The Cross Before Me

One of my favorite college Bible professors had a Catholic background, but converted to Christianity by saving faith in Jesus. She taught me so much and encouraged me to practice so many spiritual disciplines. One way she influenced me was in her sharing about her practice of Lent. Though she acknowledged that Jesus is not still on the cross, but risen as Savior, she wore a crucifix necklace all through Lent. As I remember it, she said she did it to recall the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross during that season. That stuck with me.

I have done the cross thing before, but not the crucifix. Although I did fast from physical food (not a complete fast, but eliminating a certain food for a period of time) this year, my practice this year of adding something felt far more meaningful. What did I add? I added a headband. Let me explain.

I have always wanted to go to an Ash Wednesday service and get the ashes on my forehead, not because I believe in the ritual, but because of the physical manifestation of the somberness of Lent. When I made all those headbands in February, I had a thought that I could make a cross headband and wear it for Lent. In the end, it turned out that I made a series of headbands with some kind of cross pattern and alternated wearing them. It was harder and much more profound than I expected. 

I did not want to wear a headband every day. But then I thought about how Jesus did not want to go to the cross, but did it anyway as an act of obedience (Matt 26:39). My brother asked me if I wore headbands every day now (because it was different). Not wanting to give away my practice, I told him I was for this time period, and I wondered, do people see me as different because of the cross, and by salvation through it by grace through faith? As the headbands marked my hair, I wondered if the cross marks my life. As I saw myself in the mirror, I wondered how my life looks different because of the cross. I asked myself if the cross restrains me from sin like the headband restrains my hair. And many, many times, I thought of the lyrics to "Make Me An Instrument" by the Ragamuffin Band (Genius, n.d.):

Christ within me, Christ before me
Christ behind me, Christ above me
Christ beneath me, to my left and my right
Christ where I lie and where I rise
Christ in the hearts of all who think of me
Christ on the lips of all who speak of me
Christ in the eyes of all who see me
Make me Your instrument, Lord!

As I went about my day, I thought and prayed: 

Cross before me
Cross behind me
To the left and the right

The headband physically manifested this, and I hope, changed me.

So now as I leave Lent, and celebrate Easter, I leave the headbands behind. I do not leave the cross behind, however. Through Jesus' death on it, I am saved. The cross should mark me. The cross should mark all who follow Jesus. After all, Jesus said, that "Whoever wants to be [His] disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow [Him]" (New International Version, 2011, Matt 16:24). I am not sure I am fully there. I will not ever be fully there on this earth, but I pray that I am ever moving forward. May my Lenten practice be part of that.

References:

Genius. (n.d.) Make me an instrument. https://genius.com/A-ragamuffin-band-make-me-an-instrument-lyrics

New International Version. (2011). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/