Masks and Me

Our county recently passed a mandate requiring mask wearing in most public places. I was already wearing a mask to church and to the store, but that was for short periods of time. The new mask mandate meant that I have to start wearing a mask during most of my work day. I have to wear a mask to enter my work building, enter the lobby, go to the restroom, use the stairs; basically everything except stay in my closed, solitary office. I had been previously following the recommendations to stay six feet away from people, but the masks add complexity to my interactions. It is stressful, and at times feels like almost too much. I'm not here to argue about mask usage or effectiveness. I'll leave that to politicians, scientists, and infectious disease experts. What I would like to share are some observations about how mask usage affects me:

I overthink things. Car keys, wallet, purse, sunglasses? Check. Oh wait. I forgot my mask. 

Do I really want to run to the store to get milk? How bad do I want ice cream? Is this activity worth masking up and its associated discomforts? Maybe I'll just stay home.

I feel edgy. Wearing a mask heightens my fight, flight, and freeze response. I feel hypervigilant. I want to get in and out of places quickly. The faster I get this errand done, this activity completed, the fewer times I have to touch my face to readjust my mask. The faster I get to take this mask off.

I talk to people less. In all actuality, I can talk to people wearing a mask just like I talk to them without one, but it feels weird. And I do it less. I am less communicative in general.

I avoid people overall. I feel stand-offish wearing a mask, and I act that way, too. I'd rather not talk, and the mask gives off a, "Leave me alone" vibe. In fact, before the mask mandate, I heard an unmasked lady at the grocery store explicitly avoiding a masked lady and telling the masked lady that she didn't want to get near her because of the mask.

I tend less to my appearance. If I'm wearing a mask, who cares what's underneath? Wearing a mask, I have to fuss with my hair all the time, so why blow dry it? Might as well throw it up in a ponytail. Earrings? I learned one of the first times I wore a mask that masks pull off earring backs. So no more of those. And might as well wear old clothes and be frumpy while I'm at it.

I'm more judgmental. Let's be honest. I know I need to judge myself first, but masks make it clear who is following the rules and who isn't. Wearing a mask, despite my distaste for it, subtly breeds feelings of contempt and pride. Who am I to know why a person isn't wearing a mask? It might be because they have a health condition or no access to masks, and here I am feeling better than them. I have masks because my mom made them for me.

The upsides of the masks?

I take less chances touching my face. The mask makes it harder to touch my nose and mouth, which means I am hopefully exposing myself to less germs.

I get a chance to practice gratitude. I think of my mom when I wear the masks she made for me. I think of the times that I took in-person interactions without masks for granted. I value being close to ones I love.

I get a chance to practice what I preach. Romans 13 says to submit to governing authorities. Masks make it clear if I am obeying.

I get a chance to show my love for others. My husband brought this up in the very beginning. If I can wear a mask and make others feel safer, or actually be safer, I should.

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Do I like wearing masks? No. Do I believe they work? I don't know. Do I think the government should be mandating masks? That's a topic I know people take sides on.

What I do know is that we are required to wear masks right now. This is life. Our mask wearing is also affecting us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Let's talk about that. But let's also realize that our mask wearing could save a life, and for that reason, if not for any other reason, we should do it.