Living in Limbo

As I've entered my 30th year of life, living in the limbo of being unmarried has become harder and harder. "I've been single my entire life, so it shouldn't be this hard," I tell myself. But it is. And lately, the concept of marriage just keeps coming up over and over again. I've realized that we live in a marriage-centric society, and that's God's design, except when it isn't.

Life is lived in dyads. Family usually starts with two. People fight for the right to marry. In the church, marriage is a metaphor for Christ and the Church (Eph 5:21-33). The speaker preached about that just recently. But what about when marriage isn't? When people are long-term, and sometimes life-long singles? When people are divorced or widowed, and not by their own choice? God grants salvation, and thereby relationship with him to everyone (John 6:40). God doesn't abandon or leave or forsake (Deut 31:8).

I would argue that sometimes marriage isn't in God's design. Paul was a long-term single from what we know. He wrote about how a lack of marriage allows more focus on God in 1 Corinthians 7. God calls Himself a husband to the unmarried in Isaiah 54. But that fact that a calling to singleness seems to exist doesn't make the single life any easier.

I live in a state of relationship tension, and so do many of my beautiful friends. We wonder if we should keep looking for the "one," or just give up and write out plans exclusive of a spouse. As much as I'd sometimes like to lose my desire to be married, it's still there. And to write off marriage would be to wrench my life out of God's hands and tell Him I'm writing my life story. I'm not. God's in control, whether I like it or not. God's in control of not only my singleness, but also in control of my job, my family, my environment, and so much more.

So here I am, embarking on another year of life as a single, admiring God's divine design in  marriage, but wondering how my life fits into it. All I can do is keep waiting and watching. Whether it's for an earthly spouse or for the eminent return of Christ, the husband of the Church, I don't know.

*I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons for this Thinking Out Loud post.