Living with Intention

I tried to tune into my intuition for quite some time. Then it stopped working for me so well. I needed something else, but not a program or a policy. Rather, I needed a habit, or a series of habits: something to help me stay grounded and focus on what matters, but nothing too restrictive. What I stumbled into was living with intention.

My life is very harried and busy right now. It's hard to even get to the basics sometimes. In a perfect world, I could tune in to what I wanted for dinner each night, run to the grocery store, pick up ingredients, and come home and leisurely cook. But I'm married. I work ten hours days. I commute. That just isn't going to happen. So I meal prep. That ensures that we have food, like it intuitively or not.

Deciding what I want to do for exercise each day is a lovely idea, but races require training. That's why I use training plans. Sure, I can take rest days, or go slower or faster on days I feel like it, but the plans keep me on track overall.

I'd love to say I want to read my Bible and pray every day, but the truth is, I'm a sinner and I don't always want to. I do daily devotions as a habit because I know it's good for me.

Some people in the intuitive living sphere criticize calorie and macro counting because it's based on the system, not the self. I get it. With running, though, it can help to track these things, at least loosely. Endurance requires intentional effort towards nutrition.

I have a FitBit watch. It does buzz when I haven't gotten in my 250 steps for the hour. Do I always obey it? No. It does help me stay more active, and therefore have less bodily pain.

I could ask all day long what I need and want, but right now, I don't have the brain space for that. So I have intentions: intentions for meals, intentions for exercise, intuitions for habits. I even have lists of intentions for how I plan to show love to my husband. Intentions are my plans for making the best of this life I have. Maybe this is not best way, but for now, it's the best way I have.

Celebration

Those that follow me on Instagram may have noticed something different about November. I posted every day. If you didn't catch the theme, the posts may have seemed random. And they were, but with intention. Using the National Day Calendar, I found something to celebrate every day. Silly at times? Yes! Needed? Yes! In this season of days without end, I needed something to mark my days. I also needed to flex my happiness muscles. 

I'm no brain scientist, but I do have a degree in behavioral health. In my personal and professional experience, I have realized that we need not only the chemicals in our brain to produce happiness (which is why I think that sometimes anti-depressants or other psychotropic drugs are needed), but also need to have the experiences that give those good brain chemicals chances to work. I was running low on at least the latter, and I needed to change that.

I had grown weary in trying to celebrate life. I would make plans to celebrate and then let them go, giving the excuse that I was too tired and weary. Celebration just seemed like a stressor. And in a way, it was. But it was a good stress, a stress I needed to feel happy.

The early days of November came with some struggle to get to my daily celebration. I just wanted to give up, but my commitment to celebrating and posting about it kept me going. (I honestly put celebration Instagram post on my daily to-do list.) Some days were a stretch. Some days, I celebrated late, but I made it through.

Do I feel happier? No, not necessarily, but I know I gave myself a chance. I also gave myself a task to work at and complete. That alone helped my brain at least a little. Will I continue? Maybe. Maybe not. What I do know is that I need to keep working at celebration, as it does not always come easily or naturally. And does anything good come steadily and easily? I'm beginning to wonder if it does. Maybe work is part of the process of celebration.

What a Gray T-Shirt Taught Me About Blame

"Who put this gray work shirt in with my white load of laundry?" I grumbled as I pulled the wet clothes out of the laundry. Roughly yanking up the shirt and unfolding it, what did I discover? It was my "good" t-shirt, and I put it in the white load of laundry to keep it away from the dirty gray "work" shirts.

I am so guilty of blaming other people for my problems. And I do it without ever trying to investigate the facts or gain perspective on the situation. Blaming other people keeps me from realizing my contributions to problems. It keeps me from feeling my own pain and shame when I screw up. It can keep me from being accountable for the consequences of my own actions. 

I want and need to be quicker to investigate and slower to judge. I need to be faster to admit fault and slower to cast blame. The world might be a better place if I did (or at least I'd have a better attitude about that gray shirt in the laundry).

(Brene Brown's video on blame is excellent and the source of some of my thoughts here.)

I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.

The Bucket List Project

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, at least not the rigid, "I will do this thing every day for the whole year," type of resolutions. I make lists of things I want to do, like I did in 2016, or set small monthly goals like I did with this year's yoga challenges. I want to have reasonable and attainable goals, if I even call them that. Maybe I should call them intentions.

My overall goal for 2017 was to pursue passion and find purpose. I wrote a little bit about that, but let's be honest, it came late in the year. For most of the year, I struggled. When I changed jobs, I realized that I'd been faking life for most of the year and hadn't really been present or truly living. That epiphany brought with it a wave of self-discovery and honestly, a lot of struggle and pain. I don't have a bad life, but there are certainly parts of life that are very hard. I wasn't quite ready for the overwhelming feelings that came with real living and lost some of my pursuit of what mattered in the process.

I am turning 30 this year. Realizing that I'm growing older by the year, I've decided to try a different approach for living in 2018. I'm constructing a bucket list. 

When I think of bucket lists, I think of Second-Hand Lions and doing what I want to do in my latter years, or at just the last minute before I die. I don't want to live like that. I want to live as many moments as I can being intentional, and present, and purposeful. Having a life's end list makes me want to put things off that I could do now. I considered a reverse bucket list for 2018, but decided against it, too. Yes, I want to be grateful, but a reverse bucket list is about what's been done. I want to focus on doing things now. 

So for 2018, I've made myself a list of 30+ things I want to do this 30th year of my life, and with my fellow JoySquad member @717jr decided to embark on the #bucketlistproject. This is a project to try to focus on doing things that matter to us now instead of later. It's a project about being intentional and taking advantage of the moments we have.

Want to join us in this project? Tag your Facebook or Instagram posts with #bucketlistproject so we can share each in other's joys. Link up with this blog by posting about your bucket list projects in the comments section. Let's seize the day today instead of waiting until tomorrow.

Thanksgiving as an Intentional Act.

It's time, high time, for another round of thanksgiving prayer. God has done so much! This time, I want to focus on thanksgiving as an intentional act, one made with foresight and with purpose.

Leviticus 22:29

When you sacrifice a thank offering to the Lord, sacrifice it in such a way that it will be accepted on your behalf.

1 Chronicles 23:30
They were also to stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord. They were to do the same in the evening.

Psalm 35:18
I will give you thanks in the great assembly; among the throngs I will praise you.

Romans 14:6
Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.

Colossians 4:2
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

1 Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Timothy 2:1
I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people.