Why Married Folks Need Single Friends (And Vice Versa)

Marriage is a beautiful gift. I do not take it for granted, as I was single for many years. Marriage is not the be-all, end-all, over. Marriage cannot possibly meet all my needs. I need to first look to God for my needs, then my spouse, and then the other people God gives to me, aka friends. Yes, I still need friends, and to be more specific, I need single friends and my single friends, I would argue, need married friends. There is a beautiful symbiosis that happens in the church with the single and married mingle.

Many of my friends married before I did. Though I sometimes felt out of sorts or left out due to their change in status, we remained friends. I learned about wedding planning from those friends. I watched the ups and down of their marriages and childbearing. I had a chance to support the marriages of friends and speak truth into their lives from the perspective of a single person, and they had the opportunity to do the same for me. I had the opportunity to see and spend time with their children, and sometimes, to give them a break from their children. I needed my married friends, and though their priorities may have changed, my friends still chose to spend time with me. I appreciated that.

As a married woman, I can tell you that I still need my single friends as well. I need single friends' perspective to remind me that my marriage is a gift. I need their perspective to help me see my sin. I need to be able to confess my sin to them and have them help me work through it from objective positions. I appreciate that they are at times more available to me than my married friends and I hope I do no take their time for granted. My single friends are a gift, even in seasons where they may feel wanting of the gift of marriage.

Being married is not better. Being single is not better. They are both good (and at the same time, hard) gifts from God. The married and the single are created to comingle and interact as part of the church corporate. The church may separate them at times, but this is not always for the best. We did to do life together, married and single.