Real Life Marriage: Marriage is a Vulnerability.

Anytime I watch a marriage crumble, I get a case of the fears. It is not that my husband gives me any reason to doubt his faithfulness or fidelity. It is that each and every time the demise of marriage catches me by surprise. People's relationships look and appear sound, until they're in a million pieces on the ground.

Marriage is a wonderful gift, but also a vulnerability. I have told my husband many times that I think I could survive his death more than his unfaithfulness. It's not that I want him to die or wouldn't miss him if he did. It's that I would have good memories and believe God could help me move on. If he cheated on me or otherwise left me, I know by God's grace I would survive, but I don't feel like I could. I think I'd rather God just take me home myself.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians to urge people to stay unmarried if they could. He writes, "I want you to be free from anxieties" (English Standard Version, 2019, 1 Corinthians 7:32). I think the fears of marriage are part of what he means here. Marriage is great. It has blessed me with love and companionship and sanctification and growth. But if I am honest, it also leaves me afraid. All I can do is cling to God and try to walk the walk, because God knows, my marriage could be the next one to explode.

Proactively, are we doing all we can to preserve our marriage? No, probably not. We miss date nights. We miss devotionals. We have spats and I hold bitterness too long. But we are working on our marriage. God has grown our communication. We have safeguards in place to help us stay faithful. We have people who call us on stuff. Is it enough, though? No. Only God is enough. Our covenant is in Him, and only He is enough to hold us together, together, together, or should the worst happen, together with him to go through it.

Marriage is a risk, and I took it. The fear is real, though. The prayers to stay faithful, for others, and for ourselves, are also real. They are the only way in which I know to walk forward, because goodness, marriage is a mine field.

Reference:

English Standard Version. (2019). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/English-Standard-Version-ESV-Bible/#copy

A Prayer for the Everyday

A Prayer for the Everyday

By Sarah Earles

Guide me in the everyday,

I pray:

In the rising,

in the resting,

in the waking

in the doing

in the shopping

in the work

in the eating

in the cleaning

in the running

in the stretching

in the loving

in the losing

in the morning

in the evening

in the mid-afternoon

in the twilight

in the words

in the wisdom

in the speaking

in the listening

in the reading

in the prayer.

Guide me Spirit, everyday

I pray.

Maybe We Should Pray...

Maybe you've seen the memes. There have been quite a lot of them going around about Astronomer CEO the JumboTron at a ColdPlay concert caught Astronomer CEO Andy Byron in a compromising situation with his HR chief (Levy, 2025). As my husband wisely pointed out: You cannot expect to keep a relationship private when you take it to the public arena. Or as my parents taught me growing up: "Be sure your sins will find you out." At some point sooner or later, a person continuing in a pattern of sin will be found out. It was true for OJ Simpson, who was never found guilty of murder, but still ended up back in jail for another crime (Seeman, 2024). It is true for Ruth Chepngetich whose marathon record seemed too good to be true, and probably was, now that she has tested positive for a banned substance. And it's true for us (Grez, 2025). No pattern of sin will permanently go uncovered, or unpunished.

Scholars debate whether or not John 8:1-11 should be in the Bible. It is probably a true story, but not canonical (Jenkins, n.d.) Still, it has lessons to teach us, particularly verse 7 "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her" (English Standard Version, 2016). I need to judge sin as sin, but I also need to realize that the same sin lives in me. Perhaps before judging others and making fun of them, I need to ask the Spirit to judge my own heart.

After discussing the Astronomer situation with my husband I felt conviction that I needed to pray for that man, too. Yes, he sinned. Yes, he got found out. But he has a wife and a family and friends and relatives. This is not a one shot take-down. This is a family that is going to struggle and suffer: a family that needs salvation and redemption. Then there is the woman and her friends and family. They all need Jesus. We all need Jesus.

Come at me if you want for maybe being too soft on sin, but you know what? God has been gracious with and merciful towards me. Jesus saved me from my sin and continues to cover the sins I continue to commit, sometimes because I want to, and sometimes because they come out of my innate sin nature. When I see things like the Astronomer CEO scandal, I want the Spirit to convict me to search my own heart, to confess and pray against sin, and then to pray for and against the sin of others, as well as for their redemption. It's easy to judge, but maybe we should pray instead of doing the modern version of casting stones and making memes.

References:

English Standard Version. (2019). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/versions/English-Standard-Version-ESV-Bible/#copy

Grez, M. (2025, July 18). Women’s marathon world record-holder Ruth Chepngetich provisionally suspended after testing positive for banned substance

CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/18/sport/ruth-chepngetich-suspension-banned-substance-spt

Jenkins, C. (n.d.). Why we are not preaching on the woman caught in adultery. Christ Community. https://cckc.church/can-i-trust-that-the-bible-has-been-accurately-preserved/

Levy, A. (2025, July 18).  Astronomer CEO Andy Byron placed on leave after viral Coldplay kiss cam video. CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2025/07/18/astronomer-andy-byron-coldplay-kiss-cam.html

Seeman, M. (2024, April 11). After 'trial of the century,' OJ Simpson spent prison time, rest of life in Las Vegas. 24 News. https://nbc24.com/news/nation-world/after-trial-of-century-oj-simpson-spent-prison-time-rest-of-life-in-nevada-death-cancer-las-vegas-robbery-case-lovelock-prison-parole-probation-bruce-fromong-alfred-beardsley

Powerlessness and Prayer

I felt somewhat desperate about a couple of situations this past week. I was not stressing, so much as distressing, because there was absolutely nothing I could do. I was powerless. And so I prayed.

I don't know what it is about prayer that it becomes my last resort. I should pray. All along, in between, and at the end, when I feel powerless, I should pray. And yet that point of powerlessness is what most often brings me to my knees.

Someone asked me how I was processing the deep sorrow of these situations. I responded that I was thankful that my mom taught me the power of prayer. And therein lies the rub. I know that prayer works. I know the power of it, and yet I don't always call on God first.

Praying about my powerless situations provides solace. It provides peace. It didn't necessarily change anything, and it might not ever. But it helps me know that I have agency to do something. And that changes me. Now if God can only change my heart so that I more readily come to him first, rather than last. It is when I forget the truth of God's power that I am truly powerless, because without Him, and access to Him through the power of prayer, I truly am nothing!

Praying Process Over Product

My mom told me recently that she was not sure how to pray about something. My first inclination was to tell her to pray the Lord's prayer: "Your kingdom come, your will be done" (New International Version, 2011, Matthew 8:9). While it is not wrong to pray for specific things, whether they be the desires of our hearts, or specific convictions, more and more, I am convinced that I need to pray more process than product prayers.

What do process prayers look like? Instead of praying for my man/woman to win the election, I need to pray that they know Christ as Savior. Instead of praying that I will find what I want when I go grocery shopping, I need to pray that I am a good witness. Instead of praying that my husband will do this or that, I need to pray that he becomes the man God wants him to be (Rainey, 2016). Instead of praying for a specific outcome of a situation, I pray that I am (or they are) conformed to the image of Christ. 

Are process prayers always the prayers to pray? No. Jesus prayed for specific things, like that if it was God's will, he could escape the Matthew 26:39). Specific verses in the Bible request prayers for specific things (eg Hannah praying for a son). In some cases, God even told people not to pray (e.g. Jeremiah 7:17, 11:14, 14:11). Many, many of the examples of prayer in the Bible, though are about process: prayer to be delivered from evil, the Lord's prayer (as quoted above), prayer to proclaim the gospel fearlessly (Ephesians 6:19-20), etc. Let us consider that when we pray.

For me, praying process over product prayer helps align my heart with the Lord's. It turns my eyes off what I want onto what God wants, and to what His will is. I think that is where He wants my heart, with His, and as long as he continues to lead this way, this is the way I will pray: with Him, for Him, because only he can produce the products of righteousness and salvation, the things we ultimately, and eternally need.

References:

New International Version. (2011). BibleGateway.com. http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/New-International-Version-NIV-Bible/#booklist

Rainey, B. (2016). Letters to my daughter. Bethany House Publishers.

The Bewitching Hours

I woke up and had to go the bathroom. Sneaking a look at the clock, I saw the early hour of 12:39 AM glare back at me. I laid back down and tried to sleep. I couldn't. My mind started racing. Very quickly, it went to the worst. I thought terrible things about my marriage. I contemplated what would happen if my greatest fears in life materialized, how I would cope, if I would cope. And on and on and on. These dark thoughts weren't unfamiliar. They didn't come often, but when I wake up at an early am hour, I knew to expect them. One of my pastor called these early hours of worry the "bewitching hours," and oh, they really are.

Half asleep, my mind lacks strong executive function. Half asleep, I am prey to the enemy. Wanting sleep, the last thing I want is to worry, but that is where my mind automatically goes. So I have a plan. I have a strategy. When I wake up during the bewitching hours, I try to pray. If the enemy intends this time for evil, by the power of God's Spirit, I shall use it for good! If I can't pray, I will recite memorized Bible verses. And if I can't stay awake enough to do that, I will get my phone and read the Psalms, or if alone, turn on a small light and read. These may be the bewitching hours, but I shall not be bewitched.

Plenty of things happen automatically, like the dark thoughts that come to me middle of the night. While I cannot stop the thoughts, I can come at them with a plan. My plan is a Be-With-God plan. It doesn't always work (because I am a fallen human), and it doesn't always work right away. Sometimes, I even wonder if God is waking me up because he wants me to pray. Regardless, I plan to not be had. I plan to be with God, all the time, regardless of the hour. Bewitched, I will be not. Being WITH God, yes, this I shall be.

Real Life Marriage: Pest or Prayer Warrior

I need to be a bit of a nag. Being a "J" (Judger) on the Meyers-Briggs personality test, I tend to want things clear cut, black and white, right now. My husband is a "P" (Perceiver), more chill, more go with the flow, more person-centered, if I am honest. Sometimes that causes issues. When we make decisions, I want things done now, yesterday. So I pester. I nag. What I really need to do is pray.

My husband is a good, godly man. God has blessed me in this. So can't I trust my husband to act on decisions in the right time? My anxiety and desire to have things done right now can get in the way, but what I really need to do is pray. First, I need to pray for my heart, that I will be right with God; able to roll my anxiety on him, and so able to respect my husband. Then I need to pray for my husband, that he will be open to God's moving, and that God will move his heart at the right time. Although, I often want things now, that is not always God's way, and often, God uses my husband to slow me down so that I don't get things through my own sinful means.

I have unfortunately nagged my husband about many things. In many cases, I have gotten around to giving up and deciding to be quiet and pray. Then, lo and behold, in some time, God has moved. I do not want to treat God like a vending machine in that I can pray and get what I want, but I think it is telling that when I finally surrender to God's order for our home and wait, God chooses to move.

I am not good at waiting. This much is true. I am also not good at praying. I need a lot of practice. Being in the partnership of marriage gives me plenty reason for that practice, so may I choose to submit to it more. I love God and I love my husband. I do not want to be a pest. I want to be a prayer warrior. May the Spirit equip me to be so.

Good Wife/Godly Wife

"Help me to be a good wife." This is a regular prayer of mine. I pray it when I am happy. I pray it when I am sad. I pray it at home. I pray it driving along the road. As I prayed it recently, though, the Spirit convicted me with the question, "Do you want to be a good wife, or a godly wife?"

A good wife is a designation of my own definition. Something I long to be, but seem to never seem to quite achieve. I want to bless my husband, give him all he needs, and more, never be a burden, and maybe even be someone of which my husband is proud. Instead, I am anxious, angry, weak, and generally not what I want to be, a far cry from the good wife of my dreams.

That's just the thing, though. My definition of what it means to be good is mine. It isn't my husband. It isn't God's. So what does it mean to be a godly wife? Well, that I need to figure out. I am not here on this earth to be good. Jesus was that. Because of Jesus, I am here to be godly.

To be godly, I must love God first. Having "no other gods before me" means idolizing neither my husband nor my definition of what it means to be good (Ex 20:3, New International Version [NIV]). It means loving God first, and not living for the pleasure of man, even if that man is my husband and I really do desire to bless him.

Being a godly wife means living according to God's created order. That means submitting to my husband (Eph 5:22; Col 3:18; 1 Pet 3:1). Sometimes this submission means not doing the "good," I want to do, ceasing striving, and resting according to my husband's requests, as he seeks to follow the Lord and guide me in how I live.

Choosing godliness means putting my husband first, instead of selfishly attending to my own desires. This requires humility and a recognition that I simply cannot do it all (Phil 2:3-4). My desire to be good can get selfish when I seek to be good instead of asking and listening to what my husband wants and needs.

Being a godly wife means letting God define my worth. It requires humble submission to my husband and the truth he speaks to me. It means praying more for God's glory and focusing less on my definition of good. It requires a bit of a mind shift, one not quite done, but one that is in progress. May "he who began a good work in [me] carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6).

The Power of a Praying Mom

Some of you may remember that I wrote a blog post some years back about the legacy of prayer that my mom lives out. Well, here's another story to prove it. Our washing machine has been making noises for an extended amount of time. Last week, my husband tore down the machine in an effort to fix it. After several days of wrestling, he came to the conclusion that the machine was defunct. That meant we needed to buy a whole new unit, washer and dryer. I had already made peace with the cost of a replacement, but then we discovered that we could not just go to the store and buy one. We had to order one, and the soonest we could get a delivery would be two weeks. Mind you, we already had overflowing dirty laundry hampers and I was running out of socks when we made the order. On top of everything else, that week, I lost my sunglasses. While trivial, these sunglasses meant a lot to me because my best friend me them and had our college logo on them. I had looked everywhere, and they were nowhere. Exasperated, I prayed, and with no apparent relief for distress in sight, I texted my mom asking her to pray as well. Things happen when moms pray, specifically my mom.

As my mind wandered while showering that night, I somehow landed on Costco. Does Costco sell washers and dryers, I wondered? I went and checked. Lo and behold, they do! And the unit we needed (a very specific one due to our space constraints) was a bit cheaper there than anywhere else, and a purchase included all the ancillary hookup equipment, and included free haul away of our old equipment. They could also deliver within the week. Wow! Totally a God-thing. We definitely pushed, "Pay now" almost immediately. I felt so relieved.

I still had not found my sunglasses, this week, and I was sad, but figured I could accept it given that the washer situation worked out. I had not completely given up when I went back to work, though, and sent an e-mail to the front office staff telling them I lost pink sunglasses, but did not know where. I got an e-mail back almost immediately that they had them! When I went to get them, the secretary explained that she had found them amongst trash in the parking lot, but thought that they were probably a kid's and picked them up and brought them back in, rather than tossing them. Another wow! As of today, our washer has been delivered and I have my sunglasses back. Big things and little things, God cares! And mom prayers, I tell you, get a praying mom (or mom figure) who loves the Lord because "the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5:16, NIV).

The Power of Routine and Ritual

I am a creature of habit. A servant of routine and ritual at times. In my life, I find that routines and rituals serve me. Let me explain.

But first, what are routines and rituals? Routines are sets of actions regularly practiced. Rituals are actions that have the addition of meaning and purpose. Routines can become rituals and rituals can become routine, but not always. Some examples of routines are morning and night sequences of actions, work or class schedules, or even athletic practices. Rituals can include prayer, food, and celebration. Some people hate routines. I like them.

Routines

1) Routines help ground me. They calm my nervous system by telling it what to expect. I don't have to face a day in sheer panic because I know I have a morning routine list that I stick to. I don't have to fear day's end because I know I have a bedtime ritual that helps calm me before sleep. Even when in-between times are crazy, I make time for these routines because of their impact on my sense of peace.

2) Routines help me get important stuff done. With routines, I know that each task of the week (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.) has a set time. I can worry about that chore only during that time (or that is what it is supposed to do). Without routine, I feel under constant pressure to remember all my "to-dos." 

3) Routines help reduce feelings of scarcity. When I recall that a certain day is grocery day, I feel less anxiety about running out of a certain item. When I remember that I will my husband at dinner every night, I feel less panicked when he can't respond to my text during the day. Routines of e-mailing my family help me feel like they are close, and not far away, even if I am not seeing them in person.

Routines serve me for many reasons. They also help me remember my rituals. I include rituals in my routines to both calm me and get important stuff done. In that way, the two are interwoven.

Rituals

1) Rituals connect me to God. I include prayer and Bible reading in my morning routine because I need access to my Higher Power and to His truth. I struggle with the craziness of life even with these things. Without them, I am unfounded and ungrounded.

2) Rituals help me celebrate and find joy in everyday moments. For example, my family of origin and now my husband and I have pancakes for breakfast most Saturday mornings. This is not something we can do every Saturday, but doing it most Saturdays marks that time as special. I also drink tea, coffee, or hot chocolate with most of my breakfasts and night time snacks. I like my drinks really hot, which means I have to slow down and savor them. That helps me slow down and center, and that calm benefits me for the day or night ahead.

3) Rituals help mark time. I walk in and out of my home or office between tel-events. That action used to be routine, but with COVID-19, it has become ritual, the ending of one thing and the beginning of another. In the blur of life, I need that.

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Routines and rituals serve me. They quiet my and calm me, but I also have to be careful not to get too attached. Life is not always predictable, and I often need to be flexible. But where I can, I will continue with what works because, it works!

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Please feel free to share any routines or rituals you observe in the comments section.

Real Life Marriage: How I Pray for My Husband

I'll never forget the day that I realized I might be praying for my husband all wrong. I had just started the 30 Day Praying for your Husband Challenge from Revive Our Hearts, and after just a few days, I noticed something. None of the prayers were about vertical things, things on earth, things in our marriage, things in our relationships. The prayers were about horizontal things: relationship to and with God, humility, leadership, patience, etc. What I had been praying wasn't wrong, but the way was praying was wrong.

I prayed for my husband since before we were married. I prayed about his work and friendships and about his struggles and sorrows. I prayed about our friendship, and then our dating, and finally our marriage. I thought I was praying for the right things because I was praying with him in mind. I realized when I started the prayer challenge that I was praying not for him, but about him. I was praying selfishly for my good, and for my definition of good, but not for my husband's good, or God's definition of good for my husband. I was praying about external things, and not about his internal state.

Praying through the 30 day challenge refocused my heart. First, it reminded me to pray first and foremost for my husband's heart, and for his right relationship with God. Second, it reminded me to pray Scripture, because that is God's known and manifested will. Third, it prompted me to pray for my husband to have Christlike character and to say to the Lord, "'Not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42, New International Version [NIV]). 

Do I still pray for the day-to-day stuff for my husband? Sure! But I try to pray about it for my husband's good, and from a perspective of what God wants, not what I want. At the end of the day, my greatest desire for my husband is that he loves God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength (Luke 10:27). When he does that, he's going to benefit. I'm going to benefit. The world is going to benefit. "'Your kingdom come [Lord], on earth as it is in heaven'" (Matt 6:10). This is the way, then, that I should pray.

My Mother's Legacy

My mom joined her first prayer group sometime when I was in elementary school. I don't remember thinking much about it until we moved to Arizona and she started wearing her pink Moms in Touch button everywhere we went: to school, to the store, to the library, etc. She said she didn't know of any local prayer groups, and she was determined to find one.

Fast forward a few years, and Mom found a group. I don't remember the details. I just know she joined.

Fast forward to my college years, during which Mom was more and more involved in Moms in Prayer. Post-college, Mom was the first one to remind me of the National Collegiate Day of Prayer each year. When a friend of mine (also the daughter of a Moms in Prayer intercessor) asked me if I wanted to meet for weekly prayer, I was on board. We even used Moms in Prayer sheets with the ACTS method of praying as our guide!

My friend and I eventually quit praying together. I think one of us changed jobs. I know I eventually moved. I kept up the practice of making weekly prayer sheets and spending 30 minutes in prayer, however. Thirty minutes was not the length of an actual Moms in Prayer meeting, but it worked for me.

As I've entered my third decade of life, I've continued my prayer practice. It isn't always as regular as I would like, but I do it. My mother, meanwhile, continues in Moms in Prayer. She has taken on more and more responsibilities as time has passed: praying in multiple groups, leading groups, and even serving on the area and state-wide teams. Two years ago, I had the opportunity to go to a Moms in Prayer conference with my mom and my sister-in-law. My sister-in-law was actually pregnant with my niece at the time, so we had three generations present. It was a special time for all of us.

This year for Mother's Day, I bought two prayer shirts from Moms in Prayer. The, "Pray 'Em Up" quote on the shirts referenced the movie War Room, and the talk my mom, sister-in-law, and I heard at the Moms in Prayer conference from Actress Karen Abercrombie. I asked my husband to do a little photo shoot with my mom and I wearing the shirts. It was the most tangible way I could think to document the legacy my mother is leaving me: the legacy of prayer.

My mom has always prayed. She prayed before Moms in Prayer. She prays through Moms in Prayer. She prays outside of Moms in Prayer. I can always text, call, or e-mail Mom with prayer requests and know they are covered. My mom has prayed me through some of the lowest lows and highest highs of my life. I no longer live with or even near my mom, but I feel the power of her prayers, day in and day out. Prayer is Mom's access to a Higher Power, and because Mom taught me to pray, and I prayed a prayer of saving faith many years ago, I now have access to that same power. And Christ's power is the greatest power and legacy of all.

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Happy Mother's Day, Mom, and to all the mothers out there!

The Other Shoe

We had enjoyed a good morning at church. We had just eaten lunch and I was looking forward to a nap and an afternoon of rest. And then the knock came, "Can you check your hot water heater?" Our neighbor asked. "There is a leak downstairs."

My husband went to work, and sure enough, our water heater was leaking, big time. We'd just had a series of major expenditures, and now this.

"Great," I thought. "Now I won't get a nap. Now we have to spend more money. When's the next shoe gonna drop?"

My husband did a lot of draining and mopping and cleaning. And then we went to Home Depot. We realized we could not fix the problem now, so he put in a temporary fix and at his insistence, I lay down to take a late nap. As I lay there, I thought, 

You know, maybe it's good when the other shoe drops. That firmly plants both my feet on the ground. I know more about what I'm dealing with and can take it to the Lord in prayer. I can start learning how to cope. I can call on others to pray with me. I can ask for help.

That thought was extremely comforting then, and continues to be now. Maybe I need to stop fearing the other shoe. Maybe I need to work more on grounding myself in God and in His word. 

When's the next shoe going to drop? Who knows. Life is full of struggle, and always will be until Jesus returns or calls us home. But God, in His word, promises to provide for all of our needs. That's firm ground, ground I want to stand on with both feet.

The Condo that Could

We'd talked about moving, but weren't sure about a date. "Let's just look at condos," my husband said. So just like that, after we flew in from our trip to Arkansas, we looked at condos. We looked at several. The ones we'd had our eyes on were...terrible. But there was a new one that was nice. It already had offers on it, though.

"Let me just call to see what the offers are," our realtor said. "You could always make a backup."

My husband and I sat down with the information we had over lunch, I mean, linner, or lupper. All I'd had to eat that day was a Clif bar and an apple, and it was way past lunch time. My husband figured the new condo was the best one and wanted to offer on it. It admittedly wasn't my favorite, but why not? It could work. And it had the most to offer besides the actual dwelling space: a good location, access to the light rail, newer appliances, etc. And it had three offers already. It was doubtful they'd take ours.

So, in a hunger-crazed haze, I signed paperwork to bid. I didn't even look at the closing date. I just signed. And on Monday of that week, I came home to the news, "They accepted our offer."

"What?" I replied. 

"Yes, they accepted our offer. We're moving." He said.

I panicked. I tried to digest the news. I had signed the paperwork to try to buy this condo. I had agreed that it might be good for us to move. But I didn't realize it would be so soon.

And then came the fear. Fear the inspection would fail. Fear the loan wouldn't get approved. Fear the cost would be too great. Fear. Fear. Fear. My husband had faith; I struggled, to say the least. But the condo went through. We closed, despite having to go back to the table to adjust our offer after the appraisal, despite needs for extra income verification, despite two rounds of hours-long paperwork signing. We moved November 23rd.

The longer I live in the condo, the more I realize what a blessing it is, and how like it is to the house that wasn't. The light from the windows, the nice gray walls, the (faux) wood floors, the two bathrooms I wanted. The white kitchen, the porches. The house isn't perfect, but it's ours. The condo that could is becoming our home. We are so grateful to God.

The House That Wasn't

I'd offered on several houses, a lot of houses. Some owners didn't accept my offers. Some houses went to bidding wars. And some houses were sold by time time my realtor and I submitted our paperwork. I'd offered on this house and been declined, too. But then the owners came back. 

"Do you want the house?" They asked through my realtor.

"Well, yes." I replied.

"The other buys were nickel- and dime-ing us," I heard. "So you can have it."

So I started the process. I sent my $1,000 escrow money. I ordered the home inspection. I investigated home warranties and chose one. I went over what the house needed (because it did need some work) and lined up repairmen. We ordered the appraisal. It came back. I made Pinterest boards of what I planned to do with each house and each room. My best friend diagrammed the house and made plans to fly out and help me decorate. I got a roommate. Everything was going swimmingly...until it wasn't. 

On final walk through, mere days before the purchase, my dad crawled under the house one more time "just to make sure" and found water, like lots of water. Monsoon season (aka heavy rains) had just started, and apparently the rain was running under the house instead of around it. I didn't panic just yet, though. I started investigating. But as I investigated, my heart sank. I found out that not only was the runoff an issue, but the whole slope of the land. A repair would mean removing the landscaping in the front and back yards, removing the front and back porches, readjusting the lay of the land, re-landscaping, putting the porches back on, and then fixing the house foundation issues. Oh man!

A real estate investor friend of ours looked at the house and he said he wouldn't buy it if he was me. And he had experience with flipping houses. I was a first time homebuyer, with barely enough money to put for a down payment, and very little time to fix up a house. So I let the house go. I told my roommate, "No."

I was discouraged, distraught, even. I wanted this so bad. And it seemed God had opened all the doors only to slam them in my face. I didn't understand, and perhaps I never fully will.

As the years past that failed home purchase have passed, though, God has in His grace revealed some reasons why that sale didn't go through:

• I needed more time with my family to repair and heal some relationships.
• My job turned out to be way harder and way more time consuming than I expected, and I honestly needed my mom to feed me a lot of nights. Living at home allowed her to do that.
• My mom prayed that I wouldn't move out until I got married. (Thankfully she kept that prayer to herself until I got engaged.)
• My prospective roommate decided to follow the Lord to a different country, and without her help, mortgage payments would have been difficult.
• Living at home allowed me to save more money for a potential future home purchase.
• Not owning a home made it easier to marry and move in with my husband (in that order!) and consider what God had for us versus for me.

God knows what He's doing, friends. Following the Lord is hard, and it often doesn't make sense. But God is good, and His plans work out for our good, even if it does not feel good in the moment, or maybe on this earth. My dream house wasn't. That was hard. But it allowed God to bring to fruition some other dreams, dreams I'd buried or even let go unrecognized. To Him be the glory.

A Basic Guide to Meditating

I read a book recently about how "affirmative action reduces negative hormones" (Galloway, 2012). That got me to thinking about my thoughts and how they affect my health. If you've read this blog very long, you've probably gathered that I'm a pretty stressed person who struggles to stay calm. But lately, I'm trying to change that. Or at least, I'm trying to change my thinking.

When a negative thought or worry comes up, I'm trying to say, "You are God of ______." Or "God can take care of __________." I've then taking to trying to meditate on that thought by repeating it over and over.

The basic idea of meditation is to calm the brain by sitting, breathing, and thinking of one thought, and then no thought, and eventually getting to a place of "emptiness," or "floating." Here's how that works with the above scenario:

"You are God of ________________."
(Repeat until my brain feels calm.)

"You are God."
(Repeat until my brain feels calm.)

"God."
(Repeat until my brain feels calm.)

I usually stop there, because as a believer in Christ, I think emptying my mind is a dangerous thing. I want God to always be filling me. So ending on God is where I want to be. 

Sometimes I practice meditation while doing an activity (such as walking or running). And when I'm done. I'm done. Other times, I do it while trying to fall asleep. So it ends when I sleep. And other times, meditation is a short break, a "rest" for my day. 

Whatever way you do it, meditation works. Basic or not. I'm thankful.

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Do you meditate? If so, how do you do it? Please share below in the comments.

How We Had a Low Stress Wedding

I've attended more weddings than I am years old. And weddings tend to stress me out. They're so special and celebratory, but they can also be so detailed and over-the-top. They can also be bride-centric and somewhat exclusive of the groom. So when it came to my own wedding, I wanted to go simple and low stress, and include my groom, because this wedding wasn't happening without Chris! Here's how we did it.

Invitations

We didn't send out save the dates. With as short of an engagement as we had, we really didn't have time.

We sent out a one page photo announcement/invitation. I liked the idea of people having a picture of us even if they could not attend the ceremony.

We didn't include an RSVP reply card. Instead, we asked people to RSVP via our Knot website. This was inconvenient for some, and for that we apologize, but it really worked best for us and for our budget.

We kept invitations pretty open. If people saw us and told us they wanted to attend, we invited them. Planning a simple ceremony allowed that.

The Ceremony

We kept it simple. We wanted the focus to be on the Lord and on our vows, so we asked our pastor to officiate that way. He did an amazing job.

We limited our attendants to two each. We have many family and friends we value and could have asked to stand with us, but we stuck to one friend and one family member that we knew would support us in our vows.

We chose not to do a meal. Again, this was inconvenient for some, and for that, we apologize. But we wanted to keep the reception short, and we wanted to have an open invitation policy. That meant no elaborate food plans.

We cut everything that didn't matter to us. Wedding cake? Cut. First dance? Cut. Bouquet and garter toss? Cut. Chris developed some "filter questions" for our ceremony and if something didn't honor God, enrich our marriage, or specifically exist to bless our guests, we got rid of it. That allowed us to keep and focus on what really mattered to us: our covenant of marriage and the friends and family who came to support us in it.

The Decorations

Get a planner. Here's where not everyone can do what we did. My best friend is an amazing amateur decorator, florist, wedding planning, do-it-all type gal. I flew her out to help me find my wedding dress, and we planned a lot of the wedding that weekend. She then collected other decorations, made our bouquets and boutonnieres, etc. and brought them with her. Her help was invaluable.

Use food. My best friend and mom proposed using pinto beans and split peas in jars to decorate (since we had a cactus/southwest theme). This was a great idea! The decorations cost less and were even repurposed into after-wedding food, like the split pea soup we made in our Insta-Pot the first week we were home.

Let other people take the lead. Again, not everyone can do what we did, but I told everyone that my best friend was in charge, and left. Yes, I let other people decorate the church without me. It was less stressful for me and truly let me get some rest in my body, soul, mind, and spirit before the big day.

So it goes without saying, but a big part of our low stress wedding is thanks to my best friend.

The Day Of

Go low key with exercise. I knew I wanted to get outside the morning of the wedding, but I also didn't want to get all sweaty. So I went with an early, low-key stroll. That was enough to help center my mind without stressing my body and getting all nasty and gross.

See the groom. This broke status quo, but Chris he was a big part of helping me not get overly caught up in details or stressed about things. I also didn't like the idea of not seeing him the entire day before we made a lifelong commitment before God and men. So before I got my makeup done or we started getting ready, we spent a few minutes together to try to wrap our heads around the day and what was in store for us.

Do calming activities. There was so much I could have done the day of the wedding, but I wanted to be a calm and collected bride for my groom, so I just said, "No." Instead, I looked at social media, read a book, colored, and blogged.

Go professional for makeup. I wasn't originally on board with this, but my best friend suggested it, and I am so glad she did. I went to Ulta, so it wasn't super expensive, and having someone else do my makeup improved my confidence and made it easier on my bridal party and attendants.

Order food you will want to eat. I was worried I wouldn't be hungry or want to eat the day of the wedding, so I ordered my favorite Chick-Fil-A salad. I'm so glad I did. It tasted good and kept me fueled for the long day ahead.

Get ready with family and girlfriends. All those girls I might have wanted to ask to stand with me? I invited them to get ready with me. They (and their cute kids) kept me entertained and not too anxious. My mom was also there, which helped a ton!

Have room to pace. Again, this might not be possible for everyone, but we had a fairly large room (the church fellowship room) for getting ready, and when I started to feel anxious, I walked, yes, wedding dress and all. I'm thankful that I had comfortable shoes!

Pray! My friends prayed with me and for me during the wait time, and I know that made the greatest differences.

Was our wedding perfect? No, but it was wonderful. And besides being wonderful because of the man I married, it was wonderful because it was very low stress, something this perfectionistic, type A girl needed in order to really enjoy and be present for the day.

Blessed

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

~Titus 2:3-5

My Mom has set an example for me in so many ways, but as I prepare to get married in a few short weeks, I've been reflecting on all the ways that Mom has imaged for me what it means to be a godly wife:

• Mom reads her Bible and prays daily. This isn't necessarily marriage related, but it's priority related. Christ is a priority for my mom, and because of that, she is able to be a godly spouse.
• Mom gives of herself sacrificially. She recognizes that sometimes denying herself means deepening her relationship with Dad, and she finds satisfaction in that.
• Mom respects Dad. She doesn't boss him around. She doesn't make fun of him. She doesn't demean him. Rather, she respects and honors him, especially in the presence of others.
• Mom is 100% faithful to my dad. Divorce has never been an option, and has never been mentioned in our household.
• Mom speaks her mind, and then submits. Mom is a smart lady and she says what she means, but then she obeys Dad, even if it's hard, because she believes that Dad is her God-given authority.
• Mom is a detail person, but doesn't major on the minors. She accepts that Dad is different than her and she loves him anyway.
• Mom genuinely enjoys spending time with my dad, and she talks about it. She expresses gratitude for the little things he does and gives thanks at all times for him.

Mom doesn't disregard the hard parts of marriage, but she says she wouldn't want to do life without Dad. She always casts marriage in a positive light, as the good gift from God that it is.

So on Mother's Day this year, I'm celebrating Mom, not just as my mother, but as an example of godliness in marriage. May Christ continued to be formed in her, even as He is formed in me.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

I love you!

Ride the Waves

I've been telling myself lately that emotions are like waves. They come, and they go, and then they're over. This perspective has helped me, until it didn't.

One Thursday night after work, exhausted and tired, overstretched and overspent, I hit a wall and descended into a really dark place . I didn't feel good enough. I wasn't thinking positive thoughts. I honestly wanted to give up on life, though I had no plans to actually end my life. I couldn't stop crying. It was awful. Miserable. Isolating. Alienating. Lonely. It wasn't a wave of emotions. It was a tidal wave, or maybe even a tsunami.

The people in my life didn't abandon me or give up on me. They didn't pressure me, but they didn't leave me alone, either. They were there for me and with me. That gift of presence and acceptance was a blessing. But even though I knew I could talk to them, I struggled to do so.

The breakthrough for me came Monday morning when I read Romans 12:6, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us” (New International Version, NIV). The Spirit showed me that I was comparing myself, comparing myself to others, to my ideal self, to the person I thought I should be. And that's not the way God's economy works. He made me, me, and I need to live in and walk that, "with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me” (Col 1:29). That realization was so freeing for me. It totally changed my perspective and brought me back to my real self.

Ride the waves. That's a good perspective, until the waves are too big to ride on your own. That's where reaching out for and accepting help come in. Because when you can't ride the wave, you need someone to tow you to shore, to bring you home.

God-Things and Dreams

The short version: Chris asked me to marry him. I said, "Yes."

The long version: 

God-Things and Dreams

My sweet Nana went to be with Jesus May 17, 2015. When she went, she willed her heirloom diamond to me. I was kind of mad about it at the time. I had just turned 27 and saw no hopes of every getting married. I even angrily told my parents to give the ring to my cousin, but they didn't. They kept it because they believe in God-things.

Fast forward to June 10, 2018 and my dear friend's wedding. For the first time probably ever, I came away from a wedding with the simultaneously sinking, yet buoyant feeling that marriage would be good for me. It might even out some of my idiosyncracies, provide support, grant companionship, and ultimately make me into more of who God wanted me to be. I didn't exactly have prospects or even a promise, but I somehow felt that I was next. That feeling wasn't because the bridal bouquet fell at my feet (which it did, because my friend and I, the last single ones in our college friend group, refused to catch it) or because I was technically "next" on the getting married list which we made in probably 2009 or 2010 (which I was). I just had a feeling.

My friend group is super faithful to pray for one another, so before we packed up and left the wedding, we stood in a circle and prayed. I asked my friends to pray community for me, something I felt desperately lacking in my new state of Arizona. Little did I know what God would do.

I came home that weekend to only having my parents for a few days. I knew they had to leave at the end of the week and that felt lonely to me. But I prayerfully approached the week and knew somehow I'd made it through. God has gotten me through before, and I knew he would again.

That week, I got an e-mail about a College and Career group event in downtown Prescott. It sounded fun and I had been trying to get more involved with the group, so I decided to go. And since I was the one of the oldest ones at our church and wanted to find more community, I e-mailed Chris. I thought he was an interesting person, but I honestly wasn't trying to make the first move. He just happened to be the only person my age I had contact information for and I felt very strongly that I should talk to him about going, so I did.

I had a lot of fun that night. I didn't realize until afterward that Chris and I were the only ones our age there, and that I was the only unmarried girl there. Whoops! Chris walked me to my car afterward (because I was parked far away in the dark, and that's the kind of guy he is). We stood on the sidewalk and talked for what seemed like forever, and then I left and went home to my empty house.

Chris and I hung out a lot that summer, and last fall, we started dating. There are a lot of God-details in that story, but I'll leave them out for now.

God Thing #1 (that I can bear witness to, because I see God's fingerprints all over this)

March 4, 2019: I told Chris that I was talking time off work March 11th. He'd already told me he wanted to do something together after church March 10th, but that wasn't the reason for my vacation request. I just needed time off. God knew, and he was preparing the way.

God Thing #2 

March 7, 2019: I was at the mall for work. Chris was in the jeweler's at the mall looking at rings. I was headed right for the jeweler's, but he saw me and quickly hid. I never saw him there. I actually didn't seem him until he was walking out. I wondered what he was up to, but was too busy to give it much thought.

God Thing #3

More March 7, 2019: Chris saw my car at my work and asked to go over and talk to my parents, assuming I'd be gone. Good thing I worked late that day! I'd actually seen his car at church next door and planned to go talk to him, but when I didn't see him, I went to the grocery store instead, something I don't usually do. That gave Chris more margin.

Chris asked my parents' permission to marry me, and when they gave it, he asked what kind of ring my mom thought I'd want. Mom gave him Nana's ring. Chris was surprised, because he didn't know it existed. (I mean, what kind of girl tells her boyfriend, "Hey, if you ever think of marrying me, I've already got a ring!" And we very specifically had set a dating boundary that we weren't talking about us getting married until that was the plan. So we'd talked about God and the meaning of marriage and our values and lots of other important things, but not about us getting married.) 

God Thing #4, a bunch of God-things wrapped up in one

March 10, 2019, The Proposal: The day dawned bright and clear, nicer than it's been in awhile, especially after our 27 inches of snow near the end of February. It got colder and windier as the day went on, but it was still decent weather wise.

Chris took me to hike Trail 28 on Mingus Mountain, the trail we hiked the day we decided to start dating. We hiked up the trail instead of down and back up, like we did the first time. Chris told me at the top that he thought he'd pushed a little too hard. I told him that he should have told me to stop. He said he was fine. I shrugged, not fully believing him, but not knowing what else to do. We rested a few minutes and headed back down. He'd told me he wanted to stop at the rock outcropping where we stopped the first time. We did. We took a few pictures and when he sat down on the rock outcropping, I went and joined him.

"So, I'm kind of glad we got to hike this trail again, like we did that first day. And I'm glad we had that conversation afterward." He said.

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm glad we had that conversation, too, or we wouldn't be here."

I could tell he was getting sentimental, but I didn't know what to do, so I just stared across the valley at the scenery.

"So I don't know how to do this, because I've never done it before," he said, "But will you marry me?" As he asked the question, he pulled out a box from his pocket and opened it to show me a ring. 

I'd kind of wondered if he might propose that day, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. I'd prayed to just enjoy the day (because it was a dating anniversary for us) and see what happened. I'd prayed and planned my response, too, however, because that's the kind of person I am.

"It would be a privilege to marry you," I said. "So yes."

I picked up the ring and looked at it. I was pretty sure it was Nana's, but needed to see. Chris told me that we could go to the jeweler Monday to get it "fixed" or reset. Good thing I had Monday off!

We talked, took more pictures, and then headed back down the trail. Good thing we were headed down, because that meant we could talk while we walked. We decided at the car to go to Wal-Mart and get rubber rings to wear while we waited for my ring to get remade. Chris asked if he could wear a ring, too. I said, "Why not?" We're both committed to this process of marriage at this point, so I don't see why he can't have a symbol of that process, too.

God Thing #5

Later that day: We went home to my house and told my parents the news. Mom told me that she'd secretly been praying that I wouldn't move out until I got married. She apologized that the house I was buying fell through, saying it was her fault. I told her not to worry about it. That house wouldn't have been good for me anyway.

Chris and I were debating dates, but worried about what people would think of our timeline. The people we value most told us to make our engagement short. We didn't expect that, but took it as confirmation from the Lord. I don't do things lightly, but when I do act, I tend to do it quickly and jump in with both feet. Here we go....

Dreams

Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being proposed to at a high point on a hike. I'd heard a similar story from friends of the family and always had that stuck in my head. I'd always wanted to date and fall in love with just one guy. And I'd always wanted a summer/sunshine-y wedding, but didn't think it would happen. Now it is. God is such a good God.

Life's an adventure. I said that when I moved to Arizona, and I had no clue at the time that I'd fall in love and get married here. But that's the way God works sometimes: unexpectedly, silently, and then larger than life. I'm thankful for where I am, for where we are, and looking forward with hope to what God has next for us. May He get the glory in and through it all.

"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."

~Psalm 115:1, New International Version