The Bewitching Hours

I woke up and had to go the bathroom. Sneaking a look at the clock, I saw the early hour of 12:39 AM glare back at me. I laid back down and tried to sleep. I couldn't. My mind started racing. Very quickly, it went to the worst. I thought terrible things about my marriage. I contemplated what would happen if my greatest fears in life materialized, how I would cope, if I would cope. And on and on and on. These dark thoughts weren't unfamiliar. They didn't come often, but when I wake up at an early am hour, I knew to expect them. One of my pastor called these early hours of worry the "bewitching hours," and oh, they really are.

Half asleep, my mind lacks strong executive function. Half asleep, I am prey to the enemy. Wanting sleep, the last thing I want is to worry, but that is where my mind automatically goes. So I have a plan. I have a strategy. When I wake up during the bewitching hours, I try to pray. If the enemy intends this time for evil, by the power of God's Spirit, I shall use it for good! If I can't pray, I will recite memorized Bible verses. And if I can't stay awake enough to do that, I will get my phone and read the Psalms, or if alone, turn on a small light and read. These may be the bewitching hours, but I shall not be bewitched.

Plenty of things happen automatically, like the dark thoughts that come to me middle of the night. While I cannot stop the thoughts, I can come at them with a plan. My plan is a Be-With-God plan. It doesn't always work (because I am a fallen human), and it doesn't always work right away. Sometimes, I even wonder if God is waking me up because he wants me to pray. Regardless, I plan to not be had. I plan to be with God, all the time, regardless of the hour. Bewitched, I will be not. Being WITH God, yes, this I shall be.

Sleep, It Really Is That Good For You

I am temperamental about my sleep. I really need to go to bed by a certain time, or I'm super tired the next morning. I feel the effects of too little sleep in just days. And I really need my naps on the weekend. Sometimes I feel embarrassed about my sleep sensitivities. Lately, though, I have come across research that tells me there's something to it.

Lack of sleep actually does lead to documentable impairment. Most people in the United States, at least, have driven through the night at least once in their lives. Maybe that is not such a great idea. Staying awake for just 18 hours leads to driving impairments akin to those of something with a blood alcohol content of 0.05% (Williamson & Feyer, 2000). Staying up for twenty-four hours straight leads to impairment equal to that of someone with a blood alcohol content of 0.10%, which is higher than the legal limit of 0.08%. Scientists have also found that lack of sleep prevents neurons in the brain from functioning properly, which can lead to jumbled thoughts and spacey thinking (Nield, 2017). Working memory and attention can also suffer due to lack of sleep (Alhola & Polo-Kantola, 2007). While everyone has times when they cannot go to sleep, or end up needing to stay awake (especially if they have small children), it really is not that good for the brain. (Side note: Women tend to have less immediate side effects from prolonged wakefulness, but take longer to recover from it. This would make sense due to the ongoing biological need to care for children.) On the flip side, sleep can help the brain clear out toxins and wastes (Paturel, 2014). It can help consolidate memories (Diekelmann, 2014). It can boost the ability to learn (Greer, 2004). Adequate, quality sleep literally gives people a leg up on life.

Sleepless effects not just the brain, but also the body. Poor sleep leads to ongoing production of the sleep hormone cortisol (Dasgupta, 2021). Too much cortisol can disrupt hormonal balance of estrogen and progesterone, slowing down the thyroid, and therefore the metabolism, in women. Too little sleep can disrupt leptin, gherlin, and insulin which regulate fullness, hunger, and blood sugar, potentially leading to energy imbalance. Melatonin, released during the sleep/wake cycle, can get disrupted when sleep is poor, impacting immunity and more. Too much sleep can also negatively impact the body. The right amount of sleep, however, promotes better overall total health.

Stressing about sleep? Well, that really is not that good for you either. But given the research, maybe we should all give just a little more attention to adequate sleep. Sleep is not as fancy or trendy as supplements or the latest new diet plan, but it might have just as many benefits. Plus, it's free. Sleep, it really is that good for us. Let's all try to do better about getting enough!

References:

Alhola, P., & Polo-Kantola, P. (2007). Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment 3(5): 553-567. PMID: 1930585.

Dasgupta, R. (2021, September 1). How sleep can affect your hormone levels, plus 12 ways to sleep deep. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/sleep/how-sleep-can-affect-your-hormone-levels

Diekelmann, S. (2014). Sleep for cognitive enhancement. Frontiers in System Neuroscience. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnsys.2014.00046/full

Greer, M. (2004). Strengthen your brain by resting it. Monitor on Psychology 35(7): 60. https://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug04/strengthen

Nield, D. (2017, November 07). Sleep deprivation has the same effect as drinking too much, says student. Science Alert. https://www.sciencealert.com/tiredness-sleep-deprivation-the-same-as-drinking-too-much

Paturel, A. (2014, February/March). The benefits of sleep for brain health. Brain and Life. https://www.brainandlife.org/articles/could-getting-more-high-quality-sleep-protect-the-brain

Williamson, A., & Feyer, A. (2000). Moderate sleep deprivation produces impairments in cognitive and motor performance equivalent to legally prescribed levels of alcohol intoxication. Occupational & Environmental Medicine 57(10): 649-655. https: doi: 10.1136/oem.57.10.649

Healthy Looks Different on Everyone

I'm probably the healthiest I've been in years. 

That might seem like a contradictory statement given how sick I've been lately, my dystonia, and the "healthy" habits I no longer practice. I've gained weight, decreased my HIIT exercise, watched my cholesterol go up, struggled with sleep, and even given up some of my tidiness. All things I'd used to say were unhealthy. But my definition of healthy has changed. Right now for me, healthy for me means being in a good place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Yes, my health includes the physical part, but that's probably the least important at this point. As Rachael Hartley puts it so well, "If doing something makes you feel bad mentally, then it's not actually health, no matter how 'good' it is physically." And at this point, I want holistic health as much as anything.

So what does healthy look like for me these days? 

It looks like hiking and getting in steps instead of always trying to get more fit and toned. It looks like chilling out instead of vigorously cleaning the house. It looks like normal eating instead of meal planned or even intuitive eating, where sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I eat too little and it's okay. It looks like accepting whatever weight comes to me as I live my life. It looks like forming deeper connections with the people around me, even when it means disrupting my schedule. It looks like doing meaningful work, even if it taxes and tires me. It looks like letting God redefine my priorities. 

I've changed my definition of healthy.

So next time you go to judge healthy for yourself or someone else based on outward appearance and external facts and figures, I challenge you to look deeper. Are you mentally healthy? Are you happy? Are you doing things that matter to you? And if not, then are you really healthy?

Look at me, and you might not say I'm the healthiest I've been, but you may not know where I've come from. And God is still growing me. 

Healthy looks different on everyone. 

When Life is Tangled

I've kind of hit a wall in life lately. I'm smiling in this picture, but if you look closely, you'll notice a few things:

-I'm wearing two watches because that's how much I have to keep track of time.
-I'm carrying my lunch box with only a few fingers because I'm also trying to hold my keys.
-All the pockets of my backpack are partly or fully open, and stuff is about to fall out.
-The spiral binding of my notebook has come off and is stuck on a flap of said backpack.

Basically, I'm a mess. And that's my life. When I get to this stage, I need to take a step back. I need to get back to the basics and focus on the essentials:

• Having a consistent sleep schedule.
• Eating regularly.
• Keeping things clean and organized.
• Staying physically active.
• Remaining plugged in to truth (e.g. The Bible, God's Word)

When life gets messy, things get tangled. My priorities get out of whack. I get tired and exhausted and confused and emotional and overwhelmed. But when I get back to the basics, things tend to settle and relax and I can regain some focus. May God give me strength to major on the majors and let the rest of the stuff of life sort itself out.

The Big 3-0!

Well, it's May 5 again and the date of my "big" birthday. Am I finally an adult now? No one really believes that I'm 30, but whatever. My birth certificate proves I am.

And now, on to the year in review.

My three favorites from the year:

1) My new job: Hard as it is, I'm finally doing what I trained to do. Lord, help me do my job with grace and strength!

(No, I don't play in the sand every day, but I do engage in sand tray sometimes. This was a tray I created in supervision.)

2) Traveling! Yes, I actually left the state to this year, three times in fact! First, I went to Kansas for my cousin's wedding. Then I visited littlest brother in Wisconsin, and more recently I went to Texas to run the Fresh 15 5K with my brother and sister-in-law.

3) King and Country: Maybe it wasn't the best concert experience ever, but I did it and checked another item off my bucket list.

My Goals for Year 29:

How'd I do? Ehh. I'm working on it, I guess. I have been trying to cook more. I've discovered that I really want chocolate most mornings at breakfast, so I've been having it, usually in the form of chocolate oatmeal or hot chocolate. I stopped being so vegetarian and started eating more meat because it just worked better for me. I'm eating what sounds good even when it sounds ridiculous, like the other night when I had chicken salad and green peas for a bedtime snack. Food isn't the end all, be all, but it's nice when it is satisfying.

My sleep got a little better, as I focused on it more all the times I was sick. But recently it's been not so great. I wonder if the changing of seasons has something to do with it, seeing that I'm waking up at 4 am again.

I've played around with exercise a little bit. I've taken a few more days off due to tiredness and sickness. I got a FitBit watch and am trying to move more during the work day. I'd like to be stronger and healthier, but this is the body I've got, so I need to be grateful for what I can do and not lament what I can't. And I still need to learn to listen to my body more.

My Goals for Year 30:

I'm working on my #bucketlistproject. Those are my specific goals for 2018. In the next year of life, I guess I'd say that I more globally want to:

1) Get better at my job. I need to attend trainings and apply what I learn. That's often a challenge in the fast-paced, ever-changing work world, but it's possible.

2) Stress less. I stress a lot. I really need to get better at managing my own stress so that I can achieve goals one and three.

3) Live life. I'm bad about letting stress and tiredness steal my joy. I need to let those things go and live as much as I can. Certain things are out of my control, like getting married or finding a house I can afford. But I can live in the moment, enjoy what I have, and keep reaching out to find new experiences and relationships.

And that's a wrap. Any comments or suggestions about my goals? What goals did you, or do you have for year 30? Please share in the comments section.

Saturday Detox

I've been realizing lately how vital Saturdays are to surviving the week. If I don't rest on Saturdays, I'm toast for the next week. I need self-care every day, but it's crucial on the weekend. Saturdays are my day to detox, to let go, to go slow, to refill. Here are some of my go-to habits for Saturdays:

1) Walking with Mom: To let go of the stale air from indoors and to inhale some fresh air, as well as some quality time and wisdom from a woman I greatly admire.

2) Superfoods: I often overeat on Friday nights, and wake up feeling sluggish the next morning. I wish this wasn't my habit, but for now, I'm accepting it and combating it with better nutrition on Saturday, like cinnamon turmeric chocolate milk, coconut oil, green tea (my favorite is Honey Lemon Ginseng from Celestial Seasonings), and plenty of vegetables.

3) Naps: Tiredness out, rest in. I read that drinking caffeine before napping helps the person wake up more energized, so I've been drinking tea just prior to sleeping.

4) Quickie yoga: A few minutes of calm, most of the time after the nap. This wakes me up a little and helps keep my mind in a calm state. My favorite current source of yoga is Lesley Fightmaster's YouTube channel.

5) An earlier bedtime: I'd really like to stay up late on Saturday nights, but when church comes early, I just perpetuate the cycle of sleeplessness form the week.

These are some of my Saturday self-care habits. What are yours?
Please share in the comments.