The Loving List

I heard a podcast awhile ago about a husband and wife who wrote books about one hundred ways to love your spouse. I looked up the books. Based on what I heard and read, the books were good. Being a do-it-yourself-er, though, I thought, "I can do this. I can write my own list of 100 ways to love my husband. And maybe I will even share it." Well, now months later, I can say that I completed my "Loving List," but it is too personal to post. Nevertheless, I learned a lot from the project and would encourage others to do it.

How do you start?

1. Decide how you want to organize the list: categories, days of the week, etc. I decided to organize based on the five love languages. Twenty loving actions in each of the categories would get me to 100. You do you, but I suggest breaking up the list to make the goal of completing it more attainable.

2. Brainstorm ways to love your spouse. Big, small, write down them all, because you may need them.

3. Set a day one.

Starting is not really that hard. Continuing can be. There were honestly days when I did not feel loving and did not want to try, but I had committed, so I did. Many days, I wanted to show love in the way that was easiest for me, not in the ways that would best serve my husband. Forcing myself to get to twenty in each love language category challenged me to snap out of this pretty quickly. My love language is acts of service. I realized that is routine for me. To love in other ways took courage and care.

As I practiced loving my husband every day, I realized other things. My husband notices some things. Others seem to make no difference. Some actions increase my love for my husband. Others drain me, and I need to fill up first. Some acts of love require planning, especially gifts that require resources. Quality time can take some preparation, too.

What are the benefits of starting a loving list? Research says it takes 21-66 plus days to build a habit. If you start a loving list and set out to do at least one (not just one, but one intentionally recorded one) loving thing a day, you will probably reach that mark. You will train your brain to look for ways to love your spouse. You might become more loving. You might start to build more ways to love your spouse into your day. Who knows? Your spouse might start paying more attention to your needs as well. That is not the reason to make a loving list because making a loving list is inherently selfless.