Acting Differently

I think I finally resolved all my car accident stuff. I think. I hope. It was a lot of back and forth between doctors, and insurance agents, and other insurance agents. Quite honestly, it was frustrating, even infuriating at times, but I think it's over. I hope.

Resolving the car accident settlement required being in a conference call between the insurance agent and a doctor's office. The providers weren't very polite to each other. I felt uncomfortable. I don't like rudeness. I tried not to be rude on my dealings with them, though I sometimes felt rude.

I finally got the paperwork. I signed it. I settled my case. (I hope. I pray. I think.) And then I found myself angry, really angry. In my flesh, I wished I had demanded more of the insurance company. I have spent a lot of time on this. Doesn't that count for something? I wanted to write a scathing review of a provider that I did not think served me well. I would not recommend them to others. I was so frustrated! And yet I felt convicted. Convicted that I had done the right thing by asking for coverage of my medical expenses, but not pain and suffering. Convicted that writing a bad review of a provider would not be Christlike. Convicted that I am supposed to "conduct [myself] in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" (New International Version, 2011, Phil 1:27). I think sometimes I think that is easy. It's not.

I am not here to preach about what is right or wrong in dealings with the world. I am just here to share that though I want to live in a way that elevates Jesus, living like Him is not easy. It's a lot easier to live like the world, living for myself and my desires. To do otherwise is to fight myself, and often, to fight hard.

I think I finally resolved all my car accident stuff. I think. I hope. I pray. And I pray that I might have witnessed to the power of the gospel in the process, because it was only Christ in me that kept me from acting differently, and yet differently in a way that I pray could only point to something supernatural.

Reference:

New International Version. (2011). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/

Even If...

Life has been a bit of a muddle lately. I have had long days at work, relationship struggles, crisis calls, and the accident. I've dealt with late nights, short sleeps, paperwork up the wazoo, and feeling completely overwhelmed. This week my hand has been acting up and I have felt emotionally dysregulated. Today, I got the call that the damage to my car is worse than they thought and my dad says to prepare myself that it may be totaled. I would be bummed if that was the case. We are leaving for a quick family trip tomorrow to celebrate Mom's birthday and I feel ill-prepared and ill-equipped to appropriately celebrate.

But I keep think thinking:

Even if work is hard...
Even if the worst happens...
Even if friendships fail...
Even if my health conditions cause pain and make life difficult...
Even if my car is totaled...
Even if I don't feel safe or sane...
Even if don't have the level of joy I think I should...

...God's still on the throne and He's carrying me, all the way through this life and into the next.

What are you facing, friends? A difficult job? A decision that needs to be made, but options that don't seem right? A terminal diagnosis? Being let down by someone you love? The loss of a treasured possession?

If you believe in Jesus for salvation, God's with you, too. He's got you. We're in this together. Even if...

Shook

I got rear-ended yesterday. I was at a standstill and so was the truck behind me. The car behind the truck never stopped and jammed all of us into each other. My car got damaged, but I was able to get off the road. I was physically fine. I was thankful.

But I was honestly kind of a mess after the accident. I was overwhelmed with trying to go to insurance, report the incident at work, cover missed appointments, etc. I was worried. I was upset that my plans for the work day got ruined. I knew I needed to go to Urgent Care for whiplash, and I didn't want to. I griped.

After the Urgent Care visit. I was able to go home and finish paperwork and then go for a walk to think. On that walk, my head started to clear. I realized that some good things came out of this incident. The truck between the cause of the accident and my car broke the impact and saved me and my passenger potentially serious injuries. I've been trying to make friends here, and that day two of my more recent friends showed their true colors and offered me care, concern, and support. Dad helped me with my car and Mom helped me with medical stuff. I realized how much my family suffers with me when I hurt, and they willingly do this because they love me. Work showed me that they care more about more than my productivity. I cannot deny that I felt scared and angry and alone at times that day, but I know that gratitude needs to be the attitude of my spirit

I'm shook and I've still gotta walk the long road to getting my car fixed, but I am okay. God is unshakeable and this accident did not escape His notice. He was clearly present in and around it. Praise Him.