Marriage Misnomers: A Good Marriage is a Good Marriage.

I am blessed when I hear people affirm our marriage: "You all started off good, so you'll have a good marriage." "You all have a good marriage." "You're doing good." Said with authenticity, I appreciate the sentiment. Said to flatter or without knowledge of the hardships of life, I rue the statements. And all of them, I believe contain a fallacy that a good marriage is always a good marriage. No! A good marriage takes work.

There is certainly something to be said for the value of preparation for marriage. Compatibility tests, premarital counseling, and a fair amount of planning have their proper places. I would argue that it is foolish to rush into marriage without some discussion of what it may be like and some seeking of external wisdom. Starting off a marriage in a good place does not ensure that it will stay a good marriage, however.

Weekly check-ins, regular date nights, planned vacations--these, too, play a role in making a good marriage. Honesty, vulnerability, laughter, and fun all contribute to the strength of a relationship, but in and of themselves, they do not make a good marriage.

I would suggest that pursuing a good marriage does not always feel good, at least for the individual. Sometimes pursuing the good in marriage means self-sacrifice of personal good. Sometimes it looks like walking through deep waters. Sometimes it means doing hard work in counseling. Sometimes it means reciting vows through gritted teeth and just trying to get through another day of covenant.

Sometimes marriage feels good, for sure! Love reigns supreme. Bonds are close. Affection is frequent and regular. Communication is clear. These are not all the days, however.

A good marriage is a good marriage not because of feeling but because of constant, continual work. Marriage requires not just maintenance, but progression. A good marriage is a good marriage because the partners work at it, and in a Christian marriage, because God is at work.