Friday, April 14, 2017

On Blogging and Self-Forgiveness

I've read a few posts lately about pursuing passions in the blogosphere. In It For the Long Run's post "On Growing and Letting Go" especially resonated with me. I enjoyed blogging about oatmeal for a month, but let me be honest and say it was a little stressful. Creating new bowls, writing up the recipes, photographing them, dealing with bad photos, etc. was stressful. I tried submitting some of my recipes to Food Gawker and they turned down the recipes. Healthy Aperture turned down quite a few, too. Most of my photos had "lighting issues." Guess what? I'm not a photographer. Maybe I could learn to take better photos, but that's not where my heart is at. My heart is to share my heart. Expect more of that here.

So in that vein, God's been teaching me a lot about self-forgiveness. I've always been a perfectionist, but lately that monster has been rearing its head in new places. Like I've been beating myself up for not figuring out AdSense for Blogger. (Tips anyone?) I spent several hours on it one Saturday and got so angry that I "wasted" my time. But you know what? I tried. I failed. And I had to learn to get up and go on and not let that ruin my day. (I went to the kitchen and cooked and baked a bunch and that made me feel more accomplished and satisfied. Cooking is therapeutic.)

The same goes with eating. I've tried to be a healthy eater, to listen to my body, to eat intuitively, for so many years. And lately, I've been eating so much at night. I was judging myself, being angry at myself, etc., but God's been softening that response in me. Intuitive eating isn't a perfect process. A lot of it is about letting go and stopping the good/bad labels.
And I've not been super efficient at work lately, but the goal is to have a track record of doing my job, and doing a good job. I can do that even if I have some inefficient days where I end up texting a friend for an hour or running around like a chicken and not accomplishing anything.

All this comes back to self-forgiveness: letting go, letting be, and choosing to be resilient. The ability to do these things is rooted in my identity as God's child. God created me. He loves me. He forgives me. He cleanses me. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). If God can forgive me and move on, I can certainly forgive myself.

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