Love Gifts from God

High school was not the worst of times, but it was not the best of times, either. I was struggling with academic stress, friend stress, work stress, and more. I was also battling anxiety and depression, for a time with medication and therapy, and later with nothing but natural support from family and friends. I remember clearly some deep days of despair on which I called out to God to do something to show me his love. He never had to answer. He is sovereign and perfect and I was certainly not, but time and time again, God graciously reached down and gave me gifts of love.

Somewhere around Valentine's Day of my senior year of high school, I got a call from the college I wanted to attend letting me know I had gotten a half-tuition scholarship. With the steep price of the school, this made it a little more accessible, if not yet quite feasible. Sometime around that period, I also got a call from my dad's company letting me know that I had received their top academic scholarship which meant, for the first year, I would owe nothing in school tuition. Sure, I would have move-in and living an expenses, but I could go to my dream school without going into debt. Praise!

I had come home from the scholarship weekend competition at that school some weeks earlier, telling my parents I wanted to attend the school, but that there was no way it would work out. "Just wait," my dad said. "See what God will do." And wow, God came through! I am pretty sure my dad reminded me of this, too, not to say, "I told you so," but as an earthly father, to point to the love of my heavenly father.

On several other dark days in high school, I remember crying out to God for signs of his love as I completed tasks related to my house cleaning job for a lovely family in a town nearby time. At least twice, the mom of that household came out to me and gave me immense gifts: designer hand-me-down clothes from her daughter, and later an entire set of dishes (that we still use to this day). Did that lady know I was struggling? Or was she just acting on Holy Spirit conviction? Maybe both! Whatever the case, I viewed those gifts as wonderful blessings not just from her, but from a God who loved me.

And this year, after a particularly stressful few weeks of work, followed by a few moments when I literally thought I was going to lose my mind, God gave me a love gift again. I had driven about 20 minutes to my Avon lady's house to pick up my order, not entirely convenient, but something that saved me shipping and sort of allowed me to "shop local." "I put a little gift in there for you," she said. "I gave you the other kind of mascara, just so you can try both and see which one you like." (I had ordered one tube of mascara to replace my now three year old product.) When I got home and looked at the tube, what word stood out prominently? Love.

I felt lighter after that interaction, not entirely better, but definitely loved. There was absolutely no reason the Avon lady needed to give me two tubes of mascara. I don't even use a lot of makeup, so it would take me a while to go through both, but still. It was a love gift: from her, and from God. One of the reasons I chose this lady is because she is a believer, so I believe that she must have given me that extra mascara as a prompting from God.

As I write this, I realize how often God has shown me His love through other people. What would have happened if those people had chosen to disobey God's promptings? I don't know. I hope that I wouldn't have lost faith, but I know for sure I would have felt more despairing, depressed, and dejected. I hope that maybe in some cases, God's love has been able to flow through me to others, as His love flowed through me to these. Perhaps on this Valentine's Day, that is something to think about: how to see God's love through the acts of others, and how to give God's love through acts of service and care. God's ultimate gift of love was in and through His Son Jesus. While we can't save the world, perhaps God can use our love to move people a little closer to true salvation, or at the last, save them from feeling completely unloved in this here and now life.