The Importance of Parental Support for Marriage

My mom texted me recently asking if she could send my husband a card and gift for his birthday. I replied that she did not have to, but that I appreciated her thinking of thinking of him, really, that I appreciated that she treated him as her son, because that is what he is. My parents own my husband as a permanent part of our family, not because they birthed him or because they are related by blood, but because they value our marriage. Both sets of our parents value and respect our marriage, and it is such a blessing.

I remember coming home one day shortly after my husband and I get engaged, and asking my parents about something. (I lived with them at the time.) I think it was about a haircut. Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. What I remember was my dad saying, "There is someone else you should ask about that." My dad recognized that he was losing his place as authority in my life. He respected my husband-to-be, and wanted to make sure that I was shifting my allegiance. I was, but the gentle reminder helped.

My husband and I have a policy of asking each other before making major decisions. Since we are apart during the day, we often say, "Let me ask and get back to you." Both sets of our parents respect this answer. They show support in our marriage in doing so.

I have a long history of practicing communication with my parents. I have less with my husband. Because my parents know me so well, they know what I mean, even when it comes out wrong. When it comes out wrong, though, they call me on it. My mom has more than once delivered a gentle rebuke to me. She does this in private, though, because she values our marriage. She knows I need to patch up things with my husband, not with her. My mom's rebukes have helped me go to my husband to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and work to communicate what I really mean, thereby growing our marriage.

All of our parents have been married for many years. They set examples for us of service, support, respect, and so much more. They motivate us to stay married, and to work out our differences so that we, too can have a long and fulfilling marriage.

My parents own my husband as their son. He owns them as another set of parents and shows them respect as such. I respect my parents for their valuing of our marriage, and that frees me up to appropriately respect my husband. 

Parental support for marriage is so important. Without it, my loyalties might feel divided. With it, I feel motivated to work at my marriage. Without it, I might try to ally my parents with me, instead of allying with my husband. I know that not all people have the parental support husband and I have, and for that, I grieve. For what we have, though, I give thanks. The importance our parents place on our marriage helps us keep our marriage as important, and that is what it needs to be, for our good and God's glory.