Making The Case for Short Engagement

(Photo by Sharon Lane)

Our two year anniversary could be this week. But it's not. It's our two year and two month anniversary. We chose to get married pretty quickly, and looking back, I do not regret it. Overall, I would advocate for short engagements. (Ours was three months.) Here are some reasons why:

1) Short engagements help reduce temptation. We believe in abstinence before marriage. We chose not to even kiss before marriage because we felt that would preserve the purity of our dating relationship. Knowing we wanted to get married brought a lot of emotional and mental closeness, and with that the desire for physical closeness as well. Keeping our engagement short helped us keep the sanctity of marriage in mind so that we could preserve ourselves for it.

2) Short engagements force focus. Short engagements leave little time for frivolity. There is enough time to plan the important parts of the wedding, but not enough to debate the details. I will admit that we came close to the deadline on some things, but in the end, we got married and that is what counts!

3) Short engagements reduce stress (or at least the duration of the stress). My husband said when we got engaged and planned a quick wedding that if we were going to stress, it might as well be for the shortest time possible. I am not sure how much he stressed. (I married a calm guy!) I know I stressed, but seeing the end in sight helped me cope. It also reduced the duration of the effects of stress on my body, one of the things that I think helped me stay well, rather than getting sick like many brides do after their big day.

Do I recommend short engagements for everyone? No. I think there is a lot of merit in pre-marital counseling and preparation. I think it it is important to know that you are really ready to marry someone, and that feelings are not just a matter of infatuation. People need to consider the costs and benefits of the commitment of marriage. They need to know what marriage means I might advocate that younger people date longer (not necessarily stay engaged longer) for this reason. Long engagements may be necessary in some situations. I do not condemn them. I just think that if couples choose long engagements, they need to also make plans to address temptation, overthinking, and the stresses of wedding planning.

Take it or leave it, this is my advice: Date long enough to know you are sure you want to marry and that you are at peace with God about it. Get engaged when you know you want to get married. Keep the engagement short and get intensive premarital counseling during it. Then go get married and start living the "one flesh" life. It is not easy and you will need a lifetime to learn it.