly right. I've been pretty rigid about following health and wellness recommendations in the past, but over the past few years of living in Arizona and trying to live more intuitively, I've realized that some of those habits aren't healthy for me anymore. Here a few of the habits I've recently ditched:

1) "Clean" Eating: I used to avoid buying "processed foods" in an effort to simplify my life and stay healthy. But living at home with my family, I have regular access to convenience foods and treats. So when cereal, candy, ice cream, a granola bar,or pizza call to me, I have them. Often times this convenience food is healthier for me because I eat when I'm hungry, rather than slaving away in the kitchen to make something from scratch when I was already starving.

2) Vegetarianism: It worked for me for awhile, but it does't anymore. My family eats meat, so I had to start eating it, at least for dinner, when I moved home. When I started my new job and found my stress levels higher and my energy levels lower, I added some additional animal protein into the breakfast and lunch meals that I prepared. It hasn't seemed to hurt me and I've maybe gained a little bit of muscle.

3) Avoiding bottled water: I freaked out about BPA in plastic bottles when I was in college. After that, I tried to avoid bottles of water because of the environmental impact. But in Arizona when you're thirsty, you've got to drink! I try to refill my BPA free CamelBak water bottle when I can, but when I can't, I can't. The dangers of dehydration far outweigh the negative consequences of disposable water bottles, at least in my opinion.

4) Exercising when I'm dog tired: Some exercise is good, but too much is too much. I've been sick quite a bit this year and am learning to take days off or engage in lighter exercise. And some days there just isn't time to exercise. My 5K pace might be slowing, but exercise is a privilege and at least I'm still able to do it sometimes.

5) Eating low fat: I've had high cholesterol in the past and I avoided eggs, cheese, and full fat dairy. But lately I've been craving more protein and even butter (which I previously disliked). So I've been eating whatever calls to me. We'll see how my blood work turns out this year, but for right now, I'm trying to eat what make me feel good.

6) Skipping the salt: Too much salt can be bad for you, but I started craving salt more when I began cooking from scratch. Maybe it was because I ate less processed food. Maybe I just liked the salt. I don't know. Now I live in Arizona and need the electrolytes, so I salt my food liberally. I try not to overdo it, but sometimes it happens. Salt is one of my lesser worries.

7) Avoiding hand sanitizer: I truly believe in the power of soap and water and washing hands. I know that killing 99.9% of bacteria can bread an 0.1% bacteria monster, BUT I work with kids and they have SO many germs. Hand sanitizer and bleach wipes are my new friends, and I have still been getting sick. I wash my hands when I can and use more natural cleaning products at home, but at work, instant sanitizers are my friends!

Has anyone else ditched some "healthy" habits in the past year? Please share in the comments section.

This post was inspired by Catherine's blog post and I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post. 

I'll Let My Body Decide.

This is the thought I had as I laid down for a nap a week ago. I had debated this event all day in my head and couldn't decide whether or not to go. So I went to bed and decided to see if my body woke me up in time. It did, but my decision to not attend the event anyway is besides the point of this post.

The point of this post is my realization that I fail to listen to my body too much of the time. I write a lot about intuition, but it is something that still needs a lot of work in my life. There are definitely some times that I just have to push through, but sometimes I just can't, and I need to learn to be okay with that. And sometimes I need to tune out the noise around me and tune into my body. 

For example, instead of listening to the media noises that I should choose "healthy" desserts, maybe I should "give in" to my body's craving for Dairy Queen and go get a blizzard. Maybe I should ignore the societal "expectation" that I should wear jeans every day and wear the more comfortable yoga pants I own. Or maybe I should resist the pressure to overeat sugar at the holiday party and go home and have a healthy dinner because that is what will make me feel healthiest. Maybe I should press pause on the project I "should" have gotten done today and just go to bed because my body and brain are tired. There are times and places for limits and accountability and boundaries, but God made my body smart. I need to listen to it more.

What about you? Are there areas where you need to tune out, and tune in? Please share below.

Toward More Authentic Living

I read a lot: blogs, books, signs, cereal boxes, you name it. It's a hobby, I guess? Lately, the topic of intuitive living has crossed my path more times than once. (See "How Eating Intuitively Helped Me Live More Intuitively" by Alexis Joseph, "How Intuitive Eating Changed My Life" by Kara Lydon, and "Movement vs. Exercise" by Robyn Nohling.) Then I read this in Present Over Perfect: 

The fact that numbing becomes a lifestyle hit me. I realized that numbing is the way I've been living my life, not intentionally, maybe not even purposefully. Numbing is a coping tool, a way of surviving, a way of getting through. But it's not a way of thriving.

Some of you might remember my birthday goals post from May and how I wanted to improve my life by eating satisfying foods, sleeping better, and moving in ways that feel good. The purpose of those goals was to learn to love myself and my life better. I'm realizing now that those goals were signs of me wanting to know myself, to really live out and engage in life. Somehow, I've just been going through the motions.

I've had moments of joy and excitement and fun this past year, but it's also been a hard year, one of not knowing myself or where I fit, one of struggle, one of new (and to be honest, scary) opportunities. I've spent a lot of time trying to live up to the expectations of others and of myself.

I've been living completely by myself these past two weeks, staying in a hotel for work training. The first few days of that experience were rough, but then I started asking myself, "What do I need to get through this day?" and I tried to give that thing to myself without judgment. Doing so often meant sacrificing money, or time, or my own ideals about life. But you know what? I did better. I was more present. I felt more like myself. I felt a lot, to be honest: emotions, pain, bodily sensations, etc. But I realized that I wanted to live more of life this way, to embrace the joys and the struggles of life, to be me, and not the ideal self that others or my own self wants me to be.

Have I got this authentic living thing figured out? By all means, no! I'm just on the cusp of the journey. But I want to work this thing out. I want to be myself and let opinions and judgments and obsessions and compulsions go. And I want that for other people, too, to get rid of labels, to live truly and with integrity, to relate to others in real ways. Living authentically is going to be painful, but I'm choosing to embrace that in hopes of more fully embracing the joys in life that are to come.

On Blogging and Self-Forgiveness

I've read a few posts lately about pursuing passions in the blogosphere. In It For the Long Run's post "On Growing and Letting Go" especially resonated with me. I enjoyed blogging about oatmeal for a month, but let me be honest and say it was a little stressful. Creating new bowls, writing up the recipes, photographing them, dealing with bad photos, etc. was stressful. I tried submitting some of my recipes to Food Gawker and they turned down the recipes. Healthy Aperture turned down quite a few, too. Most of my photos had "lighting issues." Guess what? I'm not a photographer. Maybe I could learn to take better photos, but that's not where my heart is at. My heart is to share my heart. Expect more of that here.

So in that vein, God's been teaching me a lot about self-forgiveness. I've always been a perfectionist, but lately that monster has been rearing its head in new places. Like I've been beating myself up for not figuring out AdSense for Blogger. (Tips anyone?) I spent several hours on it one Saturday and got so angry that I "wasted" my time. But you know what? I tried. I failed. And I had to learn to get up and go on and not let that ruin my day. (I went to the kitchen and cooked and baked a bunch and that made me feel more accomplished and satisfied. Cooking is therapeutic.)

The same goes with eating. I've tried to be a healthy eater, to listen to my body, to eat intuitively, for so many years. And lately, I've been eating so much at night. I was judging myself, being angry at myself, etc., but God's been softening that response in me. Intuitive eating isn't a perfect process. A lot of it is about letting go and stopping the good/bad labels.
And I've not been super efficient at work lately, but the goal is to have a track record of doing my job, and doing a good job. I can do that even if I have some inefficient days where I end up texting a friend for an hour or running around like a chicken and not accomplishing anything.

All this comes back to self-forgiveness: letting go, letting be, and choosing to be resilient. The ability to do these things is rooted in my identity as God's child. God created me. He loves me. He forgives me. He cleanses me. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). If God can forgive me and move on, I can certainly forgive myself.