Resolutions for This Time

I wrote these resolutions back in 2020, during my first bout with the COVID-19 virus. I based them on the John Piper book (2011), Don't Waste Your Cancer, and Jonathan Edwards' 65 resolutions. I have kept them posted on my bulletin board to remind myself to keep perspective when things do not go my way, particularly during illness. As my household, and many others, I gather, have faced illness again this Christmas, it seems appropriate to share these resolutions here:

Resolutions For This Time

1. Recognize my need (for The Savior).

2. Repent of known sins. (Resolve to avoid additional sins.)

3. Read the Bible daily. (Study some.)

4. Fulfill responsibilities (marriage, work, house, home, etc.)

5. Slow down/spend time (Reduce injury; build relationship).

6. Worship instead of worry. (Give thanks.)

7. Eat good food. (In general, just eat).

8. Keep to sleep. (Go to bed on time.)

9. Grieve (recognizing that any losses are temporal and not eternal).

10. Have fun (yoga, games, movies etc.).

If you are healthy, may you stay well.

If you are ill, may you rest.

May you heal.

May you make the most of this time,

because sick or not,

it is time we won't get back.

References:

Edwards, J. (2006). The resolutions of Jonathan Edwards. Desiring God. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-resolutions-of-jonathan-edwards

Piper, J. (2011). Don't waste your cancer. Crossway.

How (Not) To Train for a Terrain Race

My husband signed up for another 5K right after we ran The Butterfly Run. I initially passed, one because I'm a fair weather runner, meaning I like running, and not obstacles; and two because I wasn't sure where our relationship was going and didn't want to sign up for something over six months away. (Read, I was afraid).

But when January came around and registration was "free," and he and I were getting more serious about our relationship, I signed up for the Terrain Race. (Registration isn't really free because you have to pay for "insurance" and make a required donation and a few other things. So it evens out to the $25-$35 cost of most other runs I've done.)

I trained for Pat's Run. I trained for the 10K. I kind of intended to train for this race (e.g. do more strength), but I didn't. And then I got sick. I walked Sunday, and Monday, didn't even work a full day Tuesday and only walked for work and went for a two miles snail's pace stroll Thursday and Friday. So I wasn't ready.

I made a list of things that needed to happen for me to run.

Thankfully, most of these did, and we went.

The race was in Flagstaff, Arizona at about 7,000 feet. We weren't really sure what to expect, so we overly prepared with sunscreen and throw away shoes and towels and new sets of clothes. But when we saw people coming out of the race (since heats were already running before we got there), we thought we wouldn't need all that. So we sunscreened, emptied a backpack of all but our phones, keys, and water, checked the bag, and got ready to run.

The race was supposed to be 5K, but we got an e-mail Friday saying they had to extend the course. I wondered if I'd make it, but prayed about it and said I'd try.

The first part of the course was uphill. And the first part of the course was long, with few obstacles other than carrying a sandbag around a small circle.

But then the course got a little rocky and hilly. There were some beautiful views, but 1) I didn't have my phone to take pictures, and 2) I really didn't get to enjoy them because I had to carefully watch my feet.

(Parking lot view)

Most of the obstacles came about 1/2 to 3/4 through the course. There was the log pulling, the tire pulling and dragging, the tire flipping, log jumps, and then the culvert crawl. That's what got me muddy! You had to wade into muddy water about waist deep and crawl through a plastic culvert about 1/4 full of water. I managed to crouch through it since I decided to wear my watch and didn't want to get it wet.

(Our friends had their phones and took this picture.)

There were then more log jumps and crawling under a rope net. (Thankfully people held it up over me and I didn't get too scraped up. This is also when I realized there was a reason people pinned their race bibs to their backs. I lost a safety pin on mine and had to repin it with another that tried to come off.) There were more log jumps, some six foot walls to climb over (thankfully there were steps to help boost oneself over), carrying a weighted bucket around a little moat with water in it, and at least three upper body strength exercises (monkey bars, a trapeze like thing, a rope climb, and a Tarzan rope swing). I touched all of these, but then passed by (one, because I have very little upper body strength, and two, because my grip strength is shot due to my focal dystonia and I don't want to do any further harm to my hand or arm).

The last part of the race was supposed to be a tenth of a mile. I'm sure it wasn't. There weren't any obstacles there, but then we came to this:

It was probably a 16 foot plus canvas net to crawl over. (The finish line was on the other side.) It was a bit shaky, but I actually liked this kind of obstacle. I might have been afraid, but there was a terrified kid at the top, so I gave him a hand so he could get down to his mom, and after that, I wasn't afraid. The finish line was right on the other side. (My stopwatch said my time was 1:05. People running with me said they clocked the course at 5.3 miles. No 5K for us!)

We I got separated, so I guzzled some water while I waited for him. Then we went and tried to wash the mud off our hands and got our bag. We ran into some friends and took some photos and chatted with them. And then we headed home.

The drive back on I-17 is really gorgeous. I haven't been to Flagstaff in awhile and really enjoyed the scenery. (He drove so I could take pictures.)

We got back at 2 pm and I sat down and had some food and a lot of water (one 16 oz glass and another 16 oz bottle with a Nuun electrolyte tablet). 

I thought I had plenty of energy, but then I kind of crashed. So I showered and laid down for a power nap. 

(I really had to scrub to get all the mud off so I could be clean to take a nap.)

Moral to the story: I didn't really train for this race. I didn't fully do it since I couldn't complete some obstacles. But I'm thankful, and grateful, and honestly praying I stay well after all the energy I exerted.

To God be the glory!

Six Lessons I've Learned From Being Sick

I hate being sick. Really, I do. But I also believe God is sovereign. And with me being such a doer, it seems like God often lets me get sick to remind me to slow down and rest. It's not the way I prefer to learn, but it seems like that is what God is allowing. So, without further ado, here's a few lessons I'm learning from this go-round with illness:

1. Being sick is out of my control. I can do everything I can to promote health and well-being, and still get sick. I can't actually control my body's ability to fight off the germs. I can control my response to illness, however. I need to work on acceptance.
2. Life is a gift, not a given. I often live life like I deserve it. I too often take for granted that every breath I take, every word I speak, every move I make is a gift. I am blessed, even if I get sick sometimes.
3. Nutrition matters. I'm not always hungry when I'm sick, but if I don't eat, how will my body have energy to recover? Some people rejoice when they're sick and lose weight. Not me! I want to feel better and get my energy back.
4. Some things I think are priority really aren't. When I'm forced to decide what really matters, there are less things than I think. Cleaning, exercise, looking good, makeup, overtime, etc. can all go out the window. I'll work the limited amount I need to and go home. I'd rather rest and get better.
5. Kleenex exists for a reason. I'm not a big fan of Kleenex and it seems like an unneeded luxury...until I get sick and have a runny nose. And then the softness of Kleenex is almost a necessity. Right now, I'm really thankful for Kleenex.
6. Having a support system matters. I'm so paranoid about germs that I'm not always present when people are sick. But the people I love are present for me when I'm sick. Their company and kind words make a difference.

Being sick isn't fun, but may I trust God more because of it. And may He be glorified even in, and especially in my illness.

Not For a Moment

Every family that I saw Friday was sick. And the germs of some particular little one settled into my body Saturday afternoon, leaving me with a sore throat yesterday, and knocking me down for the count today. I've been in bed or on the couch most of the day.

With the little brain power I've had, though, I started reading the book Unshakeable Hope: Building Our Lives on the Promises of God by Max Lucado. Some particular lines stuck out to me, but the idea that struck was this, "Who is God?" 

I am honestly irritated about being sick. It's not a good time. My head hurts. My energy levels near zero. I wanted to do some other things. But God. Who is God in this, and what are His promises?

As I pondered that question, lines from a song by Meredith Andrews started to run through my head:

"After all You are constant. After all You are only good. After all You are sovereign. Not for a moment will You forsake me."

And I thought, God is still sovereign. God is still in control. Not for a moment did this take Him by surprise. And who am I to doubt his promises?

"Not for a moment will you forsake me." So when I'm down, when I'm sick, I will choose to remember who God is. In this moment, even a moment when my throat burns, or my head pounds, or germs torment my body, I will choose to praise Him.

Healthy Looks Different on Everyone

I'm probably the healthiest I've been in years. 

That might seem like a contradictory statement given how sick I've been lately, my dystonia, and the "healthy" habits I no longer practice. I've gained weight, decreased my HIIT exercise, watched my cholesterol go up, struggled with sleep, and even given up some of my tidiness. All things I'd used to say were unhealthy. But my definition of healthy has changed. Right now for me, healthy for me means being in a good place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Yes, my health includes the physical part, but that's probably the least important at this point. As Rachael Hartley puts it so well, "If doing something makes you feel bad mentally, then it's not actually health, no matter how 'good' it is physically." And at this point, I want holistic health as much as anything.

So what does healthy look like for me these days? 

It looks like hiking and getting in steps instead of always trying to get more fit and toned. It looks like chilling out instead of vigorously cleaning the house. It looks like normal eating instead of meal planned or even intuitive eating, where sometimes I eat too much and sometimes I eat too little and it's okay. It looks like accepting whatever weight comes to me as I live my life. It looks like forming deeper connections with the people around me, even when it means disrupting my schedule. It looks like doing meaningful work, even if it taxes and tires me. It looks like letting God redefine my priorities. 

I've changed my definition of healthy.

So next time you go to judge healthy for yourself or someone else based on outward appearance and external facts and figures, I challenge you to look deeper. Are you mentally healthy? Are you happy? Are you doing things that matter to you? And if not, then are you really healthy?

Look at me, and you might not say I'm the healthiest I've been, but you may not know where I've come from. And God is still growing me. 

Healthy looks different on everyone. 

Weak

I have a dear friend and former roommate who liked to call me Wonder Woman. She even bought me a Wonder Woman cup. But man, lately I've felt anything but.

I've been sick a lot, or a lot more than I normally am. First came a cold, and that turned into a sinus infection, and then I got another cold. I hated it. I could barely keep my head above water. I wasn't thinking about other people's needs. I was working, coming home, and crashing. I wasn't optimistic or hopeful. I was anxious and worried and sick.

But I didn't want people to know.

So I wasn't texting my friends. I wasn't going to social events. I was hermiting. Hard core.

Then the Spirit convicted me that I was once again subscribing to a perfectionistic mindset. In my hermiting and withdrawal, I was acting pridefully. I was trying to deny the fact that I felt weak and was weak. I was trying to deny my struggle.

I got another little cold recently, and back came the anxiety and worry. But this time when friends asked me how to pray for me, I admitted I felt sick and asked prayer my health. I admitted my struggle and gave just a little more over to God. It was freeing.

Wonder Woman is still my favorite superhero. In a perfect world, I would be brave and fit and strong enough to save everyone. But we don't live in a perfect world. I'm human, and the only real superhero is God. In sickness and in health, I get my strength from Him!

Taking a Day Off

Those of you who know me in real life know that I'm a chronic "doer." Over the past few weeks, though, I've pretty much done myself in. So when the opportunity came to clear my schedule and take a vacation day yesterday, I did. Sure, I felt a little guilty. Yes, I wondered if I could have made it another day. But when I woke up at 7:25 am instead of rolling over to turn off the 5 am alarm, I was glad I decided to take a break.

What have I done today? A whole lot of nothing. Well, I did change the sheets on my bed and do two loads of laundry. I did my physical therapy exercises. But those are things that needed to be done. Besides that, I fixed myself a nice breakfast and just allowed myself to sit.

I scrolled Instagram and watched a few YouTube videos. This one about Cole LaBrant's vows to his adopted daughter at the wedding to her mom is pretty sweet.

I did a little computer work (writing this blog, prayer verses, etc.). I wrote my family an e-mail.

I watched an Amazon Prime movie: Pitching Love and Catching Faith. (It was a mostly clean movie, but struck out on the faith aspect. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. I stayed in my pjs through lunch, more social media, and a nap. Then I finally changed into "real" clothes to go for a jog. Albeit at a slow place, I made it through three miles. This was my first jog in over a week. And I felt like I finally had some energy!

After jogging, I stretched and spent some time in my happy place. My best friend bought me that floor pillow, and it's awesome. There's something about sitting on the floor that makes me feel calm. My 25 cent library magazine and crochet were welcome companions for my quiet retreat.

Next came Thai food with middle school friends.

And then a wrap up of this blog post on the computer, nightly snack, and bed.

I like to be productive. I like to justify my days and my life. And yesterday was justifiable. Just not in the traditional sense. It was a needed break and a needed rest. I didn't get a lot done, but that's not what rest days are about.

Silver Lining

Remember my post about struggling to rest? Well after a busy weekend and not enough sleep Saturday night, I got sick. I thought I had a cold, and I tried to power through it. I went to work on Monday, but I woke up feeling awful on Tuesday. I took my temperature and it was 103 degrees. Great! Now I not only had to stay home, but needed to schedule a doctor's appointment to find out what illness I really had. After negative flu and strep tests, the doctor told me I had an up-to-five-day virus. Her prescription: No work. No work-outs. Lots of fluids. Not my preferred modes of living. But as my coworker so kindly reminded me, there is a silver lining.

A year after it came out, I finally got to watch War Room. My roommate went out and got me cough drops to get me through the coughing spells and pizza and baby carrots, the only foods I wanted to eat. She paid for it all herself even though I sent her with my credit card. I am getting caught up on sleep, even if it is at times I would rather be working. I had a relaxing evening last night reading the Conde Nast Traveler magazine, listening to classical music, and working on a baby blanket. (Rest assured that I wash all baby blankets before sending them, sick or not sick when I made them.) It is the second truly relaxing evening I have had all year.

I am not sure when this virus will end and I will be able to return to work. I hope that the end was yesterday, but only God knows. For now, I am trying to take to heart the words of Sarah Young (2004) from this morning's reading in Jesus Calling:

I will get you safely through this day and all your days. But you can find Me only in the present. Each day is a precious gift from My Father. How ridiculous to grasp for future gifts when today's is set before you! Receive today's gift gratefully, unwrapping it tenderly and delving into its depths. As you savor this gift, you find Me.

Reference:

Young, Sarah. (2004). Jesus calling. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.