I'd Like to Leave Church, But I Can't.

It seems to be a season of disillusionment with the church. Prominent Christian leaders have announced that they've left their faith, are losing their faith, or are “deconstructing” their faith. Having grown up in the church, and after seeing many of it's ups and downs, I'm a bit frustrated myself.

I'm frustrated at the homogeneity of the church and our inability to accept diversity. I'm frustrated that we kick our down (which is why I didn't name leaders above) when what they really need is love and accountability and grace. I'm frustrated that the church struggles with science and will often disregard it rather than wrestle with it. I'm frustrated that the church has become so political and business-like. I'm frustrated that there aren't more people like me in the church (which I guess is an oxymoron given my first statement). I want to leave. I want to tuck tail and say good riddance and be done with church. But I can't.

First, there's the biblical command to gather together as believers (Heb 10:24-25). Then there's the command to respect the pastors and elders he raises up (Eph 4:10-12). And then the command to submit to my husband, who works at a church, and definitely believes in going to church (Eph 5:22). If I say I have a relationship with Christ and God is my Heavenly Father, I have to ultimately submit to and obey Him. No excuses.

Then there's the fact that I'm not an island. I need accountability and community. What better place than the church to find both than in the church, with people like-minded in my faith? There's broken people there just like me. I need them, and maybe, just maybe, they need me.

Next, there's the idea that if I leave the church, I'm being just like the people I have problems with in the church. I'm being judgmental and prideful and hypocritical. I've being week and giving up. I'm failing to be patient. I've failing to have hope and believe in redemption. I'm failing to believe that perseverance produces character, and character growth (Rom 5:1-5). I'm failing to believe that trials can produce growth (James 1:2-4)

Finally, there's the fact that my husband wisely pointed out: The church is the bride of Christ (Eph 5:21-33). If I reject the church, I reject Christ. And I don't want to do that. Christ is my life. In Him, I have salvation and hope and purpose. No, I cannot, and pray will not ever leave Christ.

I'd like to leave church, but I can't. I'm not ready to be done with my faith, with my walk with my Lord, so I can't be done with church. The two are intricately intertwined.