Musings on Life

Apathetic,

confused,

I don’t know myself.

I just want to be content, satisfied,

focused;

to find a passion,

to know what I care about,

and what I don’t;

to find my God-given purpose,

and fulfill it.

I numb too frequently with Pinterest,

and Instagram,

and food,

and often all of the above.

I can’t seem to get enough sleep,

and when I rest, it’s not always restful.

God’s still on the throne,

and I know that,

but somehow I still feel like I’m walking around

in a daze,

in a maze

of white-washed hallways and rooms

without directional signs.

I can’t sit down,

or stop walking,

or I’ll die,

but I don’t know what to do

or where to go.

So I just keep walking.

Aimlessly,

listlessly,

I try to do a few things that matter.

I try to find joy along the journey.

But I find myself wondering

if this is all there really is to life.

I’m not despairing,

not yet,

just wanting answers,

wanting to find direction

before I permanently

lose myself.

In this white wasteland,

which I think is my greatest fear.

I've got big decisions to make and a lot going on this next week. May God be my guide.