Real Life Marriage: Marriage is a Vulnerability.

Anytime I watch a marriage crumble, I get a case of the fears. It is not that my husband gives me any reason to doubt his faithfulness or fidelity. It is that each and every time the demise of marriage catches me by surprise. People's relationships look and appear sound, until they're in a million pieces on the ground.

Marriage is a wonderful gift, but also a vulnerability. I have told my husband many times that I think I could survive his death more than his unfaithfulness. It's not that I want him to die or wouldn't miss him if he did. It's that I would have good memories and believe God could help me move on. If he cheated on me or otherwise left me, I know by God's grace I would survive, but I don't feel like I could. I think I'd rather God just take me home myself.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians to urge people to stay unmarried if they could. He writes, "I want you to be free from anxieties" (English Standard Version, 2019, 1 Corinthians 7:32). I think the fears of marriage are part of what he means here. Marriage is great. It has blessed me with love and companionship and sanctification and growth. But if I am honest, it also leaves me afraid. All I can do is cling to God and try to walk the walk, because God knows, my marriage could be the next one to explode.

Proactively, are we doing all we can to preserve our marriage? No, probably not. We miss date nights. We miss devotionals. We have spats and I hold bitterness too long. But we are working on our marriage. God has grown our communication. We have safeguards in place to help us stay faithful. We have people who call us on stuff. Is it enough, though? No. Only God is enough. Our covenant is in Him, and only He is enough to hold us together, together, together, or should the worst happen, together with him to go through it.

Marriage is a risk, and I took it. The fear is real, though. The prayers to stay faithful, for others, and for ourselves, are also real. They are the only way in which I know to walk forward, because goodness, marriage is a mine field.

Reference:

English Standard Version. (2019). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/English-Standard-Version-ESV-Bible/#copy