I Read My Bible Standing Up.

Confession: Most days, I read my Bible standing up. So what? You might ask. I am reading on my phone. I am reading on the go. I read one handed while I do physical therapy exercises. I read as I go on morning walks. I read as I foam roll. I rarely actually sit down to read my paper Bible. I feel like I am "cheating," like I'm not giving my reading the full focus I should. I feel like reading on my phone is less worthwhile than reading my paper Bible. Maybe it is, but this is life right now, and I'm trying to prioritize reading. Reading standing up in one way I do it.

As I thought about my Bible reading one morning as I walked and read, I had a new insight. The Spirit brought to mind Deuteronomy 6:6-7 where Moses says,

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. (New International Version)

I guess I am unintentionally fulfilling that commandment right now: reading while I am out and about, reading on the go, thinking about and meditating on God's word as I move about. Reading standing up is not what I set out to do. I set out to read my Bible daily (instead of listening to it, or just not doing it.) By God's grace I am. My style may be atypical, but maybe, by God's provision, it actually has some benefit. When I have the opportunity to sit down and read my paper Bible, I will, and I will enjoy it. But when I don't, I will probably keep reading my Bible standing up. It is a way to keep God's commandments on my heart, as the Bible commands that I do.

Reigniting Desire to Read God’s Word

I resolved this year to read my Bible, and to actually read it, not just listen to it. (Listening to the Bible is good, but what I believe I had started to default to out of laziness.) I tried to keep reading my Bible in the mornings, but I felt rushed and unfocused. I read my Bible a few evenings, on the premise that I had morning activities that might prevent or delay reading and you know what? It helped me get more interested and invested in reading.

I have been keeping a mental tally lately of things that motivate me to read God's word. I am thankful for this season of renewed fervor, yet know that I will mostly likely fall into struggle again. With that in mind, and with the recognition that others might struggle to read their Bibles, too, I thought I would share my current list of things that have in the past, or in the present or the future help might  reignite my desire to read:

1) Pick a new time of day. Brain function varies due to different demands. Life circumstances can also help make readings more or less difficult. Switching up reading times can help!

2) Choose a new translation. The western world is beyond blessed to have so many Bible translations available. Read a new one and see if it helps with re-engagement. 

*Caveat: Make sure to read a translation that is accurate. Paraphrases are good, but can assume a lot. Therefore, I try to read something translated from the Bible's original languages.

3) Find a new way to read. Try reading from a different book, or from an electronic device such as a phone or tablet. 

*Note, as pointed out in a recent episode of the Let's Talk podcast, people may not know a person reading on a device is reading the Bible, so if the person wants to make their spiritual discipline clear (e.g. to children or other viewers), reading a paper Bible might be best .

4) Journal. Writing by hand forces the two hemispheres of the brain to work together, resulting in more insights and deeper learning. Kinesthetic learners might find that journaling helps them recall the material read better, too.

5) Get accountable. A dear friend (who I hope reads this post) and I started swapping insights from our readings via text and e-mail. This helps us see new things, and it keeps us accountable for doing our readings, because we need to do so in order to have something to share.

The speakers in the Let's Talk podcast (linked above) stated that the goal if spiritual disciplines is a a soul that works right. The purpose of setting up spiritual disciplines is to create a pattern of life, not pursue perfection. If I am making it without my spiritual disciplines, I should be looking out for idols in my life, because really, I am made to feed on the Word of God.

Those are all my tips, my ways to reignite desire for reading God's word. I hope they work. I hope the Spirit works. He is the one who really is in charge of igniting a passion to seek after God through reading His Word after all. Practicing the spiritual discipline of reading God's word is really just making room for Him to work, and inviting him into life to do so.

Walk in Obedience.

No lie. Life has been hard lately. First it was the move and a new job and all those stressors. Then it was the pandemic and the shutdowns, and then more shutdowns; fears and worries and lack of fellowship, new mandates. Now there's the ongoing stress of not knowing what is to come, coupled with the residual effects of angst not fully processed. I am tired. I question how to be faithful, how to go on. Don't get me wrong. I want to be faithful, but it's just so hard sometimes.

I define faithfulness for myself as genuineness, staying true to who I am, staying true to the Lord, staying committed to my husband, exercising caution and care, staying in my lane, and ultimately, just being responsible with the things put in front of me. But that's part of the hard. The responsibilities I have right seem so many and weigh heavily on me. I often don't feel like I know where to turn or what to do next. I heard a podcast recently about faithfulness, though. The speakers defined faithfulness as "an outcome of obedience." What if faithfulness is a lot simpler than I've been thinking? What if faithfulness means one thing instead of many things? What if I can just obey God and everything else will follow? Decisions in life might be a whole lot easier!

But how do I obey God? Is that nebulous, too? Well, God gave me His word, the Bible, and it is sound and right in front of me. Some of its commandments are pretty clear:

-"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength....Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:30-31, New International Version [NIV]).

-"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Prov 3:5-6).

-"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thess 5:16-18).

I think faithfulness is right in front of me. I think faithfulness is right within me through the indwelling Holy Spirit. I think I've been over complicating things, and faithfulness is simply walking in obedience to God and letting the chips fall. Obedience doesn't make life easy, but it gives me a clear path to follow. That path is not my own, but God's, and His way is the best. Always has been. Always will be. Praise Him.

Dying to Self: The Lenten Fast

Lent is upon us once again. I've practiced Lent since my second or so year of college, and here I am again, convicted that I need to fast, and yet not wanting to do it. Fast from Instagram of my own accord? Done. Fast from sugar for a month? Did that, too. But somehow when it comes to Lent and the things the Spirit asks me to fast from, it's hard, really hard. Lent is 40 days. Forty days feels like forever. And giving up things just to give them up feels so punitive. I don't like it. But I engage in Lent anyway.

My natural opposition to Lent shows me why I need to fast. My sacrifice of the small things of life for 40 days are nothing compared to the great cost Jesus paid when he gave his life for mine. My sinfulness and selfishness and pride become apparent when I recognize how unwilling I am to give up anything for the One who gave up everything. The difficulties of fasting itself show me how attached I am to earthly things and how I idolize comfort over worshiping Jesus. My feelings show me how much I need a Savior, and needing salvation is what Easter is all about. Easter is about life. It is about Jesus' death and resurrection to give us eternal life. It is about Him coming to give us life to the full (John 10:10). Hallelujah for that!

So here we are, day one of dying to self. I'm praying for Holy Spirit strength. May I remember Jesus and His sacrifice in this process. May fasting prompt me to reorder my life according to the cross. May I walk the barren road to Calvary and fall down and worship at Jesus' feet for the abundant life He gives. Amen.

Giving Up the Fast

I haven't listened to the radio in my car for almost seven months. Why? I started the practice as a biblical fast last October, but after awhile, when God didn't answer the prayer which led me to the fast, it just became habit to leave the radio off. To be honest, I stopped praying so much and just got used to the silence and quiet of my drive time.

And now? I've decided to start listening to the radio again. Why? God answered our prayers (Thank you, Jesus!), and to continue fasting, for me, would be asceticism, not a spiritual discipline.

Is fasting always asceticism? No, but asceticism is a trap of self-righteousness into which I often fall. Salvation is by Jesus' sacrifice, not mine.

God is using the radio in my life, too. Multiple times in the past few weeks, I've heard Hawk Nelson's new song, "Diamonds." The chorus,

He’s making diamonds
Making diamonds
He’s making diamonds out of dust
He is refining
And in his timing
He’s making diamonds out of us

really resonates with me. This has been a hard year for many reasons. God's refining process in my life has been, and is painful. But it's His process, not mine, which brings me back to giving up the fast. Fasting is about acknowledging God's power, and my powerlessness. Therefore, for me, giving up the fast is about glorifying God instead of glorifying myself.

Bread and Water: Reflections on Lent

To preface this blog post, I should explain about Lent. Growing up in nondenominational churches, I never practiced it. Then, in college, my resident director introduced me to this period of the church calendar. It is a time to deny oneself, a time to sacrifice in memory of Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross to save humankind from their sins. Sometimes people fast from food. Sometimes people fast from a habit. As the Director of Spiritual Formation at my alma mater used to say, it's a time to put things back in their proper perspective. I've fasted from many things since then: radio, Facebook, blogs, eating out, chocolate, gluten. And some years I've fasted from fasting, like during graduate school when I just did not need to add one one thing to my plate.

This year as I thought about Lent, I decided to fast from oatmeal, drinks other than water, and chocolate? Why? I like to find biblical support for my fasts, and since Jesus is the bread of life and living water, I thought making these foods my focus would help me focus on Jesus. I could wax eloquent about how I thought about Jesus when I ate whole wheat muffins for breakfast instead of oatmeal, or toast instead of granola for snack. I could tell you I thought of Jesus every time I drank hot water instead of coffee, hot chocolate, or tea. But that's not the truth.

The truth is that this fast was hard. It felt more like a diet than a spiritual discipline. I found myself thinking more about food because of the extra intentional effort I needed to put into meal prepping (making muffins ahead of time, asking Mom to make more bread, making peanut butter muffins instead of brownies for dessert, etc.). I constantly found things I couldn't eat without breaking my fast: Mom's pancakes, granola bars, Clif bars, coffee cake, etc. Mom went out of her way to accommodate my oatmeal fast particularly, but people at work still offered me chocolate. Bible study offered chocolate cake. The chocolate oatmeal Mom made for herself smelled so good. I often wanted coffee or tea as that final step of a meal. I frequently felt unsatisfied.

So did this fast do what it was supposed to? I believe God used it, but not maybe in the ways I expected. I realized how much I rely on oatmeal, chocolate, and hot drinks as staples of my diet. I recognize the satiation and even comfort they bring. I've gotten more conscious of my nighttime snacking. I've enjoyed trying some new recipes, I guess. Not consuming oatmeal, chocolate, and hot drinks has become habit, part of life. In some ways, though, this is not a positive thing. I find myself wanting to continue this fast, to continue to tell myself, "No." To prove my self control. To be ascetic. And that's not godly.

So what now? It's Easter, and He has risen! It's time to reintroduce these foods to my diet, to appreciate them as God-given gifts, to let my taste buds have a resurrection of the pleasure these foods bring. I'll be honest and say that I'll probably struggle with self-control, but I'll work at it. I'll practice self-forgiveness. I'll ask God for forgiveness. After all, that's what Easter is all about.